View Full Version : I had thought I was getting somewhere...
My hubby and I had a severe row a couple of weeks ago and I wanted him to go stay with his mother for a little while. He ended up on the phone to his mother and she asked if she had done anything. My hubby proceeded to tell her how (amongst everything else), when she had raced in to the hospital and taken my son out of his Dad's arms when I was still under a general anesthetic and didn't even know that we had had a boy and/or that he had survived. She simply said, "what about Kym?!" My Mum had gone and taken him off her when she found out that I was in my room. She held my son out away from her so as not to cuddle him. She didn't even apologise, nothing. I can't handle it. I have always disliked her as it is and after everything I have been through, she continues to treat me like crap. She complains that she never sees him, yet won't drive the 1.15hr to see us. Just everything she does is so heartbreaking. I am dealing with depression, OCD and anxiety issues and that has really proved that she really doesn't care. I feel so lost and just had to tell somebody. I've been working so hard to get through all this and then this...
Why is it that some MILs are so freaking clueless??? I'm sorry she did that to you. It's just not right. I know I would have been upset if anyone other than dh had cuddled bub before me.
Miracle mum, I have read your description of this before, and I feel so hurt for you.
I know I would be devastated if this happened to me. AND unfortunately this is not something that can be undone with an apology, and there are no time machines.
Be assured if there were I would put you in one, so you could have a do over.
What she did, was terribly unfair, and wrong. In her excitement to meet your son, she forgot to even think once about the one person, who had carried, him, and cared for him, from the very beginning.
I believe as a mum, it should be yours and your partners right to hold, meet your child first. AND she robbed you of this.
OF course you have every right to be angry. HURT, and resentful towards her.
How many times has your hubby, apologised for not stopping his mum?? I am sure if your hubby could he would also like to change the past.
This is not something that is going to be over and done with one day. It will always be a deep seated hurt inside you.
Please just take one day at a time. Know that your partner loves you, your son loves you. AND most of all know that the first step to healing from this is loving and forgiving.
Be kind to yourself, take those little steps to healing, and sometimes falling down, is part of learning how to walk.
YES your partners mother owes you an apology, a very real one.
I wish you well on your journey to healing.
AND I want to give you lots of big strong bear :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:.
Thank you so very, very much. That means so much to me. It's just so hard to comprehend when I can't even manage to keep the house clean at the moment. I'm living from day to day just trying to cope and she doesn't even give a damn. I struggle to see how I am ever going to move on when she can't even accept that she has hurt me tremendously. I just feel as though I have dug myself into a very deep hole that is going to be very hard to get out from. *sigh* Thank you both so much for reading and replying. Xx
Is there the possibility that she DOES care, but like many self-centred people, simply can't see how she is in the wrong? Some people have the ability to be completely unaware of how wrong their behaviour is, and blame any problems it causes on other people. If she is like that, it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care.
Building a relationship with someone like that is incredibly hard, as their families are often used to avoidance of the issue, rather than calling them on it. But they need to be made to see the damage they are doing.
At the end of the day, though, you need to sort your relationship with your hubby out first, and try and build some Chinese walls between him and his Mum. Maybe one day the two of you can build a more positive relationship, but right now, focus on getting yourself well, and strengthening your relationship with your partner. :goodvibes:
hi, I agree with Jaq, you have to focus on what is important just now. Your mil can be pushed right out of the question . You need to just do what you can to keep yourself happy and in control. Your new baby needs you to be calm and contented, not worried about things beyond your concern. Dont worry about the housework, just do as much or as little as you can. Take care of yourself with good meals, and good rest, and look after your relationship with your hubby, that is enough for anyone to handle. Muminlaw, can just continue along her merry way by herself, she is of no importance whatever. all the best , Marie.
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