Returning to work - your experience

[Me]

Hi all,
I wasn't planning on going back to work but my ex-employer has rung up and offered me a great deal to come back. I have spent most of this week looking into daycare etc and thinking long and hard about what i want and was fine with things until tonight. it really hit home when i got the offer through via email, i burst into tears and can't stand the thought of being away from dd and/or missing out on her 'firsts'.
When did you go back to work and what was your experience? Reflecting back would you do things differently?if so, what?
I am just so confused and would love to know others experiences - i am sure my feelings are 'normal' but i just don't know what to do.
thanks in advance

[xkwzit]

Can you go back part time? I do 3 days/week and find it a good balance for us. And I don't think I have missed any of my girls "firsts". Sorry too late to think much right now, will post again when thoughts are clearer.

Cheers

[Spewiesmum]

I think if you love your job and think the offer made is worth returning for, it will be so much easier for you.

This is my third week back at work. This weekend I'm going to decide whether to stay or go. I hate my job. I don't respect the people I work for yet after five years and great friends in the workplace, I just don't know if I can let go.

I'm only working 20 hours but after tax, childcare and fuel I walk away with 8 hours of pay. I sit in traffic to and from work. My DS has been sick from the moment he started in a centre just over three weeks ago. I had to take two sick days from my first day back - thanks to a bug DS picked up on his first day in care. I'm exhausted, frustrated and torn between doing the best thing for me by leaving and retaining my health and sanity, or staying and having a tiny bit of money each week (that wouldn't even cover the groceries) that I wouldn't otherwise have.

I don't think this decision is meant to be easy - of course I worry about the future if I leave my secure position. I'd love a great job offer. I'd love to spend all my time with my son.

Is there anything (bar the availability of childcare) stopping you from returning to work for a month and then making the decision?

[missmum05]

I started working full time when Dakota was 5 months old and I loved my job the girls I worked with were great i really did enjoy work but I missed Dakota so much
it was the hadest thing ever dropping her at kindy in the mornings and i worked like 8.5 hours a day but with travelling half and hour each way to and from work plus having to leave really early to drop her off she would be spending like nearly 10 hour days at kindy which I hated.:thumbsdown: Like it was great beeing on 2 incomes and everything again, but I was just very unhappy as I would only see her on weekends and like when I finished work at 4.30 pm most days i got home at 5.30 pm and she would go to bed by 6 pm so sometimes i didnt even get to spend half an hour with her after work and if i was lucky only half an hour in the morning. I felt like I was only a part time Mum only getting to spend quality time with her on weekends. I have left work now 4 weeks ago and I am as happy as anything being home with her again.
I will look for work again soon and find something maybe only 2-3 days a week and I think I would cope fine with that like working 3 days and being home 4 days of the week.
You also have to consider if it is worth you working financially like after you take out your child care fee's and fuel cost and so on.
Its hard to explain but like in our situation me working 5 days a week after tax,child care, fuel 40 hour week i only made $200 a week which did really help.

Good Luck in making your decision, could you maybe go back part time and see how you go and if you think you coping well then maybe take on more hours ?

[xkwzit]

Hi JR
Bit more awake now.

I think the length of your day can make a huge difference to how you all cope. While I do 3 days, I only work 20 hours so the girls are only in care from 8 am to about 4 pm each day. Sometimes I leave work at 3 pm (having done my hours for the week) and I can pick them up earlier, or I can go and get my legs waxed :D . On the days I work, I make sure that we have an easy dinner (reheated curry, pasta or takeaway). On my days off, I love to spend a bit more time planning and cooking dinner. I think my next move will be to a 30 hour week worked over 5 days, so I will be in the office every day, but can still occaisionally sneak off at 3pm.

Can you work from home some days? I believe that you still need child care if you are attempting any serious work at home, but you don't have to spend time commuting, so your day is shorter. You still have to be disciplined to make it work, but when you're done, you're already home (and nothing beats working in your slippers :D ).

Seriously consider getting someone in to clean the house, you don't want to spend your family time vacuuming, washing floors or cleaning the bathroom. Consider outsourcing other stuff like ironing too.

Be organised the night before: your bag packed, kid's bag packed, your clothes out, kid's clothes out - it saves buckets of time in the morning.

All I can think of for now.

Cheers

[Me]

Thanks all for your advice.
Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to take any work home and it's an 'all or nothing' type of situation. They need someone now and as it's such a senior position within the company I would need to be there full time.
I really don't want to say yes then a month or 2 down the track quit - I really don't want to be like that. We don't NEED the extra money but at the end of the day it takes the pressure off DH and it would be helpful. DH thinks that I should take it - he's also not particularly happy at work so is unsure of what he's going to do - hence why the security of me earning a good income can help him to decide what he's going to do.
I have told myself that if I am still unsure on Monday then that's the decision made for me - I have to be 100% sure of my decision to ensure I don't regret it.
DH and I are going to sit down and have a long talk this weekend about what we're both going to do - maybe he could be a SAHD - that suits me fine... but we'll see(he doesn't even know how to make formula yet!)
Will keep you posted on my thoughts

[WTsmum]

Hi,

We started Will at Daycare gradually before i went back so it would be easier for him (and for us). First day we stayed with him for 1/2 hour and then only left him for 2 hours (I phoned the Centre twice to check on him), we gradually left him for more time over a two week period and he loves it - they do a lot of fun things (painting, playdoh etc) even though he's only 9mths old.
-----------------------------------------
As for working, I have been back full-time for 3mths (I work 8.00am to 4.30pm). I wanted to resign every day for the first six weeks (I had PND as well). I decided to take it one day at a time and each day at the end of the day if I wanted to resign I told myself it was ok (I found this helped more than anything).

When I'm at work I miss my little boy terribly but I don't have the choice not to work and so I spend as much time as I can playing with him and just having fun with him. I love seeing his gorgeous little face when I get home and I've found that I'm enjoying my time with other adults and i enjoy my job as well.

[Briswegian]

I started back at work last week and my second child is 3m and 3w old. I work three days a week. I find that part time is a good balance.
If you do want to work, counter offer part time hours...your boss might just say yes. I know of quite a few mums who comprimised and work four days.
I loved being a SAHM while on leave but I really enjoy work too (and we need the money).
Another consideration is who would look after your baby as waiting lists at daycare are long.

[Me]

Well I just thought I'd jump in here and give an update. I am returning to work. Since making the decision I have realised that financially we couldn't handle me not returning to some sort of work shortly.
DD is going to a great brand new daycare centre. She has been settling in this week and went yesterday for 3hrs and today for 5hrs by herself and she was fine. Although i realised this afternoon after picking her up that today was the longest i have ever spent apart from her. I don't know how i am going to cope on monday! A full day at work plus travel time... As monday looms closer I am really really dreading having to go to work. but if i really hate it then i'll do everything i can to change it - i'll work nights in a servo for all i care - my dd comes first!
anyway talking of which she's just woken up!

[xkwzit]

Thanks for the update JRM...I am sure that you'll both be fine:)

[melbryan]

I went back to work when DS was 7 mths. We had chosen to cut down my days when I had two it made sense more financially. Today I am taking 6 months maternity leave at half pay and because I am a teacher working isn't many hours of the day. It suits us and means there is not as much pressure on DH. I agree dad's should be home just as much as mums as they are really important in our children's lives. It makes it easy to return to work because I love what I do and the money isn't too bad and hols mean I get time to spend at home every 10 weeks or so. I feel complete when I have a balance in my life, my children, my hubby and my work I love my life and wouldn't swap it for the world.
Babies aren't my thing and I look forward to the older years so it hasn't worried me to return to work.:D

[glo_worm]

Hi there

After having DD, I returned to work when she was 11 months. It was only 2 days a week, and the only reason I went back was because they agreed to part time which I wasnt expecting them to do.

Anyway, because i was the first person to come back part time in our department, they didnt really know how to manage a part time worker, and the work I was given wouldnt be considered value adding - this is despite me complaining to my supervisor about the work - and if I solicited work from others this was stopped.

Anyway, I avoided making a decision as to what to do as I fell pregnant again. In a few months time I will have to decide what to do - whether to go back or not?