bridesmaid costs - who pays?

[aquarius]

hi gorgeous girls, apologies if this thread has already been done before but i scrolled thru about 5 pages of old threads and don't have time to do any more!

ok so in a wedding the bridesmaid is gonna have costs like dress, shoes, makeup, hair etc - who traditionally pays for all this? i know the bride can't be expected to pay for everything, but do you think she should at least chip in a little bit?

i've got a mate who is going to be bridesmaid at our mutual friend's wedding, but the bride has not offered to pay for anything and my mate is going to have to foot the bill for her bridesmaid dress (made from scratch), her shoes and hair/makeup, plus a wedding present. the bride sent her an email saying 'hair and makeup will cost $X' but didn't offer to chip in. my friend is really stressed as she is saving for her own wedding later this year and can't even afford to have her own wedding dress made from scratch, let alone the bridesmaid dress for someone else's wedding. do you guys think there's a tactful way she can ask the bride for some financial help, or is she just going to have to grin and bear it?

at my wedding i paid for my bridesmaid's hair and makeup and i offered to chip in for her accommodation at the hotel where we got married (she declined) plus i said i would give her some $ towards her dress (she declined also) and i know not every bride can afford this but surely some $ towards the bridesmaid's makeup and hair would not go astray? what do you guys think?

[OJandMe]

At our wedding the bridesmaids paid for their own dresses. I chose something that they would be happy to wear again, and didn't buy a 'bridesmaidy' dress... But just something from the evening wear section at Myer. On sale. About $70 each.

I paid for hair, makeup, flowers, and their jewellery.

[PinkBinkie]

When I was a bridesmaid my friend helped with the make-up and hair costs, I paid for the dress and shoes. She also bought us each earrings to wear on her wedding day.

[fox_girl]

For my SIL's wedding we HAD to pay for the bridesmaid dress which was $300 and then half of hair & make up & shoes. All up it cost me $400 for my stuff. We were also supposed to pay for our own accommodation & DP's suit, but i put my foot down and refused as we had just starting building a house & we still saving.

For my own Sisters wedding we are paying for our own dresses, which have been made & are practical and can be worn after (not like the other one) this cost $200. My sister was going to pay for our hair & make up but i gave me a cheeky IOU for xmas & i am paying for hair (As my friend is doing it cheaper anyway :)). We dont HAVE to stay in town for the night, we can go home. My sister offered to pay for the hair, but i wanted to. She is paying for Makeup.

Usually its just the dress that the bridesmaids pay for. Usually the bride pays hair & makeup. If they dress choosen is high in $$$ then i would expect the bride to contribute some towards it. After all it is her wedding after all.

I would tell your friend to ask for some help paying and if the bride refuses, then your friend needs to put her wedding first. She shouldn't go without for her wedding just to give someone else what they want for theres IYKWIM.

HTH

[poppie]

I think hair and make-up at least should be paid for by the bride. When I was married I paid for the dress material, hair and make-up, shoes, jewellery and accommodation at the reception place. The girls paid to have the dresses made (whatever style suited them) by someone we knew for $40 each, so I think they did quite well!

[OneNowOneLater]

Not really sure how to answer your questions, as i'm beginning to ask myself how to ask my bridesmaids to pay for their dress and shoes. We're paying heaps for everyones accomodation (go have a look at my thread lol) so we're trying to work out how to ask for help for that, let alone, trying to work out if its rude to do so....

I'll be following your thread hehe....

But honestly, i think the bride and her partner should pay for a portion of the bridesmaids costs.... I'm planning on paying for the hair and makeup, and i bought them all a necklace today (lol go to Diva peoples, they've got some nice stuff and they're cheap!).... We were gonna pay for all of the dresses to be made from scratch too - was gonna cost bout 6-700 bucks for 5 dresses (4 bridesmaids 1 flowergirl), but i'm leaning away from that and taking them all shopping.... just need to work out how to ask them to buy their own dress....

*sorry for the hijack*

[InSaneOne]

if the dress is cheap and can be worn again then i see no reason why the bridesmaid can't pay. but if the bride wants a certain dress that is $$$ then maybe she can chip in a bit. brides should also pay at least 1/2 for hair and makeup.

shoes should be the person wearing them but again should be cheap or the bride should help out.

i had to decline to be a bridesmaid at my friends wedding as cost was just too much and the cost of the dress kept going up. most people understand about financial problems as they have usually experienced them at some time.

just be up front with the bride and say you are struggling. maybe you can make a deal with her.

[ladybugblue84]

With my sisters wedding we paid for our dresses & she paid for everything else. I think it's unreasonable that your friend should have to foot all of the costs as a bridesmaid. To be honest if it was me in her shoes I'd decline to be a bridesmaid particularly if she doesn't have the money because she is saving for her own wedding.

I thought about what I would do with my wedding & decided I'd buy the material & the pattern of the dress I would like my bridesmaids to wear, package it up nicely & send it to my selected bridesmaids with a little card asking them nicely to be my bridesmaids & informing them that I would like them to foot the bill for having their dresses made by whoever they want (so if they have a relative who sews bonus), buy shoes of a certain colour (don't need to be the same design), all straighten their hair & then I will pay for everything else. I would then offer them the opportunity to decline gracefully should they not want to/not have the money. I am not planning on getting married anytime soon but that's my plan ;)

[treasurehim]

We paid for all of out bridal party's clothes, hair, makeup and jewellery. The only thing they paid for was shoes, and the only requirement was silver. 1 already had a pair and the other 2 got theirs under $30.

Traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their dress, and often even hair and makeup. But I dont think that it right, especially when they dont have a choice in what they get.

I personally think that if the hosts cannot afford it themselves, then arrange for something you CAN afford.

[maisymum]

At our wedding the bridesmaids paid for their dresses and shoes.......we paid for their hair and make-up plus their jewellery

[SilverStarfish]

I paid for the hair and make up, the girls just wore their own black shoes - I figured that if the guests were studying the bridesmaid's feet instead of looking at me during the ceremony, then they were at the wrong wedding! :laughing:

The dresses were all made for me - a friend's mother is a seamstress. I paid for the material and the dresses were made for me as a wedding present :)

Weddings come in all shapes and sizes. I don't know if there are any "rules" as such, but I think open communication and consideration is the key.

[abiishu]

When I was a bridesmaid I paid for my dress, dress alterations, shoes, fake tan, hair, makeup, travel and accommodation. All up over $2000! :rolleyes:

Our jewellery was a gift from the bride. Other than that I had to wear all the cost... :eek:

[pennylane]

Im getting married in 2 weeks and we have paid for the bridesmaids dresses,hair,make-up and jewellery.The only thing they were asked to contribute to was to buy their shoes (i just asked that they be silver) and pay for their dress alterations,only because they were offered to have them made-to-measure and they didnt want to be measured so chose the sizes they 'thought' they were,and both dresses were too small and needed taking out and we didnt see why we should have to foot the bill for them not wanting to be bothered with getting some measurements taken like we asked them to.

other than that weve covered everything for the whole bridal party,...suit hires etc etc. never again though lol were a young,low income family,but honestly,if we didnt do it,i dont trust anyone would have bothered getting themselves organised.

Ive been planning this wedding for over a year and even one of my bridesmaids had the date wrong up until last Thursday,thinking it was next weekend not the one after,thats how little effort theyve put in lol.

[Mum2Bella]

We paid for all of out bridal party's clothes, hair, makeup and jewellery. The only thing they paid for was shoes, and the only requirement was silver. 1 already had a pair and the other 2 got theirs under $30.

Traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their dress, and often even hair and makeup. But I dont think that it right, especially when they dont have a choice in what they get.

I personally think that if the hosts cannot afford it themselves, then arrange for something you CAN afford.

i totally agree.

[Knocked_for_six]

We paid for all of out bridal party's clothes, hair, makeup and jewellery. The only thing they paid for was shoes, and the only requirement was silver. 1 already had a pair and the other 2 got theirs under $30.

Traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their dress, and often even hair and makeup. But I dont think that it right, especially when they dont have a choice in what they get.

I personally think that if the hosts cannot afford it themselves, then arrange for something you CAN afford.

:iagree: We paid for everything for our Bridal Party. I paid for my bridesmaids wedding night accommodation, dress, shoes, hair & makeup (inc trail), jewelry and spa treatments. It was my special day and they were my special guests so I believe they shouldn't have been burdened financially. :yes:

[ibb]

I've been bridesmaid twice for the same friend. The 1st one i paid for the dress from scratch, hair and makeup but it was very reasonablly priced.

The 2nd was alot grander and my friend knew her bridesmaids could not afford what she wanted so she contributed to the dress. It was chinese thai silk and beautiful. We paid our own hair and makeup.

Both weddings, we were given gorgeous jewellry as a gift and neither expected presents but i gave both times.

I think its an honour to be asked to be part of their special day. I also want to look good too.

For my own wedding, i chose reasonably priced dresses they paid for, wasn't worried about their shoes so long as silver and they paid their hair and makeup. I bought them jewellry as a thank you gift.

[Starlet]

When I got married last year, I paid for my bridesmaids hair and makeup, shoes and jewellry. They paid for their dresses and we found a dress that they both liked and could wear again(the dresses were black).

[Herchy]

At our wedding the bridesmaids paid for their dresses and shoes.......we paid for their hair and make-up plus their jewellery

We did the same.
The jewellery was part of their gift from me, which they got to chose themselves.
MY BM's (both my sisters) got to choose what dresses they wore (as long as they were black) and they chose their own shoes, but that was one thing I wanted that matched.

[delirium]

I would say that the bridesmaid usually pays for her dress and the bride maybe pays for hair and make up and the BM's flowers.

When we got married we only had one BM and best man. I paid for half of her dress and shoes and for her hair. A few years down the track I was BM at her wedding and I had to pay EVERYTHING myself :rolleyes: Her dress at my wedding after I paid half was only about 80 bucks. For her wedding I had to pay $350 for the dress to be made and another 50 for shoes

sorry :laughing: I've gone off on my own little rant. My point is that I think it's polite for the bride to chip in with some of the costs for her BM's, afterall, she asked them not the other way around.

[aquarius]

thanks dudes you've all been really helpful! :)

i reckon my friend should speak up too and let the bride know she's struggling, she's got 2 kids (one a newborn) and a mortgage as well as her own wedding coming up! the dress colour and pattern that the bride and other 2 bridesmaids have picked is some hideous thing that my friend will never wear again, and it'll be about $300 to get made! the wedding's in july so hopefully she'll say something soon!

[EmmasMummy]

At my wedding we paid for everything ...... though my maid of honor is a dress maker so she made their dresses but we paid for the materials, flowers, shoes, makeup, hair and jewlery as thankyous.

I think if the bride really wants expensive things then she should atleast put in for some of it if not all of it. If they aren't going to send a person broke then i guess would be ok to ask the bridemaids to pay. If I was bridesmaid and couldnt afford it i would just tell them straight up you cant afford all that..... If they were a true friend the bride would then pay for you.
If your doing a wedding on a budget it is Very rude to then go and ask your bridesmaids to pay for very expensive dresses etc.
You want the person in your wedding it is an honour ... not something you have to pay to be in.

[missie_mack]

Traditionally speaking I think the bride or her family were expected to pay for the bridesmaids gear.... however in recent years its become the more accepted thing for the bridesmaid to pay her own dress and shoes at least. Usually with the bride paying for makeup hair and jewellery.....

When I got married we paid for everything. I thought it would be easier because then if they didn't like what I had chosen it didn't matter as much as they weren't paying for it anyhow. We simply made this our gift to them.

[bAaM]

My opinion is a little different to other ppls cause it annoys the you know what out of me when i see ppl winging about the costs of being a bridesmaid. My opinion on it is:

The bride needs to be up front with how much approx it will cost when they ask there bridesmaids to be her bridesmaids, if they cant affored it then they should say no and tell the bride why, THEN she has the choice of helping pay or asking someone else without the b!tchy backstabbing.

The bridesmaid pays for the dress and half the hair and makeup and the bride pays for the shoes and a gift (normally the jewlery)

I for one would give plenty of notice to my bridesmaids could save and if They where honest upfront with me then i would help pay for the dress. BUT if i found out she had b!tched that i hadnt put in enough I would ask her to step out of being a bridesmaid, as far as i am concerned it is a privlige to be asked, If i didnt really want to spend money I would turn down the offer but If someone had thought of me to be part of there bridal party I would be honored and FIND the money.

But I am very different cause i wouldnt pick a dress I would pick a colour and let them pick the dress, I also wouldnt have my wedding anywhere that my guests would have to pay heaps for accomadation.

[cindye]

I've been a bridesmaid 5 times and have paid for MOST of my expenses in every wedding I've been a part of.

In most of them, I've been able to make my bridesmaid dress so have just had to pay for the fabric...

Sometimes I've been able to wear my own shoes...

Most of them I've done my own makeup and all except one I've paid for my hair to be done.

Bride has always given a gift - usually jewellery to be worn on the day and paid for flowers.