I don't want to be a bad Mum!

[mamachops]

I just don't know what's best:confused:

My DD has started waking every 2-3hours during the night. She has always slept longer than this even when newborn (she's now 14 weeks), and on occasion, has slept through, but we're going backwards.

I think I've created the problem myself through a number of 'poor habits' and am now searching for a routine/sleep method that will cure the issue.

I've looked at various different methods and for each that I think may be worth a try, I find something that suggests the opposite, and now I'm confused, and feel guilty regardless of what I do (but I am Catholic, and guilt pervades my life in most areas;) )

I'm currently trying the Karitane suggestions, but she cries and cries, and I can't calm her without the dummy or a feed or cuddles (which kind of defeats the idea).

I'm just feeling bad about all the crying, and it's making me sad and giving me a bad back (leaning over the cot for hours).

Can anyone help me through this? I don't know whether to grit my teeth and get through it ie. whether the results will be worth it, or to go back to my calm baby who sleeps in my arms/on the breast/on the dummy, or whether it'll get worse if I don't persist.

Thanks

[the_queen]

If any method makes you feel like a "bad mother" (despite the Catholic guilt ;)) then don't do it.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. I know you probably think you don't know what to do, but don't sell yourself short. Feeding/cuddling to sleep is fine. She could be going through a growth spurt and need more/extra feeds? She's still so little, of course she just wants to be close to the most fabulous important person in her life - you! Maybe try a sling/carrier during the day, to help her feel close to you. If you're not against co-sleeping, give that a go. Or you could take one side off the cot and push it up against your side of the bed (attach it to the bed if you're worried it will move - mine is on castors so I've attached mine with those binding thingys) so then you can hold her hand or stroke her or pat her, while you're still laying down. This will deal with your tiredness and bad back too.

You sound like a wonderful mummy, you want to put her best interests first so don't let anyone convince you to do something you're not comfortable with. Hence, if what I've suggested sounds like codswallop to you, then don't do it!!:D

[misskittyfantastico]

I am very much a "go with what my baby wants" kind of parent as this is what I have found works best for me. My DD has had periods when she'll self settle but if she wants to be rocked, I rock her etc....I started going about things this way when I realised that trying to "make" her do anything was only upsetting her and me!
I hope you find what works best for you. As queenie said "trust your instincts".
:hugs:

[Lunar]

I agree with Queenie and MissKitty. I rock my 12 week old off to sleep most of the time, as this is what she wants. Sometimes she will quite happily go off to sleep in her bassinette by herself, but if she wants to be close to me, then I am not going to complain, i love it. She smiles at me and shuts her eyes and snuggles right in:) very nice, gives us extra bonding time:yes: .

Whatever you and your baby are happy with is what is best. Forget what anyone else says about 'making a rod for your back' etc.
I know it is hard. Just try to relax a bit more, it's amazing how different babies can be if you just relax.
:hugs: and good luck.

[Lunar]

I agree with Queenie and MissKitty. I rock my 12 week old off to sleep most of the time, as this is what she wants. Sometimes she will quite happily go off to sleep in her bassinette by herself, but if she wants to be close to me, then I am not going to complain, i love it. She smiles at me and shuts her eyes and snuggles right in:) very nice, gives us extra bonding time:yes: .

Whatever you and your baby are happy with is what is best. Forget what anyone else says about 'making a rod for your back' etc.
I know it is hard. Just try to relax a bit more, it's amazing how different babies can be if you just relax.
:hugs: and good luck.

[Lunar]

Sorry, dom't know how that got posted twice:o

[Goosie22]

Hi,
There is nothing wrong with feeding a baby to sleep. I feed mine to sleep untill they were well over 12 months old. They are only babies and the more love and attention you give them the more secure and settled they will be. They wont keep doing it untill their in high school and who needs all that crying and aching backs.

[mamachops]

Thanks for your replies.

I'm comforted to hear that you rock/feed your little ones to sleep too.

I have always been very relaxed and "go with the flow" since becoming a mum. The reason I'm panicking now is because DD has changed her pattern and I'm worried that I've already created the proverbial rod and that is why we're having troubles now.

I have to say though, in the early days I was quite routine about feeding her at fairly set times, but we had a period where she wasn't gaining enough weight, so I was BFing every time she cried, to get my supply and her weight up. Interestingly this is when the sleeping problems seemed to start.

I also wonder if she's having a growth spurt, as she cries between breasts, and sometimes after a feed as if she's still a bit hungry.:detective:

PS She's gone to sleep. Phew. The dummy was in, but essentially she went to sleep after 45mins in her cot on her own (although I was sat next to the cot). I'm going to try a dreamfeed. Please god, don't let her wake up and not go back to sleep.:fingerscrossed:

[Goosie22]

I have to say though, in the early days I was quite routine about feeding her at fairly set times, but we had a period where she wasn't gaining enough weight, so I was BFing every time she cried, to get my supply and her weight up. Interestingly this is when the sleeping problems seemed to start.


Demand feeding is far better than routine, you have found that out for yourself with the low weight gain, please dont second guese yourself, trust yourself and your instincts in feeding your baby when ever she needs it she cant tell the time and she isnt trying to manipulate you she's trying to grow.

[mamachops]

Goosie, it wasn't planned to be so routine early on, she remarkably only demanded feeding every 4 hours! However you're right about the needing the feeds, and I'm quite happy to do it. I don't know why or whether this is related to her waking so frequently at night now though.

I'll see how things are next week, it could just be temporary:fingerscrossed:

[Goosie22]

:fingerscrossed: Just wanted to encourage you to trust yourself, you sound (from your posts) like a loving dedicated mum, I would hate for you to loose trust in yourself and start doubting your ability to feed and nurture your baby.

Keep up the good work:hugs: .

[misskittyfantastico]

I just wanted to add that my DD seems to change every two weeks! I dunno why! She keeps me on my toes that's for sure!

My bro and SIL's bub slept through for the first 11 weeks and then stopped! I tell ya, babies are little individuals!

[mamachops]

Had a bad night.:(

Went to bed at 8. Dream feed at 11.

Woke at 2.30, 4.30, 6, 7, 8. I couldn't get up too tired, so I put her on the breast and went back to bed. At 10 am she pulls off crying. My boobs are empty and she's screaming, so I get 80ml feed out of the freezer. SHe gulps it down, cries when I wind her, so I put her back on the breast, has a couple of sucks and stops. Now she's happily gooing away in her rocker.:confused: :confused: :confused:

What is this?

[SnoozesWithCats]

How old is she?

Both of my bubs went through extremely wakey phases when they wer about 5-6 months. With number one I panicked when she got down to "every 2 hours" and implemented a full-on CC strategy which took FOREVER to do anything (about 6 weeks ) ... but on the other hand, it did work.

With number 2 I've just been riding it out - she got down to every hour-and-a-half for a month, which was pretty bad, but then she DID get better after that - my technique with her was to just insist on self-settling at 7:00 bedtime, and then after that it was Boob of Sleep all the way and she sorted herself out after that, and it's been 2 wakes-a-night till day before yesterday when I put an extra jumper on her and she only woke once (:D )

So anyway, this is just my long-winded way of saying that things can get better without extreme measures - I think around the 6 month mark is just a bad sleep time

Good Luck!

[Motherhoodjoys]

Hi i just read your thread and felt socomforted toread another mum confused and feeling guilty -not meaning it's good for you but that I thought I was alone. I have got a 14 weekold too and its my 2nd baby and I still get confused at times about what is right or wrong.
What I have learnt is :
1st- God has given you the ability to be the best mum for your child.
2nd- there can be no major bad habits created in the first six months. Meaning if rocking, nursing, feeding etc works at different times to helpsettle then thats ok it is not wrong.
3rd - if at 6 months you feel that you dont want to rock, nurse,feed to sleep anymore then slowly change the routine.Eg: Rock for a shorter period of time, do a shorter feed and then pat your baby.

Most importantly is the fact that I have seen all types of parenting and the best is the one that suits you. It is very ammoying when people make you feel you are creating a monster by not nursing your baby to sleep. With my first baby I was so anxious that I never nursed him to sleep and panicked if he woke during the night and would say i can't feed him its wrong BUT the TRUTH is that you just take one day at a time. When your baby cries remeber its their way of saying I need help- so relax and enjoy your baby and know that the health professionals have documented adn said to me HEAPS of times that you do what suits you and no habits are created at a 6 month and under stage.

In fact 3 times in the last week I have nursed my baby girl to sleep becasue we were out at parties,playgroup etc and she was overtired and I didn't want to stress out with her trying to control cry so I thought STUFF IT i will hold her and nurse and pat to sleep. She had an 1/2 hour napwhich help her cope with the rest of the afternoon and it meant that I enjoyed the party.
I have realised you do what works at the time.
You are a wonderful mum and there is no -one going to fail you for trying whatever you choose. You are a champion for asking for help from others rather than trying to cope in silence.
Try to enjoy your baby and know that you will look back on this unsettled sleep phase in a few months and think wow I got thru it.
Luv Phillipa:smiliedance:

[mamachops]

Thank you, thank you everyone for your support. It really matters to have someone say "you're doing great".

I am less sleep deprived today as we managed almost 4 hours between waking last night, which is much better.

Hopefully things will continue to improve, but it's nice to know I can call on you guys if it doesn't:)

[leab]

do you think it could be a BF issue?

what about putting her to sleep on her tummy?
When my girl was that age she would startle herself awake so I put her on her tummy. Worked like a charm, also helped with her upset tummy.

Also now that it is getting colder at night, do you think that she might be getting cold and waking up?

There are soooo many reasons why babies wake up!lol
All you can do is try different things that you know and sometimes you can solve the problem and other times it just stops all of a sudden. My little one started sleeping through (10-12hrs) at about this age (12-14weeks), but it only lasted for about 8weeks and ever since some nights she sleeps through some she doesn't:confused: .
Sometimes she feeds, other times she is goes back to sleep with just the dummy and a cuddle. Last night she kept on waking up till eventually I couldn't be bothered (3am) so I just bought her into our bed with the dummy and she slept until 6.30am.

At every sleep she is rocked/fed to sleep.There is no way she would go to sleep herself. And yeah, I do wish she could go to sleep herself. I tryed one day to do it and she just howled. I could never do CC!lol .Breaks my heart to hear her cry

Anyway, good luck:o

[Notchalk]

Hey :)

I just wanted to add my "Me TOO" story :hugs:

My son is now just over 12 months old. From about 4 weeks he slept a 4-6 hour stretch, then woke 2-3 hourly at night.

Suddenly, at 4 months old, he would wake EVERY sleep cycle - that's every 45 minutes. Sometimes he'd need food, sometimes his dummy would suffice. I had so much guilt you wouldn't believe! (the rod for your own back thing, "He has to learn to self-settle" Vs my gut instinct).

In the end my gut won - and we co-slept. He would still wake often, but not quite every 45 min. NOT getting out of bed to him meant I would go back to sleep so much quicker, and he was much more settled. Best of all, I felt no guilt!

Everynow and then we tried not co-sleeping but he'd simply sleep better in with us, and I was getting to the point of mental breakdown with such broken sleep (average 5 times a night still).

About a month ago, we tried him back in his cot, and for some reason, he is sleeping better there now (and we are sleeping better with him there) - just a few steps away from the bed. He is only waking 1-3 times after the bedtime BF, and I just feed him. The CHN says he doesn't need a night feed - my son says different. Whatever happend to demand feeding? You supply as much breastmilk as your baby demands if you LET them demand it. I don't think that stops just because he's 1.:rolleyes:

So, forget the guilt - go with the gut. Do whatever it takes to get you through this tough time. If bending over the cot patting to sleep works, do it. If not, pick up your baby, cuddle, feed, whatever! Notice the feeling of relief (in both of you) when you do pick her up? :idea: That should tell you something. FWIW I tried the 6 month old thing - get rid of the dummy, stop co-sleeping, etc... but it didn't work.

GOOD LUCK! and hang in there - nap whenever you can.

Jo