The hostile bio mother...

[spoon]

How do you deal with a bio who appears to lie about issues relating to our skid? She creates a drama every time we have a large family celebration and trys to embroil us in a major fight with her.

Quite frankly, we have had enough of this rubbish:no:

What does everyone else do? I want us to stop talking to her.

[InSaneOne]

well a certain amount of communication is required with ex's (especially when kids are involved) basically try not to rise to her bait. even if it involves biting your tongue really hard:p. its not easy but just remember you only have to deal with her until the kids are 18. then it doesn't matter if you see her or not. we only have 4 more years of dealing with our ex.:smiliedance:

[YMo7]

ca you deal with her for the majority on email?

[spoon]

I will not have my husband being spoken to like he is a peice of crap by her:no: She can rethink her attitude and deal with the fact that we do not have to talk to her at all. We only have our daughter every fornight on the weekends, and half the school hols. I do not think that warrants us having to put up with this cr@p from her.

She will not be included on any discussions from now on, and it is her that has to deal with us for the next 9 years, not the other way around. Stoopid cow, she can go jump before I ever let her abuse my husband again.:hair:

[InSaneOne]

:hugs: i understand how you feel and i hope things get better for you guys.

[pegasus]

Just bumping this one up for me too :D

:hugs:spoon - I hear you - am sick of the abuse - that gets hurled at my husband. So instead she tries to just speak to me (through the kids - which is sooo far from what I see as appropriate parenting).

I hate abusers:thumbsdown:

[oliveye]

We only have our daughter every fornight on the weekends, and half the school hols.

Lucky you. My DH had to look after the kids after he had the accident for about 8 months alone (when he had the accident, before he met me).

DH had to drag her to court to force her to take 50 % custody which she didn't attend, and her paid lawyer was to defend her on not taking the kids at all!:hair:

My DH has stopped talking to bio since more than a year ago (sort of). If anything the bio talks on the kids' speaker phone, and DH reply on the same way if he has to! DH swore not to speak to her anymore not after that abusive and swearing one year ago. Well it may looks small, not if you include the years before that. Poor hubby:hugs:

[Starlet]

I totally get what you're going through, we cop the abuse as well, in fact she even takes it that one step futher and rings my inlaws and starts at them too.

[Amara]

I used to feel like you....until I became the ex & realised exactly what he'd been putting her through the entire time we'd been together because he started to do it to me. There may be conversations going on that you know nothing about that turn her into the "psycho ex". I no doubt get called that now.

[Pax]

there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. why is she so angry? perhaps you need to find out. :confused:

[spoon]

I used to feel like you....until I became the ex & realised exactly what he'd been putting her through the entire time we'd been together because he started to do it to me. There may be conversations going on that you know nothing about that turn her into the "psycho ex". I no doubt get called that now.




there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. why is she so angry? perhaps you need to find out. :confused:

She is old enough to know better, and her actions are her responsibility.

[Beachside Mumma]

This post really doesn't have too much to do with this thread - I just didn't want to start a whole new thread just so I could have a rant...

DSS's mum used to live about 1000km away from us and recently moved a further 1000km away from where she used to live so now they live almost 2000km away from us. We weren't particulary happy about DSS moving that far away from us but bio mum needs to get on with her life etc etc so we didn't make a big deal about it. Because they were moving so far away we had to change the details of the meeting points for pick ups/drop offs so she wasn't spending $1000 in plane flights for each pick up and drop off ((which we happily did because it's a bit unfair to ask her to pay that much even if she did move away)). Anyways we get the new agreement worked out and signed and in place... First visit comes along and we figure we'll all go to pick up as we could then see SIL & her kids and spend some time with them so DSS could see his cousins (as he'll only get to see them once this year) and everyone could catch up. Bio mum decides she's going to be off visiting family at the time of the visit and wants to change the place of pick up/drop off. We explain that we were planning on taking him to see his cousins and that the only way we could change it around is if we were able to pick him up earlier for his xmas visit and would then drop him back off in the town where they live... so she agrees that she's happy to do that. Now we're trying to book things and organise what we're doing at christmas time and ask her which day she would prefer to drop him off. Now she is saying that she's planning on being somewhere else at that time and most likely won't be able to drop him off then. FFS - she bloody well agreed to it to get her way and now she's trying to go back on it because she's decided it doesn't suit her! We've being going out of our way to try and make things easy for her and change if she needs to but now it's getting ridiculous. I'm just so angry - why the hell does she have to play these stupid little games... We pay an agreed amount of Child Support without fail each month, we buy things and send him back with them if he needs them or she asks, we change visits and times around if she needs to almost every single time she asks, we call DSS each week on days and times that suit her (even though half the time she doesn't bother to answer or call us back when she knows we'll be calling) - and this is what we bloody well get in return. Why can't she just play fair for once:gloomy: It's stressing me out so much and makes me what to :crying: half the time, not to mention what it's doing to DP...

[pegasus]

Totally feel for you Amanda

We used to go out of our way so much for the biomum to get the DSK's (we still do - pretty much all of the travel to get them and drop off and other stuff, but these days with their ages (16 and 14) they come when they want (or sometimes when their mother tells them they need to) as all their friends, sport etc are where they live with biomum - this is a big disadvantage with the kids living far away (and for us it's only a 250km round trip now - although has been a lot more in the past.)

Just want to give you lots of support and :hugs: because I know how frustrating and the rest of it it makes you feel. I've been in this relationship since the DSK's were 2 and 4 and there seems to be different hurdles every year. We're sort of hoping it all ceases when the kids turn 18 as we'll have no obligation to deal with biomum - just the kids.

I know that's a long way off for you - my advice - hang in there - there's not much you can do at this point and that is so frustrating, but there's others who know your pain and believe me, the frustration can rear it's own head in your relationship if you let it. My thoughts are that my best revenge on biomum is to have a fulfilling and happy relationship with my DH and not let her get to me (yes, she still does at times), but I feel the bigger person for not sinking to her level.

People ask us why we do what she asks in the end (ie. go out of our way to pick the kids up from whereever, whenever), but at the end of the day, it's about the kids and not us as adults. I've had many a moment when I feel like blurting out how unfair it is, on us as well as ultimately the kids, but the best I can hope is that the kids will see (even if it's in 10 years time) that we did do more for them than they were evr lied to about.

They may never figure it, but we have to be at peace that we truly did do the maximum we could, at the end of the day. We have more working against us than for us when I think of it, but we had to choose at one time to be happier in our lives for our children (heck, we even delayed trying for our childre for 6 years of our relationdship to work on things with biomum and the DSK's.

We just keep our :fingerscrossed: for future.

[YMo7]

i haven't got a long time to reply but i just wanted to agrre and add to pegasus' post that kids are only kids for such a short time. it might seem to drag on now, but before you know it they will be young adults and it will become unnecessary to converse with biomum after that. HTH :)