wedding queries

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

hi :wave:

DF and i finally discussing a date...not set in concrete yet tho...BUT anyways...a query.

DF and i have been together for 10 years, so we have a house and everything...was thinking is it rude to ask the guests to pay for their meal? instead of gifts or money etc... (would probably work out cheaper for the guests anyway).

we had a friend do this and thut it was fine...

what are people's opinions...i know they will be wide and varied...and i guess it depends on the friends/family...i think all of ours will be fine and happy with that!! but yeh just wanted to get opinions...

thanks

[subaruforestermum]

We are thinking of doing the same thing, together 9 years, have a house, 2 kids, all we need in our house (apart from a freakin mattress..lol..and that's what we need not what we want, but we can live with that) so we are considering asking people to put money into a bus trip they'll probably have to take unless they wish to drive themselves! and buy their own lunch....

People usually understand the reasoning behind it...

[Mummaholic]

I know someone that did this although I was not invited, I know that some were quite taken aback. Apparently they paid an amount over what the meal & drinks cost too (!).

Just thought I would lt you know to help with your decision.

[singa06]

Maybe you could nicely suggest in a poem or something that you and your DF have everything you need and ask for money (you might be able to find a nice poem or something cute that asks for money nicely!). Then pay for the restaurant yourself and use the money guests give you to pay the bill.
I have a $10,000 limit on my Credit card (only $1000 used!) so I would use that to pay the bill then the guests money to pay the credit card off. Most couples should give you $100+ as a gift...

FOUND THIS:
You can put .... 'In lieu of gifts a money tree will be set up at the reception entrance.' Be sure you have someone there looking after the money tree and also being sure the guests put their envelopes with money on the tree while they sign in on the Wedding Registration book.

ALSO:

http://www.love-of-poems.com/wedding-poems-asking-for-money-as-gift.html

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

yeh that might be an idea too!!

do a wishing well or something!!

[missie_mack]

Personally I hate the whole wishing well thing.... I have also heard of so many people who put absolutely nothing in and find this to be a great way out of giving a gift or anything ( :eek: I know!) and then some others feel obligated to give more than they would in a gift. However after 10 years there must be somethings you would like replaced? I dont mind paying for my own meal and those of that that do usually complain because they can't pick their own meal or because they would have otherwise given you less than they would have for the meal (which is poor ettiquette too if you ask me :rolleyes:)

Otherwise you could always invite people to join you for a special dinner in a restaurant on a certain date and not mention the wedding ie make it a suprise! Even if people are paying for their meals I think they forget that you pay for the room hire, decorations, djs, cake, etc.... if you think they might panic maybe you could pay for some finger food entrees and put a bottle of white and red on each table with a softdrink or put some money towards the bar?

[Mathermy]

Personally I hate the whole wishing well thing.... I have also heard of so many people who put absolutely nothing in and find this to be a great way out of giving a gift or anything ( :eek: I know!) and then some others feel obligated to give more than they would in a gift. However after 10 years there must be somethings you would like replaced? I dont mind paying for my own meal and those of that that do usually complain because they can't pick their own meal or because they would have otherwise given you less than they would have for the meal (which is poor ettiquette too if you ask me :rolleyes:)

Otherwise you could always invite people to join you for a special dinner in a restaurant on a certain date and not mention the wedding ie make it a suprise! Even if people are paying for their meals I think they forget that you pay for the room hire, decorations, djs, cake, etc.... if you think they might panic maybe you could pay for some finger food entrees and put a bottle of white and red on each table with a softdrink or put some money towards the bar?

I agree!:) with nearly all of it actually.

I dislike wishing wells etc because at best it sounds like you are expecting gifts, at worst it sounds like you are gathering up cash:o

I think just inviting people out to have dinner with you is a friendly idea, and then shouting something within your budget. It seems far more polite to invite people out to dinner with you then having them pay to attend your wedding celebration IYKWIM? It still costs the same but it just seems less awkward. It sets the tone for a fun, casual night too which is often more enjoyable than an event with a rigid structure.

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

nope nothing needs replacing LOL! we are happy with what we have :)

Like i said, there are so many different views, and i guess it depends on your social circle/friends/family...the type of people they are...whether they would be happy to pay for their meal, contribute to a wishing well or buy a gift...ours i don't think would care either way...but yeh just thut i would put it out there to see what people think.

obviously i want my ceremony and reception/dinner on the same day...and trust me doing it at a restaurant would be ideal...but 40-50 people at one restaurant...think that is a few too many...so am thinking at this stage we will go with the meal paying...but that might change...or possibly a wishing well!

[Boobycino]

I think it works if they have a menu to choose their own dinner. I'd be a bit thingy about paying for a meal that I didn't choose for myself - I'd think that was a bit annoying - particularly if it felt overpriced.

I'm wanting to get married next year and on the other hand I think if people expect us, as a young family, to put up the price of the food and drinks and everything, I think that would be a rude and unfair expectation as we're paying for our own wedding.

We're planning to get married early in the morning (well, like 10am) and provide champagne and canapes after the ceremony. I think if we had a reception we'd have starters and snacks for each table - and a couple of bottles of wine and champagne - maybe some beer - but guests would need to buy their own dinner and any drinks other than whats been served. I personally refuse to have people get wasted at my expense - sorry - not going to happen!

I personally think thats reasonable. I wouldn't be inviting anyone who'd be sitting their judging us fo being cheap anyway - anyone who's coming to our wedding will know our situation and understand that it would be irresponsible of us as parents to have a lavish wedding.

[Looshkin]

I don't think it's rude at all.

I mean, surely people spend 100 bucks on a wedding gift between a couple at the very bare minimum right? I am on austudy and broke as, but I would save up to give any of my close friends the nicest present I could afford..
I'm a bit sentimental though, I like the idea of giving gifts that will last a long time, so whenever they use it, it will remind them of 1.their awesome wedding day and 2 the person who bought it for their wedding day.

But yeah, if you didn't expect gifts, and make it clear that you already have everything you want and a certain $ for their meal instead, in fact do a google, I am sure I saw some ideas for invite wording for weddings where no gifts were requested or alternatives.

Some people will always think somethings rude
I wanted to do a registry, because although when we get married next year, it will be our 10th anniversary, i was 16 and he was 18 10 years ago.. so a lot of our relationship was struggling with money and having the old' milk crate coffee tables and bookshelves, so I would love to get some special long term things like china and etc, but even some people said a registry was rude.. so yeah there will always be someone.

[Boobycino]

Some people will always think somethings rude
I wanted to do a registry, because although when we get married next year, it will be our 10th anniversary, i was 16 and he was 18 10 years ago.. so a lot of our relationship was struggling with money and having the old' milk crate coffee tables and bookshelves, so I would love to get some special long term things like china and etc, but even some people said a registry was rude.. so yeah there will always be someone.


Thats true, its anavoidable fact of life sometimes! You really cant make everyone happy. I think sometimes I've seemed selfish, but I tend to think if I cant make everyone happy at least I'll make myself happy. Mostly because I deeply feel making other people happy is not my responsibility. And how people choose to react to my choices is also not my responsibility.

I also like the saying "what other people think of me is none of my business" (or something like that)

[BayleysMum]

I wouldn't mind paying for my meal :) I have only been to one wedding so I would be stoked just to be invited lol :laughing:

[defaipe]

I wouldn't mind paying for my meal :) I have only been to one wedding so I would be stoked just to be invited lol :laughing:
lmao! im with you!! i just wanna be invited!!:yes::yelclap:

[Seacretsquirrel]

I think that is a good idea esp when you already have everything.
DH and I had been living together for couple of years when we got married and hadn't gotten a dining suite so we did a wishing well to buy this and did the little poem thing to say what we wanted to do with the money people were giving. We had a little box near the door that people put envelopes into (with or without a card - most with) but make sure you get someone you trust to regularly gather the envelopes out of the well/off the tree so people aren't tempted (I know but apparently it has been known to happen:no:) I got my Dad to do it as he had more time to remember rather than DH or I.
Another option might be a honeymoon register - people donate towards your honeymoon if you are having one!

[Lukie]

I think it's fine as long as it is explicit on the invitation and people are able to choose their own meals, and there is a range of affordable food. As others have said there is always someone who thinks it's impolite to have a registry, or ask for money, or ask for people to pay for their meal, but generally I don't think any of these things are unreasonable, and in fact are understandable given different circumstances.