Help me I am so depressed!

[lovingmumof 2now]

Please give me some advice all you wonderful single mums out there!!!

My ex has a new girlfriend, and since I have found out I cannot get him out of my mind. I left him for lots of really good reasons, but now I want him to want me. I know this is selfish but I don't know how to stop thinking this way.

I feel like a looser staying home all weekend with my kids with nowhere to go while he is out with his new girlfriend having a great time. I havent stopped crying all weekend and have been pratically starving myself so that the next time I see him I may look attractive to him.

I am so obsessed with someone who I know is bad for me!!!

I wish I could love myself enough to not care!!!

[mum2littleman]

sum advice:
i did the same thing once i broke up with my partner{the one before DS dad}
i didnt have any bubs to him but seeing him with another girl drove me crazy as he was the only guy i ever loved i stoped eating for over 2 months and only had a glass of oj everyday not only did i get really sick and lose alot of weight but when i did start eating again i put back on all the weight pluse an extra 5kgs, dont do that to ur body its not worth it.. no guy is worth hurting your self for..

as angry as this makes you, just stop and think of all the times that he P***ed you off every little thing he did to hurt you and everything he did that just bugged you, and then feel sorry for the new gf as she has to put up with him now..

you are a strong person, you where strong enough to leave when u new you had to and you are strong enough to get over him there is always sumone waiting for us just around the corner, dont give up ur mr right will come along sooner than you no it, dont settle for 2nd best! we all want what sumone else has:confused: no idea why that is but im sure u are so much better off wit out him sending you lots of hugs hope you feel better soom..


_________
The Mummy-Louise 20{Lou}
The Baby-Lucas 6 months{Lukey}

[justtwogirls22]

just sending you huge hugs - i know it can be hard when your ex moves on before you but i guess you need to keep remembering the reasons why you arent together - trying to impress him will probably only make it harder on yourself in the long run - i did that with a past ex - sorry that im not much help but just be strong for your kids & know that mr right is out there - being home all weekend isnt too bad - at least you have your kids & their unconditional love :D

[~EmsMum~]

big hugs going your way :hugs:
I know how yuck you must be feeling

[lovingmumof 2now]

:o thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice. I have decided to write down every reason I left him, and then when I get depressed and sad I will read it aloud to myself. Hopefully time will heal. I am getting sick of being depressed. I have decided to also write down the reasons why I am a good decent person and why I should love myself.

Here they are:

If any of you want to add to the list or list your reasons why you should love yourself it would be a great help and maybe some positive thoughts will help us all.

I love myself because

* I am a great mum
* my kids adore me
* I put others before myself
* I have a great sense of humour and am quick witted
* I respect myself and my body

Well its a start!!!

:wave:

[MissBrightside]

lovingmumof2now I know exactly how you are feeling. I am in the same situation right now. I dont know if it is because I am lonely, but I do know how much it hurts.
I cry about it a fair bit to, I try not to care about it and do what the other girls have said, think about how s##t he treated me when we were together. But I also think of the good times and that I have lost my family which always gets me.
I try to be strong for my 2 boys but it is hard to see the ex going out and getting on with their lives while we are at home doing the same thing we always did.
I know I have my boys which I am grateful for and Im sure you feel the same about your kids, but its not the same. I feel left behind.
I don't have any advice to give you, but just know your not alone in feeling this way.:hugs:

[Starlet]

I know exactly how you are feeling. When my ex and I split up, he moved in with his new girlfriend not even two weeks later. :mad:

I know that it's hard for you, but really think about the way he treated you, surely you wouldn't want to go through that again??

Go out, during the day and meet other mums, if it weren't for my friends after the split, I would have been a mess. But I went out with them(and our kids), had them over for dinner, etc.

You never know what's around the corner, my ex was abusive to me, he was just horrble :( Now I'm with the sweetest, most caring guy who loves my two boys like his own.

Hang in there hun! Things can only get better!!!!

[SweetSerenity]

Sweetie! I know how you feel!
As soon as my ex started seeing this new 18yr old girl, i was so upset and felt so lonely! Although i knew i didnt want him back, but i hated knowing i was at home with petey, working aswell while he was enjoying a single life!
Its a tough journey but you will be a stronger person at the end of it all!
Feel free to pm me anytime as i can relate so much!
Chin up sweetie!
Love Nat xxx

[ashleerose]

I know exactly how you feel.
I left my hubby (really at the time i had no choice) he was on drugs (but trying to hide it from me) and he just flipped out and pulled a knife on me in front of the kids (that was the final straw). But i loved him and we had two kids (both close in age and still quite young). The neighbours called the police he did a runner (as he had broken an avo). I ended up taking the kids and leaving.
Within a week of me leaving he hooked up with 'The thing' up the road (and mind you she was six foot tall and six foot wide, also on drugs with a child to a previous relationship). I was shattered (afterall we were married and i really thought that he would wake up to himself). We ended up going to court (custody etc) and although i had lost weight (from the stress of it all and looked great) i was unhappy. He turned up with 'the thing' and his mum. She wore clothes that showed every lump and bump and makeup like a clown (afterall if you are like me and cannot put it on right DONT). He tried afterwards to get me back but gave up on it as i didnt want him back (afterall i must have meant very little to him for him to replace me so soon). He also gave up on the kids.
I am still single but i prefer it this way and it took a long time for me to come to turns with the fact that he could give up on the kids and i so soon.
I heard through his family all the garbage he put on his girlfriend and ended up feeling rather sorry for her. I feel that she thinks he chose her over me.
But the reality of it all is that she is just convienance for him and is putting him before her child and herself.
In time the pain will heal. Try to remind youself of all the bad times (yes i know somehow we seem to remember the good times and thats what hurts).
So that is what helped me move on that and my best friend who stood by me in my darkest hours and never once told me to stop talking about what had happened. If you have a friend like that perhaps they too could help you.
I wish you all the very best and know one day you will be where i am now and
not care what and who he is with.

[lovingmumof 2now]

Thankyou ashleerose.

I do have a friend like that and she knows whats best for me but still listens and says she understands how I feel.

Well,

I did something stupid

I rang him!!!!

I told him I will never be able to get over him, I didnt tell him I wanted him back though, he was silent and said to me are you happy? I said no, he said he was not happy either with his girlfriend.

I know that he was fishing for me to say, come back, but I was strong and said NOTHING.!!! I was so proud of myself
I did say I was cut that he could move on so quickly
He said its more about sex than anything else.
And I realised its just that, MEN NEED SEX
although:

I just want to hold him again, and I want him to want me.

I have looked on those dating sites and all I can think of is him noone is as nice as the one I no longer have.

Anyway girls I am staying strong and not going there. Its hard and we all survive, but is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Is there really someone out there for us all? I am starting to doubt it?

I am sad that we are going through this ****, we don't derserve it. big :hugs: an d :kiss: to all of you who are the best girls I have spoken to on the net.

[justtwogirls22]

ang well done on being strong - sometimes we just need that little bit of connection with an ex though im glad you didnt take him back - in time it will get easier & you have just proved to him & yourself that you can move on with you & your two cherubs & i guess it does feel good to know he was only after her for sex!

[charli06]

HUGS FOR YOU. :hugs: i think that everyone else has been supportive so im going to say, "to hell with him the *******" hope that makes you feel better. lol. more seriously , i rang my ex - a while ago trying to get him to sign divorce papers /property etc and a women answered the phone and hung up. i was not happy and my current man looked at me curiously, we discussed it and he felt the same about his ex wife and her dh, so we figured it must be a natural reaction. so hang in there and take care, your kids love you.

[Missytia]

Hi Ang,
I know exactly what you're going through. I went through all the same **** with my ex dh for over 3 years and he still gives me grief now. I only just finished all the court precedings in January this year.
When we first separated, within a month he was 'seeing' a 'friend' from work. He was seeing her before I even told him it was over. Anyway, I hated it. I actually stalked him for a while. lol They are still together today and she constantly sticks her nose in where it's not wanted. She was the one actually causing all the **** in court!

I did feel the same and felt that I got the raw end of the deal by being stuck at home on my own with a 2yr old. I was determined to lose weight and look great. I did do it properly and I was looking fabulous. I think I did this just to show him what he could NEVER have!

I then concentrated on raising a beautiful, happy, healthy girl whilst working part time. I surrounded myself with family and friends. I went out regularly with my friends that were also parents and my daughter came with me everywhere. So I never felt as though I was 'stuck' at home because I was a single mum.

Make sure that you stay strong and don't go back to your ex. You know he is not good for you and he definitely not good for your kids. We all have to go through a period of adjustment and trust me..............in the long run everything will work out fine. And I do believe that there is somebody out there for everyone. I have had a couple of relationships since my ex dh and have finally found myself a wonderful man who is everything I dreamed I wanted in a man. He also has 4 kids of his own. We will end up like the Brady bunch when we eventually decide to live together.

Ang, just keep your chin up, stay strong and be all that you can be for your children. :hugs: to you.

[bubbabelly]

I am going through a simular situation with my babies dad at the moment.

I am 6 weeks pregnant to him and we already have a 12 month old but the thought of seeing him with someone else guts me.

I left him a couple of weeks ago because he hit me again but im so stupid and want to go back to him! I worry because we have two kids together (well one and a half lol) im going to be single forever if i dont take him back.... I know he wont change because he has been promising that for 2 years now.

It was OUR sons birthday 4 days ago and instead of buying him a present, he bought drugs. But then i wonder maybe im making a big deal out of nothing because a present is just materialistic.

Anyways..... I just have a question for you.... do you see your x on a regular basis? Because that can make it so much harder!

I just hope your ALOT stronger than me.... But all those bad things they just dont seem so bad after a while!!!

Good luck

[Gumby]

Hi I am in a similar boat atm. My story is:

I was with a guy for 6 yrs, we had 2 daughters together and i had had enough of his cheating so i left him. I was fine until i met a new man and am now preg to him, but found out he also cheated on me. Now my ex doesnt look so bad. I think about him all the time and when i see how much fun he is having with his new g/f it makes me upset. A few months back i did tell him that i wanted to be with him because my new relationship was so miserable but then i remembered the nights where i would sit at home with the girls and he wouldnt be coming home to me, and i changed my mind quick.
I hate how men have this "thing" over us that we feel WE NEED THEM.
Because of it all, 99% of the time i am in a depressive state because i am so unhappy with my past and present relationship. But i wont go back. I know there are better things out there but i just need to find the way out...

Rian

[lovingmumof 2now]

HEY EVERYONE,


Do you want an update on how its all going?

Honestly, I don't want to **** on unless you let me know if its ok?
But thanks for all the kind and considerate advice I have taken it all on board as I imagine we all have.BUT......

I took my six month old up to see him ( a one and a half our trip) she cried and cried and cried when she saw him as he was a stranger to her after 2 mnths and she was feeling my tension. He looked good and took it well. I found out his girlfriend is 17 years older than him which cut me. And she buys him whatever he wants. Seriously what a loooser, am glad his **** is not mine

YEAH I AM FINALLY OVER HIM
THANKYOU LADIES, YOU ALLL HELPED.

LOVE YOU ALL.

[Sare83]

I know how you feel. After I had my second daughter we broke up and he was with someone else straight away, I was furious, I was at home looking after my gorgeous new baby and he couldnt care less, he was pretending we didnt exist. I dont think you're selfish for wanting him to want you ... well it might be but I agree 100% with it, so we can be selfish together! lol :hugs: Its kind of like he left me alone and sad, didnt make an effort with his kids, HE should be the one moping around being miserable, not you, you deserve to be happy. You'll get through it, just ignore them. I'm happy and single now, it just takes a while. If you wanna chat, I'm kiastaciakody@hotmail.com :wave: Take care xx

[lovingmumof 2now]

I took bub up to his place and saw him on the weekend.

He couldn't stop talking about his girlfriend. He is 32 and his gf is 48!!! And apparently quite well off. He was showing me his $300 pair of sunglasses she bought him and talking about how she paid for him and his son to go to Movie World and stay down the coast with her.

I told him I do not respect him and he disgusts me.

He can have his 48 year old. I am no longer caring what he thinks of me.

I am so glad I saw him and realised that yes he is still a good for nothing looser who takes what he can get and is only in it for the sex and the gifts.

Thankyou everyone for helping me see it all through.:hugs:

[nathella]

im in the same situation split from a 8 year marriage now the kids and i are on our own in a rented home when he is living in our house paying no rent and living the good old single life well he has a new piece in his life now and yes that upsets me sought of but i think well im the one that left because i couldn't deal with things any more. He is a very angry person and after 8 years of it that was enough. I think it was our kids that kept us to gether so long otherwise i would have left a long time ago. Now going thru the situation of selling the home and custody over the children. He says to my children yes you can come and stay tonight and then when he arrives to pick them up which is either before the time he had set or he's late and then says to me if im busy this arvo i will have to bring the kids back he mucks with their little heads so much im sick of it. I stay at home every weekend even when i havent got the kids as im soughta depressed and feel that there is nothing really to be happy about and were would i go anyway. After paying rent and buying the food and any little knick knacks i have to theres no money left to just go out and spend on myself he pays me a big 17 dollars a month!!! anyway i didn't even think that there were so many females out there feeling the same way as i. email me if you wanna chat im awake all the time with my thoughts spinning around in my head. Things have only gotta get better i hope anyway.:fingerscrossed:

[KiLLaKaZ]

u need to think, if this man is willing to move in with someone else TWO weeks later for sex, is he really the man for me??

i think SEX has stuffed up so much of my life!! a past boyfriend & my current marriage! i won't go into details, but no, i've NEVER cheated & hubby hasn't either.

i'm REALLY cut coz my ex-husband said to me that he doesn't love me & doesn't think he ever did! talk about a slap in the face!

anyway, the other day his dad called wanting to talk to him (we're still under the same roof) & i answered the phone. his dad thought i was out so he asked who i was & i said 'who do you think it is?' & he said, i don't know maybe a new girlfriend'!!! he was just joking, but it still REALLY hurt! so, if i'm that hurt by just a suggestion of a girlfriend, i have no idea of how i'd cope if a new girlfriend DID eventuate! (tho it'll be a while yet as i know he won't date until we're divorced - if then. he reckons he's TOTALLY over relationships!:rolleyes: great! so i'm that terrible!)

[Chanelc]

You are all amazing. I find you all inspiring how you all have the courage to keep going.
Men always turn to sex to cure there pain (so my male friends tell me) the thing is they don't deal with the issues and women do so in the long run we are better off. As we deal and work through our emotions it may take us longer to get involved but at least we don't have emotional baggage when we enter into the next one.
I hope there is another one for me as I believe we all deserve it!
There is a reason we leave and we must never forget that!

A lepoard never changes it spots it only modifies its behaviour!:)