Please Help Us! Son Doesn't Want Daddy!!

[pat]

Can anyone please help us? Our son who is 16 months old is refusing to be close to daddy. He used to be fine but all the sudden the only person he wants ALL THE TIME is me ONLY! He is doing right now. When I was preparing the dinner, he hanged on to my legs and did not want daddy to play with. But I talked to, tried to be reasonable without luck! So I gave him to daddy and he has been crying since! (about 30 minutes) I want to just give him a cuddle now. But daddy wants to sort this out between them! He cuddled him tight early and Ted did stop crying for a few minutes. My husband managed to put him on a highchair and is feeding him the dinner. But can you please tell me if this is normal? What can I do to make him realize I am not the only in his life? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[leenaomi]

Hi Pat,

My DD (20 months) is quite often the same with my DH. She doesn't even want him to look at her at lot of the time let alone cuddle her. It breaks my heart because he just wants to hug and squeeze her and he is the most gentle, loving person.

I try to psych her up before he comes home at night: "I want you to give Daddy a BIG kiss and cuddle when he comes home, OK?" Occassionally it works but most times she just screeches when he tries to pick her up and runs for me.

Other times she happily goes to him to be picked up or comforted. Maybe it's just a stage. I guess we'll have to wait and see. What I'm trying to do is get DH to spend more time with her on his own. When I'm not around, there's no problem.

I know how you feel!!

[TwoBlue]

It sounds quite normal to me..

My DS goes through stages where he wants me and other times he wants DH

If it doesnt seem to settle after a while perhaps look into it a bit more but otherwise i wouldnt worry too much

:hugs:

[pat]

Thanks for your replies. But should I cuddle him when he holds my legs? Or should I push him away???? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TwoBlue]

oh cuddle him :yes: but then gently persuade him towards DH or another or a toy to play with on his own even...

[leenaomi]

I'd say cuddle him as he's too young to understand that he's hurting Daddy's feelings. He'd just see it as being rejected by you and not understand why, even though you had good intentions. Maybe just arrange for DH to spend time with DS on his own while you go out or take advantage of the times when DS is happy with Daddy (like now when he's feeding him) to make yourself scarce. Out of sight out of mind.

[cjb/jbvd]

aww :hugs: this is a tough time isn't it. your poor DH, not being wanted does hurt them doesn't it

DS does this too and he's only eight months.

one of the mums asked if he was like this when i wasn't around. it turns out he only acts that way if i am home with DS and his dad. when it's just the two of them, DS is ok. :rolleyes:

i also got told that i should offer him the reassurance he is seeking or he will feel rejected. it turned out he was teething and just needed some extra mummy love. sometimes i forget he is only a little person and everything is new to him. ;)

it's just a stage, and he will get over it like they get over everything else. there may be a reason he is wanting extra mummy time like growing pains, teething, feeling a little overwhelmed. it'll be ok eventually. :hugs:

[pat]

Once again thanks for all the advice. To be honest I felt bad when he was crying and dad did not want me to involve. I felt guilty after I thought about the whole thing last night. He is only a baby and there must be a reason why he does this. I agree this can be the teething too. He cannot understand why mum does not want him suddenly. Also my sister came to visit us from Hong Kong for the last three weeks and just left on Wednesday! So today everytime he called me or held onto my leg, I picked him up, gave him a big hug and told him that everything is ok and I am always around. Ha... at the end, he pushed me away instead! I feel much better now! Thanks again!