Self weaning

[Manxie]

DD 10months has decided no more booby (apart from in the middle of the night!):gloomy: I feel absolutely devastated. I had visions of gently weaning around the 12month mark but it seems she has other plans.

I suppose looking back over the last few weeks she hasnt been interested in the daytime feeds. Last night though she didnt want her 7pm feed. She kept on biting me and we both ended up in tears. (She went through a stage of biting at 8 months but this seemed different). Anyway she decided she wanted a feed at 1am and then again at 4am (and attached beautifully).

I am at a loss to know what to do. Do I just stop giving her the daytime feeds? Do I keep trying the 7pm feed. I am slowly accepting that she is ready to be weaned and just want to do it as painlessly as possible for both of us. I have looked at the ABA site but it all seems to be for a bit more structured weaning, this feels like chaos (I'm a bit of a control freak!)

To add to my misery I feel that DH is pleased that the breastfeeding is comming to an end, I suppose he feels that he is getting me back and the exclusive relationship with DD is comming to an end if YKWIM - anyone else experience this?

Any hints:crying:

[Tea Lady]

Wow, that sounds really hard. Why don't you give the ABA a call - they might have some good advice for your particular situation. My gut feeling (I'm no expert though) would be to keep persevering if possible in case its just a phase - could she be a bit off colour or something?

Sorry I'm not much help, but :hugs: anyway.

[Manxie]

Thanks Tea Lady I've just sent them a lengthy email! Also have been doing lots of reading and it sounds like she is probably just too busy and full from solids duing the day and just wants her milk at night. Not really self weaning IYKWIM

Much as I am really sad I think maybe I should use this declining interest as a means to commence weaning I dont really see the point of struggling on just for another 8 weeks. I'm just not at all sure how to go about it. I also wonder what peoples views are about going straight onto cows milk. The babylove author (one of my gurus!) says that after 9 months its ok to skip out the formula. I know my sister weaned hers at 11months and just gave them water as they were getting lots of calcium from other sources and iron.

Anyway I'm :ecomcity: So any suggestions on what feeds to cut, how to reduce the night feeding how to stop crying!! How to maintain the special cuddles without her attacking the booby:eek: , all gratefully received

[Manxie]

I could really do with some help here guys on the question of whether or not its ok to give cows milk now to DD at 10months old, rather than going onto formula for two months

I received an email back from the ABA counsellor who said

...." World Health Organisation currently recommends breastfeeding into the second year, and if this is not possible, then a suitable replacement needs to be given until after the first birthday. You may wish to check with your child health nurse as to a suitable alternative, however cow’s milk is generally not recommended. It is for this reason that many mums continue to breastfeed into the second year, because then the transition can be made on to cow’s milk, alleviating the need for bottles and formula"

I am confused though as Robin Barker author of Babylove says "any time from nine months you can change your baby to full-fat cows milk".

She also says in another section ....."Many babies bypass formula by breastfeeding and, in the second six months, combine breastfeeds with milk from a cup.........I have not found any health professional able to tell me the physiological difference between a baby of nine months and a baby of twelve months in regard to the strict 'formula until twelve months rule', so one wonders why it exists apart from increasing profits for forumla companies". (this last bit talks about bottlefed babies)

So what do I do? Can I just give cows milk or is this a problem I'm so confused.:(

[Funkychicken]

My heart really goes out to you. My DD, now 5, self-weaned from about 10 months and I was absolutely gutted. It was such a traumatic time for me. She arrived in this world very independent and seemed to always be 'comfortable in her own skin'. After having a very dependent DS it was quite a shock. My baby girl didn't need me in the way DS had needed me. She started to 'play' with my boob at feed time at about 9 1/2 months and I realised she was probably wanting to drop a feed. Within another few weeks she was only feeding at night time and first thing in the morning. I was getting quite upset by that stage as I had planned to feed her until at least 18 months. I bought a breast pump and started expressing to top her up but because she wasn't drinking a lot it was tough going to make up even 200 mls. By 11 months she dropped the morning feed and I just couldn't express enough to keep it up so I put her on a bottle of formula. It was a heart-wrenching decision and it took me a long time to get past it. I felt as though I had failed somehow. I even felt the need to justify to a lady one day why she was having a bottle-this lady looked at me a bit strange, so I don't think it actually occured to her that it was what I considered unusual.
Anyway, I now have another baby and he is the love of my life! (as well as our other two children!) But it has done so much for healing the ache I carried about DD weaning herself. Even I didn't realise I was still 'hanging onto it'. I can also see now that each baby/child is so unique that for some it is just their way to wean early. DD is always eager to do new things-I believe she is a soul who has come to this world with a great measure of self-reliance and self weaning was just part of this for her. She is a happy, well adjusted girl with no ill effects for weaning early. It was MY plan, not hers, to feed her until 18 months and to this day she still plans things that I would not have chosen for her. It's just her way.
As far as the cows milk vs formula-I believe it is up to you. Speak to your health nurse and take on their opinion but ultimately you can decide. There is always the option of soy or goats milk. I always gave my toddlers soy milk as well as a bit of cows milk as soy is less like;y to constipate them. All the best. PM me if you feel like it.:)

[Goosie22]

Hi.
If you want to continue to breastfeed, dont give milk in bottles,This will hasten weaning. If you want encourage weaning offer cows mik in a cup this way you wont have the added work of weaning again. Also if bub really want to continue to suck the breast will appear more attractive.

[Manxie]

Thanks for the replies guys, I was starting to think I was talking to myself, LOL

Sal:hugs: , thank you so much your reply meant alot to me, made me:crying: , these damm hormones, I was thinking earlier this is as bad as the day three post baby blues!


She arrived in this world very independent and seemed to always be 'comfortable in her own skin' - You are describing my DD. I dont know why I am suprised really that my DD is leading the weaning, she really does know her own mind and is Miss Independent. I have realised that part of the huge struggle to get her to take to solids in the first place was her need to be in control of it, now she does most of it herself she is happy. I am starting to feel a little bit more comfortable with the decision that I will slowly wean (as slowly as she will allow). We had a lovely afternoon nap together today (not something we have done for ages) and I think we both just needed that closeness and were both much the better for it.

Goosie22-I did give cows milk in a cup to DD today (I diluted it with water) I have already decided not to bother with bottles as she has been happy drinking from a cup for a while now. Not sure if its just my paranoia or not but her skin seemed really bad tonight (excema) and she was very unsettled this morning - I am now worrying that this was a reaction to the milk.

Anyway thanks guys, if anyone else wants to share their experiences or wisdom feel free!

[Percy]

My DS did the exact same thing at 8 months, although he didnt even want the night feeds.

I was absolutely devastated but he seems to be alot happier and growing better now, so i guess they do it when its right for them.

It doesnt stop you feeling awful though.

[lukaelmo]

Hey Manxie,

Your DD sounds a lot like Luka. In fact he has never been really that into BFing and now at 11 months is only really into his morning feed. He happily eats his solids and I offer him a BF around 5 times a day. The only other drink I give him is water.

Luka is not a cuddly boy, he actively pushes me away when I pick him up, he wants to be down and playing. While I would love some cuddles, I accept that he is happier playing alone. Lately though he has a new game of crawling all over me when I am on the floor with him - I just love it - I think he actually likes me :laughing: .

Sorry, that doesn't help you at all does it. I guess I just wanted to let you know that your DD is not the only bubba who wants to wean early.

Just a question though, if bubbas want to wean off the breast, do we then need to give them formula or cow's milk as a drink? I mean, if they needed milk, wouldn't they continue to BF to get it?

[cookie]

[QUOTE=jakes mum]My DS did the exact same thing at 8 months



I am going through this at he moment also my little man is 8 months old tommorrow and is basicaly refusing to drink from me during the day, the healing wounds on my breasts from scatching and biting :eek: dont mind but my emotional mealtdown of feeling as though i should be able to feed my son like I had planed well that still remains a dream.Although during the night he can want it every hour :eek:
I know how you feel it is really horrible I feel as though I am not norishing my son like I am supposed to but he is happy and healthy and eats ( solids) very well tha cfhn said there is nothing to worry about when he wants it he will have it ..... BUT it still doesnt make you feel any better.

[Goosie22]

Just a question though, if bubbas want to wean off the breast, do we then need to give them formula or cow's milk as a drink? I mean, if they needed milk, wouldn't they continue to BF to get it?

Bingo Lukaelmo.

[Manxie]

....but my emotional mealtdown of feeling as though i should be able to feed my son like I had planed well that still remains a dream.Although during the night he can want it every hour - Cookie - :hugs: I think Sal put it really well though, its our plan to feed them for x amount of time and we just have to try and come to terms with the fact that they may have got a different plan!

Its hard though when they then want to stock up at night and I still cant get my head around how I am going to wean bubba off the 3-4am feed that she seems to now want. To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. Someone asked me the other day how my week was and I said I dont really know its just gone, I seem to fall through the days at the moment.

Lukaelmo- your little man does sound v independent! I'm glad your managing to sneak some cudddles in:D

[Manxie]

Right been mulling this over some more while doing the washing up :idea:

So what your saying Goosie is that you don't really need to replace the breast milk with either formula or cows milk? I'm assuming that as long as there is adequate calcium and iron in their diet just plan old water will do? (This is in fact what my sister did with hers at 11months - dammit why is she always right:o ) - Please correct me if I've got this wrong.

What I don't get is why the ABA counsellor stated " World Health Organisation currently recommends breastfeeding into the second year, and if this is not possible, then a suitable replacement needs to be given until after the first birthday." I would have thought that they wouldn't be encouraging you to switch to cows milk or formula unless it was necessary - see still confused:rolleyes:

[lukaelmo]

Don't worry Manxie, I am confused with you :confused: .

Today I snuck in a cuddle during down time befre Luka's nap and he reached up his little hand... to whack me in the face! Get away mummy!

Anyway, back to the topic... so if not wanting to BF means they don't need milk anymore, why does your DD happily chugg away at a bottle of formula? Do you think it's because they want to feed themselves?

[Manxie]

Lukaelmo - glad its not just be whose confused!! LOL at least our bubbas wont still be living at home when their 40!!!


why does your DD happily chugg away at a bottle of formula? Do you think it's because they want to feed themselves? - I wouldnt say she Chugg's!! LOL she has a cup and she will swig back the water but she tentatively sipped at the watered down milk yesterday probably had about 50mls. I do think its because they would rather self serve. I read somewhere when I was doing the Internet trawl that said that some bubs get to the stage that they much prefer a cup/bottle that they can pick up as and when they want it especially when they get more mobile as they just dont have the time or inclination to sit still with mummy for the booby - apart from often in the middle of the night when there isn't anything better going on.

Anyway hope someone can clear this all up for us. I feel that I've been brainwashed into believing that I should be giving her something other than water particularly as she has only just cracked the 8 kilo mark:eek:

I also feel a bit like someone just moved the goalposts on the breastfeeding front - there is no way I can keep this up until she is two:eek:

[Goosie22]

Maxine,
You are right you dont need to replace the droped breastfeeds with milk, you can replace them with healthy whole food alternatives. Water is just fine as long as you are having a variety of other foods, cows milk is part of that variety so you can include it if you like. The ABA recommendation is based on the assumption that babies dont usually self wean earlier than 12 -18 months with out being encouraged (we all know that they can but it is not the norm) so its to hopefully discourage people from actively wean their babies to cows milk. So If you only give water in a cup (sippy ect) then if the baby wants a milk feed or suck feed they will demand/ask for a breastfeed, this way it is more of a developmental step rather than a routine change.


The night feeds are a different thing to diet, its emotional comfort in that case and the ammount of milk given during the day will make no difference to the need they feel at 3 - 4 am. Trying to replace the feed with cuddles or a little snack, also usually trying to explain to them that there is no more boobie at night (10 months is a little young for that but you could try it) Other than that you will have to ride it out or put up with a little paddy.

[Tamz]

Have you tried feeding in a quite dark room during the day????

sounds like your DC is distracted and there is too much going on. My DS can only be BF in a dark room.

Good luck

Tamz

[Manxie]

Right - thanks again everyone - think I have made a decision I'm gradually going to drop a feed, one a month ish - DD permitting and just offer water from her cup. I will try cows milk again later on but want to do it when I can watch carefully for a reaction.

Last night she only wanted a b/feed at 5am and a couple of cuddles, I can handle that.

Tamz - I think your right that she is very easily distracted, where possible I try and feed her somewhere quiet as she is less likely to nip me!!

[motherlylove]

My lil girl turned one on the 22nd september and is still exclusively breastfeed she doesnt look like giving it up anytime soon. I have tryed her on cows milk etc and she has lil playful sips and that is it. I am the total opposite i would like for her to wean so that i can return to work