Gay Dad to Be

[GayDad2Be]

Hi guys,

I just wanted to post about what's going on with my journey to become a Dad. I would love to hear your thoughts!

I guess the path I am looking at taking is an unorthodox one (not that any same sex conception is generally any different - haha!).

In short, I am taking my very generous sister up on her offer to carry a child for me, using a sperm donor.

I am really excited about the whole thing, but also daunted by it all as well - especially the legal side of things.

I guess the other thing that makes my situation a little unique is that I intend to be a sole parent. I am single, and am looking forward to being a single Dad (although of course I'm not opposed to the idea of meeting someone special down the track).

I am 25 years old, and have always wanted to be a parent. After years of thinking, dreaming, and contemplating, I feel that now is the right time to do it.

I am keen to hear some thoughts. Has anybody been down the same track, or know someone who has?

And always keen to MSN chat, email etc with other same sex singles or couples going along this amazing journey!

[Leeny]

Welcome to the forum :) I think you're definitely embarking on what will be a difficult journey.. People judge (whether we like to admit it or not :p) and I'm sure you'll run into many people who don't agree with what your doing but it sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive family around you :)

I also think being a single parent is difficult.. Gay/straight/mum/dad.. Doesn't matter which way.. It's difficult.. Both financially and emotionally.. So you'd of course need to be prepared for that. Would your sister want to play an active parenting role in the childs life?

What do your parents think of your sisters offer? I have no idea what would happen with the legal side of things, but I'm sure someone on the forum would know.

Good luck with your journey on becoming a dad!

[Freya]

Welcome to the forum and wow how exciting for you!

What an amazing gift for your sister to give.:bee:

Good luck with your journey.:goodvibes:

[Mrs Dolphin]

Welcome :wave:

Sorry I am still trying to get my ahead around this...so your child's Aunty will be his/her birth mother? Hmmm :detective:

Have you actually spoken to anybody in the legal profession about the legalities of this?

It has me intrigued...

[bec79]

Hi :wave:

Welcome to the hub. I'm sure you will find it to be a supportive and informative forum.

It sounds like you are embarking on a challenging, yet rewarding journey.
I tend to agree with Leeny...


I also think being a single parent is difficult.. Gay/straight/mum/dad.. Doesn't matter which way.. It's difficult.. Both financially and emotionally..
I have days when I really struggle with being a parent (and I'm in a supportive relationship)...children can be so tiring, frustrating, strong-willed, etc....They demand (and rightly so) to be your number 1 priority, all of the time....
Having said that they also bring such joy and happiness to our lives...it's just hard to think about that 'happiness' when your feeling strung-out from 'one of those days.'

[jag5000]

welcome to bubhub.. you'll find it a wonderful resource on your parenting journey. :hugs:

That is an amazing thing that your sister is doing. What a wonderful bond you must have! Had you ever thought about using your own sperm and a donor egg so that the child will be your bio child?

[Rainbow Mum]

Good on you and your wonderful sister for thinking of this option. :yelclap:

I hope this does not come across as offensive to the other posters on this forum because it is not meant to be but :

You came on here all excited to share your news with other same sex parents/parents to be and you have so far only received replys from straight couples. They have all been welcoming and supportive but you and I know they just don't get it ! :p

Ok your idea is a little outside the square but then so are our lives !

What a wonderful woman your sister is.

Of course you should be excited at this, the beginning of your parenting journey however you decide to proceed .

Jag5000's idea is a good one and definately worth considering .

If you are not the bio dad then legally, I think you will find you would have to adopt your sisters child to make you a legal parent.:flowerz:

Keep us posted

[GayDad2Be]

Hi all, thanks for the many replies. I thought I had this thread set up to email me when I got replies, so imagine my surprise when I found so many replies already.

Legally we both recognise that this isn't going to be easy, and the solution we have isn't the most ideal, but it seems to be the easiest and quickest way to make it work.

Once the child is born custody and legal guardianship will be passed over to me by a Family Court Consent Order.

Once this has been achieved, which can be done easily, a couple of years will pass and then we will move through the adoption process.

The adoption process would be very constrictive for me as a single gay man from the beginning, however once there is a significant history as the sole guardian of the child this will allow things to run a little more smoothly.

As for the idea of using a donor egg and being the bio father, this thought has crossed my mind as well. However the costs involved would be too restrictive, when compared with the good I could do with that money for a child, as opposed to spending it all on creating one.

Thanks again for all your messages, and I look forward to hearing more thoughts. Am especially interestd in hearing from anyone who has done something similar.....

[MommaBear]

wow how exiting it must be for you!
Im a solo mum and being a parent is great!
Look forward to hearing your baby news

[confusd]

welcome :wave:

hope all goes well.

[Green Mum to be]

:yelclap:CONGRATULATIONS! :yelclap:

I am really happy that you found a way to have a child, it is even harder for gay men than for us lesbians.

It is exceptionally scary and exciting the process of trying to make it work against conventional ideas and legal barriers. Yet, i think that it shows a comittment to having a child and proof (not that it is required) that you will be an excellent parent... i mean look at what it took to get there! :yes:

When do you start trying??? If you need any tips on insemination, there are a few of us (myself included) who can help!

Good Luck!

[GayDad2Be]

When do you start trying??? If you need any tips on insemination, there are a few of us (myself included) who can help!
Good Luck!

I'm sure I will be asking for plenty of advice from you lovely guys and girls as things progress.

The next step for us is to find a donor, once that happens - it's all systems go.

If anybody knows of a suitable donor in the SE Queensland area, by all means feel free to let us know. We are investigating a few different means for this already.

:)

[c38]

Welcome to the Forum. How lovely that your sister is helping you with this. I hope it all goes well for you.
:goodvibes:

[Booo]

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to parenthood!!

[Mum2Bella]

has your sister got children of her own?

[mumbron]

Good luck for what is ahead it sounds like you know what you are in for.
Have you and your sister looked at going to a clinic that helps couples find a donnor? would this be any help to you's keep us updated on your journey i wish you all the best...

[GayDad2Be]

Yes, sis has 2 teenaged children - and has no desire to be a parent again herself. haha.

[gaydadwb]

Hi there,

I'm also a gay guy wanting to become a dad too. Im 31 and I'd like to get in contact with you and have a chat. hope to hear from you soon!

[Rainbow Mum]

Would love to know how your journey is going !

We realise you went quiet thanks to the publicity of an ******** journalist that insisted on invading your privacy !

But maybe you could let us know somehow how you and your sis are doing with the baby journey !