Known or Anonymous Sperm Donor??

[sparkynewell]

Hi there,
Just looking for some advice or feedback on others experiences with sperm donors.
My partner and I are in the process of weighing up the pro's and cons of a known donor vs Anonymous.
Any experiences or advice that anyone is willing to share would be greatfully appreciated.
Many Thanks
Peta :confused:

[pisces00]

MY husband is a sperm donor only for lesbian couples and they find him via me as i am an egg donor. He has donated very successfully the " old skool way" - as in the couple lets us know when they will be ovulating and he meets up with them, and "donates" into a specimen jar and then leaves. They then do the turkey baster thing and we all hope for the best.THis is how we do things when we meet up:

If all is agreed, my hubby has a blood test to clear him of aids, vd etc,

Paperwork is signed by all parties agreeing that this is only a donation and that we will not seek access of child and no $$$ will ever be exchanged.

Hubby only requests a phonecall on the day of birth to be reassured all is fine with everyone and a photo and photo on babys 1st birthday.

We are extremely laid back,good people and so far the couples have forged a friendship with up but we would never disclose who we are and always respect thier privacy and do not impose on them whatsoever. So far its been a great experience.

Currently as i am looking for an egg donor for a hetro couple we are willing to exchange sperm for a willing egg donor.

[astrogal]

Hi

We originally started to use a known donor using at home inseminations, but we decided to go through a clinic in the end and use an anonymous donor. Our decision for this was because we wanted to cover ourselves legally. If using a known donor at home, the family court will still recognise the donor as a 'father' if something happens and the donor files for any form of custody regardless of any agreed paperwork. If using an anonymous donor through a clinic then that stuff is not an issue.

I guess it depends on where you stand with what role you want the donor to play in your childs life... If you decide that you dont want the donor to have any further involvement with your child's upbringing, then even though its expensive then maybe look into going through a clinic to avoid any future problems...

Both my partner and I want to conceive and we want to use the same donor for both our pregnancies. In the clinic, once you achieve pregnancy, if you request they put away straws for you to use the same donor in the future.

Hope that helps

[gizza27]

hi there
its a personal choice... we 've just come out of an unsuccessful agreement with two prospective dads who had agreed to co parent....luckily we had not fallen pregnant yet.

However, we still firmly believe that co parenting is for us; we feel dad/dads should play a part in the child's life ie to give the child a well rounded outlook and know where his/her heritage is from. also parenting is tuff for parents.. sharing custody/parenting means that mums and dads get some occasional time out which means they can occasionally have a rest/r&r/keep the romance alive etc and having two sets of parents will ensure the child gets different experiences eg dads might be into museums or sports and mums might be into travelling or ??

at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you; if you think that there you want the final say over things like religion; general parenting/discipline stuff or which school the child will go to or will they do sports etc then perhaps an anonymous donor is the way to go.

would definately recomend if you go through the co parenting thing then you all discuss your views on upbringing and whats important to you and get a parenting agreement in writing

good luck.....

G & L

[Rainbow Mum]

Known or Unknown, comes down to personal choice.

We have a donor who is known to us but has nothing to do with our son's upbringing !

I believe a known donor is a different thing again to a coparent.

A known donor may have zero contact with the child, to casual mother led contact until the child is of an age to have an input to type of contact.

Just be aware there are a few serial donors out there. This in itself is not an issue as long as the children are aware who their donor is, and are brought up aware that they have a number of siblings floating about. Many women are not aware that some of the donors making contact / offering themselves have many children out there and will be vague when questioned about numbers. Likewise there are serial donors out there who will promise to put people in contact with siblings if they want and then have conniptions if those siblings make contact without his approval.

Known donor is a cheaper option and if you go into it with plenty of knowledge and eyes wide open it can be a perfectly good option. I'm just all for informed decisions.

[ontheway]

We are in the same boat as Rainbow Mum


We have a donor who is known to us but has nothing to do with our son's upbringing !

Its a personal choice,
We also had unsuccessful agreement with few prospective donor's .It took a number of years to find our donor but worth every day of looking for "MR Right"
I agree about going into everything eyes wide open and what ever decision you make be informed ! Have a agreement in writing
and good luck

[fickwalker]

DP and I have chosen an unknown donor via our clinic and Xytex in the US. It really is just a personal choice. In NSW, it is also a time factor (unless you're planning on home insemination - another personal choice). A known donor must be screened and tested over a nine month period before you can begin treatment etc. Unknown donors are procured from local and overseas donor pools and has already been tested and screened so you can go ahead right away.

As I said, it's a personal choice, but I'm very happy with our choice. It's all about how comfortable you are.

[Leeee]

i would've liked a dad known to the child but dp didn't want to risk dad deciding down the track to take the child off us. so we've found a donor via the internet and we have a written agreement (someone mentioned it above. no money except to reimburse costs to donate eg. petrol, no contact, we have sole rights to name the child etc..) and now three months in we're fairly acquainted with the specimen cup method. anyway that's not the point. it can't hurt to have a dad involved if you trust him but yeah you would have to know someone you can trust to be involved but still let you be primary carers or however you choose to do it. we don't know anyone we could do that with so it had to be anonymous. good luck with it all!

[katiana]

we use xytex too thru FF.
having said that we both wouldnt mind if our child wanted to research their history once they are 18. the only reason we didnt use a known donor, we didnt know who to ask , and didnt want any legal complications in the future.
goodluck :)

[Petersparents09]

Hi my partner and I recently had a child. we used a known donor who lives in Melbourne. We met online and created a "friendship" and he donated in a specimen jar. There was no financial or parental expectations. This worked for us. He is a great guy.

[chicaenlosarboles]

We are pregnant at the moment having gone down the anonymous donor ivf path. We are really happy with our decision, particularly as some friends are having major issues with their known donor at the moment.

For some people, having a co-parent works out really well, but I think if you're going to do this (or go with a known donor), you really need to trust and know the person/couple well. And put everything in writing before you start.

[Tuitechno]

MY husband is a sperm donor only for lesbian couples and they find him via me as i am an egg donor. He has donated very successfully the " old skool way" - as in the couple lets us know when they will be ovulating and he meets up with them, and "donates" into a specimen jar and then leaves. They then do the turkey baster thing and we all hope for the best.THis is how we do things when we meet up:

If all is agreed, my hubby has a blood test to clear him of aids, vd etc,

Paperwork is signed by all parties agreeing that this is only a donation and that we will not seek access of child and no $$$ will ever be exchanged.

Hubby only requests a phonecall on the day of birth to be reassured all is fine with everyone and a photo and photo on babys 1st birthday.

We are extremely laid back,good people and so far the couples have forged a friendship with up but we would never disclose who we are and always respect thier privacy and do not impose on them whatsoever. So far its been a great experience.

Currently as i am looking for an egg donor for a hetro couple we are willing to exchange sperm for a willing egg donor.


Hi there,

We are a lesbian couple in Melbourne looking for sperm, are you still helping? or know someone who can help?

thanks...

[Tuitechno]

Hi there,

My partner and I just got pregnant with a donor we met online and we choose him because undoubtedley the child is going to want to know who their father is so we felt it was best for our child that we chose a donor that we would know and who would be happy to meet him/her when the time came and be a father if that is what our child wants. We have no friendship with this guy but he is an amazing man and when the child asks, he will be more than happy to do what is best for our child.

In the end I think the best decision is the one that is made in the best interests of your children. We are not concerned about any legal or financial repercusions or whether the child stops thinking of one of us as a parent- i think that bond will be well and truly established once they start to question about the father.
We think we choose the donor wisely who on
side would will be a great parent but on the other, he wont contact us if we dont contact him/ask him to. We also didnt want a donor who had donated too many times, so he has only donated once and was planning to stop after we got pregnant (excpept for subsequent pregnancies with us or the other lady he helped). Im sure he will one day have children of his own.

We had tried a couple of times (unsuccessfully) at a clinic, and stopped for two reasons. One: we dont think its that effective compared to home insemination (unless you have infertility issues); two: we were makiing our decision based on fear, not on what we felt was best for our future children.

.... A & T