Would you hire a childless doula/midwife?

[MimiGrace]

Straight forward question.

Would you hire a Doula or Midwife who does not have children [yet]? aka, hasn't experienced pregnancy, labour and birth before.

I'll attach a poll :thumbsup:

[Luna Lovegood]

I picked other. For a doula who isnt a mother, I would want references, I would want to question her about many different things, and I probably wouldn't take her too seriously if she insisted on pushing her opinions. So I guess it would all come down to the person in the end, and how confortable she made me feel.

In saying that, I guess that could also apply to a doule with children. I could never go through such a life changing experience with someone who didn;t make me feel confortable.

[Luna Lovegood]

Did any of that make sense???????????????

[Fuchsia!]

Personally for myself, NO i wouldn't. But i have no problem with it at all. If its something you really want to do then go for it :)

I think if you have birth running through your veins then it won't matter if you have given birth or not.

All births are different so its not as if you need to have a birth to be able to be a Doula as all births are so varied.

But for myself and my circumstances i would hire a Doula that would have the same expriences and ideals as myself

Good luck with it :)

[bnbng]

I said yes, but this would really depend on the person, if we clicked and she was very supportive than I don't see why it would be a problem. I would be comfortable with someone who had experience in their choose field regardless of their personal situation.

[MimiGrace]

I picked other. For a doula who isnt a mother, I would want references, I would want to question her about many different things, and I probably wouldn't take her too seriously if she insisted on pushing her opinions. So I guess it would all come down to the person in the end, and how confortable she made me feel.

In saying that, I guess that could also apply to a doule with children. I could never go through such a life changing experience with someone who didn;t make me feel confortable.
Doula's aren't meant to push opinions anyway :confused: they're there to support the mother in whatever the mother wants...aren't they?

Thanks for your opinions guys!

[~Bec~]

I most likely wouldn't. I would be looking for a sense of empathy from a doula and for all their training and experience you just can't get a feeling of what labour and birthing is like until you've actually experienced it. I'm a bit fussy like that, I mean I only ever go to female doctors about 'women's' stuff too.

[Luna Lovegood]

Doula's aren't meant to push opinions anyway :confused: they're there to support the mother in whatever the mother wants...aren't they?

Thanks for your opinions guys!

Doula's aren;t meant to push their opinion, but some do, I have heard some horror stories. There is always one...:p

You sound like you will make a luffly doula, you seem so caring. :D

[bAaM]

I most likely wouldn't. I would be looking for a sense of empathy from a doula and for all their training and experience you just can't get a feeling of what labour and birthing is like until you've actually experienced it. I'm a bit fussy like that, I mean I only ever go to female doctors about 'women's' stuff too.
:iagree: saved me writting it:D

[QTB]

I would

because to me, if they have no children and still have a passion for birth, then it must be a natural passion, not just a passion because they have children.

however, it would totally depend on whether i "clicked" with them, wouldnt matter if they had children or didnt have children, its all in the "clicking" for me :D



also - no one seems to complain that male obs have been through labour and birth, why should it be any different for midwives and doulas? The most compassionate midwife iv ever met was a man ;)

[MimiGrace]

Doula's aren;t meant to push their opinion, but some do, I have heard some horror stories. There is always one...:p

You sound like you will make a luffly doula, you seem so caring. :D

well, on the flip side. couldn't we say that since i've never given birth, i don't have an agenda i'd want to push. I don't have my own traumatic birth that i want to 'prevent' in someone else. I also didn't have the 'perfect' birth that i want them to experience.
(lol, planning the marketing before i even start studying :o:laughing:)

[delirium]

I wouldn't if I had the choice :no: Going public (or private too) you don't get to choose, but if I hbed I would want a IM or doula that had children.

I just don't think anyone really understands pg and birth unless they have gone thru it. They know biologically how it happens, but that experience of having your own child would be crucial when hiring a IM for me.

[Kittylou]

I most likely wouldn't. I would be looking for a sense of empathy from a doula and for all their training and experience you just can't get a feeling of what labour and birthing is like until you've actually experienced it. I'm a bit fussy like that, I mean I only ever go to female doctors about 'women's' stuff too.

I wouldn't for the same reason as above. For both of my births, I had midwives who'd never had children (public system, no choice) - second time around it didn't bother me as she only made it into the room a few minutes before DD was born but with DS I really resented it. I also would never even consider hiring a male ob.

[Fuchsia!]

well, on the flip side. couldn't we say that since i've never given birth, i don't have an agenda i'd want to push. I don't have my own traumatic birth that i want to 'prevent' in someone else. I also didn't have the 'perfect' birth that i want them to experience.
(lol, planning the marketing before i even start studying :o:laughing:)

You have made some really good points :thumbsup:

[Luna Lovegood]

well, on the flip side. couldn't we say that since i've never given birth, i don't have an agenda i'd want to push. I don't have my own traumatic birth that i want to 'prevent' in someone else. I also didn't have the 'perfect' birth that i want them to experience.
(lol, planning the marketing before i even start studying :o:laughing:)

:detective: Good points...

[Benji]

I definitely would. I wouldn't hire a doula based on whether or not she had children, but if she's the "one" for me :laughing:

Mimi, I would SO hire you as a doula, if only I was pregnant :crying:

[SaraJ]

I picked other.

When it came to choosing a "childless" Doula I would be a tad hesitant at first. I would definately have to meet her before I made any decisions. And if, even AFTER I had decided to go ahead with her support, I felt that things weren't right, I would tell her this and end the "relationship". The last thing you need in your birthing zone, is to feel uncomfortable with the people around you. Esp your Doula of all people.

But if when I met her I felt that she was everything that I would want in a Doula, then yep I'd be fine with it!

There are some that are lucky enough to not have experienced pregnancy, labour and birth for themselves and still have birth support "in their veins". And if it were me, I'd be damn well proud! :thumbsup:

As for a Midwife, both times I birthed in a hospital and had childless Midwives (who just so happened to be sisters!). They didn't really provide the support that a Doula would have but they did their job.

So I think by my selecting "other" I would really be relating it to a Doula rather than a Midwife.

[annsam]

Midwife - yes but my preference would be one who has had children though its not a clincher.
Doula - no.


I hire a midwife and a doula for different reasons. To me it is important that my doula know what Im going through and how I feel. As said in a PP, you just cant learn what labour is like till you've done it.

.........But then I realised the doula I had for my last birth, though a mother, hadn't birthed vaginally so she wouldn't have known what I was going through at the end though she did have many hrs of labour so she would have known more than a doula without children plus she also got the whole breastfeeding thing and need for emotional support post birth.

[annsam]

well, on the flip side. couldn't we say that since i've never given birth, i don't have an agenda i'd want to push. I don't have my own traumatic birth that i want to 'prevent' in someone else. I also didn't have the 'perfect' birth that i want them to experience.
(lol, planning the marketing before i even start studying :o:laughing:)

Id hope most doulas aren't pushing agendas of their own. I know theres always some but you'd have to hope that if this doesn't suite the mother, she wouldn't hire them.

[MimiGrace]

I definitely would. I wouldn't hire a doula based on whether or not she had children, but if she's the "one" for me :laughing:

Mimi, I would SO hire you as a doula, if only I was pregnant :crying:
ah well
i'll be certified by the time you ARE pregnant :goodvibes: :kiss: (promise!!! i'll probably be a student midwife as well by then)

[cheezelkat]

10 (out of 11 of us) in my class are childless, and very young.

Would I want them at my birth? Some of them :yes: - they have great personalities that could be very supportive for a birthing mother. Some of them I would be a bit iffy about, but they've made it clear working in midwifery isn't their greatest passion anyway.

[BigRedV]

I agree with QTB - what about male OB and midwives??? I know doulas are a different story but I had a male and a female midwife present at my DD's birth. Both were very supportive.

[MimiGrace]

Thanks for everyone taking time to answer this.

anyone have any different ideas that haven't already been mentioned?
thanks :p

[Milliner]

No, I wouldn't. But I think the same about an LC - Sure they're medically trained in breastfeeding but there are some that aren't mothers and wouldn't first hand experience.

I would prefer to hire someone who has been there and done that IYKWIM

[MothersMilk]

My thoughts are while a childless doula/midwife may not have first hand experience of the giving birth/pregnancy themselves they can still have a wealth of experience of what women go through during that time - from watching, talking to, being involved with the women they support. They can be just as if not more supportive as a doula/midwife with children.
I would base my decision on the person. I would probably ask if they had kids but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.
Most important would be do i feel comfortable with them? Are they impartial or do push any particular things (ie are they pro breastfeeding, supportive of drug free labour or not), Are they gentle and i would i really feel supported?
I have never used a doula so i don't know much about it really but i had a childfree midwife and one with kids and i found both excellent and supportive in different ways (i auctaully liked the kid free one better :p )

Gee i hoped helped - i'm a bit rambly today.

[sam's mum]

I agree with QTB - what about male OB and midwives??? I know doulas are a different story but I had a male and a female midwife present at my DD's birth. Both were very supportive.

I have to admit to being concerned about this issue.

My nephew is first year nursing and midwifery and I worry about the hard road that he has taken.

He has wanted to work with babies for sooo long. he came to scans with me when I was pg with DS even.

not only doesn't he have children, he is male, and when he starts in the hospy he will be a young male.

[stellarella]

I would and I have :D

A woman does not need to have experienced labour and birth to be empathetic and supportive. A doula can support a woman in other ways and sometimes it's better (IMO) to have a doula free of her own emotional birth baggage than a doula who is bringing her own birth experiences with her into my birth space.

I had a beautiful woman support me in late pregnancy with massage and touch. That is what I needed and enjoyed and she was perfectly capable of giving me what I needed in that regard.

It's all a matter of finding a woman you click with, that is really all that matters.

My midwife was a midwife long before she had her own children.

Don't be so quick to dismiss a doula who does not have children of her own.

[stellarella]

well, on the flip side. couldn't we say that since i've never given birth, i don't have an agenda i'd want to push. I don't have my own traumatic birth that i want to 'prevent' in someone else. I also didn't have the 'perfect' birth that i want them to experience.
(lol, planning the marketing before i even start studying :o:laughing:)

:iagree:

Every birth is so incredibly different. No one can ever know what someone else is experiencing.

[MothersMilk]

:iagree:

Every birth is so incredibly different. No one can ever know what someone else is experiencing.

:iagree: I think this is a very key point.
I know lots of people who have been pregnant but can't relate or understand how i felt in my pregnancy because they didn't have the same symptoms etc and vice versa.
Labour is the same. Everyone has a different experience and while we relate to each other so far as both going through a birth - we all feel things differently and have different labours so may not understand what another mother has gone through.

Mimi i think you would make an excellent doula/midwife because you clearly have a passion for it which i think is more important than having experienced pregnancy/birth firsthand. :yes:

[misskittyfantastico]

I would.:yes: As PP have said, having children doesn't IMO make anyone more equipped to support me. My DH could seriously be a midwife or doula and he's not gonna be popping a kiddy out anytime soon.

[JabberJaw]

I would for sure, actually found the childless midwifes at the hospital far less pushy and much willing to search out info asked from them, unlike there counterparts who happily dished out advice that worked for 'them'.

As for a Doula, well i had never even heard of one before bub hub but the exact same principles would still apply, i mean geez both of my kids school teachers are childless and they are still fantastic teachers, they are no better nor worse than the teachers with children.

I think, as i write this, i would actually prefer a childless midwife/doula to one with children :p

Oh, and i had a childless male midwife for one of my kids and he was the best midwife i ever had, he was very kind and caring, explained everything in detail, sort info as requested and was the only one to offer my husband a cuppa and a sandwich after hours of labour with my eldest DD.

[annsam]

I agree with QTB - what about male OB and midwives??? I know doulas are a different story but I had a male and a female midwife present at my DD's birth. Both were very supportive.


On this point (and others who said the same thing), the thread as I read it was about hiring a midwife or doula, not having one assigned to you. In hospital you get who you get, you dont generally get to choose and when you hire an Ob, its generally for their medical expertise not for their hand holding and support in labour. I dont see it as the same thing personally.

[BreithCuidiu]

Personally no I would not hire a childless or male midwife or doula. I know many who have, and they have been satisfied, but for me... I would prefer to have a female presence who has felt what I am feeling. I want her to understand what I need and for myself to believe in her true empathy for my experience.

I know so many Midwives and Nurses who have admitted that they never actually "got" how childbirth felt until they experienced it themselves.

[Babblings]

Personally no, i would like them to be able to empathise with me inregards to the whole birthing process. To have an understanding to some degree of what giving birth feels like and the emotions surrounding the process.
I realise every birth experience is different for each individual birth and each women. But i would be comforted by simply just knowing she has been through it before, in one way or another.

[BreithCuidiu]

On this point (and others who said the same thing), the thread as I read it was about hiring a midwife or doula, not having one assigned to you. In hospital you get who you get, you dont generally get to choose and when you hire an Ob, its generally for their medical expertise not for their hand holding and support in labour. I dont see it as the same thing personally.

Absolutely what I was going to say. I would not hire a male Midwife or Doula privately. No way. And if I were to hire an OB it would not be based on gender, or whether they had given birth. I'd hire them for their surgical prowess. I would only hire an OB if I required surgery, and this decision would be based upon their qualifications and experience in the operating theatre.

Private and Public hospital Midwives, and Public OBs are assigned. There is no choice. You may be pleasantly surprised, or you may not. Either way you had no choice.

If I were to choose support during my birth, I would definitely need a woman whom had laboured and given birth via their vagina.

[~Emmylou~]

I think for many women who hire doulas, especially women having their first baby, a big part of it is having someone with them who has "walked the walk".

Sometimes clients write testimonials for me after their births and this is something that I frequently see them mention when they talk about their decision making process to have a doula. They often mention that they wanted to have someone with them that they knew, and who had experienced labour and birth themselves.

A few weeks ago I was with a lady labouring at home and we had known eachother for over 6 months, had spent many hours together and she'd never asked me about my births. But when she was in early labour suddenly she wanted to talk about my experiences, how my births had gone, how I felt about them now. To me, she was looking for reassurance that I could empathise with what she was experiencing at that time.

I do think that we can understand birth on an intellectual and "mechanical" level without having experienced it - as someone whose been into birth her whole life I definitely fell into that category before I had children.

But it wasn't until I had my own that I got an emotional and spiritual understanding of the power of birth and it's impact on a woman in the long term.

[mummykitty]

well for me it would depends but probably not though i would consider it if we clicked, if they had extensive experience with children or im sure tehre is something im not considering on a night without sleep to fuel my brain lol. for me it is about empathy and whilst i recognise that male midwives etc canbe very good i tend to find that is because they think the worst and because they cant go through it are going to be great and just do what they can to support whereas a female who may turn around and decide she wants to push something that she feels is right or better or thinks she could do better and somehow transfers taht feeling accross. whilst being a doula i am more than aware that we arent supposed to push our own agenda doesnt mean i havent heard of those that do :( and yeah im kinda rambling now i might just hope that what i have written makes sense and try again when ive slept lol so ill select other i guess

[Hokey Pokey]

If they were experienced, definately. I had a male midwife and he has never birthed (obviously lol) and he was by far the best :)

[mamajess]

Yes I have hired a childless IM. My primary IM was childless for my first two homebirths, and brought along her 8mth old bub to my third HB.
I wanted her as a support person because we 'clicked', she had excellent experience in home and hospital births and I trusted her. It didn't matter that she wasn't a mother.

I've also been supported by a childless student mid. She was a good friend who understood labour and birth but hadn't given birth.

[Chunkydunks]

Yes I would. One of the best midwives at our local hospital is male. Also one of our family friends is a childless midwife and I'd love for her to attend my next birth but unfortunately she lives 5 hours away.

[TonkaTruck]

One of the best midwives I've dealt with so far is a man. He may not be able to give birth but I found his confidence very reassuring. He actually delivered two babies in the time that I was there for the visit before last. In our last visit he actually debriefed US about this woman's birth, as we were in the next room waiting for test results!
It was fantastic, because he explained that when she was screaming like crazy (full lung screaming mind you, DH thought she was dying lol) he literally told her that she needed to be quiet because she couldn't hear him and was making things harder on herself.
I need someone like that at my birth. I don't want airy-fairy "Oh, I know how you feel right now, but please..." Nup. I want "Shut up and do what you're told and this will all be over a lot quicker!" *chuckle* I appreciate that there are a LOT of women who wouldn't agree with that. But that's just me I guess.

As for a doula... Well, that's a completely different story. I would rather have a doula who's been there and done that because she's there simply for her experience in my opinion. I don't care if my doula has had formal training, so long as she's had babies herself before, and the more the better. I want someone who's going to be holding my hand and being supportive. In my eyes the midwives are there to get your baby out. The doula is there to settle your nerves.

[DaughteroftheForest]

*Bump* Thinking of hiring another Doula and would like peoples thoughts ;)

[MissKit]

another? if youve used one before why not ask her to attend or did it not go well? we are looking at hiring a doula so id love to know a bit more about it all. how did you find the experience? good luck! and thanks

[DaughteroftheForest]

I'm still in touch with the Doula I had at my last birth but she's a student midwife now and no longer works as a Doula but she'll still be there. And she's childless, so obviously I don't have a problem with childless middies or doulas ;)

[MissKit]

:) thankyou ~ im a bit at a loss first time really looking into most of this stuff.. finally getting my homebirth!! and DETERMINED it will go right lol

[DaughteroftheForest]

That sounds lovely. I hope you find the help you need. :)

[Me&MrMagoo]

Mine was childless and we A.D.O.R.E her!!!









( ... life's too short to sweat the small stuff ... )

[Me&MrMagoo]

I should just add, that I personally don't think whether they have children or not has much to do with them being a doula, its the 'spirit' of the woman/doula that is important ...




( ... life's too short to sweat the small stuff ... )

[MissKit]

are there any you would recommend? im not sure how id feel about them being parents really i think would be about the person and how we click. why did she stop practising if you know? i had a friend in melb who did both :) where do i find PM im new to this sorry

[DaughteroftheForest]

The parent thing doesn't bother me at all. As Me&MrMagoo says, if you have the spirit for it, it doesn't matter if you've been through it yourself.

I think she stopped practicing because she needed to focus on her studies.

[trishalishous]

the two midwives I had for DDs birth (hospital and complicated) were fantastic. One was male (b), the other female(k)
B coached me through the early stages and made me stick to my birth plan (when I asked for drugs he refused, and kept offering alternatives, (tens, massage, heatpacks and bath) and really encouraged me to get through the 'tightness'
K actually delivered Miss E, and she was great, coaching and encouraging me through transition, and then through my trauma.
They BOTH also checked up on me every shift, after Miss E was born, while I was in hospital (for 2 weeks :( ) and B even called (turns out we know each other through mils church) to see how I was after my 8 week check up
I dont think the 'parenthood' status of a doula/midwife is important.
Id like to train one day, and Ive had 1 traumatic natural birth, and will most likely be having c-sections in future (Due to medical problems)

[A mothers love]

One of my bosses daughters is a doula, training to be a mw does acupuncture and studied chinease medicine and majored in women's fertility.

If I ever have another child I will be hiring her and she has no children.

I really think it depends on the person