what would you do

[mummy3rdtimearound]

Hello,

I have been married for 4 years and pretty much since then dh has lost all interest in sex/intamacy/affection with me. I have tried talking to him about it several times and he hs told me that he feels uncomfortable because he has put on weight or he is too tired... lets just say since our wedding we have only had sex when ttc (even that was a fight)

Today i have found out that he goes on live porn chat websites talking to ladies live online while i am either sleeping or at the gym.

I know that lots of men do this but i am so hurt... all i want is to be with him and he is only interested in these girls. i dont know what to do, i am pregnant with our third... dont want to take my children away from their dad but i cant do this anymore, it hurts so much. i honestly cant remember the last time he really kissed me.

Shoud i confront him about it? I havent actually caught him on there but saw a confirmation email for his password.

He did this a few years ago before we were married, maybe i should have walked away then but i loved him. Now there are 3 children to think about but i cant spend the rest of my life is a sexless marriage but it seems like an awfuk thing to leave a marriage for..

please give me some advice

[mummy2lilly]

hi there,

you have be forward with him and tell him what you have seen. if you cant say this to his face write it in a letter. if my df ever did that to me i think i would go nuts if you ever need someone dont be shy im happy to listen and give advice..

[3blue&1pink]

I would confront him over it.. I would confront my DH if that was me.. :hugs:

[wocket]

rather than confront where emotions will get out of hand (lets face it, we pregnant women tend to get very emotional, fast) write a long letter. leave it for a day. re-read it. if you still feel exactly the same way about everything you've said in the letter get him to read it. Then talk about it.

[Poppetfish]

This may sound weird but maybe spice it up a bit.

When he is sitting on the couch tonight push him down and kiss him hard, like you did in high school.

Maybe try blindfolding him and have him lay down on the bed and kiss and suck his body until he cant say no.

Maybe wake him up in the middle of the night with a bit of sucking action? This one works for me.

Research a different position and go for it like you have been doing it for years.

That is just my ideas though.

[2made3]

oh mummy3rdtimearound :hugs: I know exactly how you feel. My DH did the same when I was pregnant both times. I felt absolutely awful. We had a few fights about it. But TBH, I wanted to wait out my pregnancies and see how it went even though I hated it. But I knew DH improved after DS1 was born so I was giving him another chance after DS2. He did improve/get back to normal after the first 3 months of DS2 being born. He stopped looking at porn sites everyday, whenever he had a chance. And our sex life slowly improved.

Now here we are ttc #3 and I am TERRIFIED of having to go through it again. I have spoken to DH a few times already and he has admitted he finds pregnancy very "tough". I am still trying to get more out of him about it. But he basically cannot handle the thought of another human being growing inside me and finds the whole experience very alienating. So i can imagine he wouldn't be finding me very attractive or in the very least sexual while I am pregnant. Even though I find it very hard, I have to tell myself it is not because of me but it is his issue with the process. This time round I will be sure to discuss EVERYTHING with him. Just so he knows how it makes me feel. But I also will not be taking it personally and hope that everything will be back to normal afterwards.

If it wasn't for knowing things will get better, I don't think I could stay with him. I know it hurts a lot. You should tell him. But make sure you are not in an emotional/upset state of mind when you do. I don't think my DH had the foggiest idea of how his actions hurt me. Some men are hopeless like that.

Good luck sweetie :hugs:

[JackzMumma]

I don't think my DH had the foggiest idea of how his actions hurt me. Some men are hopeless like that.

I know my DH had no idea how he made me feel when he used to say inappropriate things to his female acquaintances on Facebook. And because he comes across in a way that degrades me to them, even tho he doesn't mention me, they feel they can put me down. One of the messages back to him was "your mrs must be hopeless if you are saying things like that, you better watch out coz I go hard". I was in tears. Like because he's saying anything at all to them about sex means that I must be useless in bed:o. He said that he didn't say anything about me (which I knew coz I had read the messages on Facebook), but that's not the point. He degraded me in the eyes of these so called friends, and that's uncalled for. I know my DH loves me, but I do feel like I will never be enough for him. That's scary.:(


rather than confront where emotions will get out of hand (lets face it, we pregnant women tend to get very emotional, fast) write a long letter. leave it for a day. re-read it. if you still feel exactly the same way about everything you've said in the letter get him to read it. Then talk about it.

:iagree: