ED Expenses - how, where, what!

[sarahstarfish]

Hey girls

Angeldoula asked a really good question about expenses for ED and how it is all handled so thought it would make a great discussion to see what kinds of things might be seen as expenses and how to work it out between ED/IPs - can be a mite awkward to talk about!

In reality, egg donors should not be out of pocket for any expenses they incur during a cycle.

Expenses

* Dr's appointment to get referral letter if not bulk billed (I just made sure I went to a bulk biller for my referral, is just a two minute appointment with a letter) - and while you are here, get a prescription for the pill cos you'll probably need it
* Pill
* Folic acid - elevit/blackmores
* Transport expenses - car parking, taxi fares, train fares, petrol
* Time off work if work hours for appointments, the whole day of EPU and the day after if during working week
* Time off work for partner on day of EPU and day after if necessary to look after children
* Childcare fees if necessary

What else is there girls? Some donors also claim for pain killers for after EPU but to be honest, the vast majority of donors will only need the odd panadol.

How to claim

Anonymous through clinic
Give your receipts to the clinic and they will reimburse you. Some clinics just give donors a blanket amount for expenses incurred, but if you need time off work and child care etc, this won't cover it.

Known donation
Depends on how you want to do things. Some recipients give their donors a bit of money to cover things as they come up, while others do it at the end, or reimburse their donors after each expense. So whatever works well with you both.

Some donors don't claim for much at all in the interests of 'helping' their recipients out - which is all very noble as long as they don't bellyache how they were out of pocket later! Is probably best to be honest and upfront about what you have spent, and your recipients will not want you to be out of pocket at all...so speak up or forever hold your peace! Be aware that if the clinic is taking care of your expenses that you probably won't get any money until after you have cycled so need to be able to pay for everything else yourself.

As in most things, clear and honest communication is the key, so get it sorted out right at the start about what will be paid, how and when. Recipients aren't mindreaders, SO SPEAK UP!!! And recipients, just make sure you aren't being fleeced either - we all know there are some kooky sorts on both sides of the fence, but it's you who is footing all the bills so ask for reciepts and documents. Keeps it all out in the open with no nasty thoughts marring your journey.

Would love to hear how others handled things, or would be most comfortable handling things.

Love

Cindy

[Munro's Mum]

Hi Cindy

I've been checking out the egg donation information you've provided on this forum. Very informative and I thank you for posting it.

I would like to donate but I don't know where to actually start. I live on the mid north coast of NSW. Maybe someone can point me in the right direction?

[mauve]

Thanks for posting that Cindy
I'm yet to place my ad for an ED but will be having a known SD. He lives in another state so it's nice to have this info. I can sit and figure out the best way to do it all, without leaving anything out!
Cheers

[Roxy]

Great topic Cindy, its certainly one that raises the most angst for everyone.

My recipients tried their darndest to make sure that I wasn't out of pocket one cent.

She gave me mulit-vitamin tabs and cards of contraceptive pills. She paid for my blood tests (I was billed, so just sent her the account), and of course the IVF costs of the cycle.

Seeing as I was coming from interstate, they paid for my petrol costs to drive to Melbourne (although I insisted on paying for our accommodation for the night we stayed in Albury on transit, because I was travelling with my children, and they were the reason we had to stop). They paid for our accommodation for the return trip.

I didnt have any extra childcare costs - my recipients looked after my children whilst I was having EPU (my children ADORE my recipients, so that was a no-brainer). My children attend daycare anyway, so I didnt need care for them for scans etc.

I didnt ask them to cover my time off work for scans, as my work was flexible and allowed me the time off for scans without taking it out of my leave..I just made sure that I had appts where it meant I was only going to be 15-20 mins late for work. No biggie where I work.

I took a week of annual leave for EPU, and again refused to allow my recipients to cover that time monetarily. We did talk about it, but in all honesty, I had decided that it was a great opportunity to take my kids on a holiday, so it was my time off, with just a day for my recipients. My recipients did pay for some of the touristy things we did (I tried to pay for myself and the children and got roused on!).

I dont feel that I was left out of pocket for anything....hope this helps a little bit, knowing how the money side of things was handled for me and my recipients. There were times when I didnt feel at all comfortable talking money with them, but when they come right out and ask "now, what have you paid for that you shouldn't have", its hard to say nothing! :rolleyes:

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Ladies

Roxy - Good point about interstate donations, or travelling out of your city to donate. In those cases it is kinda assumed that the recipient would pick up all expenses re flights, accom etc unless you took your family and used it as an excuse for a holiday whereby most donors/recips reach an agreement as you guys did.

I travelled to Victoria for my second cycle and my lovely recipient paid airfares, I stayed with her for three nights and she looked after me the whole time - in fact I couldn't even get in first and buy a bottle of wine she made so sure I didn't pay a cent.

So yes, in the case of interstate donation, proper more important that donors/recipients are upfront about what expenses there will be etc.

Good one Rox!

Munro's Mum - oh you dear heart to think of donating! Indeed, where on earth do you start! I guess the first step really depends on how you want to go about things, whether you are looking at finding your own recipient or going through a clinic. I'd keep reading just as you are doing, and that helps make up your mind about which way you want to go. As a preliminary, contact your closest clinic for an information booklet about ED...if you go to the ACCESS site (www.access.com I think) they have a list of clinics across Australia. Also look at the local clinic websites, but that donor booklet will probably have a lot more detailed info in it. And please stay here and chat with the donors and recipients who will be able to answer most of your questions, or point you in the right direction. I found personally that the extra long time I took to really get things straight in my head made an enormous difference to my experience when the time came...there is no rush, and such huge issues that we are dealing with, with enormous impact on so many people....all in your hot little hands! So we are here for you MM, just hoy OK. And thankyou for sharing the tiny beginning of what might be an amazing journey.

Love

Cindy

[Munro's Mum]

Thanks Cindy.

I've been browsing alot today and have picked up alot more info thanks to this site. :)

So far, I am still inclined to want to donate. There is only one hesitation I have.

I have suffered depression in the past. More than likely, this has been an environmental thing, rather than a genetic disposition. My concern is about taking hormonal drugs to increase ovulation and the effects this may have on moods.

Does a donor have to take these drugs? How much does it increase the amount of eggs available? Anyone else have feedback on how/if it affected moods?

[babydreams]

Hi there Munro's Mum,

I haven't donated (quite the reverse...I will be a recipient soon) but I have done several IVF cycles, the first part of which is very close to what a donor experiences. It is great that you are considering the possible impact of it all as I think many people don't give enough attention to that. Some people react more strongly to the hormonal changes that the drugs induce. It's a very individual thing and not something you can predict until you've done it. It's not unusual to feel slightly weird for several weeks or until your own hormones take over again in the subsequent menstrual cycle.

Here's how it would probably go...

Often the donor and recipient are put on the pill for a few weeks in order to get their menstrual cycles in "sync". Some people react badly to the pill...but it would only be short-term anyway.

Then the donor would be put on drugs to "down-regulate" her cycle...basically this takes your own hormones back to baseline so that they can then control things from there. The drugs for this are often Synarel (which is a nasal spray) or Lucrin (which is injected) For me, this is usually the worst bit because it kind of creates an instant menopause effect. Some people get headaches, mood swings and hot flushes etc. I got all of those and more.

Then comes the "stimming" part where your ovaries are stimulated with FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). There are many types, the one I've used is Gonal-F which is injected via a tiny needle (pen-like thing similar to what diabetics use). I usually feel better once I start this part of the process. For me it's a relief to have some girly hormones back in my system. Over the course of 10-14 days these drugs make your ovaries grow many follicles which ripen or mature more eggs than usual, so that they can be collected. Towards the end of this time you can feel a bit bloated and tender because your ovaries are so full of googies (a side benefit for me is that I usually feel extra sexy and womanly and can't keep my hands off my hubby :D but it doesn't work like that for everyone).

The egg collection is usually a short process performed under sedation or occasionally a general anaesthetic. Again, how you respond to those is an indivual thing, but most people bounce back very quickly.

So there's no doubt that all these hormonal adjustments will have an impact on you, but to what extent? Are you being treated for your depression? It would be worth checking with your Dr or therapist before going ahead. I know of many women whose infertility, miscarriages and ongoing struggles with IVF have brought about periods of depression, me included. It's also quite common to be on anti-depressants and IVF at the same time. I'm not sure if there are any contradindications with the drugs, but again it would be worth asking the fertility specialist or your doctor if you are on any medications.

There is a big difference between being depressed for a time due to life events or environmental factors and suffering from an ongoing, severe persistent depression. Most people experience the former from time to time, but the latter is something that needs careful attention and treatment. I know you mentioned that yours is most likely the former, but I'm just mentioning for other readers that the more severe kind is something that potential recipients would need to know about as it does often run in families. I would also suggest that these issues be brought up during the counselling process.

I hope that helps answer some of your questions, but again, it's only my experience....everyone reacts differently. Please feel free to keep asking questions. For every person that posts a question, I'm sure there are several who learn a lot from the answers, so keep them coming.

It's wonderful that you are considering donating. As someone who has just found a donor (thanks to Bubhub) I have enormous gratitude and respect for kind-hearted souls like you. It takes a special person to give such a precious gift.

Good luck with your ED journey, I hope it brings you a great deal of joy and satisfaction one day.

Regards,
Babydreams xx
We have found our donor-angel!

[Munro's Mum]

Thanks heaps babydreams for your reply and congratulations on finding a donor :smiliedance:

I've had three bouts of depression in my life (now almost 32) and they closely followed tragedies in my life. I've been well for a few years now since the last bout and haven't been medicated or treated for depression since about 6 months before Munro was born (he's now 8months).

I am a little concerned about the effects of the hormone treatment. Even if they are minimal, being on my own, things might get blown out of proportion somewhat, if you know what I mean. I have some wonderful friends though, and I'm sure if I made them aware of the situation, they would be extra vigilant in contributing to my happy :D

This may seem like a tactless question to ask, but how fussy are recipients? What sort of things do they usually specify about their donors? Did your donor approach you or did you approach them?

[babydreams]

Hi again, thanks for your congrats about finding our donor :D We feel extremely lucky to have such a wonderful woman on our side. We are also very grateful to Cindy and Bubhub for setting up this forum...wouldn't have found her otherwise.

I'm very happy to keep answering your questions, but perhaps we should start a new thread with a different title? It might be a bit difficult for others to find the resulting information otherwise. I'll leave it to you...start a new thread and ask away!

Rain xx

[FOURtunate]

As you know, Cindy, I felt very awkward about bringing up the financial side of things with C. But, I thought it was best to give her a rundown of expenses as they pop up.

So far, I have claimed for a dr appt for my referral, and my ultrasound. C has offered to pay for my vitamins, but I got them of my own accord so I don't expect reimbursement for those. I also had an appt with SIVF on Friday, and due to school hols it cost me a fortune with all 4 kids in the city. I decied to only clain $20 for transport, and treated the day as a school holiday excursion.

I will unfortunately have to be reimbursed for travel expenses during the period in which I will need blood tests and ultrasounds, as I am not close to the clinic, and I will have to pay for parking.

It is an awkward subject, but if you don't keep your recipient informed, she cannot read your mind. And nobody wants negative vibes during this process. I know C and I want positive thoughts and feelings throughout. :smiliedance: