Vent about SIL

[mum2bubba]

When Hayley was about 5 months old my SIL called child protection on me, I knew it was her because, a) shes done this type of thing before to other family members and b) she knew they had been to my house before I had even said anything to her, also my other SIL and BIL told me that she told them she was going to call them (hope that all makes sense).
Now unless she was the one who made the call how would she know anything about them coming over?
My other SIL and I spoke to child protection about her and said that she had done this kind of thing before to my BIL's ex and my BIL's new gf (which is my other SIL).
So far she has called them on me twice saying that I neglect Hayley and other BS. A few months ago Hayley was in hospital for a few hours coz she had gastro and shehad to have fluids, SIL found this out, did she bother to ring me or my fiance (which is her brother)? no, she went straight to DHS, the only reason she calls them is because she wants another child and can't have one because she has her tubes tied (she has 4 kids already and was told she could never have any).
You may think that maybe she only rung DHS coz she cares but like I said before she has done this before, she did the same thing to my BIL's ex and my BIL's new gf.
With his ex she called DHS ended up having my nephew stay with her for over 2 weeks even though she was supposed to have him for only a few days, when my BIL rang to get his son back (he didn't know at the time that she was the one to call them) the phone was mistreriously (sp?) off the hook for the whole time even though my BIL and his ex (mother of child) were allowed to speak to him.
With his new gf, my BIL's daughter (new gf's step daughter) stayed at her place for the weekend, SIL (one who called DHS) rang up and said "(name) really likes it here, she said she wants to stay blah, blah, blah".
My BIL and new gf were a little suspicious but decided to let it slide.
The next day SIL rang up and said "I have just go off the phone to DHS and have been told that (name) is not to go home" BIL was like "what are you talking about", SIL said she had rung them and told them (DHS) that she had overheard an argument my BIL and gf were having on the phone the night before. (make sense)
Another thing she did, my fiance, daughter and I went interstate for a week for New Years with my Dad, we got BIL and gf to keep an eye on our house and gave them a key, SIL found this out and said to BIL's gf "can you take pictures of the house, all the rooms, pantry, toilet etc" she didn't take any photos though.
SIL apparently also rang the doctors to wher I take Hayley (SIL goes there too) and asked one of the receptionists on details about Hayley, I thought that when you went to the doctors that its all private and confidential?
She leant us all her baby stuff (before we knew what she was going to do) and everyone thinks the only reason she leant us her stuff because she had planned to call DHS as soon as she found out was I pregnant, and so by her leanding us the stuff she is thinking "well, I've leant them stuff so if I call DHS they can't blame me".
She told BIL's gf that if she called DHS she would most likely end up with Hayley just because she made the call to them. :eek:

I have confronted her about this (so have a few of her family members) I said to her "It seems a bit odd that you know about DHS before me" She said to me "I wouldn't go blaming me coz you'll lose your support system":eek:

I didn't say anything back to her coz I knew it was her from day one anyway, I knew it was her that called them even before they showed up at my door step.

I don't understand why she is doing this, and not just to me but to other people as well, she is making up stories and saying that I am unfit and I don't care for ,y daughter properly, I take my daughter to see a health nurse every few months to get measured and weighed etc and to talk about any concerns etc (health nurse knows about SIL and is shocked)
All of Hayleys immunisations are up to date and she goes to the doctors if shes sick, I even take hayley to playgroup once a week (its the same place her health nurse is)
I am not a perfect mother, I make mistakes just like anybody else, but I have never hurt my child (not on purpose anyway) I was abused when I was younger and I don't even smack my baby because of it, this is really stressing me out, we havn't spoken to SIL in a few months and have moved house and we haven't told her where we live (and hopefully no one else has either).
I am scared that she will stop at nothing to get her hands on Hayley. My fiance and I are ttc to have another baby and I don't want her trying to take that one, I had a miscarriage at the start of the year and I'm guessing its due to all this stress.

Even if I was a bad mother I don't think its her business to call DHS if she has a problem with the way I raise my child she should either come and speak to me about it or mind her business, unless I was sexually molesting her or something (which I'm not)



Anyway, sorry for the long vent I just wanted to get this all off my chest and need to know some advice, has anyone had this happen to them before, if so what did you do? Some ppl have suggested that I call DHS on her but they might think I am only trying to get back at her. So any advice? Thanx in advance and sorry its so long. ;)

Another thig I forgot to add: SIL was talking about getting a video camera and taping Hayley at her my niece's birthday party to send to DHS. My BIL's gf told me that SIL told this to her. :eek:

[Princess_Alisa]

Hi Cassie,

You poor thing! This is a horrible story! Your SIL must have seroius mental issues and I suggest, that she should get checked out by some organisation! Seriously, what she does to you is legally not right and she can't do that! It makes me sooooo angry!!!!:banghead:

This person definately has to be watched, she is mentally ill. She is obsessed with other peoples children, oh my god!! She might have depression and needs medication.

If I was you, I would ring this organisation or go to the childhood centre (or some other sort of help organisation) and make an appointment and tell them the whole story and ask for protection. Don't be afraid that they would think you just ring to pay her back, because it is not true.

Your SIL must be stopped to do things like this for the well-being of your child and others!!

All the best and good luck with everything :hugs:

[mum2bubba]

Thanks for your reply, everyone always says the same thing: that she has a mental problem, I am at my whits end and really need to speak to a profesional but she is going to continue. I am thinking about getting a restraining order out on her so she can't come near Hayley or any other children we have.

[Tam-I-Am]

I think that the restraining order is a very good idea.

I'm unsure (not knowing her) what your SIL's problem is - but its clear that she is toxic in everyway possible for you and your family. How does your DP feel about her behaviour (not sure if I read this right - but she's his sister?)

I think that you need to contact DHS yourself and explain the current situation - because if she continues to report you to them, they will continue to check you (each report to DHS is recorded. If a family is reported more than once - it becomes more serious. The more times they are reported, the more closely DHS look into it....and the reports can be made by the same person!)

I would also advise you to seek some legal advice. You really need all the help you can get here.

[mum2bubba]

I think that the restraining order is a very good idea.

I'm unsure (not knowing her) what your SIL's problem is - but its clear that she is toxic in everyway possible for you and your family. How does your DP feel about her behaviour (not sure if I read this right - but she's his sister?)

I think that you need to contact DHS yourself and explain the current situation - because if she continues to report you to them, they will continue to check you (each report to DHS is recorded. If a family is reported more than once - it becomes more serious. The more times they are reported, the more closely DHS look into it....and the reports can be made by the same person!)

I would also advise you to seek some legal advice. You really need all the help you can get here.

I have spoken to DHS about her and they have checked her files, because she has done this before to other family members and has made up the same "stories" they are treating it as a "pestering" call, DHS told me that becuase we have made a complaint next time she rings them she is going to get a file on her just for making calls that arent true, and its not just me that complained my BIL's gf did as well and said almost exaclty the same thing as I did. DHS also spoke to Hayley's health nurse and she told them about SIL aswell.
Even if she doesn't ring DHS anymore she could still get a friend to ring them on her behalf or she could do it annonymously (sp?).
OR she could go to any length, ie kidnap or whatever. She is mental, she is addicted to pain killers but thats another story.
She was at the birth and afterwards when I was getting stiches she was holding Hayley and she said to her (as she was handing her over to my fiance) "here, go to Uncle Grant" Now that might have just been a simple mistake but to me it seems like she was at the birth and wished that it was her giving birth and that she is the mother. Hope that made sense, its 11:45pm while I'm writing this. :)

[PhAnToM]

She was at the birth and afterwards when I was getting stiches she was holding Hayley and she said to her (as she was handing her over to my fiance) "here, go to Uncle Grant"

:eek:
What the...?
Sorry, I'd been reading the thread and I thought the other parts were concerning, but I'm sorry.... right about this point, I would have tossed her out and not let her have anything more to do with my child. That sounds... not right.
I'm thinking after the number of kids she has given birth to, she would be aware of whether she had the baby and hence the baby would be calling her brother "uncle" or not! That is scarey!:(

She sounds like my ex-SIL. Well, she never rang any government office. But she desperately wanted to have kids, but they had agreed that they weren't going to have kids, even before getting married. After they got married, she kept pushing and pushing for kids. My bro wouldn't give in saying they had agreed to no children and he wasn't ready for any kids in any way.
When I gave birth she was excited, which was nice to see. But then she started acting strangely, like as if she was the mother. And i'd hear her whispering things to DD, saying strange things to her like "don't worry about them. they don't love you. You have me." :confused:
She would handle DD and give her to my brother (who was/is besotted by his niece) and try to form a happy family portrait.. with MY child! The freak!

Thank God the nutter went overseas to see her parents on a holiday, and decided never to return. Think we can get your SIL to do the same?? LOL

[mum2bubba]

Thank God the nutter went overseas to see her parents on a holiday, and decided never to return. Think we can get your SIL to do the same?? LOL[/QUOTE]



She already lives a 2 hour drive away (not far enough though) my fiance and I are thinking about moving up to Queensland (not because of SIL, but the more I think about her the more it makes me wanna pack) but for the warm weather. We don't want her knowing where we live we are getting a private number and stuff, feels like I am going to be in the whitness protection or something:rolleyes:

[Grizabella]

Whoa! What a psycho! Now that you have reported her to DCHS I would make a beeline to your nearest poilice station and get a RO on that *****! I can't believe there are people mental enough out there to do this sort of stuff! And to their own families. What do your PIL have to say about her antics?

[mum2bubba]

My nanna in law has told her sevaral times to butt out but she doesnt listen to anyone, she makes me out to be the bad person by saying the reason she called DHS was because she is worried about Hayley. Worried about what? I have no idea.

As for her parents, well she has never met her Dad and her mum doesn't say anything to her coz she "doesn't want to get involved" (MIL is my fiance's boss so I can't really say anything coz I don't want him getting fired)

[Grizabella]

I guess there isn't much family can do, she obviously has a mental condition of some sort. Best just to get the RO and cut her out completely. Sounds like the only thing you can do. Good luck with it all:fingerscrossed:

[InSaneOne]

i just wanted to say :hugs: for putting up with it for as long as you have. i would definately be getting a restraining order against her.

good luck with everything. :fingerscrossed: for you.

[Stretchmark Diva]

OMG! :eek: What a psycho!

Why are you still speaking to her? If anyone called the child protection authorities on me for no reason, it would be the last time they ever saw me. How did she know which GP you go to? How does she find out any information about your family?

Well done for making a complaint so she can get a file opened on her. Treat this seriously, don't give her another chance to get involved in your lives. Think of her as a crazy stalker. Which is kind of what she is. Also, make a written complaint to your Dr about them giving out medical information about your daughter and change doctors.

Get a silent phone number, a post office box, and stop the information train to crazy SIL. Screen her calls with an answering machine (record or keep crazy messages as proof).

Move far, far away and tell the rest of the family that unless they want to be cut off, they are not to give out any personal information about you, including your address, phone number, etc.

Good luck. She is one scary lady!