Annoying people

[mum2bubba]

Does anyone else get questions off friend/family/complete strangers about whether or not yor going back to work?

Whenever my sister (who is 22 and childless) comes over she always asks me if I have been looking for a job (like its her business anyway) don't get me wrong, I love my sister we are pretty close but it gets on my nerves when she says things like "are you gonna get a job soon" or " you need to get a job" our financial situation is really good at the moment (touch wood) and unless my centrelink payments go down or Grant loses his job or whatever then I will think about it.

A few months ago I was pregnant and when I tld my sister the first thing she said was "do you have a job?" (I miscarried anyway). I don't think she quit understands that the cost of chilcare isn't exaclty cheap and all (or most) of my earnings would go to childcare, I can't leave Hayley with friends or family because they either work or live too far away.

Having said that, even if chilcare was free or if I were earing $100,000,000 a week (yeah right) I still don't think I'd be ready to leave my daughter, maybe when Hayley is in school I might work part time (2 or 3 days a week) but even then it'd be pushing it.
So does anyone else have this problem???

[poshBecks]

People ask me all the time... but its coz they want me to do their hair again!! :rolleyes:

When will childless people actually understand how hard us stay at home mums work? :banghead: I'd like to see them have a go at it :rolleyes:

Next time she says something like that... tell her to rack off :p

[Grizabella]

Yup! I sure do! And if it's not that, it's "when are you having the next one?" I mean for God's sake just leave me be!

Just keep doing your thing! You know when you are ready to go back to work. Don't let other people pressure you into doing something that will make you unhappy, no matter what it is!

[aardvark]

When #1 was about 18 months old, my uncle wanted me to work in his shop. I refused.

I wasn't about to get out of bed in the morning, rush about, and pay childcare for the amount of money he was paying. It just wasn't worth it.

I stayed home until she was 3.5 years old. I finally found a graduate position in my chosen profession, and then it WAS worth getting out of bed and paying childcare.

Now I'm in the fortunate position of being able to work just 3 days per week when I return from maternity leave next year, and that is a nice balance hours-wise, and it also gives me the lions share of my previous full time income, by the time you look at childcare fees, tax brackets and commuting expenses.

[Rockett]

Yes,I used to get this off one friend in particular,and every now and then she'll bring it up too,she was always asking me when was I going back to work,and was quite shocked when I told her that I had quit work to be a full time SAHM.
She can't understand why I want to be home with my DD,whereas she can't wait to drop hers off to childcare each week..but each to there own I guess,but I just wish she'd stop questioning me about my choices!:banghead:

[SuperWoman]

I get asked that all the time, but the one that really annoys me is "Are you still at home". It's like they think we just sit on our a*** all day! It really gets me mad!:banghead:

[lovinmum]

hi ladies,
i just read your post and had to say that this subject does my head in. I always get asked and it is so frustrating:mad: My partners dad came down from up north not long ago and we hardly get to see him. All he could say was when are you going to get a job? I dont know what they expect, i run my partners buisness, i study and started up a buisness with my best mate. But anyway i find it quite rude when people ask.

megs:)

[JATS]

I don't cop this (yet) but there's a thread on one of my other forums at the moment full of women bagging sahm's, in particular single sahm's! Apparently if you are a sahm that accepts any government benefits you're a (direct quote) "drain on society" :eek:

Personally I think single sahm's on the parenting payment are hardly "a waste of tax dollars" but looks like I'm the minority over there!

[Nickster]

Just smile at her smugly and say "Oh no, I don't need to work". That should drive her bananas!:yes:

For heaven's sake, it's you and your partner's business (and nobody else's) if you choose to return to work/get a job - besides, it's so important to give your children emotional security when they are so young - doesn't that count for anything anymore? Is it all about money these days?:mad:

[kymmy]

I get this all time:yes:
I will be breastfeeding my young child and they ask
"Do you work.?"
I try to stay calm and tell them I am at home and I will go out to work when I am ready- probably when I have finished having children and the baby is at least in grade one. I think I will go and study first though...

[lovinmum]

i just had to say that if people want to say that SAHM's are whats that a " drain of society" i think might just be upset and wishing they could stay at home and have that quality time we get to have with our kids. Who ever said that staying at home with the kids isnt a job in its self? Its just a job that has some great perks of spending time with your family and giving your kids the support they need, (very well put by Nickster).

And it is so very true that our buisness is both of ours and shouldnt bother anyone but us:yelclap:

meg:)

[thepanda]

I get it alot. Especially from my father. He rings me and says there is a good job and you should apply for it. I've told him I want another baby some day soon and I'm not going back to work until this one or the youngest one is in school.

Some people don't appreciate SAHMs. Who is going to do the tuck shop and be there for the kids and their friends after schools. Be at every play and for all the sick days. Some mums hopefully will continue to stay at home. I may be too traditional but I believe putting everything into the babies comes first. Thankfully so does my pediatrician. He says he feels like saying to the mums who go straight back to work with a new born to 'get a dog'. He told me that research suggests that babies, especially up to the age of two - three years old, need their mums with them and I agree with that. Don't let people tell you you are doing the wrong thing ever for putting time and effort into the future generation.

Manda.

[mum2bubba]

I get it alot. Especially from my father. He rings me and says there is a good job and you should apply for it. I've told him I want another baby some day soon and I'm not going back to work until this one or the youngest one is in school.

Some people don't appreciate SAHMs. Who is going to do the tuck shop and be there for the kids and their friends after schools. Be at every play and for all the sick days. Some mums hopefully will continue to stay at home. I may be too traditional but I believe putting everything into the babies comes first. Thankfully so does my pediatrician. He says he feels like saying to the mums who go straight back to work with a new born to 'get a dog'. He told me that research suggests that babies, especially up to the age of two - three years old, need their mums with them and I agree with that. Don't let people tell you you are doing the wrong thing ever for putting time and effort into the future generation.

Manda.

ITA, Hayley is MY daughter (and my fiance's) we didn't have her so that someone else can rais her, we (my fiance and I) should be the ones to shape who she is, yes, she is going to go to school in a few years but thats then, I want to be home when she gets home (if I have to work 2 days a week or something thats fine but thats ALL) I want to be there when she has her school plays and things like that, my own parents weren't around much (at least my mum had an exuse though-she was dying of cancer:( ) but my dad wasn't around much even when he WAS home (iykwim).
I want to go to parent-teacher interviews and be part of my child(rens) life, what happens if I go back to work and my dd is sick and I have to take time off work, am I gonna get fired??? I do not need some ******** boss to tell me when and if I can see my child(ren), to me there is no other "job" in the world more satisfying (yet challenging) then being a parent. :)

[Bubble*Crazy]

Yup! I sure do! And if it's not that, it's "when are you having the next one?" I mean for God's sake just leave me be!

These have been the "hot two" questions people have been asking me since DS was born (4 weeks & 5 days ago, mind you!!!???) - a 'friend' even asked me when they came to visit us in hospital??!! ... Hey, why don't you let me (and, not forgetting DP & big siser) get to know our new little man before we start making decisions like that .... ???

I initially laughed the questions/comments off, as I had to return to work FT when DD was just 4.5 months old, but now they are becoming quite offensive to me. Obviously I'm sick of them!

[spring]

I don't cop this (yet) but there's a thread on one of my other forums at the moment full of women bagging sahm's, in particular single sahm's! Apparently if you are a sahm that accepts any government benefits you're a (direct quote) "drain on society" :eek:

Personally I think single sahm's on the parenting payment are hardly "a waste of tax dollars" but looks like I'm the minority over there!

I think any woman that has children & bags sahms has got to be just jealous & any woman who bags them & dosn't have her own kids should shut the fuk up because they wouldn't have a clue.:ecomcity:
Im a single sahm & there's no way I would choose money over my baby's emotional wellbeing INFANTS NEED THIERE MUMS NOT TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED its not natural. It's so sad :crying: society has gotton to the point where mothers feel bad to do whats best for theire children.
Well not me!:barf: Fuk society

Azalea Jae-2/10/05
Me(Renee)-12/9/86

[spring]

Sorry I should have said the majority of Western society

[mum2bubba]

I think any woman that has children & bags sahms has got to be just jealous & any woman who bags them & dosn't have her own kids should shut the fuk up because they wouldn't have a clue.:ecomcity:
Im a single sahm & there's no way I would choose money over my baby's emotional wellbeing INFANTS NEED THIERE MUMS NOT TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED its not natural. It's so sad :crying: society has gotton to the point where mothers feel bad to do whats best for theire children.
Well not me!:barf: Fuk society

Azalea Jae-2/10/05
Me(Renee)-12/9/86

My SIL were having a discussion about this earlier today and (I don;t want to get into a whole debate about feminism or anything) but we both agree that it should be compulsory that ALL mothers (and some fathers) stay home with their children and if they really want to work it should only be part time (2 days a week or something) and single mums should get $700 a week off the gov and parterned mums should get $500 (or something like that) I think teens need their mums and/or dads to be home jsut as much as babies and toddlers do. :yes:

Also, just because the mum (or dad) stays home doesn't mean they get no help from the "working" parent, this means spending time with the child(ren), house work etc. Also, I think that the government should encourage all sahm to have one night a week or month (whatevers easier) to have "me time" without kids (and even sometimes without DP) so we don't feel like we're cramped up in side all day with no life. Hope I'm making sense.

[Mum2Bug]

I'm a single SAHM and when i hear that people are making comments like 'drain on society' i get so :banghead: . My ex is great about paying his maintenance and i dont get a full pension like some others do, but its part of our informal custody agreement that he will continue to support the decisions i make for our childs upbringing (he is unable to see much of her, not his fault tho), provided i am willing to stay at home with her until she is of school age. is there anything wrong with wanting to watch my little girl grow up? i wouldnt have thought so!

[JATS]

I am so incredibly grateful to hear the majority of mums here support SAHMs! It was 3-1 against over there :mad: I could hardly believe what they said, glad that one got closed :thumbsdown:

[SassyMummy]

I think it's pretty unfair for people to assume that if you do not work a "standard" job, it must mean that you are rather worthless.

I don't have very much work experience (I've worked at a bakery for a few months when I was 14, did a few make-up jobs for a mobile beauty business, and worked at a store for about 5 months...that's ALL!)...so if I tried to get a job now, the most attainable would be something like a check-out chick at Woolies (lol).

I would have thought that most people would have figured that, when it came down to it, spending time with my daughter is time much better spent than swiping barcodes for $11 an hour (or thereabouts...I think that's roughly how much I'd get paid...). I'd also THEN have to find childcare...pfft. At the moment, it's just as good (financially) for me to be a SAHM on Centrelink Benefits than work for the same amount of money but spend a lot of it on childcare and not see my daughter as often.

I have to say though, I do disagree with some of the comments made before mine.

Mum2Bubba and Spring...you have a problem with people belittling SAHMs, but you seem to have no problem with inferring that working parents aren't "good" parents. It seems like a bit of a double standard IMO, and I'm sure that the majority of working parents DO miss their kids while they're at work. I have no doubt that some of them even feel so guilty about it, that they have a bit of a break down every now and then...

So please, don't be so naive and immature as to think that working parents aren't as "good" as SAH parents. I'm sure that both sides of the fence are missing out on something...and it's up to parents to decide how they spend their days. Some people can AFFORD to be SAHMs easily (because their partner earns more than enough), some people struggle but manage it anyway. Some people though, simply CANNOT afford to live on pensions alone...and others just like the challenges they face at work.

It's really up to the individual...so get off your high horses and stop being so judgemental!

[Mum2Bug]

I would have thought that most people would have figured that, when it came down to it, spending time with my daughter is time much better spent than swiping barcodes for $11 an hour (or thereabouts...I think that's roughly how much I'd get paid...). I'd also THEN have to find childcare...pfft. At the moment, it's just as good (financially) for me to be a SAHM on Centrelink Benefits than work for the same amount of money but spend a lot of it on childcare and not see my daughter as often.

I know what you mean. As i said earlier i DO NOT receive full benefits but with what i do get and my maintenance that my ex happily pays, i have no reason to work atm. i admit that could change in the future tho. but i worked out that, due to the amount i get in total i am getting paid the same amount to stay home with bub as i was to work per year. except when i was working i didnt receive power and phone rebates, no concessions for medicine or public transport and i was paying tax on what i earned. now i get what i didnt previously and im not paying tax or childcare costs on top of it all. (altho i think i paid so much over the last 10 yrs i figure im just getting it back now) and my daughter has me at home with her, loving her and educating her!

When she goes to school i will quite happily go back to working but until then....not happening. I have a large amount of respect tho for people who have gone back to work as it takes a lot of guts and life adjustment to be able to fit it all in. well done to everyone, no matter what choice they have made as it is the best one they could do given their own personal circumstances

[mum2bubba]

I think it's pretty unfair for people to assume that if you do not work a "standard" job, it must mean that you are rather worthless.

I don't have very much work experience (I've worked at a bakery for a few months when I was 14, did a few make-up jobs for a mobile beauty business, and worked at a store for about 5 months...that's ALL!)...so if I tried to get a job now, the most attainable would be something like a check-out chick at Woolies (lol).

I would have thought that most people would have figured that, when it came down to it, spending time with my daughter is time much better spent than swiping barcodes for $11 an hour (or thereabouts...I think that's roughly how much I'd get paid...). I'd also THEN have to find childcare...pfft. At the moment, it's just as good (financially) for me to be a SAHM on Centrelink Benefits than work for the same amount of money but spend a lot of it on childcare and not see my daughter as often.

I have to say though, I do disagree with some of the comments made before mine.

Mum2Bubba and Spring...you have a problem with people belittling SAHMs, but you seem to have no problem with inferring that working parents aren't "good" parents. It seems like a bit of a double standard IMO, and I'm sure that the majority of working parents DO miss their kids while they're at work. I have no doubt that some of them even feel so guilty about it, that they have a bit of a break down every now and then...

So please, don't be so naive and immature as to think that working parents aren't as "good" as SAH parents. I'm sure that both sides of the fence are missing out on something...and it's up to parents to decide how they spend their days. Some people can AFFORD to be SAHMs easily (because their partner earns more than enough), some people struggle but manage it anyway. Some people though, simply CANNOT afford to live on pensions alone...and others just like the challenges they face at work.

It's really up to the individual...so get off your high horses and stop being so judgemental!


I never once saud that working parents were bad parents I just mean that the Government should pay mothers a little (or alot) more money so that we CAN stay home, alot of teenagers (and even pre-teens) are out doing drugs and stuff because the parents aren't home, I understand that alot of ppl don't have the choice to go back to work and I feel sorry for these parents so the Gov should pay them to stay home (if they want to) and for those who actually do want to work then maybe part time and still get a little bit of money from Centerlink, sorry if I'm not making sense, but like I said, I NEVER said that working parents were bad. :no:

[SassyMummy]

we both agree that it should be compulsory that ALL mothers (and some fathers) stay home with their children and if they really want to work it should only be part time (2 days a week or something)

Sorry, but it was the above quote which led me to believe that you were belittling working parents...and even if I got the wrong impression, well...you can see how I'd deduce what I did from that small paragraph.

It was moreso directed at Spring than you...I thought her comments were very immature and offensive...moreso than yours.

[mum2bubba]

Sorry, but it was the above quote which led me to believe that you were belittling working parents...and even if I got the wrong impression, well...you can see how I'd deduce what I did from that small paragraph.

It was moreso directed at Spring than you...I thought her comments were very immature and offensive...moreso than yours.


All I'm trying to say is that the Gov should recognise being a parent as a full time job and they should pay us more, I think then theres no excuse for ppl not to stay home, if ppl WANT to work then they can part time but still get money off the Gov because parenting is a full time job. I think ppl need to look at the reason/s why they go back to work is it because they need to pay rent and all the other basic stuff or is it because they just want to get their kid/s all the latest clothes and toys, I can understand ppl going back because they need to make ends meet (especially single parents) but I don't understand ppl going back to work because they want to get their kids the best toys or whatever, whats so wrong with working maybe part time (if you really can't give up your job) and learning how to save money and buy all their toys (or most of their toys) second hand? Imo I think children (all ages) need at least one parent at home (at least there should be someone there after school) to make sure they stay out of trouble and teach them about life and stuff, its the parents job to shape who their kids are, yes I know that they go to school and all that but whats the point of having a child if someone else raises it? I have worked in a daycare center and alot of those kids (including young babies) were in there all day (from 7am to 6pm) and half those parents only worked part time (if at all) I feel sorry for those kids and parents, like I said I understand that alot of ppl have to go back to work, but for those who actually want work full time I think they should put their kids first and only work part time. Sorry thats just my opinion, the reason I feel this way is because my parents were hardly around (my mum died from Cancer) my dad re-married to a woman who was mentally and physically abusive and he didn't have a clue what was going on, even when he was home he still wasn't really there iykwim. There are heaps of teenagers (not saying all of them) that are doing drugs and stuff mostly because the parents aren't around to discipline or anything. Teens and pre-teens are going through puperty and have lots of questions so I think that the parents should be there to answer them, I never got that from my parents.

[IAdoreYou]

Alot of people are just curiois. I used to get asked alot as well. Not so much anymore .. was very annoying though.

[Mum2Bug]

I just tell them that my custody agreements are my own business and that me being a SAHM is part of those agreements

[miriams]

I have been asked this by my sister-in-law quite a bit. I just tell her that I am not looking because my DH works quite long hours( of his own choice) and I'd have no help around the house. I guess it doesn't really hurt me because I know that she and my brother would love to have kids but they, combined, earn a lot less than my husband. They're fairly religiously fundamentalist too so I think it eats her up a bit that we, who don't really care for religion at all, are having kids and sort of doing the 'traditional thing'. Still, it can be slightly annoying and I get the feeling that if I was working full-time, she would ask questions like " When do you get the time to see your daughter?" , "You must be so tired all the time" and bringing up every bad bit of news about daycares etc. Some people are just like that.

[Mum2Bug]

I just want to know who told these people that our choices are any of their business

[JATS]

Everybody has their own little idea of how things should be done, even the most insignificant little differences can cause conflict!

For example, my mother has a set order she does the dishes in, and she believes her way to do the dishes is the only way to do the dishes and god help anyone who dissagrees! :laughing: :rolleyes:

My opinion is;
There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and the wrong way is to try make everyone else do it the right way!

[Karstens Mum]

I hear ya all.

I have this one friend who constantly asks me, she is gonna get a mouth full b4 much longer as she is driving me nuts. I dont see here very often now as its so annoying.

She spent the whole of last year sitting on her back side at home. She has no kids and her man had to go away to work so they could survive. I never said anything to her as its none of my business.
Now she is back working and has been for only 5 months mind you and has the nerve to ask me constantly when I'm going back to work. I have a baby so I have a reason to be at home unlike her. I told her I was offered my old job back on a casual basis and I declinded and her exact words to me were "Why didnt you take it, its better than nothing".. I really believe she thinks I am sitting on my backside watching TV all day like she did. She has no idea how busy it is to be at home with a baby......
Well thats my *****, hehehehe

And YES I AGREE, THE GOVT SHOULD RECOGNISE US MUMS AND WE SHOULD GET MORE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Mum2Bug]

I got asked today if I plan on going back to work now that I have started doing the occasional babysit job. Like hello - its babysitting! Not a full time job!

Don't they understand i just want to stay home with Bug and enjoy her young years!:(

[lovingmotheract]

i have to say i get that all the time my little girl is allmost 8months and she is not sleeping well in the night and i don't get sleep:banghead: so i have a rest and if i go to work as everyone wants me to do i will be so sleepy. I want to spend as much time as i can having fun and playing with her then when she is at that age where she can go to school then i will go back to work. :kiss:

[Hokey Pokey]

Yes I do but only since moving back to Tassie. It is an insult to me.:mad:

[SammieSnail]

I don't have very much work experience (I've worked at a bakery for a few months when I was 14, did a few make-up jobs for a mobile beauty business, and worked at a store for about 5 months...that's ALL!)...so if I tried to get a job now, the most attainable would be something like a check-out chick at Woolies (lol).


Is there anything degrading/laughable/wrong with being a check-out chick (or guy) :confused:

[thepanda]

My dad has finally gotten off my back. I am lucky to be pregnant again and he has stopped looking for jobs for me!! PS. I really wanted to be pregnant again though not so he would get off my back.

I am very lucky that my dh earns just enough for me to stay home with my sweet sweet little son. It would break my heart to put him in day care and my neighbours always tell me I should be working and he should be in day care, he isn't two yet.

Saying that though I don't have anything against people who do go back to work. My brother and his wife return to work almost immediately. She has a nanny (they make enough money) full time for the really little one that was recently born and the others are in day care.

My dad atleast agrees that all the grand kids are good. Her children seem happy and well adjusted and they have been brought up by nannies and day care and they seem fine. My brother and his wife run their own business and work extremely long hours and I wouldn't personally do it but that is what suits them. I stay home with my boy and he seems well adjusted and happy so I think all situations can work. I know some mums would love to stay home and can't so I feel so lucky that I can be but nothing at all against those who work/study as well. Good on them actually because it would be too stressful for me.

[DQ]

My best friend is a police officer at one of the most busiest stations in Sydney and has seen it all from riots, murders, grusome grusome accidents and other policey type of stuff, but whenever she looks after my kids for any amount of time, she goes white!!!!!!!!!!!

She always tells me that her job is much much easier than mine and she even also says the danger levels in her job are nothing compared to the danger levels in my job. So in reality, all of us SAHM's should be rather proud!!!!!!! :smiliedance: :yes: :yelclap: