Tantruming 4 year old and whinging

[phrazzled]

I have 2 DD of 4 and 3 years. They are beautiful but also challenging; whingey and the 4 year old is having some monumental tantrums. I am sorry that I never found this website when I first had the girls.

I felt overwhelmed with advice to follow self settling techniques with my first daughter, especially from Karitane, Tresillian and Dalwood. I feel absolutely convinced that had I followed attachment parenting my dds would be more confident and less whingey, although I can only say my instinct tells me this.

From observing children who have been brought up with AP methods, I have found them extremely independent, confident and don't whinge nearly as much as other children who have been brought up otherwise. I also worry that the tantrums my 4 year old is experiencing would have come earlier.

Am interested to know if other parents who used AP have whingey children or children who have "late" tantrums. I feel massively guilty about the "tough love" stance and am interested in what others think.

[WorkingClassMum]

My Dd is no example of perfect parenting, but I wanted to post so that you don't feel ignored.

Someimes threads slip through and get missed

Late Tantrums in a 4yo is not unusual as they are warring internally b/w wanting to be babied, and wanting to be independent, as well as that they are wanting to use their new found abilities. There's a whole lot of new connections in their brains that are suddenly working and they get tired, confused and frustrated.

Not that it makes it any easier for you.

If tough love doesn't sit easy with you, maybe you need to rethink your stance and your approach. If tough love isn't what you really want to do then the girls will sense that.

If you want to apply tough love, remember to apply the love bit too.

Write down your rules, and look long and hard at them so that you are comfortable that your rules are reasonable for each child at their level.

Allow for flexibility when the girls are tired, overtired or unwell.

Good luck. It doesn't always work the first, second or third time, but in saying that children (IMO) do need consistency and boundaries

[sunshinebub]

Late Tantrums in a 4yo is not unusual as they are warring internally b/w wanting to be babied, and wanting to be independent, as well as that they are wanting to use their new found abilities. There's a whole lot of new connections in their brains that are suddenly working and they get tired, confused and frustrated.



Please read my new post on the general chat section, about my 4 yr old daughter. I am having the same issues as you, and workingclassmum you have hit the nail on the head with the above quote. That explains what is happening to my girl, exactly. She wants to be independent but not sure if she wants to let go of the baby thing, and she is my youngest so its so hard for her.

She is definately going through late tantrums and I would be interested to read some advice here too. Keep your chin up!

[OJandMe]

Hi there.

I'm an AP parent with 2 wingy tantruming 4 yr olds.

Have you read The Discipline Book by Dr Sears? It's very good.

I love AP for the connection with my kids, but it doesn't mean that I have to put up with the nonsense.

In our house we have sat down together and talked about rules we can all live by. These include respecting each other's peace and space. When my boys start winging. I say to them...

"Your winging is disrupting my peace and space. I will talk to you when you're ready to talk to me in your regular voice."

Then I ignore it until they talk to me properly.

If they are throwing a tantrum.. I will tell them my answer... if they continue throwing a tantrum I make sure I'm at their level and have eye contact... I repeat my answer and add... " I'm not entering into a discussion about it. Understand?"

If they are just completely out of control I ask them to go into their room, so I don't have to have my peace disturbed, and ask them to let me know when they are ready to listen. Once they have said they're ready, I go in sit down with them on their bed and very calmly we discuss what the tantrum is about. If it's a no-brainer (no, i'm sorry. you cannot have jelly for breakfast) then it's a pretty short discussion... if it's something more (they feel frustrated and not heard in a conflict situation with their brothers) then we work out a solution.

Yes I AP... but part of that is raising well adjusted adults who are respectful of others feelings and needs. As parents and other people living in the house, we do not have to live in a space where our peace is disrespected.

Just as I try not to yell at them, I expect them to communicate with me in a respectful way as well.

Hope that helps.:hugs:

[phrazzled]

Thanks for the useful advice. After searching for similar problems other parents had, I found a lot of advice regarding omitting food additives and colourings. I have cut food colouring out of my DD's diet and have noticed a huge difference and have had no further 'out of control' tantrums; just some tears and whinging sometimes. Last week I bought her a rainbow paddlepop and had a doozy tantrum. Will continue and see if difference continues too.

[motherlylove]

can you tell me what sort of foods you give her ??

[phrazzled]

Are you talking about the foods I gave her when she was tantruming?? Or the foods I give her now??

One afternoon, my DD had a rainbow paddlepop and she had a monster tantrum. Of course it had to be a rainbow one, so it would be hard to pinpoint the colour.

A friend said her boy went really hyperactive with Tartarzine(sp??) I have cut out cordial and some red billabong split type ice blocks. Really hard to decide if shes just having a cranky day. She had some fairy bread the other day at kindy with no effect...

Another girlfriend said her children dont react well to preservative 282 which is in almost all packaged bread to stop it going mouldy if put in the bag hot. She buys her bread from bakers delight.

Hope this helps. I believe there are some books which talk about food additives which are quite good. I also checked out www.foodadditives.com.au...