What Would You Prefer...

[munchie]

The father being involved in your kid/s life - Yes Or No? If you had a choice,

Why/Why not?

Do you think its morally and legally wrong to keep the kid/s away from the dad - with your own personal reasons of course;)

???

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Of course it depends, but parents arn't allways good for their children.

Many parents damage their children emotionaly and or physicaly. Niether is good for a child.

I do wish my DD's father was out of her life sooner then he was. He treats her terribly and it hurts her, he does the same to his other children and he doesn't deserve to have them in his life. He has had every opportunity to be a dad to them all though.

People can make mistakes, and every one deseves a second chance, but I don't think they deserve a 2nd, 3rd, 4th , 5th etc chance.

If a dad or mum is really serious about being a good parent they will do whatever it takes to be that person. They will get legal adivise and if needed get help for any other propbelms they may have.

[SPC]

No surprises here - I would love FOB to be involved in Esme's life. I would even be happy with 50/50 shared care in time, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I believe she deserves two parents to love her, although I'm sure she'll be fine with just one.

I wouldn't try and keep her away from her father unless he was abusive towards her or me.

[Ana Gram]

It's a case by case thing really. I want DD's father to be an integral part of her life, I just wish he wasn't such an idiot some of the time.

As SSP said, not all parents are good for their kids.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

To be perfectly honest (and completely selfish) I wish FOB wasn't in DS's life..
DS doesn't benefit at all from having him in his life and is perfectly happy with his Mum and the dad he has known since he was one.
FOB just makes DS's life confusing.
I think FOB is a terrible person and although not abusive to DS was horrible to me.
I hate the person he is. His morals, ethics, views and personality. I would be devastated if DS grew up to be like like FOB.
Luckily they only see each other about 4 weeks a year.
I know every kid has the "right" to known there biological father, I just can't see the benefits :confused:
I do nothing to deter DS from having a relationship with him and encourage contact over the phone etc. But if I had my way I wouldn't bother, I'm only doing it because it's the "right" thing..

[MommaBear]

for us in our situation i wish FOB would find the end of the earth and walk off it.

If he had been someone who is a constant in DDs life then fine but cos all he seems to be capable of is coming a dgoing as he pleases and not actually showing any care for DD then no he shouldnt be able to do what he does.
I think after a certain amount of time with no conact from a FOB then they shouldnt get the 'rights' they do in court.


DDs father has seen her for approx 4 hours in her 4 yrs- so to me thats no where near enough to be an important figure in her life- he can run around the sports field of a weekend- go to the pub with his mates- play aroun dwith cars- yet doesnt have the time to enquire abotu how his child is. To us he doesnt exist anymore simply just some scumbag not eben worth spitting on. Luckily my DD doesnt know different and is loved by everyone in my family.

[lil miss]

dd's dad and i had a very abusive relationship. we split (he left me) in july last year. I have always told him that if we had kids and broke up, he would be able to see them when ever he wanted.

Even though he put me thru hell, he is a great father to our girl, and i try to involve him as much as possible. I ring him every few days and update him on how dd is going, what she's been up to etc, and he has her every 2nd weekend fri night to sunday arv, plus when ever he is in town, he is more than welcome to see her (he live 1.5 hours away).

the way i see it is regadles sof how bad things got between us, he's still dd's father and has every right to know her. And also, I believe he needs to take some of the responsability for raising our child. But thats just me. Im glad i stuck with what i said, cuz he is a great dad and dd loves going to him. i try to make things as calm and easy as possible for dd (especially if him and i are fighting.. we never let her hear or see), and i always make a big deal out of her seeing him (make it exciting).

i know one day she will ask y arent mummy and daddy together, and i will tell her the truth. i believe when she is old enough to understand, she is free to choose to live with who ever she wants... as long as she is happy.

at the moment, ex-dp and i are are good friends. which is nice, especially cuz there is no tension for dd to pick up on. it doesnt always stay like that, but for the most part we are really trying.

[MummyDaddy]

I don't think any mother would stop the father from being involved.

Unless he was a peodophile or rapist or some other such criminal that should not be around children.

[Mum2Tyla]

i ahve a healthy relationship with my daughters father he has her 3 ngihts a week, pays his maintenace on time, he drives me up the wall sometimes but he is a good dad and does love his little girl very much but if i thought for one moment that he was not good for her or having him in her life was a negative impact on her I would stop him seeing her or only allow supervised visit, being a father doesnt make you a good dad and some kids are better off without them

[Sammy76]

I, like most mothers, would cease contact if the father was in any way abusive. No way should a child be in contact with that.

With my own experience, if you had asked me 2 years ago when FOB hadn't even met his son, I would've said yes, for sure, because I believed my son did need a father. HOWEVER, since then, after FOB has been in and out of his sons life, NO, I do not wish for him to be in our lives anymore. Yes, my son deserves a dad, but not a man that makes false promises, lies about SO many things, and would eventually make my son feel so unloved and unworthy. FOB eventually made the choice to not be a part of his own sons life (still can't believe a human can do this :no:) and I have moved on in leaps and bounds, and never looked back. Good riddance I say. Sounds bitter, but I believe it better to have no father than a father that will only make his son feel rejected.

When i called him to ask him if he would like to meet his son, I went into it totally blind, not knowing the outcome. He could have been a total nuisance making demands and still not being a good influence but thankfully it didn't happen like that. Fortunately for us, (or so I believe), it turned out for the better. My son will likely have rejection issues, but he won't really know his dad anyway.

We just deal with what happens, sometimes we can't really control these situations though.

[SimplyMum]

Tough one.

I don't think it's a matter of preference. I would pay money for DS's dad to be in DS life and more importantly be a constant positive role model. Not someone that comes in and out of DS's life.

I think that a non-exsistant parent is far better than one that is in no way a constant figure or a positive role model.

But every situation is so very different. I was able to see what type of father my ex was before I had DS and the life that his first born had is not the life I wanted for DS.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't have been reckless and chose better for my son!

[SmileyBJ]

Ds has all the love, care and needs met without his df being around. & for the safety of both of us its best to stay that way.

[UsThreeGirls]

I'm on the verge of being a single mum to DD who is one and I'm pregnant with the next.
I would wish DH to have limited contact.
He has a 7year old son. Lets him stay up at all hours on a school night and generally lets him do what he wants with little boundaries. It is already causing problems for him. DH puts himself and what he wants first and everyone else has to just go with it.
For instance DSS saying DAd I'm hungry, DH saying you will have to wait, I'm busy. A few hours later DSS still not eaten.
It would have to be limited to a few hours each weekendday.

[Benji]

I wish my boy's father was completely out of the picture. I ended all contact, and he didn't see him for a few weeks - until he got a new girlfriend :rolleyes: so of course now he's wanting to see him to impress this new girl.

Legally - no, I'm not allowed to stop DS & his father from contact.

Morally I would love it if my X fell off the face of the earth. Everybody in his family is sexualised FAR FAR FAR too early, a lot of them are criminals, they are quite frankly, idiots. DS has many great role models (male & female) in his life - his father NOT being one of those. His father will do more damage than good. Which is why I want him out. It's heartbreaking for me and DS when his dad only wants to see him when he has an ulterior motive :(

[Freya]

DS1's Dad- I wish he was more involved then he is in Kaidayns life, he did awful things to me hen we broke up but now I see that he is maturing and he could potentially be a great influence on Kaids life.

DS2's Dad- I would pay to never have to see or hear from him again.

[confusd]

i wouldnt want him in DD's life ever.
HE might be good with kids....wouldnt know. dont want to find out.

he can rot for all i care. I wouldnt trust DD to be in his care, even if it was for 5 min
DD has a great life, lots of love and people to care for her.

[MamaKoala]

I'm glad FOB is in my kids life. He is a good father and always there for them. He puts them first and will always help me with them if I need it.

I don't think it's morally right for one parent to withhold the child/ren for their own personal reasons but if the parent is a danger to the health and well being of the child then it's morally wrong to expose them to that person.

[Pax]

The father being involved in your kid/s life - Yes Or No? If you had a choice, Why/Why not?

I have 5 kids to 3 diff dads so it is a different answer to all 3. but 1 of the dads is not in my son's life and i am happy about that. If he was a better person and not a drug addict i would love him to be part of his life, but its not going to happen. not while he is a drug addict and on methedone.




Do you think its morally and legally wrong to keep the kid/s away from the dad - with your own personal reasons of course;)

It is morally wrong if the dad is not a danger to the child. if the father is a druggo or violent then absolutely it would be morally wrong to leave the kid with him.

Same for mothers ;)

[MummyDaddy]

I'm on the verge of being a single mum to DD who is one and I'm pregnant with the next.
I would wish DH to have limited contact.
He has a 7year old son. Lets him stay up at all hours on a school night and generally lets him do what he wants with little boundaries. It is already causing problems for him. DH puts himself and what he wants first and everyone else has to just go with it.
For instance DSS saying DAd I'm hungry, DH saying you will have to wait, I'm busy. A few hours later DSS still not eaten.
It would have to be limited to a few hours each weekendday.

Come visit us in the single 30something mummy thread babe ...

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=223387&page=40

[UsThreeGirls]

Thank you I have already been lurking..lol.. I think I will

[Issey]

i think any child would want to know both parents.

yes ex DH is in DS's life and DS thinks the sun shines lol:rolleyes:

I know ex tries with DS, but of course you don't know what goes on behind closed doors so I just hope everything is going ok :fingerscrossed: I communicate as much as possible on drop offs about DS and reminding ex DH about safety, hygiene etc etc as he is a bit clueless sometimes.

from my point of view it would have been easier if ex DH went back to live interstate but that is selfish.

Two years down the track tho I enjoy my 2nd weekend to myself :)

[tyler's mum]

I would love for tyler to grow up with her dad around. I hardly knew him or what kind of a man he really was. Im never goin to lie to tyler about that or why i decided to not try and find him. When tyler is older and wants to know about him i will tell her what i know then if she wants to find him i will help her.