No real title for this thread....

[sebmum]

I just feel so overwhelmed and sad and tired and over it that I thought I'd jump on the computer and let off some steam.

I have a 2 yr old DD and a 15 week old DD and I feel completely overwhelmed pretty much most of the time. Everything just feels like it doesn't work and I'm falling behind everyone else. I know I shouldn't compare myself, but my girlfriends all seem to be coping and their bubs are all starting to 'sleep through' and they do stuff that I couldn't imagine getting done (cooking muffins, gardening, going to the movies with DH, etc).

DD#1 was a terrible sleeper and I ended up at Tresilian residential with her and she now sleeps quite well, but still calls out a couple of times per night.

DD#2 still wakes up loads at night (which is expected) and is really hard to re-settle. Won't sleep in her cot during the day and probably only ever has about 3 twenty minute naps per day.

I never get any time for myself. My whole day is spent negotiating and fighting with DD#1 and trying to get DD#2 to sleep. DD#1 always comes into DD2s room when I'm attempting to settle her in her cot. I've given up and now try to rock her to sleep in her pram.

Everything I do involves screaming. When we're in the car, DD2 screams the whole time until she nearly throws up. DD1 screams at me for this and for that. DD2 screams when I'm trying to settle her and DD1 screams at me when I try to put her down for a daytime nap.

I know we're all in the same boat, but I just feel this constant feeling of blankness and that I have no idea what I'm doing.

DD2s feeds are all over the shop as I can't seem to read her properly, so I can never plan anything.

Anyway, must go as DD1 wants to use the computer with DH and of course, I must get out of the way or there'll be more screaming.

I guess what I'm trying to say is "when does it get easier??"

[justmum]

I don't know when it gets easier. When you find out, can you let me know too?

Have you spoken to your GP about your feelings? It might be worthwhile as feeling overwhelmed and blank can be signs of depression.

The only other advice I have is don't compare yourself to others. No one is coping, they just don't let on.

:hugs:

[lochiebearsmum]

firstly :hugs:to you! It is a huge adjustment bringing a baby home when you already have a lively 2 year old.
Could you maybe consider popping your DD1 into daycare a couple days a week to give you some time with DD2 and yourslef a slight break! The sleep thing i cant really help too much as my 2 year old still wakes sooo many times a night its not funny!
As for the mums that seem to be controlling everything well.... remember appearances can be decieving, not many mums can do it all! i think supernanny would even struggle if she had to do it all the time!
things will get easier and before you know it the girls will be great playmates and you will get a few minutes... take care :hugs:

[sunnyflower]

:hugs:

Firstly i would like to say you must be a strong mum to cope with everything that is going on at the moment.

It sounds to me like you need a bit of help with establishing a routine for the little ones as you must be exhausted!

Would you consider going back to Tresillian to help you cope with the two of them together?

Or maybe speak to your CHN?

I hope everything settles soon.

And don't compare yourself with others,they might be coping now but later they might not cope with someone else but you will.We all have our turn!

[Pinkarella]

sebmum, I think you are awesome for honestly describing what it is to have two children that age. Mine are 24 months apart and now that they are almost 3 and 1 it's easier but not easy. A friend of mine has children the same age as mine and she always looks gorgeous, kids well groomed and never complains of lack of sleep but I know for a fact that she feels exactly the same and that her younger one still now wakes at night more often than not.

I keep telling myself that in a couple of years all of this will be forgotten and I will look back with melancholy of the days gone forever when they were little but now I just brace myself and do my best. Sometimes I loose it and sometimes we have good days; sometimes I feel blessed and sometimes I want to run away. But please, don't despair, your baby is only 15 weeks, brace yourself for now and hopefully from around the time she gets to 6 months things will definetly be better, at least your DD1 will be a bit older and a bit more cooperative.

Maybe you could get a baby carrier, like an ergo which is easy to put in and out and it's kind to your back? At least you will be hands free and hopefully baby will be happier if she is with you. I used to think that DD2 had to learn to sleep in her cot so I could dedicate time to DD1 and myself but the more I tried the worst she got so I got a carrier and things were so much easier, I would carry her most of the time and if she fell asleep in the carrier I let her but once a day (midday) I would put her in her cot for a nap. In fact, once sleep wasn't a stress she started sleeping longer when she was in her cot. A dummy worked wonders too to help resettle her.
And what was more important for me was to sit and dedicate at least half an hour to play with DD1 and do what she wanted, even if it was to watch a video together, I found that if she had that she would be calmer and more cooperative.
I used to (and still do) go for a walk every morning, rather than in the car (they would cry), from around 10 to 12 worked well because then it was lunch and nap time and it was only the afternoon to deal with!

I hope this helps, and if not, just keep doing what you are doing, time goes fast and it will get better! Lots of :hugs:

[lizzo]

Well, Im here to tell you it does get physically easier - my youngest of 4 kids is now 8 and I can tell you that the absolute and utter exhaustion that you are feeling now does go away...

I remember feeling exactly the same way as you do - eveybody is so keen to tell you how hard the birth is but nobody ever seems to tell you about the zombie like existence you live in when the kids are little..... Id rather go thru 3 miliion births if it meant my babies slept thru the night as soon as I came home from the hospital!!!

We still get exhausted with sporting activities, school things, frustrating teenagers and all the rest but DH and I know we are going to be able to have a good nights sleep, which as you would know makes things a little easier to deal with.

I used to use anything to be able to get things done...bribery, dvds, video games, play dates, movies ...yes all the bad things!! but all is fair in love and war!!!

And about thinking that other mums are doing alot better than you...Ill never forget when Id just had my 3rd bub - I was a wreck, DH was away with work alot and all the kids had just had a bad gastro bug so I was up allll night changing sheets, holding hair away from vomit, changing billions of nappies and all the while sitting on the loo myself after waves of nausea and stomach cramps.....anyway, a friend who also had 3 kids had also had a bout of this AND looked liked a million bucks..the kids were blardy spotless, her house didnt smell like poo or vomit and all her washing was done etc etc - I mentioned to another friend that this mum must be just soooo organised...she told me of course she is - this womans mother is at her house every single day - something that she failed to tell me!!!!

sooo take it all with a grain of salt!

[Lucky2b Mum]

You poor thing! :hugs: I think it will get easier, pretty soon.

My DS1 is 23mths and DS2 is 5mths so I'm in a very similar situation. DS1 is sleeping through the night but DS2 is nowhere near it and up until 10 days ago was waking constantly. I would be up 6 times between midnight and 2am.

At the moment I'm trying
* Not putting DS2 down with a dummy (he stops waking us to put it back in)
* Putting a dvd on for DS1 while I'm trying to settle DS2
* Rostering the late feeds with DH so one of us gets an early night
* Putting DS2 down for a nap after he's been awake for about 2 hours - even though he fights it like a demon!

... some of it is working some of the time!

Let me know if you hit on anything that works.

I know I'd rather be a father than a mother at the moment. They get all the joys of being a parent without the "24/7" of being a mother ... and they get to leave the house whenever they feel like it!

Nobody in the world could do a better job with your kids than you. You're doing great, your kids are healthy and happy. Sleep will come :fingerscrossed:

Good luck :sleeping: nap when you can!

[sebmum]

Oh thanks so much for all these wonderful replies to my thread. They've been great.

I actually had my first OK night last night. DD2 went down at 5.30pm and not a peep until 11.30pm! Then again until 3.30am and up at 6am. My DH let me sleep in until 7am and I actually feel like a human being today. And my 2 yr old DD1 slept through! I know that tonight will probably go back to the usual.....but at least I've had one OK night of sleep and it's made a world of difference.

DH is taking this week off work to help me out and I'm going to see my GP about PND. I need to do something about the way I feel as I know I can't go on feeling this way. I don't want to look back and regret not having done something about it so that I could enjoy my little ones more. I just know that when DH goes back to work, I'm going to start feeling terrible again.

I took DD2 for a walk in the pram this morning and everyone I walked past would look in the pram at my gorgeous sleeping baby, then look at me and smile. Especially older ladies. It made me realise that I will one day think fondly about this stage and it will all seem like a distant memory, so I should enjoy it while it lasts. I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of that.

Also, I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not having any more children, so this is my last little baby and I should enjoy her more. I'm really scared of regretting things.

At the moment though, it's just bloody hard work - physically and mentally. I've never felt so drained, so tired, so emotional, so guilty, so confused, so lonely and just so blaaaaah all at the same time.

Aaaaaaaah motherhood.....who said it was rewarding? Probably a nun or a man at work!

[squiglet]

Thanks for posting this thread, and just as soon as I have a tantrum fest with DD1 (who is 2) and rock a crying, pooing, puking DD2 (4 weeks old) back to sleep and then not have a mental breakdown from lack of sleep and overload of stress I'll be back to read everyones replys..........:o

[MummaFug]

:no: you are not the only one (my children are the exact age as yours)

Some days I think I have it sorted... Others - I have no IDEA !!!

Believe me - the people you think are coping ..will also have their rough days.

PS - I bake muffins so I feel like I have done something other than kid stuff all day....

:hugs: to you - and I m waiting for things to get easier too..

[squiglet]

I too am thinking of all the other mums that have gone though having a 2nd (and on to more) children and survived to tell the story.
I'm having good and bad days. Depending a lot on how I'm feeling.
Things go so much better if I'm happy, well not happy, but more able to deal with things than going to bits at the first hurdle.
On bad days I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. DD1 only just got easy, so I think for me I'm looking at over a year of hardship before things become "easy":p.

I'm having the most trouble trying to be everything for DD1 that I was before DD2 was born. I am just not two people, things end up in histeria when both girls are crying and need me, the house needs me, the chores need me and I need me.
I feel like I'm loosing the plot sometimes. I swing from super angry, then upset and frustrated. God I hope it's normal homones and lack of sleep!
I feel like running away from my life sort of in the bad bits.:rolleyes:
I wish that I had a nanny:laughing:

It's not all bad, like today I'm having a good day:thumbsup: After a good night. I just wonder how tonight will go. (gets scared....)

I just have to keep telling myself to take one day at a time and it will pass.

Big hugs to you and hope that you have some good days too so that you don't get bogged down in the hard times.:hugs: