Just not maternal chat

[JJJRain-crew]

Hello,
I am a young mum (22) had my just before my 21st.
I started this thread for ppl like myself who have trouble understanding that strange and foriegn feeling of 'cluckyness' LOL.
I have 3 sisters one loves kids but has never been able to have any due to her lifestyle circumstances, one with 2 kids but not all that clucky and one who hasnt got a clucky bone in her body! My mum was also never very maternal but she decided to have a few children because at the time it was the thing to do. My mum wouldnt have been too concerned though if she didnt have children, and I completely understand this... If I went to the doctor and they told me that I was infertile and unable to have children I would feel relieved it would be selfish for me to have any more children because I would become resentful and I would be emotionally unavailable to them (and I know how that feels for kids)
I have thought about this alot because ppl love to tell me that I will change my mind one day, but if I have never been maternal in my life why would that suddenly change? I have never liked babies even as a kid (I like my own dd tho!)
Babies are like strange aliens to me and I dont understand them...I dont understand why we are the only animal that doesnt learn to be self sufficient untill the age of 10 or above! I dont understand why other animals learn to walk a few hours after birth and it takes us 16 months, LOL...
I dont look at other peoples babies and get that overwhelming clucky emotion, I look at other peoples babies and get panic attacks LOL the more kids I see attached to one mother the worse my anxiety attack! (when i look at my dd tho I almost cry thinking how awesome she is Lol)
I had a breazy pregnacy and 5 hour birth...I have a baby who slept 8 hours at night from 4 months...
I dont understand why the wemon who are perfect candidates for making babies (such as myself) are not really maternal at times...and the ones who are desperate for a baby struggle the whole time ttc and with trumatic labours.
I am physically perfect to make babies
But spiritually I am not a good candidate for a big clan of kids...I think people such as myself at my age should have the choice for more permanant birth controll, instead of having to poision our bodies with synthetic hormones for the rest of our reproductive life, I know that for me having another child would not benifit anyone and I believe that there are enough children in the world anyway, I dont want to create another life when there are already too many lives in exsistance in need of help...
If I had downs syndrome I would most likely be made sterile...
why cant this be the same for 'emotionally incapable' LOL...I wish I was my pet cat, unconditionally loved, kept and petted and desexed. e fear of having another baby is so strong I am considering venturing over to my gay side permantly at least untill I have reached menopause or a doctor takes me seriously LOL...
anyway rant over LOL

[girly]

WHOA lol, I really don't know what to say,
Atleast you love your daughter and that' all that matters, :thumbsup:

[Blueberry Crumble]

You know, I was never really "maternal" until I turned 26 and then BANG- I wanted kids! It was like the hormones kicked in a bit later for me lol

[Ana Gram]

I know what you mean. I am 32 and not maternal. I would gladly have my uterus removed right now if I could. But no doctor will do it which is annoying. And I find sterility and attractive quality in a man :laughing:

I also don't get clucky and I don't understand the fascination with babies.

[Blueberry Crumble]

I dont understand the fascination with other people's babies- sometimes I see a baby people are cooing over and I go over and have a look and almost jump back from the ugliness!

[Ana Gram]

I thought my own baby was weird looking as a newborn. I think all of them are, which is why I avoid them like the plague so I am not put on the spot when people expect you to coo over them.

[Blueberry Crumble]

LOL- that reminds me of the episiode of Seinfeld "Come see the baaaaaaby..."

[MsMummy]

I felt exactly the same at 22 (not saying it's because of your age though).

I had never held a baby until I had my own at 28. I used to scowl at babies and be completely intolerant of people with babies and children.

I work with a woman who's 40 and has no time for babies (she has one teenage child). Sounds like a similiar situation - she loves her child but would never ever do it again.

Sorry, I didn't actually have much of anything constructive to add.

It's good you can communicate your feelings though.

[JJJRain-crew]

LOL i knew that I must not have been the only one...I guess I'll keep my uterus for now and I'll deff keep it if I switch teams for a while LOL (not sure how my dp would feel about that and if we went into polygamisim he'd prob end up missing out on account of his reproductive ability...poor guy LOL)
Sometimes I look at my dp and think o god I love u so much, then think to myself...by why can't be a woman LMAO.
Glad I have found a place where i am not judged for apparently not responding like a 'normal woman' LOL

[Amara]

I had absolutely no interest in babies & never got clucky until I turned 28 & then it just hit me hard. I think that's why they don't like to do permanent birth control options on young women because in most cases we do change our minds on such things. This is particularly the case when we meet someone new & fall madly in love. I do agree that women should have the choice to have their tubes tied regardless of their age though.

[Happy2be3]

Oh yeh, another TOTALLY not clucky fellow bubhubber here:wave:

I remember saying (as do my parents) from very early on (5 or 6 yrs old) that i NEVER wanted kids.. I now have 1 son and deffinatly feel that I do not want anymore.. Im not clucky now, dont think I ever will be.. I hate having to go see friends and their newborns.. I find it uncomfortable cuz i'm supposed to be all "oh how beautiful!!!!!" *teamed with a high pitched 'fake' voice and all* LOL

[JJJRain-crew]

OMG i KNOW HAPPY!! lol yelling soz
I feel awkward in those situations, but I am awkward in most situations so I dont no if that counts LOL
I hated being pregnant, I hated looking after a newborn but I love hanging out with my dd now that she can walk, its much more interesting (except the tantrums)...
I really wonder at times why if we so evolved that it takes us at least 10 months to really start doing anything interesting LOL...
Once again only on here would I be able to get away with saying that!
Really doctors we dont need anymore babies overpoulating the world, and I obviously must have an 'emotional problem' if I am one of the population of wemon who isnt maternal...so why would ya want me to raise more children with the risk of me being an emotionally detached and resentful mother... plus letting me trash my body with your synthetic birth controll when it would be easier to make me sterile LOL
thats my argument for the doctors think it will work...LMAO Think I will be wheeled of to the institute if I used that argument.
At least I have maternal feelings for my own daughter, and thats all that matters!

[Ana Gram]

I would love to get sterilised!! But I have yet to find a doctor who will do it. They all do the condescending "You'll want more children". Actually, no I don't. And since I can't take the pill and I don't want to have more children, I have to take the drastic measure and not have sex.

[Happy2be3]

Hi guys, maybe im naive here.. but how come the doctors wont tie your tubes? do they only do to women over a certain age??

[JJJRain-crew]

Well I know that they would be reluctant do it for me because I am only 22 and only have one child.
I guess that in thier perspective any woman who is healthy, in her reproductive years with less than 3 children may regret her decision later on in life (that probably protects them as well).
One of the 'reasons' they do use is that if you were to loose your only child you may start to regret your decision because you cannot have any more.
I know that any healthy woman w/o at least three children would find it difficult to get a doctor to do it.
If you have a condition which you do not want to risk passing on (downs syndrome is an example) I think that it may actually be encouraged in some cases.

[Ana Gram]

That's right, I am 32, have one child and am single. The attitude I get is that I will meet a man and want a child with him :laughing::laughing:

[wocket]

I was never clucky. I'm 32 and love our bub to bits. i got preggers because my hub got clucky and I'd never deny him a child, even though he started out not wanting kids! i find myself looking at other peoples bubs and compareing them in size/development etc as a rough guide for how my bub might be but i still can't get clucky at any extent. certainly not to the point of of squeeling at the top my my lunges "how cute!" when someone elses bub smiles at me.

At answer some of your questions:
The vunrebility of human babies is all to do with our evolution and need to walk upright. Walking tilted our pelvis to the point where the birth canal became increadibally narrow and at the same time our brains develoed in size so that our heads became much larger (proportionally) than any other mamal.

So small birth canal plus huge head means some rapid evolution that had babies being born almost 9 months earlier (developmentally) than any other mamal. Sit's simply a mater of survival.

I choose to be cross at whoever decided it was a good idea to stop climbing trees. grrr.

As to being permenatly sterile well thats a big risk factor. you can get it done but it plays merry hell with your hormones. Talk to people on hormone rplacement threapy to find out how that feels. I'll take using an IUD any day over that.

:)

[princessbabyangel]

I feel you completely, I am 23 and mother of my one and only amazing daughter. The love I feel for her is beyond words but any other child is a whole different story. I am told often that I'm such a great mother it would be a shame to not have more but I think I am the mother I am because she is the only one. I know alot of mothers deny it but if there is an extra special bond with a child it can not be repeated with another. Anyhow i had the same debate with my doctor when I was talking permanent contraception measures and as predicted - 'not until you're over 30'. I also feel your pain for hearing 'You'll change your mind' - RUBBISH! un like you I had a shocking pregnancy and birth, as well as newborn stage - it wasn't until my angel reached 18mths that I actually felt myself breathe and enjoy being a mother.

Stay strong, I beleive alot of the crap recieved from others has to do with there feeling of inadequecies because they struggle with all of there children and can't give them the one on one care or they are constantly asking for help. We are heros just for recognising our limits and not becoming a strain on anyone else.

[Ana Gram]

As to being permanently sterile well thats a big risk factor. you can get it done but it plays merry hell with your hormones. Talk to people on hormone replacement threapy to find out how that feels. I'll take using an IUD any day over that.

:)

I thought that if they leave your ovaries, then it isn't an issue :confused:

At the moment, my only option is to never have sex again. And quite frankly, that sucks. I'm a normal woman and haven't had sex in 5 years because I don't want to get pregnant. Maybe I am being selfish but I don't want to wait for menopause before I have sex again :(

[sweetseven]

That's right, I am 32, have one child and am single. The attitude I get is that I will meet a man and want a child with him :laughing::laughing:I wonder if you could borrow a male friend to pretend to be your partner just to convince the doctors to agree.

Personally, I believe choice should be paramount.

Perhaps a six-month cooling off period, and mandatory psych assessment, but if there is nothing wrong then I dont see why you shouldn't be able to decide for yourself.

There is a 23yo with four children already, attending my local parent support group who complains that she couldn't cope if she were to have another child, but no doctors will consider sterilising her because she is so young.

Disclaimer: just some comments from an outsider.

[JadeyBaby2]

Hmmmm, wow! This is me, but before I had DD I was clucky and LOVED babies and had kept everything from having DS thinking that some day I was DEFINITELY having another and I've always been maternal but do I want another?? NO WAY. I used to get this envious almost jealous feeling when I looked at a pregnant lady or a friend fell pregnant, but now I just cringe at the thought of ever being pregnant again. I find myself telling people I don't personally like having a baby and am totally over the whole 'baby' phase and while I don't wish it away and am doing my best to enjoy it I'm really looking forward to DD growing up. I don't think even if Mr Prince Charming does eventually come into my life and beg me to death to have a child with him that I would. I've never felt more 'done' with something in my life. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.