What is the hardest part of being a young mother??

[lauren2008]

I was talking to my brother on the phone this evening (as we now live in different states) and he was telling me there are a group of girls at his school ttc to which my reaction was…….:eek::eek::eek:I was in shock! These are 16 year old girls, some without boyfriends, who live at home still! (and these were girls from a private school, though I know it doesn’t make a difference!)

I was completely taken aback! Yes I am a young mum, but I did not plan it that way, and my DP and I have worked hard to give our children what we can. We have made the best of a situation that is not ideal. And while I love my children to death, and do not regret them at all, the timing was wrong. When I fell pregnant with DD we still lived at home, and had to save money to move out. We couldn’t buy her the best of everything that we would have liked to. I felt horrible to think that I wasn’t giving her the best of everything. I just do not understand why young girls want to bring a child into the world when they are still in school, and cant support themselves alone, let alone at baby! My brother seemed to think that their attitude was that they would get enough money from the government, would take a year off school and then return after a year and have a family member look after their child. He said that they wanted to “prove” to people that they could be successful young mothers!! Ummm do they think it’s a walk in the park?? What exactly are they proving?? They would prove more to people if they actually finished their education before having children!!

These girls apparently believe that they will still be able to maintain a social life as well! My friends can still all make last minute plans, where as for me I have to plan events weeks in advance so we can find a baby sitter! I cant just do what I like at the drop of a hat. Being a young mother also takes its tole on friendships. My friends will be talking about their new shoes or who is hooking up with who, and while I still am interested in those things, half the time I am wondering why she hasn’t pooped today and when his next tooth will come through lol.

So my question really is what is/was the hardest thing about being a young mother? Of course I know how rewarding it is, and all the positives that having a child can bring, but I kind of wanted to let others know that its not as simple as people may think it is!!!!

I was just appalled really that these girls thought they could have a child, and then have their life continue as normal!!

Rant over lol

[DoulaRobyn]

I think (back when I was a young mum - or maybe I still am!)... the hardest things were the same as if I were a mum of any age! It is the transition from being just responsible for you to feeling that responsibility for another.

Hrmm actually I think the hardest thing was realising that I was only a guide as a parent and that I couldn't 'make' him do anything... I had to make him think it was his idea and then he would do it! *typical little man!*

...

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world - as a young mumma I think the realisation that this 'job' was 24/7. I remember turning to my mum and saying this to her and then commenting that I would have to do it for another 20 years... she pointed out to me that in fact you are a mother for the rest of your life - that one hit me like a ton of bricks! hehe I was 19 - and thats my excuse and I am sticking to it!

[SmileyBJ]

For me, the hardest thing by far is doing it alone. I can handle everything else appart from the fact that i do not have the support of a partner to back me up when things get tough especially when im sick.

[spoon]

There are a few things that were very hard for me and still effect me now even though I am 32 and my son is 14.

I never knew where I fitted in. All the people my age were immature because they did not have to raise a child. And I have never clicked with the other mothers that have kids my sons age, because I have always been paranoid. I still avoid talking to my sons friends parents. They all own homes and have no mortgage, I am going to uni now, trying to get an education.

My sence of responsibility for mothering my son was unmatched by his father who did not have to sacrifice or grow up to the same extent as me. this has given me a very bitter taste in my mouth and whilst I try not to harbour these feelings, they certainly pop up at certain times of my sons life.

I was vunerable out there in the real world because I did not have a higher education, yet I carried the burden of financially providing for my son, on my own. I lost jobs and crumbled under the pressure because I came undone in the end.

There are some hard lessons to be learnt about being a young mum. Whilst it has made me a better person in the long run, I have had to get here the long way. My self esteem has taken a battering and I would strogly advise anyone who is thinking of living this life, to wait just a minute, there have been times in my sons life when he has needed a strong wise mother to make the right choices. I have often felt inadequate.-

[Milktini]

Wow Lauren, this post has really shocked me, some girls are just so naive.

My sister is 17 and has told me that her partner wants to start having a baby although she has been with him for 3 years, he has a steady income and they have been living with each other other 2 years, I Think I have knocked sense into her.
The factors I gave her where.

To finish studying (because I never had the chance) and when you have children it is so hard an expensive to get out there and do that.

Wait until after she had turned 18, so she could at least live her life a little, before making a life long commitment, there aint going to be much socializing once a baby is in the picture.

For her to get her license, I am still only on my learners permit, and saving for lessons and a car isnt easy, when you have to buy, formula, nappies, wipes and all the other nessacities baby needs weekly.

All of those things I wish I had done before beinging a baby into the picture. Of course I can do it, but it takes alot of saving, time and planning, gone are the carefree days of doing what ever you like, there and then.

[Skittles]

I think the hardest part of being a young mum is how quickly i had to grow up myself. I was already moved out of home. Had a car. A good job. And was studying. But i was imature and selfish. I had my DD when i was 18. It was so hard at first. Not getting to have any form of a social life. And being at the bottom of everyones priorities was a shock. I went from the sun shining out of my but to everyone worrying only about baby. And 4 years down the track it is the same. People only ever ask after the kids these days. You are no longer yourself. You are ******'s mother. :D

[Liddy]

To be honest I'm not shocked by these girls, I think it's probably more common then people realise. It is of course naive and they probably have little insight into what being a parent truely is all about.
I think the hardest thing for me has been support, I find people tend to be quick to judge, even people my own age with or without children who seem to automatically assume things about me.
I don't think that my daughter or my unborn child have or will miss out on anything, i've still managed to give them alot of good material things and give them a 'stable' home environment which I honestly think is more important then owning your own home or having a mortgage. I was living out of home for a year when I fell pregnant with my daughter, but because of drug issues and abuse in the relationship I left and moved back home which some ppl may look down on but to be honest I think me being back at home was more mature and sensible then me staying in that situation.

I got my licence asap at 17 I had my P's and have owned 2 cars so far, financially it is tough, some weeks I am stretched. But I think having kids has motivated me to be my best and i'm hoping to head back to studies next year and finish a degree. So all in all having children has put me behind as far as a career goes but I would have thought they'd put you back at any stage in life as far as work and jobs go.

Although I can admit my situation is not ideal and it is hard and difficult, I always thought i'd be one of those ppl who got married, had a job, had kids once I had a house etc.. but I just do the best with what I do have, and regardless of what others think, I love my children all the same and I don't think that changes no matter how much money you have or whether your qualified or not.

[Dreambeliever]

im not really surprised at this. i knew a girl who fell pregnant at 17 (after being told she couldnt have kids) and her 16 yr old friend decided to get pregnant so that "our kids can be friends!" :rolleyes: silly girl.
the hardest part of being a young mum for me is the comments and looks i get from people who dont even know me! its incredibly frustrating. they dont know anything about me :no:
i guess it would be nice to maybe have saved up some more money, but this isnt really a priority for me. we dont need money to raise happy, healthy, considerate children. i didnt grow up with money and i dont consider it important...my DP grew up with money and he's a spoilt brat :laughing: but is learning about the more important things in life.

[sandy_1902]

the money factor is the hardest..
these girls are still at home.. they wouldn't no how to support them selves let alone them and a baby.

im friggin 19 and i have a hard time some days.

I think these girls need to get a rude awakening.. i think schools should start getting teenage mums into talk to them as health class or something.. or at assemblies if they are wanting to get pregnant.. its crazy.. (while i am all for supporting teenage mums.)

The thing i miss most. (mainly cuz im pregnant atm) is going out and clubbing.. i only went about 4-5 times.

They obviously do not know how much it effects your life..

[sandy_1902]

:iagree:

You said these girls dont even have boyfriends Lauren? Well good luck doing it on your own! I think it would a million times harder without the support of a partner both emotionally and financially. Im lucky enough to have a great partner who doesnt mind watching Lukie so I can still go out clubbing and enjoying being 21, I couldnt handle having no social life at all :no:

Even if they did have a partner at the tender age of 16, the chance that they would remain together is very slim...

Sandy, I like your idea about the talks at assembly :thumbsup: I could just go there and show them my stretchmarks, cellulite and flab and they should be well scared off having kids EVER :laughing:

yeha it annoys me how vain they are.. they think its going to be soo easy.. becuase i dont no.. but clearly they dont see the whole package.. i would gladly go to a school and tell them how hard it is.. if they dont beilive chuck a fake tummy on and watch my two year old for an hour.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Well, for the most part I think that the reason so many young girls are wanting babies at such a young age is not only because biologically their bodies are ready and are telling them to (generalisation, puberty happens when it is ready, I'm talking mainly about the hormones that make girls/women want to have babies, it happens differently for everyone) but because many of them may feel the NEED for unconditional love. A baby offers that. It does take work.

For me, I was a mother at 16.
Its absolutely shocking (even to me, because the age is young, but how many people really feel their age?) but I entirely planned my son.
I don't recommend it, but it was right for me.

I wasn't living at home, I was in a stable relationship and already caring for a child almost full time. I was NOT in the frame of mind that many teenagers are. :no:

And while at 19 I have a flabby tummy and boobs that leak a lot, I am so proud to have my kids.

I don't recommend anybody to do it, but it was right for me.


I certainly didn't discuss my want for a baby to anybody else, much less with high school friends.

[Liddy]

I honestly never have been clubbing in my life, never been to a 'proper' party, nor have the need or want to be even as a mother. I sure like to get out of the house alone sometimes, whether it be going for a drive, going to the shops or visiting a friend without my daughter but even before being a mum these things never concerned me and I honestly never for one minute thought "damn there goes my party life". I had just finished a 6 month traineeship when I found out I was pregnant, before that I was working and before that I was in school, I had moved interstate and was living with my then partner.

So I dunno, I don't think in that showing these girls the raw reality is necessarily gunna stop some of them from becoming young parents. I kinda think finding a guy just to have a baby is rather stupid, I couldn't do it, I can't even kiss somebody unless I'm in a relationship and love them. But this is only my experience, I understand alot of young people like to get out and have a party life, my sister is very much like that I think she would probably find it abit of a shock to her social life. But because I was so focused on having a career and making a relationship work and doing all those things that I find most important a baby was a shock but I didn't feel incapable or unable to take on the challenge.

So I guess everybody has different views on being a young parent but for me it wasn't hard because I wanted my social life, i'd much rather stay home with my daughter then be at a club anyways but that's just me.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I can't believe that this happens to often. What I mean is most teenage girls who fall pregnant do not plan it. I'm sure some do, but the facts are that the medium age that women have babies is on the rise and is now 29(or close to). The amount of teenage parents are reducing every year.

If a young women or man was silly enough to believe that parenthood would be easy, and that centre link would provide enough money to live on, they would soon realise their mistake. However it's the generalising and assumptions that realy get me, because many older parents believe having babies will be easy too, and they also are mistaken about just how much the government provides for children and families.

Any person of any age can be a good parent.

[lil miss]

im not at all suprised... in fact, i used to be one of those girls (although I am ashamed to admit it). I always knew I wanted to be a young mum, and even my family weren't suprised when I told them at 18 that i was pregnant. My mum had me at 17, and we all kinda figured it would happen to me too. In fact, my mum even told me she was suprised it took me til i was 18. Having said that, they still wish that I had of waited and I do too (as much as I love my daughter). And yes, she was planned.

The things i find the hardest about being a young single mum are:
1) The comment from complete strangers- especially the "you're to young to be a mum" ones... u wouldn't go up to a 30 yr old woman and say "you're too old to me a mum", would u? so y do they think its ok to say it to young mums?

2) The financial stress- not being able to provide the "best" of everything (like brand new baby products, cot, etc. Not being able to do things like go to the zoo or movies. And for me, not being able to go out with friends when I finally do get a break

3) not being able to drop everything and do somehting with friends- although i have been pretty lucky cuz my friends are accepting of jess and understand when i cant do something, or if it takes me a bit longer to get organised. And they make allowances for when they want me to do stuff, like go somewhere bub is able to go as well.

4) having to listen to ppl my age talk about how much fun the had up town, or the great new $300 shoes they bought. While most ppl my age are buyin shoes and clothes and partying, i am paying bills and rent and worrying about if i will have enough $$ to get me thru til next pay

I think they are my main ones... lots of little things bug me, but these are the ones that get me really down sometimes.

[iamLilysmummy]

loosing friends.!!!

but it proved to me who were my friends in the first place..

i dont miss the party life.. coz i NEVER had one.. clubbing is not my thing.. iv been 3 times in my life... lol

last i think is..

lilys dad not being around..
i mean lily was planned.. we were young.. i was 18 wen i had lily.. n her dad was 17.. but he changed his mind... WHEN it was to late.. i was 4 months preg..
the first thing i thought wen i gave birth to lily.. **cry** he said he'd be here and hes not. lily looks just like her dad.!!!


:P I LOVE BEING A YOUNG MUM..

[xlouxloux]

Finance.

Not having the 'freedom' (for lack of a better word) to study. its very hard to go to class, come home and find time to study while cleaning/cooking/paying enough attention that a child needs/sleeping

Saying that, having Alyssa cuddle me, grin at me, run to me makes it all worth it. The second any of that happens i dont care about anything else in the world but her and how i wouldnt change having her for the world :)

[Freya]

Nothing really.

For me the thing that makes parenting my boys hard is that I am single.

My age doesn't restrict me from anything and certainly hasn't made it hard...

Just the being single part.

[Lily_Pad]

I honestly never have been clubbing in my life, never been to a 'proper' party, nor have the need or want to be even as a mother. I sure like to get out of the house alone sometimes, whether it be going for a drive, going to the shops or visiting a friend without my daughter but even before being a mum these things never concerned me and I honestly never for one minute thought "damn there goes my party life". I had just finished a 6 month traineeship when I found out I was pregnant, before that I was working and before that I was in school, I had moved interstate and was living with my then partner.

I could've written this myself. :o I'd just finished school and a traineeship too. I've been clubbing a few times and to be honest I was bored out of my mind. No loss there.
The things that have been really hard for me is the money problems (constantly worrying whether we will have enough money until next pay) and not being able to study. It was always a huge ambition of mine to study at Melbourne Uni and get my JD in law eventually - now I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that, unless I move back home.

Chloe wasn't planned, but even though I love her more than anything, if I had the chance to do things differently I think I would.