View Full Version : I am furious! Do I have the right?
I was at my local shopping centre today when Kailah was calling for a feed. I have to feed he in quietness of the parents rooms as she is easily distracted and won't drink with alot going on around her, and also like her bottled re heated when she's half way through (hey what ever makes her drink!)
So I went in, changed her nappy, and prepared her bottle. I chose the less busy of the 3 parents rooms, so I would have extra peace. Once I started feeding her it got busy (just my luck!) so she started fussing. Heated up bottle again but she was still fussing. In walks 2 mothers with babies (friends) and as there were only 3 chairs and another lady walked in just before them and sat on the 2nd chair, there was only 1 chair left. So one of the friends sat on the chair next to me and started to bf her baby. She then says to her friend to sit down, and looked at me (as if to say move!) and said you bf not bottle feed (in a really awful tone)
I was so shocked! The chairs are there for ALL parents, male female, bf OR ff. And she looked at me again as if to say MOVE! I couldn't believe it! The other friend said it was ok and she could bf standing up. I was not about to give up my seat for another woman who was going to do the same thing as me, feed her baby! I was getting upset at this stage as the 1st friend (sitting) kept giving me filthy looks. She then proceeded to tell her friend why parents rooms were built, so that mothers could descretly bf! What cr@p!
My question is for all mothers, ff and bf,...
Do ff mum's have the same right as bf? In the ways of using parents rooms and chairs in there? When you have a baby like mine that won't drink if there is something to look at, what choice do I have?
This is not the first time this has happened to me and it makes me quite upset. I tried so hard to bf and there was no way it was going to work. It makes me feel incredibly guilty and even worthless.
What do you guys think?
Oscar's mum
16-06-2006, 16:08
Hmmm that is a really tricky situation! I understand where you are coming from that yes parent's rooms are built for all parents to use and yes you were their first, which gives you a right too. But then I also understand that it is alot nicer to breastfeed in a room then out in public flashing your boobies around!
Hmm I actually don't know what I would have done if I was you in that situation!:confused:
wow:eek: RUDE FRICKEN COW
They are for everyone, I was in one yesterday a woman was bottle feeding her baby, whats the microwave for!! Apart from food for kiddies...sheshh!!
I ended up storming out in tears! I couldn't take it anymore! Anyone who knows me knows that the one thing in the world that I wanted most was to be able to bf! there are 3 other parents rooms in the centre and they chose to be nast to me! I WAS there first and I was doind what they were doing, feeding mt baby. I had to try to feed her out in the centre and of course got nowhere, which resulted in her screaming and me getting upset and going home.
Ange&Seth
16-06-2006, 16:13
I probably would have gotten upset like you did, but I believe you have a right to feed your baby in the parents room. And yes you were there first. IMO ff mothers have as much right as bf mothers.
Mum&bubs
16-06-2006, 16:13
:eek: You should have told her to move if she was so concerned!! what a rude cow!! I bf my baby but still see parents rooms for all bf & ff babies...were all their to feed our babies one way or another! Dont let it get you down though you had every right to be there & not give up your seat :thumbsup:
OMG that is DISGUSTING behaviour and you have every right to be mortally offended.
I am FUMING on your behalf!!
How DARE someone be so RUDE.
First in first served ANYWAY. And you have every right to feed your baby where she won't be distracted.
The rooms are for FEEDING your baby. You were feeding your baby.
I can't believe the absolute GALL of some people. That's just plain bad manners, no matter what the reasoning is behind it.
Ya poor little duck!! I wish I was there with you and we could have taken on the biarches together.
Bubble*Crazy
16-06-2006, 16:14
Aren't they called "Parents Rooms" NOT "Breastfeeding Rooms"??!! :rolleyes:
And besides, it's just as hard to bottle feed standing up as it is to breastfeed (well, it is for me, anyway).
How rude of her ...!!! I would probably have felt guilty (but angry at the same time) and gave up my seat, though I know you shouldn't need to. So glad you stood your ground :thumbsup:.
the_queen
16-06-2006, 16:15
Poor Kris :hugs: :hugs:
Chalk it up to the b*tch just being naive and ignorant. Maybe one day she'll know the heartache of being forced to FF, and she'll look back on this day and feel really really bad.
:hugs: :hugs:
Chickadee
16-06-2006, 16:16
You do have the right to be mad and upset. I would have been too. And of course you're right. Parent rooms are for ALL parents.
Unfortunately some bf mums just don't understand that some bubs need peace and quiet to feed well, regardless of whether they're getting breast or formula. Or maybe they are too self-righteous and don't care. :banghead: :mad: Whether you are bf or bottlefeeding, you are holding bub in nearly the same position and it is just as uncomfortable to bottle feed standing as it is to bf.
Bubble*Crazy
16-06-2006, 16:16
they are called parents room not breast rooms.
Oh! You beat me to it!!!
cmd'smum
16-06-2006, 16:17
Hi emysmum,
I think that lady is rude and had no consideration whatsoever!!
firstly, you were there before them and secondly, she should'nt be judging you because you arn't bf. She doesn't know you and the reasons why you arnt bf.
If there isn't enough chairs in that parents room then she should take that up with centre management not you!:yes:
You should'nt feel guilty or worthless, you were attending to your babies' needs and I'm sure Kailah thinks youre the best mummy in the world!
I understand the importance of bf. However I think sometimes there is way too much pressure placed on us by the community in general. I bf my dd till she was 8 months, but some women just can't and should'nt be looked down upon.
Anyway, hope you feel better, don't let inconsiderate and rude people get to you!
Mamaduke
16-06-2006, 16:17
What a cow!
Some women think that because they have breasts that can/do provide nutrition to their children...they are above all of us pathetic ff mums!
You should have kept feeding your child with the bottle but just flopped out a boob..."there, happy now?";)
MammaMia
16-06-2006, 16:17
Her behaviour was rude.
The situation was tricky.
The rooms are for caring for your children in whatever way they require.
It is true, though, that breastfeeding would be much easier sitting down.
Bottlefeeding can involve a different positioning of the little one than breastfeeding and it may be easier to bottlefeed standing than breastfeed standing...it was for me anyway.
Against this is the unique needs of your child.
I guess it comes down to patience and sharing. I have had situations where the booths were all full with mums and bubs....it didn't cross my mind if the mums were breastfeeding/bottlefeeding - they were just feeding. I just had to go elsewhere or wait my turn there.
I imagine you wouldn't encounter this sort of rudeness often so I wouldn't waste any more of your energy or thoughts on the woman.
You were taking your turn and the needs of your baby are equally important to those of the other babies. Care for your little one in the best way you know how.
Briannabear
16-06-2006, 16:18
I was a breastfeeding mum but I absolutely believe that formula feeding mummy's have the right to use the parents rooms (and chairs) as much as the bf mums do! I cant believe how rude she was! You still need to sit down to ff your baby! :banghead:
How rude!
I can understand that b/f mums want their privacy, i was always self conscious feeding out in the open. But........ now that my son bottle feeds, i too have to take him in the feeding rooms because he is distracted so easily.
I think they are there for everyone, first in best dressed!
Emysmum, you have every right to be there. You are a parent and thats what the room is called Parents room, so you have the same rights to be there as any bf mother.
Those women are the type that make us ff mothers feel inadequate, thankfully most bf mothers arent all like that.
the_queen
16-06-2006, 16:21
You should have kept feeding your child with the bottle but just flopped out a boob..."there, happy now?"
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
mamaduke you so funny
WOW! Didn't think this was going to be such a hot topic! And no way was I expecting to get so much support! Thanks guys! As I said before, this is not the first time this has happened, last was only 2 weeks ago! When I got death stars off a woman cos I was feeding in the curtained area! How did she know I wasn't heating up a comp feed after just bfing? I just hate it when some think they are better than others cos their boobs actually work! and they deserve everything cos they CAN feed...?!!!:mad: :mad:
I just want understanding and equality! But like other things in this world, I think it is impossible.
mmmm, whilst I agree that these woman were incredibly rude, I personally would never sit in a chair and make a bf mother stand. Whilst I understand that your daughter needs quiet and stuff, you can do it in other places if need be (including standing up, it is much easier to bottle feed standing up than it is to breast feed standing up) and for obvious reasons, some mums prefer the privacy of a baby room to breast feed their children, and if it was me, even though I would never do to someone what those woman did to you, if I was in a baby room and a mum was sitting there giving her bubs a bottle whilst i had to stand to breast feed, I would be very ticked off.
jessgray
16-06-2006, 16:52
i think that lady was really rude. i had a similar thing happen to me ages ago when DS was only starting out on solids and a woman kept staring at me for ages as i gave ds apple puree and then said " you shouldnt give him that he will only want sweets in the future" and when i said he had been on solids for 6 weeks and loved pumpkin etc she had a full on go at me and said ds would be obese lol
i just thought she had a bad day lol
Oscar's mum
16-06-2006, 16:55
if I was in a baby room and a mum was sitting there giving her bubs a bottle whilst i had to stand to breast feed, I would be very ticked off.
yeah that is what I am thinking! So yeah it is a tricky situation!
LittleBoysRock
16-06-2006, 16:59
they are called parents room not breast rooms.
what a horrible person. It does not matter what you are feeding or if it is bottle or breast EVERY mother deserves to feed in peace and quiet.
If you ever have that happen again ..stand your ground.
You have every right to be there.
I agree totally!! I am a FF as I couldnt BF and if somebody asked me to move out of the way when I was FF I would tell them where to go!! :thumbsup:
Mamaduke
16-06-2006, 17:00
We're all mums...we all have to feed our babies...
I don't think one is more important or easier than the other!
I would have found it virtually impossible to stand whilst bottle feeding Lucas (with the weight of that child!)...with bottle feeding you need one hand to hold the bottle, the other to hold the baby.
Do you need to hold the breast?
omg how rude! What is wrong with people! :eek: :mad:
I would have been like you dont know anything about me or my baby so you have no right to judge! I would have stayed extra long to annoy them!
Its a room to feed your baby doesnt matter if you ff or bf! And you were there first! The nerve of some people just gets me sometimes!
Ana Gram
16-06-2006, 17:08
Isn't it interesting that people think that it is fine to bottle feed a child standing up. Sorry but there is no way I would have stood up. My kid was heavy and I would have been in complete agony standing up to feed. I think first in, first to get the chair. I thought one of the huge things about breastfeeding was you could do it anywhere? Well find another seat somewhere else.
Bottle feeders are being forced into parenting rooms because that is where the microwaves are - if they have them at all. The majority of places will refuse to heat up bottles or give hot water to warm the bottle due to health and safety ie the fear of getting sued.
Perhaps bottle feeders should now be confined to the only other chair at shopping centres that have some privacy for easily distracted babies, the toilets. Gee imagine the outrage if we asked breastfeeding mothers to do that.:rolleyes:
claireandbailey
16-06-2006, 17:12
My dd was exactly the same i had to feed her in the mothers room where it was nice and quiet otherwise she wouldnt feed. I hate the way some (not all) bf mothers look at you when you are ff. It makes me feel so guilty for not being able to bf. But when it comes down to it we are all there for the same purpose and that is to feed our babies. I think its first in best dressed sorta thing!!. Although i do hate it when you go into the parents room and someone is feeding their baby and their friends are using the chairs just to sit in and wont stand up so u can sit down. That really gets on my nerves!!
Perhaps bottle feeders should now be confined to the only other chair at shopping centres that have some privacy for easily distracted babies, the toilets. Gee imagine the outrage if we asked breastfeeding mothers to do that.:rolleyes:
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
jessgray
16-06-2006, 17:15
Isn't it interesting that people think that it is fine to bottle feed a child standing up. Sorry but there is no way I would have stood up. My kid was heavy and I would have been in complete agony standing up to feed. I think first in, first to get the chair. I thought one of the huge things about breastfeeding was you could do it anywhere? Well find another seat somewhere else.
i totally agree my ds was a big bub when he was born and there is no way i could stand up and feed FF or BF him lol
diamonds22
16-06-2006, 17:17
:banghead: That is SOOOO wrong!! how dare she! You have every right to be there!!! good on you for not giving up your rightful chair!!!!
InSaneOne
16-06-2006, 17:30
What a cow!
Some women think that because they have breasts that can/do provide nutrition to their children...they are above all of us pathetic ff mums!
You should have kept feeding your child with the bottle but just flopped out a boob..."there, happy now?";)
:D :D roflmao. oh my god i would have done that just to annoy them further. i have actually said to one guy who was staring at my boobs while i was feeding in public one day "take a picture if you want. it will last longer" :D
kadownie
16-06-2006, 17:38
I think that lady, and her friend- was totally rude and out of line. Whether you are bf or ff- a baby needs to be cuddled and comfy during their feed- I think that's a right of a baby- to have their mothers attention and cuddles when feeding- this requires a comfy mother. It is a parents room- not a breast feeding room- I know that's already been said- but I wanted to say it again.
Although I bf- I would not have reacted in such a way- I would have just gone to a different room.
I'm sorry that you had this yukky experience
lukaelmo
16-06-2006, 17:43
Allright, I would have been angry too, but people are lumping all BFers into one big hairy rude catergory. Just because a very rude and ignorant BFing lady thought something, it doesn't automatically follow that all BFers think like this.
I have used the parents' room to BF and give the dude solids. I am interested in the other bubbas there, especially the little ones and have never given a second thought to what they were being fed. Personally, if there weren't enough chairs I would sit on the floor and feed the dude, I would not ask a person feeding their baby solids, formula or BM to get up for me.
Just because one, two or ten people of a group are idiots, it does not mean the whole group are.
Yes, parents room are for parents, they care called 'Parents Room's not "Breastfeeding" rooms, BUT, if I were bottle feeding my baby and a mother needed to breastfeed and there were no chairs, I would let her have my chair.
Oscar's mum
16-06-2006, 17:49
Personally, if there weren't enough chairs I would sit on the floor and feed the dude, I would not ask a person feeding their baby solids, formula or BM to get up for me.
I was just telling DH about this thread and we came to the conclusion that I would probably sit on the floor and wouldn't ask the person to stand up either!;)
lukaelmo
16-06-2006, 18:06
Ohh I hope it doesnt come across like that I htink it was more just trying to pint out to the breastfeeding mums who DO think that way!
No offense.
I ff my DS and BF my dd so I love all feeders who respect each others different needs..
as for being hairy I promise I dont think that LOL
Thanks for saying that. I know that people didn't mean to lump everyone into the one category, but I would be mortified if people thought I was like this.
When I am feeding the dude in a parents' room I am always checking out the other bubs, and would hate for someone to think I was looking at them because they were FFing and I disapproved for some obscure reason. I am just looking 'cause I am a stickybeak :laughing:.
And about the hairy bit, well, it is winter... :laughing:.
catalicious
16-06-2006, 18:14
I know Kris (emysmum), and I have never known someone so determined to BF, other than myself.
I also know Kailah and she is the fussiest eater I have ever seen in a babie, honestly she doesnt sit still.
But anyway as I have already said to Kris yoou just dont worry sbout ignorant people because they are just that.... IGNORANT. They have no idea why she is FF and it shouldnt matter anyway...
But on the suggestion that it is easier to FF standing than BF. I think this is a load of $hit. I bf Jack till he was 4 months old(his now 5months), I only stopped when I had little to no supply, and it is WAY harder FF Standing up. I used to walk around shopping centres sometimes BF. Now FF It take both my hands and concentration.
BF only took one hand. Cheer up Kris Dont worry about them people like that dont matter!!
Oscar's mum
16-06-2006, 18:16
it is WAY harder FF Standing up.
Hmmm can we not start an argument here on that and just say it is hard in general to feed a baby standing regardless or whether it be FF or BF!;) I think otherwise that is a debate in itself!
MammaMia
16-06-2006, 18:23
But on the suggestion that it is easier to FF standing than BF. I think this is a load of $hit. I bf Jack till he was 4 months old(his now 5months), I only stopped when I had little to no supply, and it is WAY harder FF Standing up. I used to walk around shopping centres sometimes BF. Now FF It take both my hands and concentration.
BF only took one hand.
A tough call there, Mummycat. Maybe for you it is tougher to FF standing up, but it was definitely easier for me. The way I position the baby to BF is different in terms of supporting underneath the baby than how I can hold a baby to FF.
I think we need to remember that the crux of the problem comes down to individuality...what is easy for you is not necessarily easy for me. What is easy for one baby (feeding with an audience) is not necessarily easy for another baby. I'm prepared to accept that the experience of you & some other FFs is different to mine, but you probably need to consider the flip side of the coin too.
I'd be reluctant to make a blanket judgement call on that one. We all have different experiences which impact on how we perceive situations. The 2 women BFing (particularly the one withe mouth) may have had a similar experience to mine re ease of feeding which gave them an expectation (whether correct or not) that their situation would be more difficult.
The main cause for complaint is not the lack of understanding (we are all guilty of that at times, whether we voice it or not) but the manner of dealing with it.
I don't think anyone, BF or FF, who has posted expects any mother to give up their seat in favour of another because of a decision they made regarding feeding their child.
I have now come to the conclusion that the majority of people think that it is ok for ff babies to be fed in the nice quiet, private 'parents rooms'. I don't feel guilty anymore and if someone says something to me again or acts like the woman did today I will let it go straight over my head and ignore them. I am there soley for one reason and that is to feed my baby, to give her all of my attention and BOND with her. I believe you can bond just as much with your baby ff as you can bf. And that is what I see feeding tme as, a quiet bonding time. I think all mothers (and fathers for that matter) deserve that.
And besides...as others have said, THEY could've gone looking for somewhere else to sit, why should I be forced out?
Missus S
16-06-2006, 18:43
Sheesh....what a rude cow! Sounds like her friend was more polite.
If there weren't enough chairs they should have left or she could have certainly sat on the ground to feed. What right does she think she has in demanding a chair you were using, just because you were FF:mad: Seriously, next time tell her where to go...and just attend to your precious bub.
Don't let her stress you out :hugs:
Missus S
16-06-2006, 18:45
Kris - I just missed your post.
So glad to see that you've decided to feel no guilt about this situation :yelclap:
I'm disgusted with that as I too tried hard to bf and was unsuccessful 3 times.
This girls attitude goes along nicely with the new add campaign about bf in my opinion. Did any of you see it on the news last night???
OscarTheGrouch
16-06-2006, 18:48
They're lucky it wasn't me in the 'parents room'. I would have given it to them. Not backwards in coming forward is I.:laughing: I wouldn't FF my DS standing up and wouldn't give up my seat either.:thumbsup:
Ana Gram
16-06-2006, 18:59
This girls attitude goes along nicely with the new add campaign about bf in my opinion. Did any of you see it on the news last night???
Haven't seen it, can you give us the gist?
I didn't catch it either...?
I have used the parents' room to BF and give the dude solids. I am interested in the other bubbas there, especially the little ones and have never given a second thought to what they were being fed. Personally, if there weren't enough chairs I would sit on the floor and feed the dude, I would not ask a person feeding their baby solids, formula or BM to get up for me.
.
I would just like to clarify my earlier comment.
I would never ask someone to get up for me, if I was struggling to breastfeed whilst they sat in the only chair, I would consider them rude if they did at not least offer it to me, but I would never ask them, and I would never have treated anyone the way you were treated.
Im suprised though at the amount of people though who would not offer their chair to a lady trying to bf, I mean if a woman came up to me and spoke to me the way those ones did, I wouldnt offer my chair out of spite!! but Im a bit suprised to see so many wouldnt at least offer, its just polite. I know longer bf, and I would never sit whilst a woman a lady breast feeding at the time, was standing. Its about as bad as making a heavily pregnant woman stand on a bus whilst you sit imo.
Sorry girls, dont be mad, its just the way I feel. Just think one day you might be struggling to feed your bubs in a parents room and you might be lucky enough to have me in there!! :D ;)
I would have said "i did my homework earlier. It's expressed breastmilk. wanna try some? Now do i deserve to be treated like a human?"
Silly ***** :shame:
Look, they had other rooms to choose from. They are parents rooms... not chit chat rooms. :ecomcity:
Presumably they each had their own set of detatched breasts, so there is no need for them to be in the chairs side by side to feed their kids.
They could meet up after tending to their kids.
The nerve!!
And yes, I am a bf too... so what?!?
I don't do it cos silly little tarts will think better of me in parent rooms. I do it cos with this baby I can! With my 1st, not so! And i DID express every feed with #1. I would have been out right irritated if they had said that to me... :devil6:
You poor thing. What a very rude person:thumbsdown:
I was very fortunate that neither of my kids were distracted drinkng their bottles so I never came across these sort of people. I do have a freind who would constantly complain to me about mothers FF in mothers rooms. It would make me so mad:mad: Everyone has a right to feed their baby ANYWHERE
I would just like to clarify my earlier comment.
I would never ask someone to get up for me, if I was struggling to breastfeed whilst they sat in the only chair, I would consider them rude if they did at not least offer it to me, but I would never ask them, and I would never have treated anyone the way you were treated.
Im suprised though at the amount of people though who would not offer their chair to a lady trying to bf, I mean if a woman came up to me and spoke to me the way those ones did, I wouldnt offer my chair out of spite!! but Im a bit suprised to see so many wouldnt at least offer, its just polite. I know longer bf, and I would never sit whilst a woman a lady breast feeding at the time, was standing. Its about as bad as making a heavily pregnant woman stand on a bus whilst you sit imo.
Sorry girls, dont be mad, its just the way I feel. Just think one day you might be struggling to feed your bubs in a parents room and you might be lucky enough to have me in there!! :D ;)
I understand how you feel, but I would like to say it isn't easy feeding a squirming baby standing up, not to mention a big baby! She is heavy and very fussy. If I am comfortable then so is she (well, most of the time anyway) I don't know what it is like to bf standing up, I only tried it sitting and that didn't work. I am really sick of being made guilty all the time cos I ff. I tried BLOODY hard to bf, was even told by 2 lactation cons. that it was never going to work.
I do think that this woman truely felt superior to me cos she was bf. I feel she thought she and her friend deserved the chair more than me. To me I see no differece, it's still feeding your baby and you and baby still need to be comfortable and relaxed.
MrsMiggins
16-06-2006, 20:22
I actually have to talk myself out of feeling guilty & thinking that every BF mother in the place is staring at me when I go in to bottle feed my baby. Like you, Emysmum, I don't really have much option if Claire is hungry than to feed her in the parent's room. I will even try to get in one of the private rooms if I can because otherwise I am facing a huge battle to get her to feed at all, regardless of how hungry she is. If she gets too distracted to feed, then I face a whole day of disrupted feeding & sleeping. It's just a big chain-reaction.
I have to admit I have only read some of the replies in this thread, not all, but I have to wonder whether this lady would have been quite so fast to look down on a bottle feeding dad sitting in the chair?
Edited to add: I just read your last post & I have to agree. There is absolutely NO WAY I could ever hope to feed Claire standing up!! It just wouldn't happen! Even at home, I have to sit in a certain way, with strategically placed cushions to have any hope of success! And I don't think I'd even be able to hold her long enough to have a proper feed anyway! She is quite heavy!
I actually have to talk myself out of feeling guilty & thinking that every BF mother in the place is staring at me when I go in to bottle feed my baby. Like you, Emysmum, I don't really have much option if Claire is hungry than to feed her in the parent's room. I will even try to get in one of the private rooms if I can because otherwise I am facing a huge battle to get her to feed at all, regardless of how hungry she is. If she gets too distracted to feed, then I face a whole day of disrupted feeding & sleeping. It's just a big chain-reaction.
I have to admit I have only read some of the replies in this thread, not all, but I have to wonder whether this lady would have been quite so fast to look down on a bottle feeding dad sitting in the chair?
:smiliedance: THANKYOU!!!!!!:smiliedance:
Finally someone that REALLY understands! Kailah is so fussy, and yes, one bad feed and the day is ruined!
I too wonder what she would've done if it was a dad feeding. If Kailah wasn't so upset already I would given her an ear full but I didn't want to make her even more upset than she already was.
OscarTheGrouch
16-06-2006, 20:28
To me I see no differece, it's still feeding your baby and you and baby still need to be comfortable and relaxed.
Well said!:thumbsup:
SamanthaJane
16-06-2006, 20:34
The way i see it... parents room is for parents! Simple as that. You all have equal right to access their facilities. First in, best dressed in my opinion!:thumbsup:
MrsMiggins
16-06-2006, 20:34
I sure do understand, Emysmum! I was just having a more thorough read over this thread & I have to say that another reason I head for the private rooms wherever possible is so that I'm NOT shunned by BF mums. I only just realised that. Sad, isn't it?
Very sad Mrs Miggins, if only they understood the heartache we feel when we see THEM feeding their babies.:gloomy:
.
I do think that this woman truely felt superior to me cos she was bf. I feel she thought she and her friend deserved the chair more than me. To me I see no differece, it's still feeding your baby and you and baby still need to be comfortable and relaxed.
I agree, I think these woman were horribly rude, and I would never do that to anyone. I never used to march into change rooms and demand someone give up their chair so I could sit in it! I just personally would offer my chair.
Of course you have a right to be comfortable whilst you feed your bubs, its just that alot of breast feeding mums use these facilities specifically because they feel uncomfortable doing it in public.
And I would like to point out that if I had the only chair and wasnt feeding a baby at all, and a bottle feeding mama came in, I would offer my seat to her as well.
MrsMiggins
16-06-2006, 20:45
Very sad Mrs Miggins, if only they understood the heartache we feel when we see THEM feeding their babies.:gloomy:
Never a truer word was spoken!
It broke my heart that I couldn't BF my baby as I'd always dreamed of doing! Why do so many BF mums think that if you are feeding your baby formula out of a bottle, then it's because you chose to do so, or just gave up too easily?! Not that there's anything wrong with that either, but I just wonder why people instantly assume!
SuperWoman
16-06-2006, 20:56
I have just read through this post and I must say that woman who treated you like that is horrible. I FF my DS as well (not by choice either) and I also get looks from other mums who are BF and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Not all of them do it, some are really nice and like to have a chat in the parents room, but sometimes it just drives me mad!!
It's not right that she made you feel the way she did, and all mothers BF or FF have the right to be in there!!
Sending you a huge cyber hug!!!!:hugs: :hugs:
Mylittleboy
16-06-2006, 20:59
I would be furious if I were you :mad: Of course FF mums have the same rights as BF mums!! :mad: :mad:
Sit where you want to sit, if anybody said anything like that to me i'd be likely to slap their face, I had soooo much trouble BF, and I don't need complete strangers to belittle me because i'm a FF mum, my MCHN does a good enough job of that. :mad:
Whether you formual feed or breastfeed, I want you to NOT feel second rate or ever feel like someone has more of a right than you to a parent's room or anything else for that matter. Being a mum has enough guilt and second guessing, without worrying about this stuff...
angcaltam
16-06-2006, 21:03
I FF my DD in the PARENTS ROOM, but the one that I mainly use has 2 seats as you enter the room and then a few cubicles, I normally just sit on the seats that are where you walk in and leave the cubicles for the mothers who want to BF in private. But they are called PARENT ROOMS for a reason. It doesn't matter if you FF or BF as long as you are a parent attending to your child's needs.
I think that bottle feeding is just as hard as Breastfeeding standing up, I know that my arms can't handle it.:no:
I say stand your ground.:yes:
:mad: It makes me mad when us mother's that have to FF get looked down on.:banghead: I had to FF DD since she was 4 weeks old due to her teething and she was making a mess of my nipples so I had no choice, but still felt guilty because that's they way everyone makes you feel. But now I know that they don't have the right to make me feel any less of a mother and I have the same rights as all other mothers.
Keep your chin up high.
I
Both ff and bf standing up are difficult for so many parents.
My point was more that I would offer my seat in a parents room because some bf mums feel uncomfortable doing it in public. :)
kadownie
16-06-2006, 21:31
When I am in the parents room- I always like to check out the babies- I am a bit horrified that some ff mums have experienced such judgement for ff- gosh- I do hope that my bf and checking out other mum's bubs who are also feeding their babies- just in a different way- don't feel that I was looking down on them- I was just admiring their bubs. So, sorry for any offence I've caused.
Again though- these women were incredibly (sp?) rude- feeding a baby- whether breast or bottle- is a time of Bonding!! All mothers deserve comfort for this time!!
Like everyone else has said, they're called parents rooms for a reason, and i used them with DD who was a distracted feeder (both BF and FF). Can't say I ever took much notice of how other people were feeding their bubs... But i know what i would tell them (but i can't write it on here...)
I am FF DS, and while I was BF I would use the parents rooms. Now I go and sit at Gloria Jeans and watch the world go by, while drinking my white chocolate mocha... without the smell of poopy nappies and other kids... :D :laughing: But I am lucky to have a bubs that is so focused on his food, it wouldn't matter where we were!
Mind you, I do get the foul looks from people, so I nicely smile at them as they pass me by...;) :p
(BTW having a 8 week old that weighs in at 6.7kgs, i don't think i could have stood and FF for very long!!)
Sorry haven't read all the posts but if it was me ...rather than the FF vs BF debate against the chair, I would've weighed up who had the heaviest baby to feed standing up, her or me....easier to ff/bf a new baby standing up if you had to, than to ff/bf a 10kg baby iykwim either way I would sit on the carpet than rudely accuse someone.:thumbsdown:
cheezelkat
16-06-2006, 23:20
If it was me, I would have waited to feed DS if I could. If I were able to, I would feed DS in the food court however he likes me to mould the breast to a certain shape so I can't nurse discreetly at the moment, so parents rooms are a must for me. I've never given DS a bottle so can't comment on who can feed easier.
What does bother me is non-parents sitting in the comfy chairs whilst chatting on their mobiles :mad:
Thank you all who have replied, I feel much better about it now.
I don't know how long it will be before I cop this again, but I doubt it will be long.
I will just repeat some of the things you have all said and hope that they don't rip my head off.....:fingerscrossed: :laughing:
... wait until she has her 2nd or 3rd child... maybe she too will have bf problems and then she will remember what a rude **** she was to you...
:laughing: yeah I'd like to see that!
Like your choice of words too....****!!! :laughing: you crack me up!
Thanks for putting a smile on my face before I go to bed!
:thumbsup: to you!!!
i just wanted to add my 2c since I have read the past 8! pages
it has been very interesting
i think ppl can never judge who is more in need of a chair for this example
like which baby is heavier, how its fed, who is more experienced, etc...
same with when a woman is preg or a woman who has just given birth
who should take the seat a preg woman at 3mths or 9mths
the nauseous feeling one or the heavy one?
or a woman who had a caesar or woman who had stitches
a ff mum or dad, or bf mum?
in other words, who is to judge who is more in need of the seat?
this is probably going off topic but this is just how i think...
Mummabear
17-06-2006, 00:50
I would just like to clarify my earlier comment.
I would never ask someone to get up for me, if I was struggling to breastfeed whilst they sat in the only chair, I would consider them rude if they did at not least offer it to me, but I would never ask them, and I would never have treated anyone the way you were treated.
Im suprised though at the amount of people though who would not offer their chair to a lady trying to bf, I mean if a woman came up to me and spoke to me the way those ones did, I wouldnt offer my chair out of spite!! but Im a bit suprised to see so many wouldnt at least offer, its just polite. I know longer bf, and I would never sit whilst a woman a lady breast feeding at the time, was standing. Its about as bad as making a heavily pregnant woman stand on a bus whilst you sit imo.
Sorry girls, dont be mad, its just the way I feel. Just think one day you might be struggling to feed your bubs in a parents room and you might be lucky enough to have me in there!! :D ;)
I haven't finished reading all of this thread but just wanted to say that, I'm sorry Coops, but I have to disagree with you on this one. Whilst I would gladly offer my seat to anyone at any time in any situation (and I did so to the elderly whilst I was heavily pregnant), if I know that my bub won't feed properly with me clumsily trying to hold him standing up and ff, if he's going to be uncomfortable and the entire feed is going to be a total disaster then I'm not going to put what someone else thinks of me ahead of the needs of my baby. My children will always come first, and if that means that occasionally I am percieved as rude by others for not meeting their needs, then so be it. That being said, my son is a good feeder and I would offer my chair to anyone, BF or FF if there were no more chairs. I also don't use the curtained cubicles to FF, they are for women that need privacy to BF or women who have fussy FF babies who don't handle distraction IMO.
I think the argument whether it is harder to BF or FF standing up is a pretty futile one. It's all relative to the two individuals involved. For some people it may work, for others it may not.
Now, don't get me started on 'visitors' to parents rooms that take up seats while a mother needs to feed :rolleyes:
I'm a 'retired' breastfeeder ;) and after b'feeding 3 children for 12m+ each I can say that as far as I'm concerned the chairs are first come first served.
It doesn't matter how you feed or what you feed if there's an empty chair then it's yours!
Since I'm not overly fussy I'll happily sit on the floor to feed and I always leave the curtained off cubicles for others as they just aren't my thing.
I am irked by 'non-feeders' taking all the chairs though.... You know ...when there is only one baby and there are 4 people taking up all the chairs I find that annoying so I usually ask "Would you mind letting me have a chair so I can feed? " ever so nicely of course. :D
Grizabella
17-06-2006, 02:34
Whoa, this is a long thread! What an incredibly rude woman! If I was her friend I would have told her to shut it. I agree that it is not a case of who has more priority (FF vs BF), but who was there first to administer to the needs of their child. I had a 6mnths old who weighed 10.5kgs, and I have a bad back, NO WAY could I stand and feed him!!! Not without morphine anyway!
And as for parent-room crashers...GRRRRRRR!!!! I once went postal at a group of young girls who thought that the private cubicles were a good place to try on new outfits! They certainly left in a hurry!
bronny-jane
17-06-2006, 10:17
i would have been angry too, perhaps you should have pulled your breasts out of your shirt turned to her and said "you happy now";)
I haven't finished reading all of this thread but just wanted to say that, I'm sorry Coops, but I have to disagree with you on this one. Whilst I would gladly offer my seat to anyone at any time in any situation (and I did so to the elderly whilst I was heavily pregnant), if I know that my bub won't feed properly with me clumsily trying to hold him standing up and ff, if he's going to be uncomfortable and the entire feed is going to be a total disaster then I'm not going to put what someone else thinks of me ahead of the needs of my baby. My children will always come first, and if that means that occasionally I am percieved as rude by others for not meeting their needs, then so be it. That being said, my son is a good feeder and I would offer my chair to anyone, BF or FF if there were no more chairs. I also don't use the curtained cubicles to FF, they are for women that need privacy to BF or women who have fussy FF babies who don't handle distraction IMO.
I think the argument whether it is harder to BF or FF standing up is a pretty futile one. It's all relative to the two individuals involved. For some people it may work, for others it may not.
Now, don't get me started on 'visitors' to parents rooms that take up seats while a mother needs to feed :rolleyes:
My point was that in a parenting room the chairs, which are usually behind curtains, are there primarily for woman who feel uncomfortable exposing their boobs in public. I used to breastfeed anywhere, and I could do it standing up or sitting down, my issue wasnt whether or not it is easier to sit or stand, but that if I was in a parenting room and a woman needed to breast feed, and I was bottle feeding I would go and do it somewhere else, because some woman feel really ackward bf in public, when a baby looks around because it is distracted when having a breast feed, your whole boob ends up constantly exposed etc, and it can be embaressing and ackward, and I would just rather a lady have my private seat than have to go through that. I dont get what the big deal is, or how come so many people in a parenting room would just sit there and watch another woman suffer, or make her go and sit out in public, when she obviously feels uncomfortable doing that.
As I said I would also give up my seat to any mum trying to feed bf or ff, and as I also said I think those womans attitudes were disgusting.
I really wish I didnt have to keep on repeating myself, and thats all im going to say in here, Im going to end up needing to moderate myself, the way im raving on. :) :o
Now that's something I'd like to see... a moderator, moderating their own post. You'd have to start talking to yourself then too!
the prob is everyone has an opinion and varying experiences
there is 9 pages and a lot of repitition--not many are going to read it all
Pobblebonk
17-06-2006, 12:04
Hi. I'd be feeling the same as you - thinking to myself what a rude moo and how dare she!
For a while there I had to express breast milk and bottle it to give to my son.
Good for you for not getting up for the breast feeding mum and standing your ground.
How would she have felt if it was a Dad bottle feeding his bub instead of you? Would she have made him go to another Parents Room altogether?
I wonder if she'd be feeling the same way if all of a sudden she couldn't breastfeed and had to formula feed her bubba?
I'd have said thank you to the standing mum, and said a few words to the rude moo. But that's me.
I know some people are really vicious about the whole breastfeeding issue, but in the end, as long as you have a healthy, thriving bubby - who really cares?
Pobblebonk
17-06-2006, 12:11
Sorry, forgot to add -
I HOPE SHE'S A BUB HUBBER AND READS THIS THREAD!! :wave:
Sorry, forgot to add -
I HOPE SHE'S A BUB HUBBER AND READS THIS THREAD!! :wave:
LOL...me too!!!
That woman was really rude and needs to pull her self important head in.
This should not be a debate about FF and BF. When it comes down to it, we are all parents trying feed our babies the best way WE possible can. We should not be made to feel guilty because of others unfounded perceptions of us. If you need a chair to feed, then use it and use it for as long as you need to. People should learn to be patient, things don't always go your way and you need to be flexible. If you go to a parents room and there are no empty chairs, how dare you presume that the way you feed your child is of more worth and someone who feeds differently to you should vacate their chair for you. You either wait your turn or find somewhere else suitable to you. We should all be supporting each other in raising happy healthy children not bickering about the way we feed them.
how dare you presume that the way you feed your child is of more worth and someone who feeds differently to you should vacate their chair for you. .
I suspect this was aimed at me, I bottle feed, so I certainly dont think that one parent or child is more important than another, but I would never sit in the chairs in the parenting room that are obviously there to give breast feeding mums privacy, and if i was and one came in, id offer it to her so she could have some privacy. Its got nothing to do with me considering a breast feeding mother more important, its just being considerate of the fact that she may not want to sit out in public with her boob out :confused:
Ok, shutting up............now.
Chickadee
17-06-2006, 14:20
You're right Coops, if it is a matter of privacy and discretion then I would give up a chair in a cubicle to a bf mum anytime. (actually, as a ff I never took a cubicle chair). But my impression from the original post was that the chairs weren't in screened off cubicles, just in the general parenting room. I've certainly been in some rooms like that. So whether sitting or standing in the room the bf mum would have had the same level of privacy.
I suspect this was aimed at me
Coops, this was not aimed at you or anyone else. :no: I was making a statement to all women who think thier way of feeding, be it FF or BF is more justified than anyone else's. I think it is wonderful that you would offer your seat to another and I appluad your unselfishness. :thumbsup: Although I disagree with you that the chairs are for breastfeeding mothers. They are for parents to feed their babies. and however they chose to do it is their business and nobody else's.
You're right Coops, if it is a matter of privacy and discretion then I would give up a chair in a cubicle to a bf mum anytime. (actually, as a ff I never took a cubicle chair). But my impression from the original post was that the chairs weren't in screened off cubicles, just in the general parenting room. I've certainly been in some rooms like that. So whether sitting or standing in the room the bf mum would have had the same level of privacy.
ahh, I always picture parents rooms as having all these chairs behind curtains, I guess because the ones i frequent are like that.
do you know what really gets my goat (sorry if I offend anyone) is people who have come in with bf/ff and just sit in the seats and chat with the mother who is feeding the baby. WTF :mad: . and so the poor women who come in looking for a seat to feed bubs has to stand feeding bubs. GRRRRRRRR............ I have asked a few ppl to move before it gets me so mad :mad: . My best friend and I were both breast feeding and wanted to sit down (our daughters are 3 months apart) and there was only 6 seats in the mothers room 3 were taken up by feeding mothers/husbands (one hubbie was bottle feeding a bubba) and the other were taken up by people who were waiting for a mother to finish b/f. The poor man who was ff the baby (turns our one of the bf mothers had twins and she was feeding one of them) got up and offered the seat while the inconsiderate 3 ppl just sat talking to the bf mother.
Okay I'm off my high horse now. When I was b/f Jess I used to try to get a seat and sometimes I would sit on the floor. I comp fed her as she used to make a mess of my nipples (I was terribly burnt by hot water years and years ago and my right nipple is very very very sensitive to touch and I sometimes was in tears when I b/f) and was known to get up and leave the parents room after b/f and feeding her outside if it was too crowded in the room
Rainbowbrite
18-06-2006, 08:02
First, to Emy'smum :hugs: Your a wonderful mum who has every right to feed your little bub where-ever you wish to do so.
I feed MJ where I can now. If i'm in the parents room bf MJ & someone else walks in, I get up & keep feeding. Who cares how people feed their bubs, so long as they are feeding their bubs. I generally just feed in the food court, but atm with MJ not eating she's bf more & i'm a bit tender :o so choose to use a parents room.
My vent with parents room is that they are so NOISY :banghead: we're in their trying to feed our bubs in a quiet place & there are kids aged 3-9 in their making so much noise, yelling, playing etc. Its quieter out in the food court as its constant din vs banging, yelling etc. That & all the tag alongs sitting in the seats :mad:
as far as the noisy toddlers being in parent rooms , in our local one any way is a special low toilet and sink especially designed for toddlers. when your daughter grows up, rainbowbrite, and discovers the novelty of using public toilets you'll realise its not always easy to keep them super quiet. also mums who go to feed and have multiple kids cant leave their older kids waiting outside. (not trying to be nasty just stating that to say the rooms should be kept super quiet is abit unrealistic):D
My point was more that I would offer my seat in a parents room because some bf mums feel uncomfortable doing it in public. :)
Im a FF mum but i do understand that BF mums come to parents room because they feel uncomfortable and I completely get where your coming from but I have to say and i am speaking on behalf of probably all FF mothers when I say the amount of glares and comments we get for FF our babies is just as uncomfortable.
Also you said that if you were a FF mother you would offer your chair because its easier to FF standing up that BF. I would ask that if anyone feels that its easier to FF standing up, please try giving your bub a bottle standing up, you may find its not as easy as you think. I know holding an 8kg baby in one arm and a bottle in the other is definately not easy but in the same sense I dont think BF a baby standing up would be easy either. The seats in the parents are for mothers to feed thier babies- either FF or BF. I could never expect anyone to get up for me. Its first in best dressed IMO.
I FF my bub and fully empathise with your situation!
I know that BF mums may want privacy and I can understand that but my child is the biggest stickybeak in the world and will not drink his bottle if there is other stuff going on around him! I know this happens with BF bubs too it is just an age thing.
I don't think this should be about the mums or BF or FF babies. It should be about getting the milk into the bub. There is no way I could feed my bub standing up unless he was in the pram and I was leaning over it and I wouldn't expect someone to BF their bub standing up either.
I think if there wasn't enough chairs then the last Mum in should wait her turn. I know that is hard when bub is hungry but realistically it is the only option.
I think they were extremely rude to you and very judgemental. It wasn't easy to FF in the first place and that was a horrible experience for you! What I would dealry love to do is send my hubby into the parent's room to feed bub the bottle. He wouldn't take that **** and would be more than happy to go in there! AS many people have said it is a FEEDING area. I'd love to do it. LOL.
Missus S
18-06-2006, 15:35
Gosh....as a new mum I'm horrified to hear about FF mums getting death stares because they are giving their bubs a bottle.
As Gemma is only 7 weeks old, I've yet to ever use a Parent's room or bottle feed her out in public - the times I've taken her out so far, I've managed to get away without having to stop to feed her.
Like most FF mums, I tried really hard to BF but it didn't work out. Since this has happened I have had soooo many friends and relatives let me know that they too were unable to BF, so its very common. So I'm just shocked to hear that FF mums get these awful looks. How dare they....I don't have to justify my actions or explain my problems to strangers. As a lot of the literature says 'Breastfeeding is best, but it's not always possible...'
And as for non-parents taking up the feeding chairs....what the? I will have no hesitation in asking them to move so that I can feed my bub.
SassyMummy
18-06-2006, 16:20
I've breastfeed and formula fed in public.
Generally, I never bothered going to parents rooms because I could just find a table and feed her there (while having a drink or whatever)...but the moments that I DID feed in the parents rooms...well, I never got any horrid looks or comments. Thank god.
When I was breastfeeding, I'd generally feed in a cubicle unless there was no room (then I'd just go in the "open" area...and if there was no room there, I'd do it in the food court). When I was bottle feeding, I never did it in a cubicle because I didn't want another mother to feel bad about having to have her breasts out (some mothers are fine with it - like me...but some aren't).
That's just ME though. I don't think that anyone has the right to belittle your feeding technique...it would be worse to STARVE your child.
I don't think that any parents should have to give up there seats of another if they're feeding their babies...I wouldn;t have given up my spot in the situation of the original post...
Kris - that is awful!!! I cant believe she treated you like that!!! DS hastrouble focusing when he feeds so i always take him to the PARENTS room to bf, not sure what he will be like on the bottle, but if heis the same with distractions i will be taking him in there anyways, the most important thing is that you kailah is fed, after all, if you went in after them you would of had to wait!!!!!! I am so cranky i cant believe they did that!! Also, just for the record book, i dont think i could feed him with a bottle while standing up lol, but i can when breastfeeding...
mrsbutterflygirl
18-06-2006, 17:45
You had every right to be there and every right to feed your child which ever way you choose!!!!
i started thinking while reading the posts.. what happens if there is a dad there (maybe the mother died during childbirth or something) and he has to feed the baby.... would that nasty women proceed to tel him that it is a mothers room??? i can tell you it wouldn't go down very well... so yes you had every right to be there
Tam-I-Am
18-06-2006, 17:46
Firstly I wanted to say - Kris, as so many others have said, that woman was rude and there was no excuse for her behaviour. You had every right to feed Kailah in the parents room, and it wasn't up to her to acquire a seat for her friend. If her friend was worried about it, she should have asked herself, or waited until a seat became free.
I also wanted to add, that there have been a lot of negative comments about breastfeeding mothers in this thread. Believe it or not, they are just as hurtful to me, a breastfeeding mother, as the negative comments formula feeding mothers get. I personally have never discriminated against formula feeding mothers. I do not think that there is anything wrong with formula feeding. I DO NOT believe that "I should have everything" as one poster put it, nor do I have "a magic button that made my breasts work" as another poster said. I worked bloody hard to ensure I could breastfeed, and with perseverence, and yes - a BIG dose of luck - I managed to succeed. I know that other mums have tried just as hard and not managed - I DO NOT JUDGE. I am offended that soooo many people lump ALL breastfeeding mothers into the same category -when I've read only 2 comments that might be constued as negative (and even these weren't negative toward the formula feeding mothers of the world, just the situation at hand).
I know that formula feeding mother sometimes have it very very hard. For those of you (and I realise that this is not every formula feeding mother who has made a comment here) who think that breastfeeding mothers have it sooo easy, we just don't. There are advantages and disadvantages to both style of feeding.
Bubhub is supposed to be a supportive place for all parents. Why don't we try to do that - support each other, say to our friend who has faced a difficult situation - this is horrible, and not right.....and not attack one another's life situations - chosen or forced.
Rant over.
Rainbowbrite
18-06-2006, 17:46
as far as the noisy toddlers being in parent rooms , in our local one any way is a special low toilet and sink especially designed for toddlers. when your daughter grows up, rainbowbrite, and discovers the novelty of using public toilets you'll realise its not always easy to keep them super quiet. also mums who go to feed and have multiple kids cant leave their older kids waiting outside. (not trying to be nasty just stating that to say the rooms should be kept super quiet is abit unrealistic):D
If you read my post correctly, you would have seen i didnt comment on toddlers, I commented on 3-9 year olds. I technically have a toddler & know full well how noisy they are. You cant make them quiet. BUT kids are another story all together, as was my point.
Back on topic please :yes:
sorry.. but i consider 3-4 year olds still at that age where as much as you want them to be quiet, theres times when they just wont listen which is why i responded.9 year olds i can understand your point.
as far as the seating, first in best dressed. the ladies would of been glad they did not come across me!!!! sure thats fine she wanted to sit...than wait till you finnished.
Clarabelle, I am totally with you:thumbsup:
I wish I could rant like that, so articulate:yes:
To quote Kaz Cooke - I hope her nipples rotate at night like propellers and keep her awake.
I've been lucky in that I haven't had very many negative comments or experiences like this but when I hear about them they make me so angry :mad:.
I would have done exactly the same thing as you in that situation (and probably ended up leaving in tears as well - I'm such a wuss at confrontation). :hugs: . How dare anyone judge you! They don't know you, what you've been through or your baby.
The parents room is for all parents, we're all trying to feed our babies the best or only way we can so why can't we just go easy on each other?
PSorbello
18-06-2006, 23:45
I have had the same thing happen to me.
At the end of the day as you said you are feeding your baby. It doesn't matter whether that came from the breast or a bottle - you are still feedign a baby and have a right to do that sitting down.
This makes me angry, not just because I have also experienced it, but because it comes from other mothers - and because there is a mentality now that breast feeding is the be all and end all and bottle feeding is a poor substitute. Goen are the days where hardly anyone breast fed - now you are a bad mother if you don't.
Like you I wanted to, tried for weeks to, but couldn't because of my son's arrival into the world. I struggled enormously to cope with that and was very hard on myself - WHY? Because everthing I read, and everyone I talked to while pregnant ONLY talked about breastfeeding. I didn't prepare myself for not being able to because I wasn't ever given any information about bottle feeding and never thought about it. I knew breastfeeding was hard - but I was determined to perserve.
MORal of the story is we are all mothers and regardless of how we fed our child we SHOULDN'T be judged by others. RESPECT and understanding - you don't know another Mum's situation and you have no right to treat her any different.
anastacia 24
19-06-2006, 00:11
i bottle fed my son and there is nothing wrong with him at least you know how much they are getting unlike if you breast feed becouse if your not eating the right foods or not enough your baby wont get the nutrition they need my mother tryed to breast feed me but i was allergic to her milk its peoples own prefrance
Kris, this is a belated reply but I have to agree with you. :hugs: Feeding parents regardless of method, need chairs. And if there aren't enough then you should complain to management. Not expect another parent to give up their seat. I would have defended you. I'm glad the woman didn't protest. I would have been saying admantly you keep the seat, especially if I see that you're baby is unsettled. Matthias is an easier feeder, and with the exception of my arms going numb, I can easily breastfeed him standing. It's just my opinion but I've always found bottle feeding more awkward. I'd definately need a chair. Juggling a 8.6kg baby and a bottle would definately kill my arms. The only thing that riles me, is when parents let their children (all very capable of standing, 5 and up, or sit in a trolley) take the chairs.
munchkin05
19-06-2006, 10:01
ok just wanted to add
i totally agree with these woman being rude they shouldnt have been like that at all
BUT i am a boobie mummy and i often go and sit on a chair somewhere in the shops cause
1 there is no room in the parents room
2 the parents room stinks of bubba poo
(not the nicest smell to feed your baby in )
but i get people that look at me and make coments that i shouldnt be breast feeding out in the open
once ben is attached you cant see anything but some people dont even like the idea of bf
i would like to be able to feed in a parents room but because of the above reasons i dont
on the odd occasion that i do feed in parents rooms i get looks from ff mums saying that my son is to old etc etc
i dont think that anyone ff or bf mums are doing a better job than the other one but we each have our own reasons for ff or bf and no one should be allowed to judge you on that
its first come first surved
i have been offered a seat in parents room by a bottle feeding mum and i turned her down she has just as much right to be in there as me
no one ff or bf is better than the other one i guess we all just haveto remember that
I also wanted to add, that there have been a lot of negative comments about breastfeeding mothers in this thread. Believe it or not, they are just as hurtful to me, a breastfeeding mother, as the negative comments formula feeding mothers get. I personally have never discriminated against formula feeding mothers. I do not think that there is anything wrong with formula feeding. I DO NOT believe that "I should have everything" as one poster put it, nor do I have "a magic button that made my breasts work" as another poster said. I worked bloody hard to ensure I could breastfeed, and with perseverence, and yes - a BIG dose of luck - I managed to succeed. I know that other mums have tried just as hard and not managed - I DO NOT JUDGE. I am offended that soooo many people lump ALL breastfeeding mothers into the same category -when I've read only 2 comments that might be constued as negative (and even these weren't negative toward the formula feeding mothers of the world, just the situation at hand).
.
I just thought I'd say that I don't think these comment were intended to sound like it was an overall 'judgment' of bf mum's. It was a statement saying that SOME are like this. I have encountered many bf mums that are like this and many that are not. I just think it was a statement saying some, not all.
The woman in my case made me feel like I was an alien, or a pice og dog cr@p even, the way she looked at me and expected me to move.
I agree that bf and ff are both hard for some (some find either very easy too) I don't think anyone is judging (well, not that I have read so far).
Foxymoron
19-06-2006, 16:34
:hugs: Kris
Some people are unbeleivable!:banghead: Stupid, stupid, stupid woman! How dare she judge you! And having known all you've been through during your pregnancy with Kailah and the feeding probs you've had with her, I'm even further outraged on your behalf!
Bleeping moron..... shugga fruggun bleeping Bleep! Sorry words just don't cut it...
:hugs: to you
reAllytee
19-06-2006, 16:55
Oh Kris :hugs:
I wont even start on this properly because i shall get too heated but i just wanted to say you are entitled to use that room & any other parents room to feed K !
Next time you head to the shops let me know & i will come help you sort them out no probs :p :devil6:
newmum2one
20-06-2006, 11:51
What an awful woman, I really feel for you!
I would have been very upset as well, as I tried desperately to bf as well, but DS was in a special care nursery for 6 weeks and he just never took to it. I haven't had an experience like yours in a parents' room - the closest is when my husband and I were in one the other day a woman came in with her kids and glared at my husband as if to say "what are YOU doing here?" I feel I have to accompany my husband into the parents' room if he is to feed/change DS as I have also heard of women telling men not to go into "mothers' rooms" in one of our local shopping centres.
Lauren
Halles_milkmaid
20-06-2006, 12:14
This topic sure has generated a lot of emotion!
I believe that the root cause of this emotion is the enormous guilt we carry as mothers/parents. This is especially true when it comes to bf vs ff.
There will always be rude and/or opinionated people who won't hesitate to give unwanted comments or advice.
A lot of advice has been given in this thread so far as to what to do when faced with this issue. You may wish to try any of these including laughing it off, but I truly believe that if it wasn't for the inner guilt - we wouldn't give a toss what other people think!
After all - it's the end results which matter - A healthy and happy mother and her baby. I'm sure that we all do the best that we can to get these results.
So - Let the guilt go as it's not healthy for either of you.
Stay positive,
Milkmaid
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