I'm at my wits end....pls help

[3Princesses]

DD2 is 4 yrs old, she had the whole toileting thing down before she was 3 then it only lasted a few months and she started going backwards. We seem to take one step forward and then 2 back.
It's driving me crazy. When we are out she is fine but when at home she just does it where ever she is. She doens't come and tell me she'll just keep on playing as though nothing has happened. This is wees and poos.
I've asked her why she does it and she says it's cause she's doing something. We've tried over the top positive reinforcement, just positive, we've tried ignoring it and at our worst we've tried punishment. They all seem to work but only for a few days and now nothing seems to be working!!!
What can I do?
Do I go as far as a child psychologist?
Please please help me. It driving us insane :(

[3Princesses]

Bump :)

[Pax]

i would put her back in nappies and wait till she is older, maybe in summer, and try again.

she is still pretty young. my 2 eldest story was that my second child was dry at 1 and her big sister wasnt until after 3

[3Princesses]

Thanks for the response.
We did try nappies again a little while ago but she would wet them when we were out(she's tt while we're out) but take them off when we were at home. She is a stubborn litlte bugger. Might try the nappies again I think.

[3Princesses]

Well I just had a discussion with DD2 about wearing nappies again........well I don't think it's going to happen. She absolutly cracked it. (no reasoning with her)
And she just peed on the floor again! :banghead:
What the hell do I do :confused:

[Pax]

Well I just had a discussion with DD2 about wearing nappies again........well I don't think it's going to happen. She absolutly cracked it. (no reasoning with her)
And she just peed on the floor again! :banghead:
What the hell do I do :confused:


do you have a potty out? i mean not in the toilet but in the main area of the house? try that.

if you a few of them put them around the areas she mainly is in if you only have one, put the one in the are she is in at the time.

remind her how to use it.

get her to teach her dolly how to go potty...

i turned it into a game for mine

we waved goodbye to the poo when we flushed it things like that.

let them eat brekky sitting on the potty.

sometimes kids are just not into the potty/toilet experience and it takes a lot of work.

try to be patient, she is not trying to be naughty. she is just finding it hard to understand.

take solace in the fact she will not be doing it in 2 years time.

[little bean]

You've probably tried these things already but here are some suggestions:

- have her help you clean up any messes she makes at home

-rewards for pees in the toilet and/or taking away toys or TV priveleges for messes

-Only allow her to have dessert on days when all or most pees ended up in the toilet

-bribery - a whole day of pees in the toilet earns her a toy she really wants

-buy a whole bunch of really exciting treats and toys and keep them in a special box. Give her one "dollar" or token each time she pees in the toilet. She can use these to buy toys/rewards from the box (bigger prizes have higher prices)

-put a marble in a small jar each time she pees in the toilet. When the jar is full, she earns a prize.

All the best. It sounds very frustrating :hugs:

[boysrgr8]

I have been toilet training my son for the last 2 yrs, it is so tiring!
I haven't found the answer for him yet but he seems to like getting a lolly after going. We give him something that he won't get at any other time.
Not a big fan of the lolly bribe but it works most of the time.
However he took his nappy off at rest time, pulled open his draw and pooped in it!:banghead:

[Pax]

I have been toilet training my son for the last 2 yrs, it is so tiring!
I haven't found the answer for him yet but he seems to like getting a lolly after going. We give him something that he won't get at any other time.
Not a big fan of the lolly bribe but it works most of the time.
However he took his nappy off at rest time, pulled open his draw and pooped in it!:banghead:


and that is a story you can tell his girlfriend in 16 years time :laughing: kids are so funny, even though it is upsetting.

[melbryan]

My 2 and 3 mth old was fully toilet trained then ur baby came along he wet through the night nearly every night. WE put him back in nappies and every night I would ask him do you need to wear a nappy for bed he wore them twice and then decided to go tot he toilet.He has a really good vocab and can understand what you are saying that made it easier to toilet train hin my 4 yr old. I think my eldest told him there were monsters in the toilet.

[3Princesses]

Thanks everyone for your advise.
I have tried a lot of your suggestions but I might go and get a couple of extra potties to put in the toy room and lounge and see how that goes. At the rate she is going my 2yr old will be tt before her. It is more frustrating because I know she gets it cause she'll use everyone elses toilet, at the shops, kinder and play group with no issue at all.

[Pax]

Thanks everyone for your advise.
I have tried a lot of your suggestions but I might go and get a couple of extra potties to put in the toy room and lounge and see how that goes. At the rate she is going my 2yr old will be tt before her. It is more frustrating because I know she gets it cause she'll use everyone elses toilet, at the shops, kinder and play group with no issue at all.


if that is the case i would reward her with lollies or something she really likes but doesnt get very often.

i didnt like giving my kids lollies so i used carob drops from the health food shop..

bribery works very well sometimes. :yes:

[boysrgr8]

-buy a whole bunch of really exciting treats and toys and keep them in a special box. Give her one "dollar" or token each time she pees in the toilet. She can use these to buy toys/rewards from the box (bigger prizes have higher prices)


I actually haven't heard of this one before and we have spoken a pyschologist as my son has a disability!
Going to try this one! Thanks for helping me out too!:sunshine:

[3Princesses]

if that is the case i would reward her with lollies or something she really likes but doesnt get very often.

i didnt like giving my kids lollies so i used carob drops from the health food shop..

bribery works very well sometimes. :yes:

We were doing this, I even carried a small box of lollies in my handbag so I could treat her while we were out. Might have to bring this back in as well(not that we actually stopped) I have found she really like yogurt drops now. Will see how we go. Very lucky her kinder teacher has offered to keep up with the reward system there as well just to back us up.

[boysrgr8]

It is more frustrating because I know she gets it cause she'll use everyone elses toilet, at the shops, kinder and play group with no issue at all.
:iagree:
I totally get that! Take care and enjoy the little triumphs that are ones and twos in the toilet and not on the floor!

[reAllytee]

Boof was like this ...

He knew how to use the toilet, knew how it worked, wasnt scared or anything like that he just refused !

We just backed off so much it seemed like we lost interest & like it was no big deal, we just didnt care now.

They get something out of it ... Whether its a power thing or whatever there is something there for them that they play on it iykwim.

So take it away BUT replace that power for them with something else like giving them control over extra things in life. Toddlers/ pre-schoolers dont get much of this & this is often why they cling to certain things or act out etc so allowing yourself to give in to a few other things or handing the power over of something that really is not that big a deal will work wonders.

So maybe start making it so of a morning she gets up & chooses an outfit including undies she wants & then she gets herself dressed & organised for the day. Start allowing her to have more of a say or having a hand in getting things done & organised. This will make her feel like she is a 'big girl'.

This can then over a few weeks lead into her being such a 'big girl' that she starts using the toilet like mummy iykwim but not pushing it. Do you allow her to go in with you ? Encouragement when you go could help if you dont already do this.

Talking, loads & loads of talking :ecomcity:

Just make it all fun & again no big deal with NO expectations or demands.

As ive have said elsewhere now I totally get what they mean by saying they do it in their own time ...

Yep everyone seems to expect their 18mth old to be TT but how is that realistic ? Yep some kids will be happy enough to do so but also how many of those mums go through MONTHS of accidents, dramas & problems ... So not worth it !

Boof finally TT 3mths off his 4th birthday & yanno what after I finally let go of what others expectations of him were things happened as they should have when he was ready !

We havent had all the dramas like when I tried to force it because he was the one who chose & this meant he did wee's & poo's no dramas & even wiped his own butt from the get go ( yeah not perfect but yanno lol ) sooooo much easier than the stress of TT a younger child !

As for nite training that is nothing to worry about unless over the age of 7-8yrs as its NOTHING to do with training at all because the childs brain has to have matured enough to have the mechanism to wake knowing they need to wee. Before this is matured they just dont understand as they dont wake so accidents will happen & why stress them & yourself out which can lead to greater issues !

[Harriet]

My DS did had a phase of regression with TT. He was fully trained by 3 and would hold on even in the supermarket, things like that so had complete control.

He then all of a sudden started going in his pants wherever we were....in shops, in the car, at home:eek: Very messy. I found the more upset I got about it, the worse it was. I put him back in nappies when we went out, more for practical reasons than anything and the rest of the time I just cleaned him up and didn't make a fuss. He stopped after a few weeks......it's quite normal. It's hard for them to grow up I think, specially if there's a younger sibling getting lots of attention.