3 week old - am at wits end HELP!

[smudgy]

Hi
Am a new mommy. I've a 3 week old and just since 3-4 nights ago she's been up at 3+ in the morning. I fed her (breastfeed) then she keeps up until 5am! It's been like this since.

Was advised by the paed to keep a 3-4 hours feeding time during the day and keep night time stretched as possible. So the last she was fed is at 11pm or 12 midnight (if I'm lucky) then I went to bed only to be awaken by her cries by 3am and she just won't settle til 5am.

This only just happened 3-4 nights ago. Before this she was a gem. Slept through 5-6 hours night time. How can I get her back into the old routine?

[Miss_Vicki]

i dont like the idea of a gp tellin bubs if they are hungy or not

she may have some wind ? or how about some co sleeping ? i co slept my 2nd (an still do most nites) an doin same with my 6 month old i bf , can be tricky at times , but nites when u want to go back to sleep its great :D

[BabelFish]

Goodness me she's three weeks old. No routine is going to last at all, once they're much older than 10 days.

Unfortunately, this is parenthood in its early days. She's not doing anything wrong except being a baby, and that's hard work for Mum! Feed her when she's hungry. She will only be crying for a reason at this age and it's my guess that that's it.

Their little tummies are so tiny that they can rarely go four hours without a feed. Expecting her to sleep that long as she's growing and getting bigger is unrealistic. This obsession that doctors and other professionals have with babies sleeping through is ridiculous. They're babies. They don't sleep through the night at three weeks old.

I feel for you honey - this is a tough adjustment and it's very, very hard. But that's what motherhood is all about. If you get used to following her cues instead of trying to impose a routine, your life will get much, much easier. You'll get used to it - I promise. And it will get better, too. :hugs:

[rynosmum]

I agree with Chesby. Your bubby is only 3 weeks old. This will be the first of many routine changes. Just when you get used to the routine, it will flip.

Babies are all different and after my son, who slept through from 7pm - 6am from the age of 6 weeks, I thought that was normal. Well, my daughter turned one last week and her sleeping is still not a perfect routine. Up until 6 months, she was still getting up 5 times per night:eek:

Go with your baby's cues. Co-sleep if that works for you. We didn't co-sleep in bed regularly but nights when she was really unsettled, I would sleep with her on the couch and she would sleep so much better. Bubby isn't trying to be frustrating, but is just waking up after a few hours and feels hungry/lonely/upset. They are only little for such a short time - resign yourself to a few months of upheaval and it will be easier to handle. Try to sleep during the day if you can :hugs:

[MummyDaddy]

Babies don't really have a routine at such a young age. They sleep, eat, sleep, eat, little play, eat, sleep. They can feed as much as hourly depending on if they are on the breast. Some sleep longer, some don't, some are settled, some are not. I'd bring her into bed with me if she was mine and co sleep whilst feeding on demand. I assume baby is on the breast. Best to try to respond to babies needs. Could she be windy at all? They usually only cry because something is wrong. Perhaps try feeding her in a more upright position and then persisting with burping until you hear something. Good luck!

[lovelymum]

Try to just go with the flow, I would think that if she is only 3 weeks your not back at work so once she settles at 5.00am go back to bed and sleep. It sounds like you are actually quite lucky she only wakes you once after midnight my DD was a 2 - 3 hour breastfed babe - round the clock. I am sure your tired and exhausted but take heart that she will sleep through the night by the time she's 21 :laughing:. If you can learn to accept whats happening it will be so much easier to deal with. At 3 weeks old I don't think there is much you can do to change her feeding habits. I promise it gets better as they get older ejoy these early days, they are so precious :hugs:

[MamaLlama]

At 3 weeks I think it is totally inappropriate to make her go for 4 hours any time of day or night. My DS fed TWO hourly for 10 mnonths!! and he needed to!

Expect no sleep and you won't be disappointed. At 3 weeks they should be eating at least every 3 hours, if not every 2. Maybe with 1x 4hr stretch if you're lucky but no more.

I know you're at your wits end, so was I. This is one of the main reasons I wish I'd known more about what I was getting into, I wouldn't have had kids if I had known how exhausted I would be for the next 3 years (and it hasn't ended yet!)

[Moglet]

You poor thing. Those first few weeks are so tough, but when bubs are very small they still need to be fed very frequently.

Our DS was 100% breastfed (now he is BF'd and has one bottle of formula a day too).

Initially I was demand feeding and got myself thoroughly exhausted. My supply was low so I was expressing after every feed to increase supply which made me even more exhausted :crying: I was knackered. My MCHN told me to get to bed by 8pm and leave my DP to give bubs EMB at 10 pm. This allowed me to get some much needed unbroken sleep. Bubs would wake again at 2am - but 4 hours of sleep was heaven.

Once he got to 4 weeks old we started to feed him in a routine. We read “Save Our Sleep” and sort of followed it but not too strictly.

But generally, this is what we did
7am feed play sleep,
10am feed play sleep,
1pm feed play sleep,
4pm feed play sleep,
5.30pm bath feed sleep by 7pm,
10pm(EBM) feed sleep,
and then anytime he woke during the night I would feed him, but no matter what time I fed him at night, I’d always wake him up at 7am for a feed.

When we started the routine he was waking twice a night, within 2 weeks he had slept through a night within 3 weeks he was sleeping from 10.30pm til 7am consistently (almost every night - except during growth spurts).

We’re going to stick with this until he starts solids and then we’ll have a think about how to drop his 10pm feed :laughing:

Good luck. I know it’s hard, but you’ll get through it :yes:

[wild at heart]

is it possible that her unsettled period is in the early period of the night rather than in the late arvo?

Do you keep the bedroom completely dark and only use a nightlight toi attend to her changing/ feeding? That may make her see the difference between day and night. If she sees the differenbce then her unsettled period may change to 5pm onwards..

Dr is suggesting the frequent feeding during the day to encourage longer patterns of sleep at night, I guess.

[MamaLlama]

Dr is suggesting the frequent feeding during the day to encourage longer patterns of sleep at night, I guess.

But in what universe is 3-4 hourly frequent feeding for 3 week old? At 3 weeks DS could easily be fed every HOUR during the day, 2hourly at night. 3-4 hourly during the day seems to me to be guaranteed to give you a bad night. She needs at least 2hourly feeds during the day to have any shot at 3-4 hours in a stretch at night, and from what the OP said this really only is a problem from 3am...so really all that's happening is bubs is getting jack of the long wait between feeds and doing her cluster feed at 3-5am. If you fed her more frequently at other times of the day you might easily find she cluster fed at a more convenient time.

[EdensMama]

It was in my universe! :) I BF DD for 40 mins every 3 hours between 6am and 9pm from birth (within reason, sometimes it was 2 or 2.5 hours but generally it was 3 hourly). She would then wake me up about 2 times at night between 9pm and 6am for a feed. And she did great on it. At 6 weeks old she dropped her 2am feed and slept for 8 hours a night and then at 4 months old started sleeping for 12 hours a night....

Just my humble opinion... :flowerz:

[wild at heart]

I should ahve said.. sorry.. brain dead at that time of night..

is that a good way to do that is to feed baby frequently ie two hourly during day to show the differebnce between day and night. or you could follow a feed play sleep routine and just feed bubs when she wakes from a sleep then cuddle her for a bit and put her back down..

maybe during unsettled period, just keep feeding bubs til she settles..

sorry didn't mean to give the wrong impression

[tales]

The first few weeks are hard, but as PP have said, it's unrealistic to expect a baby to have a routine at such a young age unless you force it on her. The way I see it, your choices are to force yourself, and her, into a routine of feeding (ie every 3 hours during the day, 4 hourly at night or something), or demand feed, being that you feed her whenever she's hungry, whenever that is, and for however long she seems to need it. The problem I see with forced routines is that they aren't necessarily going to suit every baby. The number of wet nappies and whether she's gaining good weight (and again, this varies from baby to baby) will tell you if she's getting enough to eat. Also be aware, 2-3 weeks is often the first growth spurt (when they can feed non stop for a day or two, esp if breastfed), then 6-8 weeks. They get very unsettled during this time. But your baby will also give you the best cues as to whether she's getting enough to eat - and you, not your paed, are in the best position to recognise them because you are her mother. Hang in there and forget about what people tell you she should be doing for a few days, and just pay attention to what she is trying to tell you. It's really hard work, and you won't always feel like you know or are in control, but it will get better, I promise. My bub still occasionally has wakeful periods for hours at night. I figure it's just her biological clock still ticking over to our time (being that in the womb, she rested during the day and was active at night). Being that she did that for 9 months, it's not surprising that she's not in this whole day/night routine from the start!

Persevere, and if you don't have an elsewhere to be in the morning, co-sleeping and demand feeding really can save your sanity, if you choose to do that. It's worked for me. My bub rarely gets unsettled unless there is something really wrong with her (like painful wind). She is also so closely bonded with me that she will rarely sleep on her own, but we're working on that :)

One battle at a time, hon. Maybe firstly make sure she's getting enough to eat and gaining weight, that you're both getting enough sleep and then maybe work a routine around that.

[kar]

One concept that has helped me to deal with the demands of a newborn is to consider the first 3 months as the "fourth trimester". They really shouldn't be out until about 3 months but have to because otherwise they wouldn't fit down the birth canal!

Their digestive and nervous systems are completely underdeveloped during this period. Working on creating an enviro as close to the womb as possible for them will lead to happier baby and happier you.

This means, amongst other things, demand feeding. They have never experienced hunger until they get on the outside. It is bloody hard, but if you can try to go with her demands, not other people's you will find life easier. I really found that once I reduced my expectations to nothing life felt easier!

Having said that, I am currently at my wits end with a catnapper - he is fast approaching 3 months and I think it might be time to start helping him along the path to sleep without being in my arms.

PS, I agree with Tales, co sleeping, particularly when bub is unsettled is the way to go for both of your sakes.

[smudgy]

thank you for all your replies and suggestions

anyone can suggest any other settling techniques? i've tried swaddling, rocking, pacing up and down the room, etc etc. she just seem so unsettled after her 4am or 3am feed it's driving me insane here. she doesn't wanna be put down or carried, she doesn't wail but grunts and sometimes cry.

:(:(

[kar]

we find that when felix is a bit discombobulated and doesn't know what he wants we swaddle him up and then lay down with him on one of our chest's at about a 45 degree angle. He usually struggles for a couple of minutes then relaxes and goes off to sleep. Can the either stay there for a lovely snuggle or pop him into the cot once he is deeply asleep.