The "D" Word

[4littlebears]

Hi everyone.

Just after some advice, but i need to tell a little story before hand....

On the day before christmas last year my children lost their father to suicide. We had been seperated since July 2005.Two days after his funeral i met a guy who i think is my soul mate. My children took really well to him, much better then i expected but now my two youngest children aged 5 and 2 have started to call him daddy. He has no problems with it... but i do .

I dont know what to tell the kids when they call him daddy. I feel as if they are starting to forget their dad. I have pics we show them so they wont forget him and we talk about him with the kids. Sometimes i feel as if I am shoving him down their throats. This has cause friction in my relationship. Its like i cant let go of my ex partner, but its for the kids not me .

Anyway ... anyone got any advice or have been through it themselves?

Thanks

[EskimoMumma]

I think it is a comfortable transition for them. THis man has obviously shown your children that he loves them and trusts them. I think the kids will not forget their father, ever. But they see your husband as their father and I do not think there is anything wrong with it.

Please do not think I am having a dig at you or whatever, I can understand what you are going through to an extent(although not so many kids !:o ) I honestly think that if your children are comfortable in calling your husband "Daddy", whilest still knowing who their REAL father is, thats fine. IMO.

By your post, it really doesn't look like youve gotten over your ex. or his death for that matter. and maybe you can seek help in that and try and let go so you can let your kids do what they think is natural. and that is using the d-word.


(again i REALLY do not mean to come across mean or anything)

[rynosmum]

By the looks of your signature, you have many wonderful children. If half are calling him Dad, perhaps yours do too as it makes them feel more like a complete family.

In the long term, I doubt that they will ever forget their father although perhaps forgetting about the pain of the loss is good for them, at least for now.

Is there another name that you would prefer them to call your partner ? One which would make them and yourself feel more comfortable ?:hugs:

[4littlebears]

I think im a liitle aprehensive as it was only 5 mths ago that he died. The kids still see their fathers parents every second weekend and im not sure how they would react if they heard them call him daddy. I promised them i would never let them forget their dad.

[my babyemmy]

hi darling, if your children are calling him Dad by choice then im sure your ex would be very happy that they have a male in their lives who loves them.
:hugs: to you and your family

[TwoBlue]

I promised them i would never let them forget their dad.

and they never will....

their Dad will always be a part of their lives through you and their grandparents...

calling this man "daddy" is not going to change anything about that

:hugs: to you... it must be hard though

[Funkychicken]

There is a really great book by Pinky McKay called "How Do We Tell The Kids?". it has quite a lot of information on topics such as parental death, remarriage etc...
I originally got a copy from the Bonnie Babaes foundation after a friends child died. I'm not sure if it is still available but it may have some helpful information if you can track a copy down. I'm sorry, mine is currently 'on loan' to another friend otherwise I would send it on to you.

[chameleon]

I lost my Dad to suicide when I was 10, and I think it's nice your kids have accepted your new partner so well. I know me and my sister wouldn't let Mum even contemplate meeting someone new. It has now been 8 years and she is still single. Now I'm wishing she had a partner because me and my sister will both be out of home soon and I hate to leave her by herself!
The fact your kids call him Dad just means they've accepted him as a father-figure, not a replacement! They'll never forget him, even though it is important you continue to talk about him, because I have forgotten many of my own memories but I still remember my Dad through all my Mum's stories.