Donor Bits

[wa mum of 4]

Hi,
I thought this might be a good place to put donor feelings and experiences.
I am just beginning the journey as a donor and I would like to talk to others who are going or gone through it.
Hopefully this will be a good place to get information and inform others.
:fingerscrossed:
Sarah

[sarahstarfish]

Hi Sarah

What a great idea! WHile it's great to read as much tech info as possible, there is nothing like someone else's story to help work out how you might react/feel in the same situation. There is just so many issues in ED.

Good on you Sarah.

Love

Cindy

[wa mum of 4]

Well this seemed like a good idea but I guess no-one wants to share so I will.
I had my first counseling session on the 15th.:smiliedance:

All went well and a bit nerve wrecking.
I didn't want to put forward the wrong impression to the psyc but I had some views that I thought were relevant.
They asked some ridiculous questions like, what if the fetus had a disability and the IP's wanted to terminate how would I feel?
Well der it is their child as soon as the egg is fertilized so its up to them.
I thought it was $150 wasted.:thumbsdown:

There was nothing that my IP's and I hadn't already discussed.
Well that’s me so far; I have a Dr appointment on the 30th so I will let everyone know what happens then.
Sarah

[five]

Hi sarah, I will be following this thread with interest, as donating my eggs has always been something I would like to do. I would love some more info on prerequisites for donors etc, especially health factors, so I know whether it counts me out or not.
Well done to you for sharing the gift of children :hugs:

[Melanie&Lucky]

Hi Sarah :wave:

I was sorry to learn that you did not find the counseling session to be beneficial. I hope you don’t mind me adding some comments to this thread.

I think it is absolutely wonderful that you have taken the steps to look into becoming an egg donor and want to help give a couple the precious gift of life, hold a baby in their arms and experience the miracle of parenthood. You are truly a special and remarkable person for taking these steps to do this; however I cannot really help with any advice on your journey to gather up info and share experiences on becoming an egg donor, as I am actually sitting on the opposite side of the fence to you.

I guess that the councilors could possibly have some sort of a list of 'criteria' that they ask all potential donors, who knows???? Although I have absolutely nothing against donor councilors, (the councilor I went to was fantastic). I can only assume that they are asking you all sorts of questions to make sure you know and understand what you are in for, have discussed all issues with your intended IP’s and are the right “candidate”, if you know what I am trying to say.

I am sure you are well aware and have done a lot of research on becoming an egg donor, and understand what is involved, before posting this thread, but I guess the councilor’s job is to cover all issues and possibly raise questions/situations to you that you may have not thought of. For example…….one of the questions the councilor asked me and my husband, was “if we were successful and had a donor conceived child, what would happen to the child with regards to guardianship if we (both me and my husband) were both killed in an accident and the child survived? Now this may seem like a stupid question, but it certainly was not something we had thought of, yes, it did make us think of what would become of the welfare and care to our precious child. So both my husband talked about this and made a decision about what we would do.

Maybe you did not ‘connect’ with the councilor in the session. I have had this happen to me before….I started with one councilor, did a few sessions with her, but didn’t get anything out of it, so changed councilors, did a few more sessions and noticed a big difference and was able to get so much more out of the sessions with her. She helped me and my husband immensely.

There is also another forum called “Aussie Egg Donors” www.aussieeggdonors.com there are a number of women on that forum who have donated before. You may want to look into registering on that forum also. I am sure that there are lots of women on this forum also who have donated before and could give you very useful advice and share experiences; maybe they just haven’t read your thread as yet. Hopefully you will receive more replies soon.

Take care Sarah, and best wishes on your journey. :thumbsup:

[wa mum of 4]

Hi Melanie,
Thanks for your kind words.:hugs:

I am a member of AED, I just thought that BUBHUB need some information as well.
I don’t know if being the donor and not paying for the counseling sessions, do I have the right to ask for another councilor?

I had the feeling that this councilor wasn't really into our views, it was like she had a program to follow and kept strictly to that, no deviation.:thumbsdown:

I felt like I couldn’t go in to depth with her (might just be time constraints).
Any way I am fully aware of what is involved and as far as I’m concerned as soon as the egg is fertilized it no longer belongs to me. If some thing happens to my IP's then its up to the family not me.
Thank you for posting here, I was beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea.
Good luck with your journey I really hope you eventually get to hold you own little angel.:fingerscrossed:
Sarah

[Melanie&Lucky]

Hi Sarah :wave:

I found that the first councilor that I went to did not have much experience with donor issues (like you said, had a program to follow) and I didn’t connect with her anyway, on any other issues. I didn’t know what her experience was that to begin with, but after a few sessions, quickly realised, so asked the clinic if I could see the other councilor. Obviously, I did pay for each session, so I wasn’t too concerned if the first councilor was offended by decision, but your situation is different.

I know what you are saying, as you are not paying for the sessions, do you have a right to ask for another councilor…..mmm, this is a sticky one, hard one to answer, but you will be the intended donor for a couple (assume you know your intended IP’s??) - is it worth discussing this with them or even making a phone call to the clinic yourself and talking to the head nurse or whomever and putting your feelings across? I guess you probably have to attend a combined session with the IP’s also, unless you have already done so? Have the IP’s done their donor counciling session with the same person? If so, what did they think?

Thank you for your good wishes, I hope one day I will have success and be able to experience the joys of parenthood.

Note for Denise "Five" - wonderful you are thinking of becoming an egg donor. Maybe contacting a local IVF clinic who have an established donor program may be a good start and they can send you any information/medical requirements etc that you need to know. I know my clinic in Queensland (QFG) have info on their web site, but for you, in your state, laws and regulations may be a bit different. Good luck on your journey.

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Sarah

Nah, is a great idea, just takes a few of us a while to buckle down and respond!

I am currently cycling and have been stimming for seven days and going for a scan tomorrow to see how many follicles and what sizes....always a bit worrying this stage but I know I usually take a bit longer so am kinda ready for what we'll see.

Sarah, re Counsellors, I've seen four during my donation cycles..the first one was a complete waste of time, no only did he not bother to ask any valuable questions he was obviously just ticking boxes and whole session took about 15 minutes - I was quietly appalled that such important issues could be so overlooked. However, this clinic also has a stanceof not caring awfully about their donors so not a great surpirse their counselling reflected this. The other counsellors were all fantastic, and even though I smugly think I have my head around most of the ED stuff, the last counsellor threw me a curveball by asking how I would feel personally or feel any responsibility if my IPs had a baby with any genetic abnormalities or downs etc. There was no right/wrong answer, she just wanted to make sure it was something I had thought about or would think about. Was this session your first one, so you were alone? They will probably have a second with you and partner and IPs as well and some of the hairier stuff will come up then...future contact, what happens if one party does'nt want to continue contact and how you will feel, how you will both manage the information of being their child's donors, and how you'll manage that info for your own children etc. But if you did'nt feel comfortable with this lady, I agree might be better to see if you can get a session when someone else is on. I'm sorry you found it a waste of time..although perhaps good in a way that you feel you have most of it covered anyway.

The other thing with counselling since 1/1/06 is that it now must reflect the changes in anonymous donation and the fact thatpeople who are donor cocneived will now have access to their donor's details and be able to contact them...did they cover this at all? WA already has quite detailed legislation re their own register so should have been part of it....alhtough now I am thinking that because you actually have a six month waiting period anyway, might be why the Counselling was bit light on?

Let us know how you get on...is a great thread, don't stop talking. AM hoping I can come back with some postiive news tomorrow after my scan!

Denise - think we've spoken about this in previous threads - give your nearest clinics a ring and ask to speak to the Donor Coordinator, let us know how you get on.

Love

Cindy

Love

Cindy

[FOURtunate]

I thought that I'd add that I am recording my journey in a thread "Meeting My Recips In 37mins!!!". My entire experience will be shared over the coming months. From the first meeting, until the eventual result, whether it be a baby or not.

Please feel free to share in my journey also, and I will pop in here every so often.

Ta,

Michelle

[Roxy]

I didnt gain a great deal out of my counselling session either, TBH. I only had the one, no joint counselling...thought it was a bit of a farce really!

I wasnt asked any questions I hadnt already thought about (even the genetic one)...my DH couldnt really see the point if him being counselled, and told the counsellor as much. His couselling was done over the ph in 5 mins!

A necessary part of the process, i do agree, as have heard of some potential donors who decided that ED wasnt for them after doing the counselling.

[wa mum of 4]

HI,
Thanks to everyone so far.
I have in fact had a session with the IP's and me, still not alot of information talked over (sorry she did give me 100's of articles regarding sperm donation).
I suppose I am lucky that I have been chatting to my IP's for nearly 2 months and I think we have covered just about everything.

There was something else I meant t o put in.
During the session we were told that after the 3 month cooling off period the eggs would be fertilized, then the IP's would have to wait another 6-month quarantine period for AIDS and HEP C.

I am clear and can verify as I have just had a baby and have all the tests to back it up.
My IP’s were very upset with this and nearly brought them to tears. :crying:
They seem to be pushed to their limit regularly, they get so close and something else pops up.

This is ridiculous, do they know that they are messing with these poor people. The councilor mentioned this after stating that the embryos deteriate every month they are frozen.:mad: :mad:
The clinic is basically saying they are reducing the IP's chances even more.:thumbsdown:
Has anyone heard this? Or is it just WA?
Is there any way out of this?
Sarah

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Sarah

Is a WA thing, although I think ACT has a three month COP but you can go ahead after that if IPs sign a waiver re the HIV stuff. I think the COP starts from your first joint counselling session and the six month quarantine would start from your first blood test (you and DH) so make sure you get those done asap. You will cycle at the end of th six months though won't you, rather than cycle now and freeze evertyng - definitely lessening the odds for your IPs. Or have I misunderstood?

There is no way around it, have never heard of anyone beating the system and getting approval to have the cooling off period waived, and they also seem to be much more conservative about the HIV stuff - most other states will let people cycle as long as tests are clear and IPs happy to sign waiver. The only other thing you can do is go and cycle in another state?? If it's any consolation, once you finish your appointments and counselling etc, usually takes a couple of months anyway. Will they let you start the cycle before the quarantine period is up so you can have your bloods done and then EPU as soon as possible after that...would save a couple of months lining up on the pill, synarel and stimming etc. This is the first time I have ever heard of a three month COP PLUS a six month quarantine - usually they are done at the same time so is only six months all up - would definitely check up on this. All the other WA donor cycles I know of have only had to wait the six months...

Good luck Sarah, hope you get some answers.

Love

Cindy

[Roxy]

I also thought that the COP in WA was from your first joint counselling session...wasnt aware of a further 3 months after EPU.

I do know that there is one ED/IP pair on AED who are in WA, and they only had to wait the 6mths...IP did a fresh transfer...

I'd be questioning that too...maybe its just a clinic thing? Maybe ring the other clinics in the area and see what their COP's are like? If its only the 6 mths, without the extra 3 mths, then maybe a switch in clinic is needed...

[PMS]

Hi Sarah. I have just found your thread. Would love to share my ED journey so far.
I am currently getting to know my second set of IP's. They are a lovely couple and I look forward to our journey going to the next step if that happens.
The first IP's that I contacted were just as wonderful. We got to know each other and actually met but they decided to go with a younger donor that they were also talking to. But I am very happy for them and we are still in contact and I am waiting for the day that they get a BFP!!!:smiliedance:
Will keep you updated on my journey. Look forward to following yours....:)

[wa mum of 4]

Hi roxy,
The fresh transfer was what I thought.
I was under the impression that they get all the bits and peices out of the way during the COP, but I guess I was miss informed (different clinic).

My IP's are currently ringing around to gather information they rang tonight.
The poor people, I so wanted this to run as smoothly as possible for them, well :fingerscrossed: things only get better.

[Melanie&Lucky]

Hi Sarah :wave:

I was wondering how you were going with all of this? Any more news about how to get around the red tape?

[wa mum of 4]

OK everyone I have some updated news, finally. :yelclap:

My IP's rang around and found another clinic that still has the 3 month COP but not the 6 month quatantine :smiliedance: .

We have our new appointments for Wedsnesday morning to see Dr and go through what is involved ( waste of time for me really as I have looked in to everything already).
I will fill everyone in Wed night.
Sarah