PND sufferer!!

[SophieD]

I have a 2yr old daughter and a 15 week old son and I have had PND for the past 2 months. I have only recently starting talking to a counsellor through Parentline as it got to the stage where I hit my daughter really hard, threw her on the bed and screamed at her for ages. I also have yelled at my little son. I felt so scared after I did that because I love my children and it was so sad to see the look in my daughter's eyes. I have also wanted to just up and leave my husband and the kids. The only thing that stopped me was I have to breastfeed my son and I would have had to express heaps of milk. I recently went away to spend time with my Mum out of town and she basically did everything for me which was a great help. I am now home and am back to square one again (being terrible to everyone; stressed; depressed; don't want to be touched; can't handle anything; overwhelmed; angry; frustrated and the list goes on). Does anyone know of any support groups on Brisbane's Northside? Any tips on how to overcome this terrible depression? I am hoping to have more kiddies but if this is going to happen again, maybe I shouldn't. Please help!!

[juju]

Hi there

It is so great that you have reached out for help and are not afraid to be open with others about what is going on for you. I think we all experience ambivolence about being a mother from time to time, but to have the ongoing PND must be debilitating for you. I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but the Belmont Private Hospital have an excellent program for women experiencing PND but unfortunately this is only for private patients. Otherwise I imagine your local child health clinic would have a PND group. Otherwise you could make contact with a GP with expertise in womens health, you could find someone in your local area by contacting Womens Infolink 1800 177 577. Good luck with it and let us know how you are going. Do you have friends that are aware of what is going on?

[mumto3boys]

Hi SophieD,

Please remember you are not alone and it is normal for some people to have PND. I suffered very badly after the birth of my second son. I would cry for no reason several times a day. I would scream at my son who was 2 at the time until he cried and I would scream and tell him I hated him. I also wanted to leave everything and just drive away in the middle of the day when my husband was at work. Sometimes I would sit in the car and leave the kids inside jsut trying to get the courage to go. Something always stopped me from going that bit to far though. I guess is was my love of my children and knowing how I would feel if they were really gone.

After the birth of my third son I expected to get PND again and so far I haven't. I feel depressed some times ( like today ) and when I feel an "screaming episode" coming on I remember their birth and how it made me feel. I guess this is my way of dealing with the anger and frustration.

Another thing that worked for me was music. I bought a set of headphones and whenever I am at boiling point I put them on as loud as I can and play my favourite music. I can't hear the kids cry and I can totally switch off from them without leaving the room. I pretend I am in a nightclub having a drink at the bar like i did many years ago before kids. Sounds weird but it works for me.

Good luck with finding ways to cope. I hope I have helped.

[mumsthewords]

he ya SophieD (which by the way a very beautifull name!), sorry that you have to go through such ordeals...

pls visit this website: http://www.beyondblue.org.au

hope you find this site usefull and im pretty sure there's list of contact there

smile... :)

[shellbell]

Hi SophieD

oh my god, i can totally relate to what you are going through. our daughter is 3 (just had her party on the weekend - added to the stress in my life) and our boy is 6 months. for quite a while (months) i've suspected that i was suffering PND but i just didn't want to go to the doc for confirmation. i've recently started to feel worse, so now i'm pretty sure that i have it. when archer was born, i was given a questionairre on settling techniques that was conducted by the riverton centre. i got a reply last week which said that my responses indicated that i was in a depressed mood, so i'm going to call one of the psychologists and have a talk to her.

i've never hurt either of my babies, but when archer is crying sometimes, i just want him to shut up. i get so upset and i cry and cry, but it doesn't make me feel any better. i feel so sorry for my hubby and daughter because they just don't know what to do. i especially hate it when i take my frustrations out on bella, when she's done nothing wrong. i hate that look in her eyes and it makes me feel so much worse. i never really thought about how hard it would be having 2 small kids - i just assumed that things would just fall into place. when i can't give bella the attention that she deserves, because i'm feeding or something like that, she gets this look of disappointment on her face that makes me cry

Sophie, i too would love to just pack a bag and leave sometimes. i never really experienced being on my own and doing my own thing when i was younger, as my hubby and i have been together since highschool. so i never thought i was missing out on anything. but recently (and obviously because of the PND) i havee been thinking how great it would be to just pack up the car and drive, and leave all of my responsibilities. then i start to cry because i think "what kind of a mother would want to do something like that ?"

i'm really sorry to go on, but this is actually the first time i've talked about this to anyone.

on a lighter note, i must have been a funny sight on the weekend, sitting on the kitchen floor blubbering like a baby because my daughter's birthday cake got stuck in the pan :D at least i can still laugh about some things (not at the time, obviously :p

anyway, thanks for listening, sorry for going on and on. judging by the length of this post and what i've written, i think i've convinced myself that its time to talk to someone about they way i'm feeling. SophieD, send me a personal message if you want to chat some more

[Chickadee]

My heart goes out to anyone suffering through PND. Sophie, and Shellbell, the fact that you've recognised it and are looking for solutions is a huge step, for me it was so hard to face it and admit that I needed some help.

There are lots of support groups and services out there, or start with your local GP. There have been some discussions on here about the merits of drugs - they help some women, & some prefer to go it alone. I went the non-drug option.

I don't really know what might work to help you through this, everyone and each situation is so different. But I'll try to list some of the daily coping tips that either I've used or my friends have used.

- Counting to 10. Sounds overly simple, but I use it as a mini time out for myself, to take some deep breaths and make myself stop before doing something I'll regret later. Usually I need this when I feel I'm too close to being violent. I still use it, and as a bonus my daughter has now realised that when I'm done counting I'll be ready to play again or will have whatever it was she was screaming for, so she stops screaming & waits while I count.

- Crying. Acts as a huge stress relief and can be better (sometimes) than holding it in. Although when I describe a good weekend as "I only cried once", I know there's something more needed.

- Talk to your partner, parents, friends, anyone. Enlist anyone you can to come and help you with even the menial chores or just look after the kids while you take a walk around the block. I had a huge leap forward in being able to cope when I finally told my husband how I was feeling.

- Have an "escape" plan for when you really can't cope. A friend of mine used this to deal with that feeling of wanting to run away from it all. If things got too bad her plan was to pop her two girls in their crib where she knew they'd be safe, give them a bottle and drive to the nearest phone/hotel to call her husband to come home to them immediately. Somehow, because she knew she had an escape plan as a last resort, she didn't feel as trapped and was able to manage a bit better. Other escape plans might be dropping the kids at a neighbours or at a friends place, their carer, etc.

- Showers. The noise blocks out screaming babies and having a shower somehow feels cleansing. Not so good when toddlers are awake and could get into mischief.

- Fresh air & sunshine daily. Walk outside, play in the backyard, sit on the balcony, whatever. Lack of sunshine can seriously affect moods. And just being physically out of the house can help. I used to go hang out the laundry to get out of noise range & have a time out.

- Exercise. I know it seems impossible to get the energy up to exercise, but it really does lift your mood. A 5 min walk around the block is enough even.

- Meditation. Yeah, I know, I used to scoff at meditation too. But the techniques of meditation can help to calm your mind and release tension and stress out of your body. I don't meditate daily, but I do use the techniques daily, either while counting to 10 or just calming myself by taking a few minutes to close my eyes & pay attention to my breathing and heartbeat.

I hope you can find some help and come through this quickly. Feel free to message me anytime.

[Melissa1983]

Hi SophieD
i know excatly what you are going through... i was like you, but i didnt think i had PND, it wasnt until i was at the doctors and my two girls played up, i just broke down. That was nearly a month ago, and now since being on tablets i feel more calm with the girls and enjoy doing things with them. At some stage my husband wants to have another baby, and so do i, but scared that i will get PND again, but then i might not. But we are waiting until the girls are older, and i am back happy with myself.

[lilizzysmommy]

My daugther is 15 months old, but it wasn't til a month ago that I starded dealing with my PND. I knew I had a problem, I was angry at my bf, all the time, anything would make me cry, I'd yell at my lil one if she cried for nothing and then, I'd cry my self cos I felt horrible, I'd scream at my bf for the most insignificant things and shut my self in the bathroom for long periods of times just curled up on the floor crying after an argument with him and I didn't even know why. So yeah, I knew there was a problem, but I thought I could make my self change, I thought that I could control it all by my self until I started feeling really tired and sick, so much so that I would sleep for 11-12 hours and feel like i never slept at all, my body would feel like lead and I'd be dozing of if I sat in one place more than 10 minutes. I went to the doctors and had all these tests and ultrasounds done(had abdominal pains aswell) but when all my results came back normal he asked me "how do you feel after having the baby" and it was then that I broke down and told him everything. He put me on medication and thought everyone was like "don't take it"or "go natural" I thought stuff them, is my life that's falling apart. I've never been happier, my realtionship is just great at the moment, i have a lot more pacience with my lil one and don't yell at her anymore. I know is a quick solution but I was tired of being tired and angry all the time, and now I'm just me, the way I used to be.

[AM]

I have been coping with pnd for the past 18 months, and stupidly living in denial most of the time, or making half hearted attempts at trying things to help.

The breaking point for me was when it seemed my relationship with my partner was so bad as to be irreparable, and i started noticing my interactions with ds were not what i wanted.

I went to a homoeopath and he prescribed me a remedy, and I felt SO different within days of taking it.

My feelings of being overwhelmed by life disappeared, I actually felt charitable , even loving towards dh, wheras before that i had felt alternately completely dis connected to him, and the rest of the world, and full of anger, resentment and feelings of abandonment.

It is so hard to explain, but it is as though my entire thought processes have changed since taking this remedy, I look foward to each day, am excited by life, when before i had absolutely no interest in living really.

I really hope you find something which really works for you, I found suggestions like keeping up a good support network, getting time alone, pampering yourself occasionally good, but I think they need to be used hand in hand with a determined regime of treatment from a health professional, whether that be meds from a doc, counselling, homoeopathy, naturopathy, bush essences etc.

Hope to hear you are feeling better soon

Angie

[Harmony83]

I just want to say thank you Sophie D for bringing this up. I have been reading everyones posts and realise that I may have PND. I feel all the things that you all feel, I scream at my partner for no good reason, I sometimes feel resentment towards my beautiful boy, I want to run away, and hurt myself, I ball my eyes out because I feel all these things and can't stop it. I thought I was a bad parent for feeling this way and that I was failing my DP and Brayden. Thanks to you guys I am going to go to my GP and get help. Thanks.

[Chickadee]

Harmony, You are NOT a bad parent, partner or person. Nobody chooses to have PND and it's not something you can just snap yourself out of. I'm glad you're going to get some help, much faster and sooner than some of us. If your doctor brushes you off go see another one. And though it's hard, do try to talk to your partner about it too.

((((Hugs to you))))

[Melissa1983]

Hi Harmony83
If you ever wanna talk PM me. I know excalty what you are going through. I have my good days but i also have my bad where i just wanna cry, like yesterday and today. But it doesnt help when you are trying to pack and two children are pulling things out of the boxes

Anyway feel free to chat if you like