How to teach a baby to self settle??

[megaminz]

Hi,

My son is 15weeks old. I am trying to get him into a routine from the new contented little baby book as I have struggled to put him in a routine previously. Its working pretty well so far but the biggest problem I have is his day sleep where I want him to sleep for 2hrs at lunchtime...

He just wakes after his first sleep cycle (25-45mins) and can't get back to sleep into his second one...he screams and screams and gets that sweaty cry on

How do I teach him to self settle and transition??? he is tired and wants to slepe but doesnt know how without dummy etc.

Dummy is no good cause moment it falls out he is awake again

I pat him but this doesnt seem to do much when he has a good crank on.

[confusd]

i used to sneak into DD's room as soon as i heard her stir, and would pat her bum and hum a tune and she would settle and go back to sleep.

DD was good at putting herself to sleep but if i didnt put her back to sleep (when she woke after 45ish min) she couldnt settle herself and would just scream.....then it would continue for several hours.:o

[Lily_Pad]

they say to keep bubs asleep after the first sleep cycle, you can try using the pram, the swing, etc as a 'cycle-blender'. they fall asleep while the swing is swinging or while going for a walk in the pram and when they start to stir after the first cycle you swing again or start walking again to help them stay asleep.

i'm in the same boat as you with my DD's day naps. she's a couple of weeks younger than yours :) i've been trying to get her to stay asleep in the swing but no luck yet. guess ive just got to have patience and it'll happen. good luck :thumbsup:

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

I have an info sheet that worked wonders for us

PM me your email address and i'll send it through..

DS2 was a shocker until 13 weeks, he is now nearly 5 months and is an angel! Self settles from wide awake to asleep, pretty much sleeps through the night & has 3 day sleep for upto 2.5 hours

[Lily_Pad]

I have an info sheet that worked wonders for us

PM me your email address and i'll send it through..

DS2 was a shocker until 13 weeks, he is now nearly 5 months and is an angel! Self settles from wide awake to asleep, pretty much sleeps through the night & has 3 day sleep for upto 2.5 hours

Wow could I have that info sheet too?? :)

[vickih]

can I get this wonderful info sheet too? :)

I'm having the same problem at the moment with my 4 month old. He does self-settle, but has just started waking up from a sleep cycle screaming because he needs more sleep. Nothing I do can make him go back to sleep, except for letting him scream for 20mins until he goes back for another sleep cycle.

It depends on how you want bub to 'self-settle'. For me self settling meant no patting, rocking, going in to comfort etc. Having said that, I taught bub to self settle at around 5-6 weeks by patting to sleep (no picking up) then gradually just going in quick pat on the chest until crying stopped, walking out, waiting 5 or so mins if crying persisted, going back in, quick pat, walking out, repeat etc. Controlled comforting basically. Now if bub wakes up, i let him cry for a bit, then he will go back to sleep.(Except for this current screaming!)

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

Sure just PM me your email address and i'll send it through

[2lovelyboys]

I know you're feeling! My second son was a really unsettled one and unfortunately he's 10 months and still very moody!
I just had to wait a few months and see what rountine he fell into, he seemed to prefer 2 x 1.5 day sleeps rather than just one big one.
I tried the controlled crying and it didn't work for him (it did for my first). I found that he would get more upset after seeing me come and go again.
Good luck, it's very stressful!

[twoscompany]

Hi there I'm just new to bubhub and have just started reading some forums.
I can exactly relate to this. My DS is 4 months old and I can't seem to go a day without a major battle when it comes to sleep. Usually he goes off to sleep in the morning without too much drama, and sometimes at lunch time, but he often wakes after 40mins obviously still tired but cannot get himself back to sleep. As day carries on, he definintely won't self settle in the afternoons. I've tried going in regularly and patting, shhing, stroking etc, but he seems to get more hysterical when he sees me. So I tried just leaving him to cry but he gets so worked up and he doesn't give in. Takes ages to settle him down if I do give in and pick him up. We were having good sleep routine only a few weeks ago, but it's all gone down the drain. Don't know what to do. I've tried everything i did with my first.
Dummy also seems to be a problem, should i get rid of it.
Going insane!!!

[trellios]

I have an info sheet that worked wonders for us

PM me your email address and i'll send it through..

DS2 was a shocker until 13 weeks, he is now nearly 5 months and is an angel! Self settles from wide awake to asleep, pretty much sleeps through the night & has 3 day sleep for upto 2.5 hours

can i have it too? my email is noorhida@yahoo.com

[melrose]

my son 9 weeks old is the same... he settles off so well at night and after night feeds but day sleeps are a battle... sometimes he will sleep only for 20 minutes then be awake again... I put him in the swing and after a while he falls asleep again but I would love to teach him how to settle back off in his own bed as he wakes grumpy and his eyes are still shut like he is trying so hard to go back to sleep and I worry that the swing is a bad habit...

I would love a copy of your info sheet too please DreamBelieveAchieve (will PM you). I am reading anything and everything to try and solve this problem...

[RahRah]

My 14 week old DD was the same. I'd gotten into a bad habit of just having her in the bouncer with my DS and I and she always had the dummy. At night when I tried to put her in the cot, she hated it and continually dropped the dummy. It took ages to get her to sleep.

I went to a day stay on Thursday and only 2 days later, she's pretty good at settling herself without the dummy. It's by controlled crying, but for a baby this age they recommend 3 x 3 mins of crying. That means you do the usual bedtime routine of wrapping, quick cuddle and into the cot. Give them a pat and then leave. The wailing starts straight away and after 3 mins, go back in and put one hand firmly on them, pat with the other hand and shush them. Only do that for 30 seconds or so, just to let them know that you are there and haven't left them. Then wait another 3 mins and do the same. After the 3rd bought of crying you give them the dummy. If they're just whinging (and not crying or screaming), let them go for a while. They will eventually give up and the crying periods are shorter and they don't always need the dummy at the end.

Last night she was asleep after less than 1 minute of crying and this morning was only 2 mins. The nurse said it will probably take 3 to 4 days but it's worth the anguish of hearing them cry to know that they're learning to do it themselves. It's not forever!

Obviously if you aren't comfortable with CC this is not the action plan for you. I hate hearing her cry but I keep telling myself that it's a means to an end. It's only taken 2 days for me and we're dummy free! She still has times where it takes her longer, but she's learning to do it without the dummy.

Hope this helps.

[fouriefamily]

:) I would love to receive this info sheet aswell if you wouldn't mind, please!!!!

[sexymama]

I have read through all the threads and have the same problem at the moment with our 12 week old son. He had a great morning sleep routine but once the growth spurt kicked in that was it. Now he only sleeps for 30-40 minutes morning or afternoon and then wakes up screaming. I would love to have that fact sheet sent to me as well. It would be a great help as hubby and myself are going insane!! :)

[kar]

It is really not recommended by anyone that I have heard of to leave a baby to cry under 6 mths. Rah Rah where did you go to your sleep school out of interest?

We had great success with the 'cycle blending' approach and were taught this at a day stay.

The midwife who was helping me learn how to help my boy sleep was adamant that no bub should be left crying when still under 6 mths. This is not to say a few squeaks and even a protest yell must be leapt to immediately, although she advised that even this type of protesting should only be left for 30 secs - 1 min or else bub will inevitably get upset and emotional. We used the pram for his day sleeps from about 12 wks to 4 mths to coax a little more sleep than one cycle.

At around 6 mths he started to sort himself out and now sleeps 1.5 hrs in the morning every morning and can usually be rocked back to sleep with little effort in the afternoon if he needs any help.

There are two books I would recommend having a look at - Babybliss by Jo Ryan and the the No Cry Nap solution by Elizabeth Pantley

[angelsing]

it's hard when the bubs won't nap isn't it! my dd is 5.5mths and i'm having the same problem - she takes a 40min nap (it's now decreased to 15 or 30mins - i'm going insane, hope it's a teething phase that will pass), wakes up screaming and will not go back to sleep despite me patting, shushing, stroking). when i go in and out of the room, i notice that it actually makes her more hysterical, so sometimes i stay there for a good 20mins or so (my shoulders and back are aching). i've given up on the mornings - she will only sleep 40mins. but afternoons i usually have more luck with getting her to sleep 2 sets of 40mins.

megaminz - i've tried to get dd on a routine too (2hr naps etc.), but i realise that with her catnapping ways, it will just make the both of us miserable to stick to a 'routine' that is too inflexible. i've accepted that she will catnap, but will sleep when she wants to (eg. she sometimes gets so tired by 4 or 5pm that i let her do a 40min catnap then, even though i know it could interfere with bedtime - so far she goes to sleep quite nicely for me by 7.30pm latest). i've accepted that my days will be a little inconsistent but the consistency is that she does 4 daytime feeds, at least 2 daytime catnaps, a walk in the park at 5pm and bedtime by 7/7.30pm.

there is always a drama in the morning when she cries and cries and will not go back to sleep (there must be a better way to do this re-settling business) but otherwise my days, even if there is no fixed time for naps and feeds, goes by quite ok.

[angelsing]

dreambelieveachieve - would it be possible for you to put up the infosheet somewhere so we all could take a look? i wouldn't mind having a read myself.

[elleandsam]

DD is 17 weeks old and still cat naps occasionally, usually she has a decent morning sleep before catnapping the rest of the day but today no luck. So now she's yelling at her toys and bashing them around. And she's still not sleeping through the night :hair: She woke me up at ten to one this morning, and then again at 5am. Went back to bed at 6am and back up at ten to 7. Here is hoping that she goes down for a good sleep for her next one but who knows. I'm just taking it one day at a time at this stage.

[singa06]

My little man is a shocking day sleeper too, waking up after 50 minutes. He too is starting to wake in the night for no reason! He settles well in the night, but it just means ME waking 3-5 times in the night to hear him cry and then drift back off to sleep or to have me settle him.

[Boobycino]

Whats worked for me, during the day though not at night for some unknown and incredibly frustrating reason! was responding quickly to the first little noise between sleep cycles and then patting his bum, shhhhing, when he was in the bassinet rocking it, etc so he'd drift off to sleep without fully waking - and without having been picked up.

That KIND OF worked, though he didn't really get good at sleeping a full 1.5hr until he was 6 months old and on solids, it was almost like a switch flicked when he started on solids, he could sleep without a peep - though I think that was because he could stay away longer, play longer, then he was having less naps, so they were longer naps...

Its all a bit complicated really!

But yeah, because I was a full time SAHM for the first 6 months I had no concerns about resettling him between sleep cycles, because he didn't eventually grow out of it.

Its a shame he cant seem to do it at night though:crying::hair:

I do think, unfortunately, talking to a lot of mums, its an age thing. You can try a lot of things, but running with it is probably the least stressful way to go.

[elleandsam]

DD has a terrible time resettling. DH is trying to resettle her now, she's been catnapping all morning and I've had it. I'm so tired and so over it. She'll be 4 months old on Friday and she has been really unsettled this week. So totally over it. DH just brought her downstairs, he thinks ten minutes attempting to resettle is good enough. Now he's cracking it at me because I want her to get more sleep but he can't be bothered to continue resettling, he's just dumped her in her bouncer in front of me and walked away :hissy: this blows.

[Wookie1]

elleandmum

My DP has little patience too! Maybe, if you can put her in the pram and both of you take a walk and get some space. :)

[elleandsam]

elleandmum

My DP has little patience too! Maybe, if you can put her in the pram and both of you take a walk and get some space. :)

We had a massive fight and he walked out, just came home then with a big I'm sorry bunch of flowers. I think he's starting to get it now.

[rubyruby]

It is so hard. You end up spending your entire day trying to get them to sleep and no-one close to you quite understands how hard it is. I had the same problem with my DD (now 3 and 1/2) and can't believe am going through the same thing with my DS (16 weeks).

With my daughter I tried everything - resettling, controlled crying, self-settling, patting, getting her to sleep earlier, getting her to sleep later etc and bought every book under the sun but nothing really worked. Then suddenly at 6 months, she started to sleep for 1.5 hours twice a day - as noted by someone else in the thread, it was like a switch turned on. I am hoping that the same will happen for DS, but I am still trying to get him to sleep for more than 20mins at a time...it's driving me crazy.

[Stephv]

I'm having the same issues as everyone else, seems to be common to happen around the 4 month mark, wonder if that is a coincidence. Hoping the sheet might help me.

I can't remember it happening with DD but maybe it did and I'm just blocking it out :):hissy:

[dancingtren]

I have an info sheet that worked wonders for us

PM me your email address and i'll send it through..

DS2 was a shocker until 13 weeks, he is now nearly 5 months and is an angel! Self settles from wide awake to asleep, pretty much sleeps through the night & has 3 day sleep for upto 2.5 hours

could i please have this info sheet too? my bub is 10 wks and i have the same troubles with his day sleeps :yes:

[Mealsy]

Sure just PM me your email address and i'll send it through

Hi there, Im new to bubhub and was just going through peoples past posts that are with relevant to me. I'm hoping it's not to late to also ask for a copy of ur info sheet to be emailed through to me. That would be soooooo greatly appreciated as I am going bonkers!!! amelia_banna@hotmail.com. Thank you.

[singa06]

Hi Measly,
I was just reading your other post and wanted to give you a big hug, you poor thing, I still remember the day when my little man was 5 weeks old and I was going crazy!
The best advice I would give is NOT to worry about routine right now, just LISTEN to your baby. If your baby wants to Breast feed every 2 hours in the night, then do that. If Breastfeeding is established and you want to use a dummy to sooth, then PLEASE use a dummy and dont worry about 'bad habits!'. My DS started to use a dummy to sooth at 5 days of age and up until 8 weeks (around) needed it day and night, but once the world became more interesting (could knock toys with hands, try to 'play' with hanging toys etc), he lost interest in the day dummy and now only uses it for sleep.
Your baby will be tired after 1 - 1 1/2 hours of up time, so just follow your babies lead. So: up, play/feed/nappy/play/sleep etc (within the hour or hour and 1/2). Your baby will start to 'stare', jerky movements (hard to tell), really pink eyebrows when tired, or wingy.
GOOD LUCK!!!
As far as settling goes, do WHATEVER you can to remain sane (so that may mean rocking, patting, dummy etc), I was told this and DS didnt learn any bad habits. First of all wrap your baby nice and firm. Place on back and place one of your hands on babies chest (lightly) and gently tap the top of your babies nappy with the other cupped hand. Once your baby settles down, remove the tapping hand form nappy and then slowly move the one from the chest.
From 3 - 6 weeks of age my DS would sleep in a rocking pram, my arms, the cot etc and now at 13 months of age I just place him in his cot with his dummy and he goes right to to sleep on his own.

PS: DS would only sleep 45 - 50 minutes at a time during the day until around the age of 5-6 months old he began to stretch that out to 1 - 1 1/2 hours and now 2 -3 hours.

[Mealsy]

Thank you so much singa06 for all ur support. So much of it was helpful, it's nice to know others out there have also gone through the same thing and it's not just me, doing "something" wrong. Thanx again.

[singa06]

Your welcome.
I know that feeding 2 hourly is hard, but your baby will learn to stretch them out over time. My DS fed 2 hourly after 11pm/mid-night, 3 hourly during the day and then had stages of 2 - 2 1/2 feeding during the day also. They go through so many stages!!

[trishalishous]

Hi Measly,
I was just reading your other post and wanted to give you a big hug, you poor thing, I still remember the day when my little man was 5 weeks old and I was going crazy!
The best advice I would give is NOT to worry about routine right now, just LISTEN to your baby. If your baby wants to Breast feed every 2 hours in the night, then do that. If Breastfeeding is established and you want to use a dummy to sooth, then PLEASE use a dummy and dont worry about 'bad habits!'. My DS started to use a dummy to sooth at 5 days of age and up until 8 weeks (around) needed it day and night, but once the world became more interesting (could knock toys with hands, try to 'play' with hanging toys etc), he lost interest in the day dummy and now only uses it for sleep.
Your baby will be tired after 1 - 1 1/2 hours of up time, so just follow your babies lead. So: up, play/feed/nappy/play/sleep etc (within the hour or hour and 1/2). Your baby will start to 'stare', jerky movements (hard to tell), really pink eyebrows when tired, or wingy.
GOOD LUCK!!!
As far as settling goes, do WHATEVER you can to remain sane (so that may mean rocking, patting, dummy etc), I was told this and DS didnt learn any bad habits. First of all wrap your baby nice and firm. Place on back and place one of your hands on babies chest (lightly) and gently tap the top of your babies nappy with the other cupped hand. Once your baby settles down, remove the tapping hand form nappy and then slowly move the one from the chest.
From 3 - 6 weeks of age my DS would sleep in a rocking pram, my arms, the cot etc and now at 13 months of age I just place him in his cot with his dummy and he goes right to to sleep on his own.

PS: DS would only sleep 45 - 50 minutes at a time during the day until around the age of 5-6 months old he began to stretch that out to 1 - 1 1/2 hours and now 2 -3 hours.

This is such excellent advice!!!!:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

[singa06]

Thank you.
However I do respect those who don't agree for various reasons!

[april0807]

Can i have the email too. My 4.5 month old waking up 4 or more times a night... Thanks

cassandra.graves75@gmail.com

[singa06]

Is that 4 times a night on-top of night feeds? It is normal for a 4.5month old to wake up that many times in the night. I used to feed my DS at around 11pm/Mid-night and then sometimes 1.30am, 3.30am and 5.30am.

[li76le]

Is it possible I could pm someone my email to get the info sheet too please??

[XTR]

My 4 month old is fighting day sleeps big time now.
He doesn't even really seem tired.
I'm over spending hours in his room trying to settle him. Should I just keep him up until he really is obviously tired (cranky or crying)? At the moment I try get him to sleep before he is super tired (1:40 to 2 hrs of awake time).
It's exhausting trying to settle ds all day. I have always stuck to the same order of events and I don't think it has made things any easier.
:(

[trishalishous]

My 4 month old is fighting day sleeps big time now.
He doesn't even really seem tired.
I'm over spending hours in his room trying to settle him. Should I just keep him up until he really is obviously tired (cranky or crying)? At the moment I try get him to sleep before he is super tired (1:40 to 2 hrs of awake time).
It's exhausting trying to settle ds all day. I have always stuck to the same order of events and I don't think it has made things any easier.
:(

is he showing tired signs after 2hrs? (yawning, rubbing eyes)
DD has always been awake more than normal. how do you settle now?
we personally feed to sleep for the day naps, and DD just goes down at night.
the 'no cry sleep solution' is a great book for ideas.

[BabelFish]

I haven't read this whole thread but I would say that your DS is probably way overtired. Two hours at lunch time (if that's all he's getting) is simply not enough for a 15-week-old baby. At that age he should be having three to four naps a day, of 40 minutes to 2 hours each.

Unfortunately with babies what you `want' them to do might not be what is right for them, or what they need or what works for them. I'd try paying a bit more attention to what his cues are, and what he is telling you, rather than trying to fit him into a routine that might not suit him.

As they get older, their natural routine emerges anyway, and most sleeping problems sort themselves out with that.

ETA - just read singa's post, and that's basically exactly the most perfect advice you could have got. 15 weeks is super young - forget forced routines and do what works for you both. You'll end up so much happier!

[XTR]

Trishalicious- he doesn't always show tired signs. I thought it was best to prepare for sleep before he is tired? So I try get him ready for a nap a bit before he should be tired.
During the day I take him to his room, draw curtains, put in sleeping bag, sometimes read a book. Then in the cot. I pat him on nappy and sing a song or five.
If he gets really worked up I pick him up and rock him. Then back into cot. If he isn't sleeping within 40 mins or 1 hr and he is still crying, I feed him. This settles him down and sometimes falls asleep.

Night times I feed to sleep. No problems there. During the day I don't like to feed to sleep as I want him to settle without associating it with food. Eventually night time too, but he is often hungrier at night.

[trishalishous]

personally we feed to sleep if needed (DD just goes down 99% of the time now) as it works.
DD needed the extra feeds too, she went sleep-feed-play-feed-sleep from birth.
I don't believe that babies get bad habits so young.
have you read the 'no cry sleep solution' by elizabeth pantley? excellent book with gentle suggestions.

[bondbaby]

I havent read all the posts however, what i have read is really good advice. Im confident to say that i think you'll find that 99% of babies are like this anyway..... until they learn to settle themselves and go from one sleep cycle to the next.
Here's my input if thats ok. My DD would only sleep for one sleep cycle during the day too and it seemed to go on for months. It was only when we did sleep school (at 7 months) that i learnt a few tricks and some very good advice. My 15 month old DD will now happily go to sleep and stay asleep without my assistance.
The one valuable piece of information that stood out for me was that if your bubs is put to bed and given the 'opportunity' to try and fall asleep on their own (without you patting, etc), then eventually, that will be the key to them going into another sleep cycle...on their own. And then further down the track, being able to sleep through the night when they are older.
It can be a long process to try and teach your baby the technique of self setteling but the trick is to remain consistent and have a bed time routine that is the same for day and night. Be consistent in putting bubs to bed and walking out when calm and settled. Listen and wait. If you have to go back in to pat/shh to sleep then do so. But at least, give bubs the opportunity to try and fall asleep. If you keep doing this, then soon enough, you'll be able to put them to bed and they'll fall asleep without your assistance and then go into another sleep cycle. Also, dont stress yourself about how much sleep bubs is getting at this stage. Just focus on good sleeping habits and as they get older, it will get better and that routine will fall into place as well as a happy baby.
It worked for us anyway.

[april0807]

My 4 month old is fighting day sleeps big time now.
He doesn't even really seem tired.
I'm over spending hours in his room trying to settle him. Should I just keep him up until he really is obviously tired (cranky or crying)? At the moment I try get him to sleep before he is super tired (1:40 to 2 hrs of awake time).
It's exhausting trying to settle ds all day. I have always stuck to the same order of events and I don't think it has made things any easier.
:(

How are you settling him? How long do you wait till you help him to sleep?

[april0807]

How are you settling him? How long do you wait till you help him to sleep?
Also, are you on a 3 hour 4 hour feeding routine?

[Nomsie]

This thread is from May 2009, and will now be closed.

Any new questions can be started in their own thread :)