how did you know when to have your second?

[quaver]

I have been umming and ahhing about when to ttc #2. DS is 15 months i am 28 and dh is 36.

What were the factors that you took into consideration? ie was it financial, you wanted close kids, age? was it just instinct, you knew you were ready?

i think it is a step in the right direction that i am at least thinking about it now! i would like to have another, but the whole thing is a bit scary still.
i would love to read your thoughts.

[HollyHotLips]

it's probably slightly different for me as I've been suffering PND for the past 20-odd months (since DD was about 5 weeks old). i have been adamant for ages that "one is fun".

now i'm on medication and psychotherapy and feeling so much more like the "old" me and two days ago i broke it to DH that I want to have another baby.....

there are no factors to take into consideration: financially we will manage as we have this time round (big projects at home will have to wait a bit longer that's all!). i hope to start TTC around november so if i do fall pg DD would be 3.

i guess to sum up i would have to say that in my case it's instinct

HTH :o

[Briannabear]

We always wanted our kids close together, so it was never really a question of when to do it - it was moreso just how quick it would happen for us. (I fell pregnant with no. 2 when DD was 1 - it took that long to have a cycle).
That said, I didnt give it too much thought as to how hard it is to have them close together! We were just so focussed on letting them grow up together closely.

No. 3 on the other hand was a whole different matter. We werent sure if we wanted another one or not, and we wanted to wait until we were in a better financial position - and the kids were a bit older. We wanted DD possibly in prep or school, DS fully toilet trained.
However fate had a different plan and Im now 22 weeks pregnant!

All the best with making the right decision for your family! There's benefits and downsides to both a close and far age gap between siblings.

[iMischa]

for me my instincts to have another kicked in when ds was 2, but i had alot of weight to lose and knew i needed my ds to be of an age where he would understand what was happening so he could handle things better i.e why mummy couldnt give him 100% of her time anymore.

it took a further 2 years to lose the weight and for ds to mature! but those two years were a bit rough, those urges to have another baby can be so strong and crazy.

best of luck in decided whats right for you and your family. :)

[Punky81]

Hi there :wave:

I know exactly where you're coming from. DS is 17mths old (almost 18mths) and DH and I have been tossing up for the last few months about when we should start ttc #2. In our case, it's more about whether or not we feel ready to do the 'baby' thing all over again, financially we're fine. DS had bad reflux until he was about 10 mths old and only started sleeping well at around 14-15 mths old. I really feel like I just started to get a bit of my lfie back over the last few months. DH is ready now lol, he's been ready for a couple months and it's been me who's been unsure. I always though I'd be ready once DS turned 18 mths old, and I think I'm just about ready. We've decided to start trying in June, at the earliest DS will be 2.5 yrs by the time the next comes along, hopefully he'll be toilet trained (or on the way to it) and at 2.5 hopefully we'll be able to communicate a little better. I'm very excited about trying for our next baby, just a little nervous at the thought of having a baby and a toddler as DS is quite demanding. But I guess they all are lol!

I guess you'll 'just know' when it's time. I've only just started getting clucky at other babies again so I guess that's a sign for me!

All the best : )

[JackzMumma]

When my 1st turned 1 was when we tried and concieved after one go, but we were just ready.:yes: We knew we wanted at least 2, maybe 3, I was 27 with my 1st, 29 with my 2nd and now I will be 31 with my 3rd. My boys get along really well, they have their moments when you feel they should be separated,:banghead: but I know families where they are adults now and they hardly know their older siblings coz they just weren't around, or were just that 'little bit' too much older. Like 2 and 6, or 2 and 8, it's too much of a gap in my opinion. But 2 & 4 like my boys are is great, DS2 wants to do everything DS1 does and he's learning so much, and much quicker than DS1 did at his age. So in my opinion, for the kids, 2, or 3 years max but not 4 or more!!! :D

But for you having a baby, and give yourself a year at least for recovery and getting to know your newest addition, it's a must I think, you need time!!:yes:

Whatever you choose should be right for you!!:wave:

[nicoleE]

Our DD is 18 months and we decided just a few weeks ago to start trying for another baby.... and have just discovered that I am pregnant! The baby should be due mid Dec when DD will be 2yrs 2 months. We were not expecting it to happen that quickly as we had troubles conceiving DD and needed fertility treatment so we were very blessed to get pregnant straight away.
I originally wanted a 3 or 4 year gap in ages but then it dawned on me that I only wanted that for me, so it would be easier... i thought that was a bit selfish and realised that really a 2-3max year gap would be better. Mainly for the kids to be a bit closer and to be able to organise activities that would be easier to suit both as they grow. I am 6 and 8 years younger than my sisters and I wasnt really close to them growing up.
I started thinking about what it would be like to have another baby in the house to look after at the same time as DD, although it seemed a bit scarey I figured plenty do it, and more... so Im confident we can get through it. (DD doesnt sleep through the night yet either so thats another worry but again, we will work it out!)
It is a scarey thing, allot of emotions involved, you wonder how you can love another child as much, but I am looking forward to it and we are so excited.

[zenifa]

Congratulations Nicole!!:yelclap:

For me I got quite clucky when DD1 was between 6 and 12 mths, but I had my Mirena taken out when DD1 was 14mths and it took 3mths and I was pregnant.

My paediatrician had told me the ideal age gap is 2-3yrs and I also wanted my children to be close, so being close in age would help and selfishly I just was ready and really wanted another child.

My DH was happy, as having them close together would mean less time out of the workforce for me (as we had planned that I wouldn't work for at least 1yr after the birth and then only part time up to 2 days/week or) wait til they at school to return to work. DH was also ready to support me again in a pregnancy, sleepless nights and nappy changes, which he may not have if I waited too long!!

Its different for everyone, but for us I knew it was right and my girls are 2yrs 6 weeks apart and its been great for us!

[oconky]

Hi, well technically I don't!!! but we are going to start trying early next year when DD will be 18 months so she'll be 2 yrs 3 months at the earliest.

there are some selfish reasons not to" try"
earlier- but in saying that if it happened at any time in the future I would still be over the moon.

but I like the age gap we are planning and given we fell pregnant straight away, we are a little bit tentative to start TTC any earlier!

it is a hard one as it is all well and good to say you are planning a "2" year gap, but nature decides! I am clucky now, enough to know I definitely want another one, but happy to stick with one for the moment!
Just my 2 cents worth!!

you can tell I am somewhat clucky considering I am reading this section:laughing:

[cja]

I fell pregnant when DS was 5 mths old. It was our first try to have bub 2, we felt that we were ready. I wanted a close age gap, but like others have said I didn't realise how hard it would be having a 14mth age gap. It was like having 2 babies....now that my DD is 14mths I can't imagine having a third with the same age gap! At 14mths and 28mths they play nicely together and really look after each other. Although it was hard at first now it is great, I also don't want to have babies forever, I want to enjoy doing other things with my kids as they grow up IYKWIM.

[Nan]

Hey Q!! :wave:
For me, I just looked 9 months down the track and imagined myself parenting 2 kids on my own......Shane works long hours! When I was comfortable, we started and Caleb came along 1st try, so I'm glad I was comfortable!
As it was, I think it was too soon for me. We have exactly 2 months almost to the day between our 2 and looking back I'd have liked 2.5 years as Eden was not independent with a lot of things. It depends a lot on your 1st child, I think.
My bestie's little girl was SO independent....dressing herself before she was 3 and had been walking and climbing for ages...not to mentioned toilet trained. Eden wasn't any of those things and I really noticed it when Caleb came along. :( 2 in nappies for almost a year sucked as I have a bad back.
Caleb is less independent than Eden!!! Still not walking (though he has taken a few steps on his own :yelclap:), so we're leaving it a few months yet. Might start trying for #3 around June. That way he'll be that bit more independent.
Hope that helps.

[MamaLlama]

I wanted them close in age before DS was born. Then he was born I went to "one and done" for 2 years! That's how much fun he was.

When he turned 3 we decided to bite the bullet, the gap was getting too big and while we don't want to repeat the newborn experience we also don't want to wait until we've forgotten in 10 years and start over.

Finances will be tough but we'll manage. I'm 33 so I wouldn't want to be any older either. I really wanted to be done by 32 but it wasn't to be. I will be done by 34 though.

For us it was about not wanting him to be an only child, not wanting a big gap and yet not being able to face up to a newborn and no sleep any sooner.

[MamaLlama]

My paediatrician had told me the ideal age gap is 2-3yrs and I also wanted my children to be close, so being close in age would help and selfishly I just was ready and really wanted another child.



I understand that parents have reasons for wanting that gap but I can't imagine why a pedi would call anything an "ideal" gap. Sounds nosy. What was the reason?