First baby and morbidly depressed - also taking Lexapo - is this dangerous?

[rachieio]

OK well i've suffered from depression for many years now and been on meds for the whole time. Im currently on Lexapro and 33 weeks pregnant. I've had very little advice whether it is or can be harmful to the baby.

Being married for 2 and a half years - this is our first baby and up until now its been mostly a happy and exciting time.

Lately however I just cant think straight at all and i cant find the positives in anything. I really cant. I just keep imagining and dreaming that having a baby is the worst thing that can possibly happen and its just going to be days of neverending misery. I guess i've just been saturated with everything negative that happens with birth and caring for a baby by people around me and in books and havent heard any positives about being a mother so i cant imagine it being a positive experince for anyone and if someone tells me they think its an 'amazing experience' i immediatley think they're full of bulls**t.

I'm supposed to be going off my medication soon as my doctor has suggested this which im very really worried about. I find it unlikely i'll cope as i cant even look after myself. I've so far cried twice every day this week out of sheer frustration and deep overwhelming sadness.

I really dont know what to do and its getting so bad im almost at the point of not being able to help myself in any sort of way and im shutting down completely. :crying:

[arabesque]

Hi there, I just saw your post and wanted to give you a big hug.:hugs: You are not alone.

Being a mother is a hard job, but also so rewarding. I was on antidepressants briefly before I fell pregnant, and I too worried about whether I would cope being a mum. The first few weeks are generally tiring and hard, but something a friend told me stuck with me: "everything is just for a time". For eg. the unsettled baby, the feeling unwell, it will pass, and it's just for a time.

There is plenty of support for you if you feel it's too much. Now is a good time to write out numbers for helplines and free services and have them nearby your phone, so they are ready if you need them, rather than having to find them when you are overwhelmed or panicing. Look for breastfeeding helplines, tresillian, your GP, counselling helplines etc. If you feel you are equipped to deal with the hard times maybe that will help take the focus off them.

It really sounds like it's essential for you to see a dr/counsellor now to help you cope with the way you are feeling. Make sure you are really honest, don't try to hide anything. My midwife home visits were lengthened because I was at risk of PND...if you need the support, you will get it. You can also apparently be referred for 6 counselling sessions charged to Medicare if you get your GPs referral. When you go to the dr also ask about the medication, and don't give up until you get a straight answer. There is a number to ring to enquire about drugs during pregnancy and breastfeeding ...

MotherSafe: NSW Medications in Pregnancy and Breastfeeding Service
Phone: 9382 6539 (Sydney Metropolitan Area)
Phone: 1800 647 848 (Non-Metropolitan Area)
Monday–Friday 9am-4pm (excluding public holidays)

Are you talking with DH about these feelings? How supportive is he? Do you have family nearby to help you out? A good support network? People to cook dinners?

In the meantime there are natural things you can do to help yourself feel better - go for a walk, enjoy some sunshine, eat well, eat a banana. Maybe write a list of what makes you feel rested and calm and do one of those activities each day!

It's no failure as a woman/mother to admit you're struggling or finding it hard. It's more of a credit to yourself if you can ask for help when it's needed. :hugs:

I hope you are able to relax about the birth of your baby. Your feelings are valid, and your concerns are real to you. If you don't feel the way society tells you you ought to feel, that's okay!

I'm only new on this forum but if you want to PM me you are welcome to.

xxx

[Lastcenturymum]

arabesque, what a lovely helpful thread :yelclap: This is what the hub is all about.:goodvibes:

rachieio, hope you get the help and support you need hun - do keep going till you get the help you need - you need it as much as your bub. :hugs::hugs:

[Manxie]

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this:hugs:

Please seek some help now, talk to your g.p and midwifes. Make sure everyone knows how you are feeling and get some support.

Arabesque has given you some great advice and information:thumbsup:

Hope you are doing ok:hugs:

[helsbells]

You poor darling. Firstly, you are not alone. Many of us have/ or have had depression during pregnancy- it is not uncommon, so don't feel you are the only one to feel this way.

I myself started suffering depression early in my pregnancy and it got so bad I had a breakdown and pretty much shut down. By asking for help, I was rescued. A combination of my parents, husband, friends, bubhub, obstetrician and GP pulled me through. I was suprised by how non-judgemental people are, and how many who opened up and shared similar stories! My GP (a new one I found) was the most amazing support, and found an anti-depression medication that was the lowest risk possible for me and bub (fluvoxamine maleate).

Without knowing further details, it does sound like your GP may not be as much support or giving you as much information as you need. If you feel rushed or not listened to, FIND SOMEONE ELSE. Ask around for a good GP (especially from mums or try asking on bubhub for a good one in your area) and book an extended appointment- don't hold back when explaining how you feel right now. If you bawl, so be it (I was a permanently sobbing puddle by the time I sought help). They see it all the time. I find it strange s/he would suggest you going off meds when you are so far into the pregnancy already, and you are obviously still suffering depression. I'm not a doctor, but I would be questioning that.

With the right support and meds (I am still on them by the way and bub is nearly one), I came out of it, but still felt very apprehensive about motherhood, scared I would not love or bond with the baby, and very "what-the-hell-am-I-doing".

My experience was that when the baby arrived, the apprehension vanished. I was in love and overwhelmed with emotion for this tiny creature we had produced. Apart from the "baby blues" (around days 10-12 after birth for me, when I got a bit weepy), everything has been great. The first weeks are mean to be really hard, but I didn't mind getting up at all hours because it meant I got to see my baby again!!! I really enjoyed learning with my husband what you are meant to do with this squirming bundle! The best analogy I can think of is being newly in love. Yeah, yeah, there are some rough bits, like anything in life, but the fact is this: it actually is an amazing experience and that is not Bull***t. Promise.

I don't mean to sound pathetic and perky when you feeling so down, just trying to give you hope. I was very badly depressed, felt the same as you about motherhood, and now it is all good in my life. I hope it is for you too.

Keep us posted with how you feeling. I found that just sharing and hearing other people's stories helped me a lot. :hugs:

[sjcshadwick]

Hi

My Name is Sarah and i have been suffering with PND since my son was 6mth old he is know 20 mth old and i come off my pills for a few mths and i was happy and doing well, i fell pregnant and thought i would be coping much better but the hormones got the better of me and know im on 50mls of zoloft. My Doctor said this is the only one safe to take while pregant! She could have been wrong! I also speak to a theopist that deals with pnd women and she also told me this i live in ACT! I haven't looked into it much but what ihave read about them they are all safe. Also the baby might be born addicted but can be weanned off once stop breastfeeding as she or he will still get it in there system though breast milk so the only problem will be after the breastfeeding has stopped. Thinking longnad hard about this and i decided to go back on them best thing i did. So iv been on the for a few mths and they are working great and will continue to take then a few years after this baby is born.

xxx

[helsbells]

Rachieio
How are thing going for you now? Any better since your last post? I hope so.
H

[rachieio]

Hi there,

Thank you very much for your kind words and support. I am doing much better! I have been seeing a psychiatrist at the the hospital who specializes in pre and post natal depression. Its been a huge help. Because both mine and my husbands family are interstate we are a bit isolated but the doctors are going to ensure there is plenty of local support available for us. Its out my mind at rest alot! 3 weeks to go now....

[Pax]

You have the best name :thumbsup:

When i was seeing the psyche unit at the hospital during my pregnancy, the psychiatrist constantly kept telling me to pile in the fish oil tablets. and i must say it did get me through.

made a big difference for me. perhaps they could help you too.

You are so not alone.. I know we cant be there physically to help you but many of us on BH have been there too.

take care and know there are people that completely understand. :hugs:

[helsbells]

:yelclap:Yay! Glad you feeling better and have some support. 3 weeks to go- you must feel ready to pop. Best of luck with the birth (I found mine scary going in, but ended up loving it!)- let us know how it all goes...... :hugs:

[2Sunnyssideup]

Wow, things can feel really tough can't they?:hugs:

Regarding the Lexapro, the information that my psychiatrist gave me recently is that Lexapro is safe to use in pregnancy.

With any medication I would only take the advice of a psychiatrist who is 100% up to date. G.P's just don't have the information at hand.

My G.P. wrongly told me to go off the Lexapro I was taking prior to falling pregnant, I went cold turkey and was very sick. In retrospect a silly thing to do I can only think that I was suffering from "baby brain" but why the G.P. didn't tell me to contact the specialist I cannot understand!!! :banghead:

The issue with these type of drugs is the unknown quantity my understanding is that they just don't have the information to be totally confident that there will not be any effects to the baby. However my doctor put it into perspective by saying that as in my case the anxiety I was experiencing was not good for the baby either and if I'm not able to function well that isn't going to help the baby also. Much better to be healthy and medicated than not healthy.

Bear in mind hormones play a big part in pregnancy and the first few months and they really effect the way you feel and are probably effecting the way you were felling in your first post.

I know with my first I was surprised at how challenging it was but there was just so much to learn. Try to think of it like a new job the first couple of months there is alot to process and you have to get into the grove of how things go. Once you can stop thinking about everything and things start to come second nature it's so much easier. I used to have trouble going out thinking about how to put up/collapse the pram, where to put the baby, what to take with me, was it better to go when the baby was awake or due for a sleep etc after a few trips out I'd park the car and have the baby out and be in the shops before I had time to think of what I was doing. Just remember it's all practice.

It also takes time to get to know this little person so don't be worried if you feel that you don't know what to do. Raising a child is a relationship so it takes time for your baby to get to know you and for you to get to know them. Babies are funny little people my first and second are so different so I've changed how I've done things this time round that wouldn't have worked with my first and vice versa.

Yes there will be times when you feel out of your depth but you are definately going to feel an amazing amount of achievement when you realise how much you've learnt and how clever you are at bringing an irreplaceable little being into the world.

You will be okay but you will need help - not because your any different to any other Mums out there but because you are just like every Mum we all need help. So please be sure to ask, ask, ask until you get the answer you want and feel satisfied, try to find people whose opinons you respect - bear in mind that there are probably as many ways to raise a child as there are mothers! you need to find help and advice that works for you and your baby.

My most important advice is look after yourself! The current philosophy at the moment seems very "child centred" you do everything to fit around your baby. I feel that often Mums are forgotten. You need to make time for yourself and not feel selfish about it. Advice I was given was once a week do something only for yourself and once a month plan something with your partner. A little "time out" can make a big difference.

Lastly, before I make this any longer! You've already shown what a good Mum you are by seeking help and advice. It is a case of riding the rollercoaster for the first few months with lots of ups and downs. Babies grow and amazingly the "ups" tended to get more frequent for me as they grew. Think of it this way also if it was so bad no one would have more than one child!

Please let us know how you are doing, I hope things are really looking up now.:goodvibes:

[belonna]

Know how you feel. My doctor confirmed Lexapro is safe for most pregnant women though it always comes down to the individual and their own health. Best just have your GP check everything out.

[arabesque]

Hi Rachio,

How are you going? Was just thinking of you and hoping things are looking up. :)

Take care xx

[rachieio]

Hi to all,

Baby arrived early on 16th June via emergency c-section. All healthy and fine thankfully!

Things have been well. Im doing alot better than i expected. Still on the anti-depressants but thats fine. Have some follow up with the psychiatrist at the hospital shortly.

Been home for a week now. WOW the no sleep is really the hardest i think! But i do love him dearly and cant imagine how i was worried i wouldn't!

Thankyou again to all for the kind words and support. Things are looking sunny so far :)

[Pax]

Hi to all,

Baby arrived early on 16th June via emergency c-section. All healthy and fine thankfully!

Things have been well. Im doing alot better than i expected. Still on the anti-depressants but thats fine. Have some follow up with the psychiatrist at the hospital shortly.

Been home for a week now. WOW the no sleep is really the hardest i think! But i do love him dearly and cant imagine how i was worried i wouldn't!

Thankyou again to all for the kind words and support. Things are looking sunny so far :)

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!!!!

So happy to hear you are going well... stay in contact and keep us up to date :thumbsup:

[indigoin0z]

Hi to all,

Baby arrived early on 16th June via emergency c-section. All healthy and fine thankfully!

Things have been well. Im doing alot better than i expected. Still on the anti-depressants but thats fine. Have some follow up with the psychiatrist at the hospital shortly.

Been home for a week now. WOW the no sleep is really the hardest i think! But i do love him dearly and cant imagine how i was worried i wouldn't!

Thankyou again to all for the kind words and support. Things are looking sunny so far :)


:hugs:i had been following your story re the meds.. and wanted to say CoNGRaTuLaTioNS on your precious addition & getting through it.:sunshine:

:babydust2:i wish you well..:goodvibes: :babydust2:

[arabesque]

Congratulations on your lovely little son! I'm sure you will be a great mother :hugs:

xx

[helsbells]

Yippee! Well done you! Yeah sleep deprivation is a bummer (we all know about that one! :eek:)but I also know the feeling of relief that you do, in fact, love the baby after being so worried about it. So pleased you feeling sunny :sunshine: and have continued support. Enjoy this time and good on you for getting through it and getting the help you and bub needed. x

[helsbells]

Hi Rachio! Bub is obviously here now. I have been thinking about you and hoping all went well, and that you are feeling well and enjoying the baby. Let us know how you are. :)

[rachieio]

Hi again,

Bubs is nearly 8 weeks old already! :yelclap:We're doing really well. Battling a little reflux but taking things day by day. Finding it a bit hard to get much support from hubby. Im hoping he will come around soon before i fall in an exhausted heap! I've managed to get in touch with some other mums with babies in my area as well which has been a great help.

Any suggestions on encouraging a difficult hubby to help out with his little boy?:confused:

[helsbells]

Good to hear things still going well...:yelclap:

Hubby....Hmmm. Important to train the hubbys early, so they get to know "their" jobs, and then just get into the habit!!! Mine does bath time when he gets home while I make tea. Great bonding time. We got lots of info while pregnant that bath time is very often done by Dads, so I think DH was expecting it (and looking forward to it). You could suggest that most Dads do this job. Get him to do it with you helping until he know what to do, and then gradually sneak off until he feels confident alone.

Can you leave him with the baby on his own for a bit when he has a day off? Express a feed or two and go out and have some girlie time without bub? Nothing like the deep end approach. Giving up full control of bub is a bit hard for some of us (because we know the "right" way to do things for bub!!!), but essential if Dad is to feel he is as important as Mum (especially if she is b'feeding- I'm sure this must make Dads feel left out). Maybe start with an hour or two and build up...

Also, men can be a bit dense :laughing:- won't recognise you are frazzled and they often don't get subtle or even unsubtle hints! They not being deliberately mean or lazy- just don't think!!! I find direct asking works really well. ie "Hi Honey. I'm knackered. Would you please change Bubs nappy for him and put him in the blue jumpsuit? It would be a big help and he loves when you do it. He really is a Daddy's boy" etc etc. Not many would say "no" when you ask like that!

Make him feel important and be very specific about what you want him to do. I find blowing :sunshine: up hubby's **** everytime he does something to help works well as positive reinforcement.

Hope that helps a bit. I think in a few weeks you will find you are getting more sleep- especially if reflux settles. Everything feels a whole lot better when you get a few more :sleeping:!

Let us know how you get on with hubby.