10 wk old flipping out about bed time

[kar]

A question re going to bed time... F (almost 10wks) has taken to screaming the house down when it is time for bed and he gets put into wondersuit and then wrapped.

Now, because I am so paranoid about control crying I am convinced I have scarred him for life by trying to make him sleep in his cot after a complete horror week a couple of weeks ago when I lost the plot and caved to the MCHNs who told me I needed to 'help him learn to sleep in his cot'. I never left him to cry but did do the 'pat and shush' in and out method. After this he did 7 nights of going down happily drowsy without needing to be resettled but then last Sat started to flip out about bed time. He is the same during the day but I don't bother about the cot. He can sleep where ever he wants.

This isn't 'witching hour' crying, it is definitely related to going to bed. Does anyone else's bub do this and what have you done to try to assist them with not flipping out? Is it a developmental stage because they are starting to join the dots about things and don't want to go to bed?

We have a nice feed, massage and bath and then when it comes time for the suit to go on he cracks it. We have started wrapping him and cuddling him wrapped during the day without putting him to bed to try and break bad associations and also not taking him straight to his room for bed but having a quiet time cuddle before going to his room at night but aside from that I don't know what to do. At the moment we are not putting him down awake because he is too agitated, have taken it back a couple of steps.

As much as we both love bringing him into our bed we don't want to do full co sleeping and that wouldn't solve the problem at 7pm anyway and once he is in his bed asleep he happily wakes for feeds and settles straight back down in his cot until about 6.30/7 when he normally comes into bed with us for an hour or so for sleepy cuddles.

Is it just a matter of continuing with what we are doing until he starts to settle about bed time?

Any advice please!

[SuperGranny]

hi, I"m trying to think back to having a ten week old. I dont think I had a big worry about the bed time at ten weeks. It was more a routine for sleep pattern but not the end of the evening by any means. I had baby still sleeping in the bassinette in our bedroom. If or when baby woke, he/she was changed, fed, and put back into the bassinette for the next few hours. My oldest slept through from six weeks, but I didnt put him into the cot in his own room until he was quite a few weeks older. I dont think you can win all the time with the bedtime routine, give it your best effort, but every night can be different while bub is still only so young. Marie

[Pax]

my bub is 5 months now but at 10 weeks she had No real routine..

perhaps he isnt sleepy! perhaps he is hungry...

10 week old bubs kind of dictate to us more than us have a routine for them

well that is how i look at it.

might be a bit young to expect routine

[InSaneOne]

cuddling them to sleep isn't a bad thing.

i cuddled dd to sleep until she went into her big bed at 12 months (only because she was walking at 8 months and ready for a big bed then). we had no issues with her and sleep then or now.

i also cuddled ds and still do. he will go down to sleep by himself but it depends on how tired he is.

bubs might be a little bit young to be developing a set "bedtime" maybe just stick with doing things in a certain order then lay down with them on your bed while they have a final feed then pop bubs in own bed when they are asleep. we do this with ds at night and he goes to sleep with no issues.

[kar]

the thing that is worrying me is not the actual go to bed, we are happy to sit and cuddle/feed to sleep, it is the hysteria when he gets into a suit after his bath and wrapped up. he loves his bath and massage and then when it is time to get dressed the screaming starts and we generally rock and cuddle to sleep from that point.
it bothers me because he is so upset.

trust me, he's tired, we don't sleep during the day.... but that is a whole other issue! (during the day he sleeps in ergo or bjorn, in bed with me, wherever i can coax him into shutting his eyes :laughing:)

maybe an extra feed once he is dressed might help, thx, although i don't think he is hungry might help with calming him.

[Pax]

it may be a sensory thing.. the suit might feel annoying to him.

babies skin can be very sensitive.

are there any tags or buttons rubbing on his skin?

[kar]

bonds wonders that he happily wears during the day.

i think he just doesn't like going to sleep and wants to let us know about it. was strange how it just flipped overnight from going to bed fine to screaming.

it generally takes about 1.5hrs from when i start feeding him to when he is ready for bed. maybe this is too long at the end of the day and he is completley over it, esp as he doesn't do much more than catnap during the day.

guess we will just persevere with the holding and calming him through it. i guess it flipped to bad overnight so it could go back overnight.

i just hate seeing him get so upset.

[Milliner]

Sorry not much advice here. My 3.5 and 18 months old still get all worked up about bed time.

[kar]

I guess that is my real question Milliner - is this just normal and not a sign of anything horrific??

We can live with it no problems, only lasts about 30 - 45 mins normally until he is asleep (including snuggling him while he dozing off to sleep for about 15 mins), I just worry about him and whether it is doing him damage to be screaming so much and how I can help him not to be so upset.

Maybe I should just quit worrying about it and just roll with it until it passes :rolleyes:

[Pax]

as upsetting as it is.. it is very cute in a way too, you know why?

he obviously is a very smart little dood :yes:

sounds adorable..

just persevere.. he is just manipulating his universe.. if there is nothing obviously wrong with him.. then he may be just trying it on..

i would experiment a little though and try some panadol.. just to ensure he is not in pain..

if that fails.. then it must be just a little infant psycho moment :laughing:

i love infants... they are so adorable in their little tantrums..

i bet you he just would love to snuggle up to you in bed and fall off to sleep.

co-sleeping can be scary for many though.

[kar]

he sure can join the dots! so much for calming bed time cues, more like cue the hysteria :laughing:

ok, feeling better it is not some horrendous psychological damage i have somehow caused him.

[Pax]

he sure can join the dots! so much for calming bed time cues, more like cue the hysteria :laughing:

ok, feeling better it is not some horrendous psychological damage i have somehow caused him.

no not at all .. he is just too smart for ya.. :laughing:

God bless him..

if he is otherwise healthy pat yourself on the back.

[MsMummy]

You mentioned the bath...

..my baby loves the bath, but screams as soon as he gets out.

My partner generally baths him, and the baby cries while he's being dried and dressed.

Then I put him straight on the boob for a feed and he either goes to sleep or plays, but whatever he does, he calms down.

We don't have a set bathtime, but he has the same reaction morning, afternoon, night, tired, not tired.

Not sure if the bath is related to your issue, but I just thought I'd mention it.

The theories about psychological damage/attachment problems are linked to CC/sleep training/babies feeling abandoned by the parents/regularly not having their needs met, as opposed to any form of crying.

Maybe try putting him in the Ergo (I think you mentioned you have one) until he falls asleep and then pop him in the cot.

personally, ditching the cot and co-sleeping was the best thing we ever did but I understand it's not for everybody.

Good luck.

[InSaneOne]

maybe he is resisting the wrap. my dd screamed from day 1 when we tried to wrap her. ds likes to be snuggles but hates to be wrapped tightly. he likes his arm free to play with his dummy.

try a sleeping bag instead of the wrap.

[*Cj*]

Maybe try to move his bedtime routine around. I know with Ds he thinks bath time is play time. We never bath him before bed. Its all ways before dinner. Or his too worked up for bedtime.

Good luck

[c38]

"The theories about psychological damage/attachment problems are linked to CC/sleep training/babies feeling abandoned by the parents/regularly not having their needs met, as opposed to any form of crying."

:iagree:

Remaining calm, consistant and recognising that he was born knowing how to sleep are the key. My son has been difficult to get to sleep and I think from 10weeks until about 6mths was the worst. Someone advised me that I should stop blamming myself and running round in circles trying to fix it when in reality he's the only one that can decide to shut his eyes and sleep. It took me a while to get my head around this (sounded too simple:rolleyes:), but once I started to feel realxed about his lack of sleeping..it has started to get better. Maybe try a sleeping bag rather then a wrap. But overall it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job. You are there for him when he's upset and that what counts. Have faith that you are great parents and are providing him with everything he needs. It is very very very unlikely that you have done anything to scar him emotionally.

[Baby Girl]

Remaining calm, consistant and recognising that he was born knowing how to sleep are the key. My son has been difficult to get to sleep and I think from 10weeks until about 6mths was the worst. Someone advised me that I should stop blamming myself and running round in circles trying to fix it when in reality he's the only one that can decide to shut his eyes and sleep. It took me a while to get my head around this (sounded too simple:rolleyes:), but once I started to feel realxed about his lack of sleeping..it has started to get better. Maybe try a sleeping bag rather then a wrap. But overall it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job. You are there for him when he's upset and that what counts. Have faith that you are great parents and are providing him with everything he needs. It is very very very unlikely that you have done anything to scar him emotionally.:iagree: Good Post!!

[kar]

thank you ladies :kiss:

might try to swap things around to bath then feed and try moving massage to late afternoon when he finds it impossible to have a nap pretty much no matter what.

he does love his bath with his daddy every night, who can't quite resist lots of chatting giggling and splashing....

hmm, that makes sense, he is all excited about hanging out with his dad, who would want to go to bed??

such good advice - all i can do is provide him with opportunities to sleep, can't make him shut his eyes!!

[kar]

Moved massage to after his mid afternoon feed, shortening the evening routine and swapped order to bath then feed and had a bub who went down without too much protest tonight.

Will see how we go with this order for the rest of the week.

Thx again for the tips ladies!

[wocket]

it might be worth investing in some other night time wear? have you tried a bit of a feed before the bath and a full one afterwards? that seems to help us.

[beatle]

Kar...I have a 10 week old that has just commenced doing exactly the same thing and up until about a week ago was more than happy to go down for the nite. I'm not complaining as she is such a good baby, but we seem to have a pattern very similar to yours.

Tell me, it's been a few weeks for you now, did the change up in pattern help? The screaming is distressing, even tho once down (takes on average 90 mins!!!!!) she stays down for the nite.

Any news would be great!

[alarna mae]

i fell asleep with my daughter. i found her at the bottom of the blanket> never did again...

Try putting a used pillowcase form your bed under your babies head.
After the bath. make it playtime instead of bed right away.
Try feed, bath, PLAY, small feed then bed.

You baby might be associating bath with "mummys leaving me"

10wks is way to early to be c.c I beleive c.c shouldnt be started until at least 2 when your child can understand its bed time
(but thats me and its worked fine so dont take offence!)

Is your babies room dark> ie no lights on etc. can she hear noises like tv?

I hae 2 great sleepers. were on and off. I made sure night was night....day was day to get the biological clock ticking (dont cover prams in the day etc)
Also had teh tv on loud enough for a soft mumur in the bedroom, no lights. lights are distracting. babies at that age dont really getscared of the dark.
and definatly the used pillocase. I swear by it so does my now sis in law :)
good luck

[onedayatatime]

My little 5 months old started having tantrums about going to bed at 3 weeks old. So during the day I'd be walking and bouncing her in the baby bjorn until a quick nap would result.

She still gets very upset when I dress her after her bath too. I think she hates getting dressed full stop.

One day I learned something about my little one and it started with the biggest screaming match you ever heard....

Every day for weeks and weeks she would be ready for a nap after 1 1/2 hours. Then one day out of the blue she lost it when I tried to put her down for a nap when she was 'due'.

She was letting me know she wasn't ready for bed yet and from that day forth goes 3 hours between naps.

From 1 1/2 hours to 3 overnight BAM!

Maybe your littlie is saying "I"m not ready yet". And while you may KNOW he is tired (just like I can see my girl is very tired when she is tantruming about bed) you might just have to keep him distracted until HE realizes he's tired.

Everynight I breastfeed my girl off to sleep and this can take between 1 1/2 hours - 3 to achieve. It's just the way it seems to be for her right now. I'm rolling with it.

So in short, I suppose what I'm saying in a rather long-winded way is that his personal routine (which HE dictates) might be changing.

Oh! The other theory I have which I also apply to my own girl who screams after bath and during dressing time is that that bath water after a recent feed may give her a tummy cramp and she is in pain when I lie her down to change. If I put her on her tummy after a bath the screaming is quite dramatically reduced. I also try to wait a while after a feed before bathing.