serious advice needed about a really serious thing...( long)

[ck2b]

I need some advice and opinions regarding my SIL's ex-boyfriends children who I knew quite well when they were together. A few months ago, their mother tried to kill the children and herself in the car - I am not sure what happened but someone found them before it was too late and medical attention was not required. The children are aged 12 and 9.
The whole thing was never reported to anyone and the children were sent to their father who is totally irresponsible ( 5 kids from 4 woman at the age of 26). I just found out today that the children are now back with their mother :eek:
I just feel like I should do something about this...I don't know heaps of details because it all comes from my DH and what his sister tells him but at the very least the children need therapy or something! The younger one( a girl) has for as long as I have known her not wanted to live with her mother - she wants to be with her Dad, or grandma or my SIL or anyone else really which has always concerned me regardless...
Now - I want to call DOCS but as hardly anyone knows outside the family and as I am a health professional I am sure they would all work it out. I am also not sure what DOCS will do as I don't know the mother and have not seen the children in about a year.I just have this information...so. What should I do with it? What would you do? I just can't accept that nothing is done...

[samsausage]

Personally I would.

If you feel that there are reasonable grounds for concern over the safety of those children then you can call and make an anonymous report to DOCS.

Their primary role is not punitive towards parents, it's about getting people the help and support they need. I can't imagine how desperate that woman must have felt to take that action, she needs help and her children deserve someone to advocate on their behalf.

Good luck with your decision.

[ck2b]

Yeah- I was just discussing with DH and he doesn't feel right to sit by and do nothing. Will DOCS mind if I don't have heaps of information about it though..what I have is kind vague.:confused:

[samsausage]

Any information is fine, just tell them what you know and they'll take it from there :)

[MamaKoala]

Who sent them to their father's house?
You really only have hearsay knowledge so it's hard to put together a complaint but if you feel you have enough to report then you should for the children's sake.
Good luck with making your decision.

[ck2b]

Who sent them to their father's house?
You really only have hearsay knowledge so it's hard to put together a complaint but if you feel you have enough to report then you should for the children's sake.
Good luck with making your decision.

i am not sure whose decision it was to send them there but I know for a fact that the stuff happened - just not the details like who found them, how long they where they in the car for etc, etc. I know their grandma is really upset about it but she can't look after them and this is just typical of their father...to send them back into that situation rather then take the responsibility for them.

[rainbow road]

If your gut says tell DOCS then tell them.

If you have any knowledge they should know, once you tell them they will investigate and find more information out if necessary.

Things happen to little kids all the time and they would happen less if people followed their instinct and reported concerns, even if the information you have is vague.

[Tam-I-Am]

I guess the question is - could you live with yourself if you sat on this knowledge and the children or mother died or were seriously injured, and your information could have been used to prevent that?

If no - then definitely call them.

It might be the path to the mum getting the help she needs. DoCS are all about keeping families together these days - they do their utmost to help parents so that they can keep their children, or have their children returned to them if they do have to be taken away for a time.

Good luck to you, making a very difficult decision :hugs:

[c38]

Ring DOCS, tell them what you know and then it is up to them to investigate, or not.
If you could talk to someone who does know firmer details and convince them to call then that would be even better such as ? the grandmother.
These children are at risk and deserve help.
You need to think about the consequenses for the children if no one does anything.
DOCS wont mind. They get similar calls everyday, and will tell you if they think the information is inadequete. I'm sure people ring them with far less concerning, and vague stories everyday. All you can do is try.

Let us know what they say.

[bada]

Do what your gut tells you to do. Sure you only have hearsay to go off but this is a very serious circumstance and I doubt you could you live with yourself if the worst happened.

My best friend attended a funeral of one of her close friends last year. The deceased, a loving mother of 3 had been "hearing voices" for some time and there had been several disturbing incidents that should have been reported and could have prevented the devastating sequence of events that followed. One night she inflicted several serious knife wounds on her three children in an attempt to murder them, before turning the knife on herself. After learning of what happened my friend felt a range of emotions as you would expect, but most of all she will never forgive herself for not doing something to help before things got to where they did they night.

I hope by reporting what you know, you can help her and her children get the help they need.

[ck2b]

Thanks everyone...I have decided to tell DOCS-I will jsut give them the information that I have and see what they say. I can't stop thinking about it so I guess my gut is telling me to call...I have no idea how to get more information though as I really don't want people to know I called if they do investigate it. SIL is coming to visit in a few weeks so I will try and find out from her - as I said it has all come through DH so far who never thinks to ask the right questions about anything - typical guy :rolleyes: Will keep you posted.

[BOSS302WMOM]

I hope it all worked out, you did the right thing as hard as it would have been