A Marriage Poll

[A Party of Five]

I am just wondering because I am curious dont know why I was thinking about this but anyways.

How long do you think you should know someone/be dating before you get married to that person?

And Why?

[Pax]

i am opting for the 3 year plus option..

but only because i had to make a choice.

i dont think it really matters.. 1 month or 10 years.. if both couple work at a relationship it lasts when they quit.. it stops

doesnt matter how long you prepared or didnt prepare before hand IMO.

[bada]

I voted three years because i think in that time you generally learn the ins and outs of the person. BUT I'm sure there are many that discovered important things they never knew about their partners 10, 20 or 30 years down the track...

[rainbow road]

I think it depends on the people but I would say for me more than 1 year definitely.

[melbryan]

I think it depends on how old you are. I met DH when I was 20 but my friends some haven't even got a boyfriend and they are my age 33 yrs. I was with DH 4 yrs before we were engaed then married within the year. It all depends on your circumstances my fiuriends would ahve to hurry if they wanted to have kids.

[Chunkydunks]

i said other. Its all circumstantial .

[subaruforestermum]

I also said 3+ years...why?? Cos no-one should be together and married before ME... I've been with DF for 9 years this year and yet only got engaged christmas 2007..hmmm or was it 2008..no we've been in our house for over a year now so we've been engaged for over a year too so it was 2007...
Friends of mine were together for a mere 2 years then married, geeze people realise that the world revolves around me...:cool:

[3blue&1pink]

I ticked 3+years.

I have always thought the ideal time frame is 4 years together then married.. I know every ones circumstances is different but that's just always been my idea of it..

We were together 4 years then married!

[Teley]

There is no good time. It is all circumstantial.

[fox_girl]

For me 1 - 3 years.

But like others have said it depends on the couple.

[Looshkin]

i said other. Its all circumstantial .

:iagree:

I was proposed to at 16 psml - we promised ourselves to each other but I was all whingy teenager "i'm never gonna get married"

Anyway, I knew I wanted to be with him forever quite quickly, apparently he told his mum the day after meeting me 'that he wanted my name on his lips every day forever' which is weird because he is not exactly romantic.

Anyway, we have waited 8 years but only because in our mind we have been living together and married anyway, just don't have a bit of paper.

If it was my daughter, I would want her to wait a year because you don't need to rush into things and you can still live together and act like you're married these days anyway.

[Hokey Pokey]

6mnths to a year although I think it more comes down to how WELL you know the other person :yes:

[Ana Gram]

There is no hard and fast rule the fits everyone. Some people know they are right for one another very quickly, others take a while.

[Bunnyhugs]

There is no hard and fast rule the fits everyone. Some people know they are right for one another very quickly, others take a while.

:iagree:

[loving6]

We married 1yr and 1day after we started dating. We have just had our 16 yr anniversary.

My mum married after four mths and there on their 45 yr marriage.

I really don't it matters as long as you go into it with the right reasons and know it's not always going to be fun and games.

[Leisa21]

Time is nothing. It might sound silly but I know a couple who've been married for 9 years, got engaged after being together for a month and married 3 months later. They're so happy and everything is great! They had only just met too so they didn't know each other before they got together:thumbsup:

I don't think age, time or anything really matters. It depends on the couple. I know a couple that's been together for 10 years, separated after less than a year of marriage and then got divorced. I don't think you can put a time on it. Sometimes you know, sometimes it doesn't matter how much time you spend with someone if it's going to work I believe it will no matter how long you're together before you get married :) JMO anyway!

[SassyMummy]

1-3 years at least... though I feel it's smarter to leave it closer to the 3, than to the 1.

I know people who get married/engaged only a short time after knowing each other, and tbh, I think they're really quite naive and silly for doing it.

[nothanksbye]

There is no hard and fast rule the fits everyone. Some people know they are right for one another very quickly, others take a while.

:iagree::iagree:


1-3 years at least... though I feel it's smarter to leave it closer to the 3, than to the 1.

I know people who get married/engaged only a short time after knowing each other, and tbh, I think they're really quite naive and silly for doing it.

It might be silly or naive for you but it worked for us !

DH and I were married 5 months after we met!

10 years and 3 kids later and still madly in love, it doesnt look so sily or naive.

I think sometimes you do just know.

DH told me he loved me on our 2nd date and I didnt find it weird...it just was so right....awwww :barf: lol

[SassyMummy]

I meant the people I know who've done it. Not everyone who does it. The people I know who did it - definitely naive and silly.

[gizmoduckus]

I have alway liked the rule "Never marry someone until you have seen them with the flu". :D

I agree that you can't put something like that in a certain timeframe. As long as you are going into the marriage with your eyes open and not just imagining the big white wedding and the happily ever after.

[Benji]

I voted 1-3 years. I actually think waiting too long just frustrates both parties, especially if it's a really long engagement.

My ex took 4 years to propose to me, and by that point I had given up on the idea of marrying him anyway and it didn't work out!

[nsmonkey]

I voted for 3 years +.
DH and I started dating when I was 13yrs and he was 15yrs. We got married when I was 20 and him 22.

But it depends, on how comfortable you feel with your partner, your age, and if you are truly in love. :)
Just my opinion though.

[missie_mack]

The best advice I ever got was to wait until you have been through at least 4 major events that involved other people (ie a major holiday away, christmas, illness, death, loss of job etc etc) before marrying. These events are a true test of character and you should have seen them under pressure, at their best or worst and know if you want to spend the rest of your life together ;)

[A Party of Five]

The best advice I ever got was to wait until you have been through at least 4 major events that involved other people (ie a major holiday away, christmas, illness, death, loss of job etc etc) before marrying. These events are a true test of character and you should have seen them under pressure, at their best or worst and know if you want to spend the rest of your life together ;)

That's some good advice :yes:

[Leisa21]

That's some good advice :yes:

:iagree: I think I'd need two hands to count the major events we faced in the first year lol.

[Beckybug]

People should wait as long as they feel they need to. I don't think there is any correct time frame for people to get married. It is up to the couple.

[talia11]

I voted other because I was engaged after 4 weeks, living together at 6 weeks and married 9 months after we met - 3 years this September.

When you know you just know I reckon!!

[WorkingClassMum]

Ummm if i ever get married (again), then I'll decide...

MOTH and I've been together 13+ years and haven't decided to marry each other yet - goa keep your options opne...

[Queen]

Umm, each to their own...
DH and I were together 5.5 years before marrying. Suited us, but might not suit others.....

[BayleysMum]

I have known my partner for 10 years and we have been together for 5 and we still arent married or engaged!

I would say that it really depends on the couple but I think around 4 years is good. I feel like we are able to solve conflict better and we understand each other more and we no that there is no way we are going to break up as we have been through some really hard times together.

I hope to get married soon though :)

[Areca]

Other - it's all circumstantial like others have said. I do think people should live together for at least 6 months before they get married...that's the true test IMO but other's would be horrified at the thought.

DH and I were together 9 years before we got married....but we started dating two days after my 15th birthday. I doubt it would've been 9 years for us (we were engaged for 4 months) had we been 10 or 20 years older.
I know of a couple who had a one night stand with each other, she fell pregnant with twins...trying to do the right thing they got married and 30 years later they are still happily married.

[Leisa21]

Other - it's all circumstantial like others have said. I do think people should live together for at least 6 months before they get married...that's the true test IMO but other's would be horrified at the thought.


Not horrified but I'm not sure I agree. Like in theory it makes sense. You have to see the ins and outs of people first. I get that and I used to agree. But I was talking to a marriage counsellor (when you get married at a catholic church you have to see one first lol) She was saying that in the majority of cases it goes the other way. I was concerned because DH and I had never lived together and she said the honeymoon period lasts for longer, sure there is an adjustment in the beginning but in most cases it's better. She went into it more but I can't really remember :o. It made sense when she explained it. I can see it both ways but yeah, I think she might be onto something. It was something about expectations and if you've lived with someone you might expect things to be different after you get married. It's all about communication anyway really.

[chameleon]

I ticked other. I don't think there is a time-frame for these things, it depends on the couple. For us we got married after one a half years. That worked well for us.

[Areca]

It was something about expectations and if you've lived with someone you might expect things to be different after you get married. It's all about communication anyway really.

I guess it depends on how you work it. I know some people that won't combine their money until they are at least married, if at all so in circumstances like that I understand how because certain aspects of the relationship change so one person might expect other aspects to change, or they don't change when one person expets them to. Those scenarios wouldn't play out if you didn't live together before marriage....but for DH and I once we bought our first house together (we decided to buy when I was 18, exchanged contracts when I was 19) that was when we combined our money and lived like a married couple. That first year of us living together was really tough and being that he is an immigrant we nearly did have to get married so he could stay in the country. I loved him enough to marry him but we found the adjustment of living together so hard that I'm sure that if we'd been married as well I would've found the pressure too much and left. I stayed and worked things out because I knew that I could very easily walk away...I didn't feel trapped like I would have had we been married. But couples counselling was wonderful for us :thumbsup:
When we got married we got married on a sinday (our ninth anniversary of living together) DH took the Monday off work and life was back to normal for us on the Tuesday. No fuss, no expectations....we simply made a formal commitment to each other.
Really, it just comes back down to it being circumstantial. I will definitely be encouraging my kids to live with their partner as a married couple (and discuss all the big topics to make sure they are truly compatible) before they tie the knot whereas you probably won't!

[Leisa21]

I guess it depends on how you work it. I know some people that won't combine their money until they are at least married, if at all so in circumstances like that I understand how because certain aspects of the relationship change so one person might expect other aspects to change, or they don't change when one person expets them to. Those scenarios wouldn't play out if you didn't live together before marriage....but for DH and I once we bought our first house together (we decided to buy when I was 18, exchanged contracts when I was 19) that was when we combined our money and lived like a married couple. That first year of us living together was really tough and being that he is an immigrant we nearly did have to get married so he could stay in the country. I loved him enough to marry him but we found the adjustment of living together so hard that I'm sure that if we'd been married as well I would've found the pressure too much and left. I stayed and worked things out because I knew that I could very easily walk away...I didn't feel trapped like I would have had we been married. But couples counselling was wonderful for us :thumbsup:
When we got married we got married on a sinday (our ninth anniversary of living together) DH took the Monday off work and life was back to normal for us on the Tuesday. No fuss, no expectations....we simply made a formal commitment to each other.
Really, it just comes back down to it being circumstantial. I will definitely be encouraging my kids to live with their partner as a married couple (and discuss all the big topics to make sure they are truly compatible) before they tie the knot whereas you probably won't!
That's it, its circumstantial, I think the reason why what the counsellor said made a lot of sense is because that was our situation. I'd never really thought about it. I wanted to live with Andrew before we got married but his parents wouldn't let us. We were sharing funds from around 4 months of being together and did everything together so even not living together I suppose we were already functioning as a married couple without living together. We got married on Saturday spent two nights away and then moved into my parents house as they were away on holidays. By the time they got back we'd moved into our house. We couldn't get time off work so we were much the same really, back to business lol.

I don't know what to tell my kids, I'll probably tell them to do what they feel is right. I don't mind if they want to live together before marrying but it would be a shame if they turned out like my sister who after 2 months of dating moves in with the guy, so far she's lived with 10 of her boyfriends and it's not working. I suppose I'll give them my experience and let them make their own decision. My brother has lived with his girlfriend for 7 years and they're about to get married. They own their own home but I do worry about them after. SIL thinks my brother will stop going to his mates house 5 days a week when he gets home from work but hasn't mentioned that to him. She believes marriage will change everything where as my brother is looking forward to the party:laughing: It really is all in communication :yes: