assault against step-daughter - need advice...

[talia11]

So my 15 year old step daughter who lives in QLD tells DH tonight on MSN that she was raped by a boy at school in March. She tells him that she told her mother (DH's ex-wife) and her step-father and all they di was talk to the boys parents...WTF?????

I am so furious and really at a loss as what to do as we don't have their telephone numbers (long story but DH hasn't had any contact with her for years, she moved and didn't tell him where and we only managed to track her down about 2 years ago) can't believe this idiot woman hasn't gone to the Police!! DH is beside himself and asked DSD to get her mother to call him but she said mother doesn't want to talk about it anyone that it is done now.

Any advice??

[julietv8]

I would call the police and make a report yourselves. That is terrible :thumbsdown:

[canberramomma]

I would seek legal advise, but it might be too late (lack of evidence, etc) to get much satisfaction out of the legal system.

Could you and your DH and his X and her partner sit and have a discussion over this and the manner in which it was handled?

Could you discuss some time at your place for your SD to help her recover?

I would be worried about her mental health and be trying to support her and make her feel as though she is unconditionally loved and cared for before taking any other actions.

:hugs::hugs: to you all. This is a terrible situation and your SD shouldn't feel that she has to return to a place where she feels at risk. Perhaps call the Rape Crisis Centre and get their take on the situation.

[fox_girl]

I would call the police and make a report yourselves. That is terrible :thumbsdown:


:iagree:

If you can get as much info as possible from your step-daughter call the police about it.

Nobody has the right to take a girls innocense (sp) away and get away with it.

What the hell is wrong with her mother for not going to the police?? That is just bizarre.

Sending you, DP & DSD lots of :hugs::hugs:

[Teley]

Do not go to the police unless she wants to. It is her choice, and to go without her approval could well be more traumatising for her.

Please try and arrange rape crisis counselling for her. I'm not sure I want to imagine what she's going through, it's probably not the best place in the world.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:I'm really sorry.

[Ana Gram]

Have to agree with Miss Phantom. Unless she wants to go to the police, don't report it without her say so. Getting her into rape counselling would be the best place to start.

[WorkingClassMum]

Can you ring the school?

I agree, you cannot ring the police until you have more info and find out what your DSD wants to do.

As per other posts, she needs to be listened to, guided but her wishes respected, and she need to know she has support.

Could she come and live with you?

[crazymuma]

You can't ring the school and tell them what has happened - seriously you could be setting yourself up for a major lawsuit by alleging this has happened without proof (that is if you state the boys name I mean)

I agree that going to the police without SD permission could be harmful. Simple fact is alot of rape victims don't want it dragged through the courts - they would prefer to forget about it.

If you have no way of contacting the mother than I would just try and talk to SD a bit more - find out the facts and where she wants to go with it.

I would definetly try and talk to the mother though (even if that means going to visit her) I just can't understand why any mother wouldn't have gone on a rampage. (Lord help the boy if my daughter ever goes through this - he would certainly be missing a major body part)

Seriously I would hate to be in your position right now so I am wishing you luck.

[Pax]

Do not go to the police unless she wants to. It is her choice, and to go without her approval could well be more traumatising for her.

Please try and arrange rape crisis counselling for her. I'm not sure I want to imagine what she's going through, it's probably not the best place in the world.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:I'm really sorry.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Dont call the police she may not feel she can trust you ...

[jaidynsmylilman]

Its not too late for her to do anything.
I personally am i rape victem from when i was 14 to 18 yrs old . I idnt report it till i was 18 yrs old as I felt like i was alot safer to do it then then be 14 yrs old and legal action was taken through the courts.
its total bull in saying its too late now. In my case he spent time in jail and had avo's and has a black tick against his name so never tell a rape victim its too late to report it then u will only make thm feel like a nobody.

Ask her next time if she wants the help, u could see legal advice as she is only 15 she isnt an adult so stil under gaurdian ship.

[sharonnscotty]

Fistly find out if it really did happen, I am not saying it didn't but I had a similar situation with a step-family member. Then you need to talk to her and get her into counselling weather it did or did not happen. It sounds like the parents need to be taken to court also, for not advising her real father and for lack of proper parenting. Grrrrrr to the parents and I feel so sorry for the girl. The police cant really do anything but I would be inclined to tell them anyway.

[talia11]

At this stage we have just offered her support. She has only recently agreed to give DH her number and she pleaded with him not to do anything which he agreed. At some point in the future I guess DH will discuss it with her mother but for now he is sitting on it as there is really not much else he can do as the details are very sketchy and we don't even know the guy's name.

[BabelFish]

There is absolutely something that can be done about it legally! Cases of rape, sexual abuse, incest, paedophilia - these are prosecuted ALL the time sometimes many years after they have happened. Do not ever think that there is nothing that can be done. That's just simply not true.

I agree that you should not go to the police without telling her or gaining her permission, but it is something that shouldn't just be let go, either. I am also a rape victim and because I was very young just wanted to `forget about it' but you can't - she'll need a lot of counselling, and won't be able to just `move on' - as I know that's what you're already worried about :hugs: