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Tam-I-Am
07-06-2006, 17:22
Hi all,

I think this section may just have been added - or I'm very blind and I've never seen it before! :laughing:

I thought I'd start this off. I know that there are lots of mummies who use this website who have had traumatic birth experiences. I think I'm one of them. I thought I'd tell my story.

Mine started about 2 hours before DD was born. I started vomitting (actually, i started a week before she was born - but I hadn't thrown up for about 22 hours before this). It was quite violent, and the Ob that attended me decided he had to try to stop it because it was interefering with my ability to push (mid-way through every contraction I had to stop to vomit, it was really slowing proceedings down, and they were concerned that DD was going to become distressed if I was in stage 2 labour any longer than necessary).

so they gave me maxalon. Lots of maxalon (and then wondered why I had soooo much colostrum the following day.....but anyway!). When they couldn't give me maxalon anymore, they gave me some drug that stops chemo patients vomitting. And then some other drug. Both were pretty strong.

DD was born (finally) very still, very sleepy, with a bruised head from being inside the birth canal for too long. The OB cut the cord early, and proceeded to attempt "gentle" cord traction to get the placenta out. He was so gentle that he snapped the cord off. I eventually delievered the placenta after an (?) oxytocin injection.

The first 3 days in hospital were hell. I was running a fever for the first day, the second and third, DD was so sleepy I had to set an alarm every 4 hours to wake her to make her feed - she wouldn't have done so otherwise. She lost 13% of her birth weight because her suck reflex was inhibited. And I had the baby blues on the third day (naturally!). The hospital in its wisdom decided to send me home before I had learned to breastfeed, before my milk had come in properly, and with a sleepy baby who had to be woken to feed.

The first night I was home, I cried the entire night. I thought I was a failure as a mother because I couldn't seem to get the feeding right. I hated Claire, I think, in that night. And when I woke at 3am, I felt sick. Really sick. I thought I was just overtired, so I went back to sleep, but woke again at 6am, vomitting, with the worst pain through my midsection I have ever felt, including labour.

My DH called the mat ward - who, get this(!) - said it was NORMAL. On what planet, I ask you, is it normal for a woman to get sick 4 days after giving birth?!?!

DH didn't like her advice, so took me to a 24 hour clinic (it was a Sunday - couldn't go to my normal GP), who ran lots of blood tests, which came back with ambiguous results, but basically thought that either my liver was shutting down, or I had gall bladder problems. I never did find out what the problem was, but I was readmitted to hospital that night, put on a drip, kept in hospital for an amount of time that I actually don't remember - I was on morphine for a good proportion of it - had 3 different types of antibiotics pumped into me. The only good part about being readmitted was that Claire was admitted with me, and I had access to the lactation consultants 24/7 - so I actually managed not only to learn how to breastfeed, but to keep going with it.

I was finally sent home, with lots more antibiotics to take for the next 3 weeks. DD got horrendous colic and diarrhoea from then (as did I, which was another adventure - a woman who has just given birth does not have great pelvic floor muscles, let me tell you!) and she spent the entire 3 weeks sleeping or screaming, there was nothing in between.

Finally, finally, I finished all the tablets, DD started to settle down into the placid, contented baby she has been since, and I thought life was going okay.

But......my "loss" (ie bleeding) never stopped. At my six week check-up, which in reality happened at 8 weeks, the GP thought it was a bit strange, and asked me to ring him if it was still going 2 weeks later. I rang. He said, oh, we'll wait a bit longer. It kept going.......and going.......and going........

It finally stopped at about 12 weeks. My DH and I tried, for the first time, to make love (sorry if TMI). It started again, and the act itself was so painful, its amazing I ever tried again. BTW, this was the week that DH's father died too. It was an awful time for us. Anyway......

I rang the doctor in tears. He finally sent me off the the OB at the hospital, who told me there was no problem, and sent me away. 3 weeks later, I was still bleeding. I insisted on seeing the OB again (remembering by this stage I was 15 weeks post-partum, and still losing).

I pretty much demanded that the OB do a D+C or at least an ultrasound to see what's going on. He agreed to the second, saying, oh we know you've got retained product - the ultrasound you had three days after your DD was born showed that (Remember the "gentle" cord traction?!?). He finally did a D+C at 18 weeks post-partum.

And then, because of the anasthetic, DD started refusing the breast. Thus ensued the most stressful 2 week period of my life. Ever.

Finally finally finally, at 19 weeks post partum, my loss stopped. at 20 week, Claire decided she was a booby girl after all. At 30 weeks I realised I had post-natal depression. And since then, I've been in treatment.

This is my story. It really makes me wonder why I would ever want to have another baby. I'm having a home, and lotus, birth next time. If anybody comes anywhere NEAR the cord with anything resembling a knife or a pair of scissor - I will use said instrument on them.

The most incredible thing about this, is that I know my story is far from the worst, and the medical people have admitted no fault (of course), or expressed any empathy toward me because I went through such an ordeal. It makes me so angry to think of it.

Sorry this was so long. Thank you for reading. Feel free to add your story.

nemosmum
07-06-2006, 19:29
wow what an experience Tami:eek:

Well mine was a traumatic birth for my son, not so much for me iykwim

I mean its was pretty traumatic at the time but after almost two years I look back and realise it wasnt that bad for me, but bad for my son......

Here goes....

Ds was 12 days late, he just didnt want to come out and who can blame him really!

I was induced at 7.30pm and then dh was sent home, within half an hour I started having full on contractions, I had diahorea and vomiting until my waters broke about an hour into labour.

My waters were brownish in colour and all I kept thinking was "This is bad, brown means the baby is distressed!!!" So that freaked me out a bit but I was in so much pain I couldnt really focus on that for too long.

They whisked me down to the delivery suite and examined me, I was about 5 cm dilated so they decided to called dh. He got there in 11 mins flat:D

I had gas and an epidural, but it only worked my right side so I flet every contraction.............after about two hours I was fully dilated and ready to push I cant remember how long I was pushing for when I just became very lethargic and begged them to get my baby out.

They called the doctor down (a friend of mine:yes: ) and she tried to extract him with the vacum, but he had too much hair so she used the forceps (I had a natural tear and an episi with 22 stitches!)

Ds was delievered at 3.48am and wasnt breathing, he looked grey in colour and wasnt moving:crying: .

They whisked him away from me and took him to the special care nursery where they pumped his stomach and gave him oxygen as he had become distressed during the induction and had swallowed alot of meconium.

He had needles in his arms and wasnt touched/cuddled for about 10-12 hours after he was born, I think it was a very traumatic experience for such a little bub to go through and it still makes me sad to think about him lying there hooked up to the oxygen and drips etc

tickle
07-06-2006, 19:43
Hi Tami and Sarah.:wave:
I'm not going to post my story here now, it is really involved and my DS is still awake. I just wanted to say Tami I'm sorry you had such a horrible time and thankyou for posting. Good on you for taking charge of your next birth, I hope it is every bit you want it to be.:hugs:
Sarah: I didn't realise that your O went through so much as a little baby. That must have been terrible for you too. The poor little mite.:(

Tam-I-Am
08-06-2006, 00:58
Oh, Nemo's mum, that sounds just awful. Poor little boy! I'm glad that he was okay (I'm assuming!) and that he's healthy now.

Thanks Happy Lady - I am going to take charge of my next birth. Because I was a first-time mum, nervous and didn't know what was going on - and I hadn't discovered the Hub at that stage, so didn't even know what a lotus birth was or why someone would chose to have one - I just let the medicos do what they were doing. I wish I had better educated myself. I thought I had educated myself - I know better now!

Though it was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life, I can't regret even a second of it. Because it is how I got my beautiful baby girl. So it wasn't all bad!

reAllytee
08-06-2006, 01:20
Wow Tami :hugs:
Whats funny is as much as i tend to talk about my experience the thought of writing out the long full story somewhat makes me feel sick to my stomach especially when being as open & honest as you have been.
I know all about the vomitting i did it for 3 days but especially the 3rd at least i got a break on the other days but then after vomitting my through pretty much the entire pregnancy i wasnt really caring at that stage. My aunty thought Boof was going to pop out the way i was going.
Anyways thankyou for sharing hopefully i shall work up the courage to tell my story :hugs:

reAllytee
08-06-2006, 01:22
Oh & i forgot to add nemosmum thankyou for sharing yours too :hugs:
I think thats where my problem lies not in the fact i blame anyone else for such a horrible experience etc but more that i blame myself for all that went wrong & the fact Boof went through so much makes me so sad.
Big hugs to all you ladies & babies :hugs:

Mylittleboy
08-06-2006, 02:24
Let me tell you poor ladies that I endured a 28 hour labour and ended up having an emergency c-section, and when I tell people they say "oh you poor bugger", honestly, me giving birth through that seems nothing, NOTHING! compared to what you had to endure, I hope all has turned out better.
And just goes to show, mother really does know best.....
I would honestly consider legal action against the parties involved for malpractice and pain and suffering, because having had to go through that is horrendous and they should have known better!!!:mad:

Pixie
08-06-2006, 03:03
Wow Tami :( you poor, poor lass that's terrible, why do DR's not listen, I am glad you stood your ground!!!

S- Yikes poor O That must of been so, so scary for you and your DH you'd ever know O had such a dramtic entry to thw world!

nemosmum
08-06-2006, 07:10
Oh, Nemo's mum, that sounds just awful. Poor little boy! I'm glad that he was okay (I'm assuming!) and that he's healthy now.

Thanks Girls, yes O is mostly healthy although he has been admitted to hospital twice with breathing problems but that imo is genetic.

But I really do believe how a child is born effects them iykwim, I personally believe it stays with them...............no Im not a scientologist:D but I do understand what they mean about making the birth experience as calm and as peaceful as possible.

I really am hoping my next baby will come naturally (no induction) as this is what imo casued my sons distress etc

Good luck to all you lovely ladies who have had traumatic births, hopefully your next experience will be bliss:thumbsup:

angcaltam
08-06-2006, 13:10
I thought I would share my experiences.

DS1 - The perfect labour, just under 8 hours, one push and he was totally out, and I didn't even get a graze !!! He was 7 pound 9 ounces.

DS2 - I had hi hopes of having a birth like I did with DS1. Well, that wasn't meant to be. I was in labour for 48 hours before they decided that something was stopping him from coming out, and then they decided to do an emergency c-section. I had a touch of PND after but I think it was because I really didn't want a c-section, so I felt like the birth I wanted had been stolen from me. Then to make matters worse, he was 11 pound 2 1/2 ounces ! ! ! One of my good friends had her little boy the day after me which he was only just over 7 pound and they kept comparing them. I felt like I had missed out on the newborn stage. DS2 didn't even fit into newborn nappies !!! Then to make matters worse, I was still bleeding at my 6 week check-up, only to find out that they had left something behind, so then I had to have a D & C. Once that was done I started to feel a little better.

DD - Well, I went into this pregnancy knowing there was a chance of having to have another c-section but I was really hoping for a VBAC. Everything was looking good, she wasn't large like DS2, so the Dr's thought there was a good chance of me getting my wish. But then 2 days past my due date I had to see the Dr and decide what was going to happen, he tried to see if he could push her down but there was no way she was going to move down. He then done an internal while trying to push her down, but found out that my pelvic bone had moved into the way so there was no way of her coming out the way I wanted. So they put me in 2 days later for my c-section. I thought that I would cope a lot better with this one since I had been through it before, but I felt worse after wards. It was strange, I knew she was mine but had trouble trying to bond with her. I think that it was because I didn't labour at all.

From my experiences I bonded better and faster with DS1 than I did with my other 2 children.

Well, that is all from me, sorry for boring you guys, but I do feel a lot better now that I got that out.

Tam-I-Am
10-06-2006, 00:50
Thank you for your kind words and support, ladies. It makes it easier to come to terms with what has happened, especially considering that everyone just seems to think that because DD is happy and healthy - I should forget about the way she arrived and get on with life. Which, I guess, to a certain extent is true - but is so hard to do.

Anyway, I'm so glad this section is here now, so we ladies who have had a hard birthing experience can support each other. Again, thanks to all :hugs:

And Katherine, thank you for sharing your story - I'm so sorry that you had a completely s*** experience for your second birth. :hugs: and :kiss:

ETsMum
13-06-2006, 17:30
:hugs: Thanks for sharing all of your stories girls...

Mischief
23-06-2006, 15:42
Tami - I dont think I can say anything that hasnt been said. But you are an amazing woman. You have been through so much, but it never stops you offering your help and advice to others (ie me) when they are having a hard time! You did an amazing job, you trusted your gut, and you were right!!!

Rachel&Emma
23-06-2006, 16:35
Tami you are so right when you commented how people tell you to forget about it because you have a beautiful little girl. That is so insensitive. It's your experience and you are entitled to be angry/upset/traumatised. Yes you have a lovely baby out of the whole thing but that doesn't take away the fact of what you had to go through to get that baby. You're a strong woman. :thumbsup: :hugs:

Tam-I-Am
02-07-2006, 01:42
Thanks sooo much for your support everyone, it means the world to me.

I'm slowly getting over my experience. I certainly didn't have it as bad as some of the rest of you!

We're taking out private health insurance before we have our next bubba - it will give me more options, and hopefully, if I have similar problems next time, they will be attended to in a much more timely fashion.

I'm no longer sure about the lotus birth - although I intend to make them wait until the cord has stopped pulsating. I just don't think I'd have the dedication for a lotus birth, and all that goes with it. But it will be written into my birth plan that they MUST wait for the cord to stop pulsating before they cut. I'll just be so much more informed, prepared, proactive and assertive with my wishes next time - or at least I hope I will!

Anyway, thanks again everyone.