'Person A'

[ForeverMine]

With the recent 'outsiders' reading the forums i just thought I'd change the actual person to 'Person A'

I have never been close with person A and at most times we don't even get along. However, I have been spending a bit of time with her since finding out about being pregnant. Even though she is not much support, the lack of support is more than nothing. Anyways.....

I've always known person A to be cynical, angry and just has the attitude of "the world owe's me soooo much". Yes, she had a tough childhood, which I understand can be traumatising, and I also know she never got help for it so the burden of that is still there.

She complains about never having any money and "it's not fair" "no one else has to live like me" etc etc etc...

She spends around $150 a month on medication which could be (most) controlled by diet. I have offered more than once to help put together a "healthy eating plan" with low costs and easy to make... but "thats to hard, im to tired"...

She is in a relationship where she says she is happy, but sits there and whinges about him and how he does this wrong and how he does that wrong...

Enough examples???

She cries at the drop of a hat, gets angry even quicker than that and is so unpredictable it's not funny. I know she is on medication for depression.

This isn't to vent. I love person A. It's just im extremely worried about her. I try to offer her advice but it's not getting through to her. Counselling is out of the picture as she wouldnt be able to afford it, and I doubt she would take the offer of free counselling. Getting more or different medication would send her haywire... as "it's to hard....etc"

This is the sort of behaviour I would expect from a "younger" person. No offence, im only 19 myself. She is in her early 50's... I would think, she would think differently to this, or am I just thinking wrong??

Does anyone know what I can do? She is really starting to get to me, and those around her... I just don't know what to do... say anymore???

[bronny-jane]

some people just cant be helped;)

perhaps its time that she stops playing the role of the victim, it gets you no where, and start taking charge of her life, really live it.

maybe you could get her to go walking with you, come to your place for lunch and make it a healthy tasty meal, buy informative books and lend them to her.

if all else fails you can just learn to live with it;)

[LittleBoysRock]

It sounds like you have been very helpful to person A. I am also somebody who tries really hard to help people.

Something that I have had to come to accept is that some people like to be misreable. Sometimes they like whinging and have no intentions on making themselves happy.

My advice is continue to be supportive but understand that person A may not want things to change.

:hugs:

[Nickster]

Yep, I've got to second the opinions of bronny-jane and monyfelix - some people are just toxic. They don't want to be helped. They want to whinge and moan and play the victim and make everybody else dance to their sad and lonely tune.

You can try and help this person until the end of your life, but until she wants to change, nothing will make a difference.

You can only be there for her, but you really need to concentrate on nurturing yourself at this stage (ie. with your new baby coming) and those around you who actually nurture you in turn.

[Tam-I-Am]

The thing is, Chrissie, that until person A decides that things have to change - nothing will. You can't push people up hills - because, yes, they might reach the top, but without supporting themselves once they get there, they will fall back down to the bottom again. And then, in their minds, their fall will be YOUR fault.

If you love this person, be there to support her - but stop offering to do things for her or trying to offer advice. It will result in nothing except your mutual frustration. If you feel you HAVE to do somthing further than just being there - tell her what your difficulties are with her behaviour (tactfully of course!) But be aware that this will more than likely result in her terminating your relationship.