Re-traumatised and angry - rant

[beachlover09]

This is a bit of a rant but i'm so angry and hope ranting will help me feel better. After finally plucking up the courage to see a psychologist to talk about the traumatic birth of my son I managed to end up with some one who made me feel even worse!
I don't know what she thought she was trying to achieve, but came across really insensitive, judgemental and paternal. She asked a whole bunch of questions about my pregnancy and told me how I had done the wrong thing. Then she told me that it was silly not to expect to have a normal delivery and that ante-natal classes should really prepare you for having a caesar. Then she told me that she had a c/s herself but hers was different because it was life threatening! I mean I'm sitting there saying how scared I was because I thought my baby and myself were going to die, and she's telling me it wasn't life threatening. She wasn't there, how the f**k would she know?! And does it really matter anyway, its how i felt. ARGGGGGHH! Makes me so angry....It's going to take a while before I can make myself vulnerable again and try to talk to someone.
I just want some one to listen, I don't want to be judged or measured against some one else's experience - sorry not traumatic enough!!!

[Tam-I-Am]

That's just appalling :( I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. As a psychologist, I'm disgusted. :hugs: I hope you can move passed this very bad experience with her and find somebody truly supportive. :( :hugs:

[borntobemummy]

:hugs:that's just horrible and I'm sure unethical to speak to you in such a way that belittles your trauma. There must be some board you can report her conduct to, that's just unacceptable! I'm so sorry that you have experienced this and are now feeling re-traumatised:hugs:

[Blueberry Crumble]

OMG- i would write a letter of complaint

[Tam-I-Am]

There are places you can complain about a psychologist if that's what you want to do :) If she's employed by somebody, start with them. If she's self-employed, then the place to complain to (other than her, herself - which I would always advise to do first) is the state board that she's registered with. They're the only ones who can take disciplinary action that's meaningful - they can order her to retrain, or train, in a particular area of practice, to seek professional supervision in a particular area of practice, they have the power to de-register psychologists in cases of extreme malpractice, etc. If she's a member of the APS (Australian Psychological Society) then you can complain to them also, but they're an academic board only, and even if she's deregistered with them, it doesn't impact her ability to practice.

I'd strongly advise you to write a letter to her first and see what comes of it, though, if she's in private practice - or her employer if she's not.

Again, I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( :hugs:

[DoulaRobyn]

If you ever want to chat about your birth, feel free to PM me... oh and just so you know, my first birth experience was traumatic but I will not tell you or anyone else that it was better or worse than anyone elses... because it is not really relevent, to me it just matters how I feel about it... I may say that I know how you feel in some circumstances but this is only to convey that I have been in similar circumstances or that I know of the pain that you speak of.... I am thinking that this counceller was thinking that they were doing something similar, but they obviously did not achieve this! Sorry that the experieces was a bad one.

See this as a push for you to find your own truth - right now there are a few things that you can come to terms with on your own until you find a better support in the future. You are a strong woman who knows how she feels - see you have made many of the first steps of healing anyways!

[workin'mumof2]

oh i am so sorry to hear.. .my first psychologist did this too.. the first and only time i saw her thats for sure..

2 months later i found my one i am still seeing now.. she is great.. and were getting there..

i hope your ok..

and im so sorry to hear about your traumatic birth:hugs:

[Nowhere]

OMG thats apauling im sory that your sesion was not only unhelpful but actualy even made you feel worse, I would complain about how unprofesional she was being for a start she had NO reason to tel you about her births NONE at all that is disgraceful she was ment to be there to listen to you and help you work thorugh what you want or need to work through not for her to talk about her self
:hugs:

[reAllytee]

Aaaaah yes !

Sadly when looking for someone in regards to counselling for birth trauma its best to either go with someone who is recommended or through a particular service that has the background iykwim.

I find that while most psychologists are fantastic & many can be great in regards to this a lot have no clue for various reasons lol.

I suggest contacting Birthrites or Birthtalk they are both fantastic groups !

Lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: for not getting the help you need.

[DonnaL]

Bleurgh, how unprofessional. It sounds as though she is still having issues dealing with her own birth trauma, to be honest.

[MelissafromSyd]

See another psychologist. It sounds like the one you saw was very unprofessional, but they're not all like that. They ought to stay focussed on you and your experience and not place their own biases and interpretations onto you. Others have given you suggestions about complaining and I agree that first writing to the psychologist is a good idea. She needs to get that feedback so she can improve her practice.
Melissa.

[Lissbee]

Hi - it's Melissa here from Birthtalk :)

I only have a minute, but just want to say - it can be really hard to find someone to talk to who understands Birth Trauma. That's one of the main reasons we began Birthtalk, because I had felt so isolated after my own traumatic birth, and did not want other women to have to go through that.

I am so sad that you experienced such a lack of awareness from this woman.

I am attaching a link to an article I have written called "Why Birth Trauma is Unspoken - most of us don't even know what we've experienced". In it I talk about my experience with my own counsellor, who 'came on the journey' with me, after initially not being so aware of the issues.

I sent her a copy of the article after it was published in a national journal, and she asked if it would be O.K. for her to send it on to some of her counselling colleagues as she thought it could give them a lot of insight.

Sorry - that sounds like a brag - but not meant to be. Just saying that many professionals are not actually aware...but perhaps some can be helped along the way :)

For me, part of the process has been understanding Birth Trauma enough myself that I began to talk about my experience differently. Which is why I wrote the article, to hopefully support other women as they realise what they've experienced, and find ways to express this to others :)

Go here : http://www.birthtalk.org/Articles.html and click on the second article...

HTH,
Best wishes,
Melissa
birthtalk.org

[beachlover09]

thanks for the supportive comments. maybe I will make a complaint but what I'm searching for right now is some healing for myself.
i just read that article...wow melissa...it really reminds me of my own experience in so many ways. Thank you so much.
every time i try to talk to people about what happened, and I know they love me and care about me they start heading down the PND path. But like you said in your story it just doesn't fit for me.
Do you know if there are any organisations similar to yours in victoria?

[beebs]

Hi Beachlover09 - I really hope that this bad experience hasn't turned you off finding someone else to speak too. I honestly thought I'd never have another baby again, but I found a really good therapist who helped me work through my trauma. I really hope you find someone you feel comfortable with. Good luck!

[beachlover09]

i'm feeling a bit proud of myself...just made an appointment with another psychologist for next monday :)
have a good feeling about this one

[MelissafromSyd]

i'm feeling a bit proud of myself...just made an appointment with another psychologist for next monday :)
have a good feeling about this one
Good for you :) Hope this one is better for you. It takes courage to go back and see someone else when you've been disappointed in the past.

[Tam-I-Am]

i'm feeling a bit proud of myself...just made an appointment with another psychologist for next monday :)
have a good feeling about this one

Good for you :hugs: I hope this one works out better for you!