How do you manage?

[christyisyourfriend]

Hey there,

I'm a 20-something girl who got married 4 months ago, and can't wait to start a family. My dream is to be a stay at home mum and devote my life to my babies and having a beautiful family with my amazing husband, but everywhere I go, people are telling me that I'm too young and it's not a wise choice to start so early into marriage - even though we've been together for 3.5 yrs.

If it was up to me, I'd have a baby right now, but for some reason I just seem to find people discouraging me.

If you're a 20-something mum (maybe on the lesser side of 25), how have you managed having a baby so young? How do you cope financially, and what advice have people given you? Do you wish you had waited?

Any advice is appreciated :)

[~Candy~]

Hi there :wave:
I'm not in my 20's anymore...but I DID get married @20, had a mortgage and a fulltime job that I couldn't wait to quit and be a full time mum (which I did @ 21 :D).

I'm now nearly 33, married for 12 yrs (not always easy..but we are determind to keep our marriage and family together), and 4 great kids....you and your hubby do what YOU BOTH want to do and pay no attention to those who say wait...it's your life, not theirs.

I have zero regrets and am sooo proud of what I have achived with the making of my family...and I'm glad I'm still young and fit enough to enjoy all my kids and all their energy :)

AS for affordability....there will never be a 'right' time if ppl tell you to wait....you always find a way to get by :yes:

[FertileMertile]

Hey there!

I fell preg with my first son at 21 and am now due with #2 in May. I think me and DP cope just fine :yes:

I dont think age has anything to do with it I think its where you are at in life. If you are financially stable (as it seems your obviously in a commited relationship) then I dont see what everyones problem is! :confused:

As long as you and your hubby want babies then stuff what everyone else says but just be prepared to lose alot of your social life ;)

[Jakois]

Do what you and your DH want to do.

If having a family is what you both want, than I cannot see why you should wait.

The ideal time to start a family is when you choose to, not when others decide its a good time:).

[Benji]

Hi :) welcome!

I was 22 when I had my baby boy and it is really tough.

I wish I had waited until I was 25 (as I am now) because I feel I could have gotten a bit further ahead financially etc.

While 25 is my personal ideal age to have a baby, I have no regrets.

I unfortunately ended up as a single mum, but hey I have my little boy and I really can't say if I could go back and change anything I would - because I certainly wouldn't.

[christyisyourfriend]

awesome! hearing this makes me feel so much better :)

I'm only 20 (almost 21), but we've both been working full time for 3 years and have a small mortgage and don't really seem to be struggling financially.

I suppose the only issue would be managing on my husbands income (I earn a bit more than him and our combined income is about 80k, so it could be tough), but if there's other gals out there who have managed then I'm sure we can do it!

I'm glad there's other people out there who felt the same way that I feel now - most people think I'm so wierd being so clucky, but I've honestly felt this way since my hormones kicked in as an early teen :)

[Benji]

awesome! hearing this makes me feel so much better :)

I'm only 20 (almost 21), but we've both been working full time for 3 years and have a small mortgage and don't really seem to be struggling financially.

I suppose the only issue would be managing on my husbands income (I earn a bit more than him and our combined income is about 80k, so it could be tough), but if there's other gals out there who have managed then I'm sure we can do it!

I'm glad there's other people out there who felt the same way that I feel now - most people think I'm so wierd being so clucky, but I've honestly felt this way since my hormones kicked in as an early teen :)

Well done! Why don't you try living off just his paycheck for a while, just as an experiment. That might give you an idea of what it will be like, and you can save the money from your job for when a baby comes :p

[MamaKoala]

I had my boys at 21 and 22 and although people will always tell you 'but you're so young' it was what we chose to do and were happy with the decision. My only regret is not making sure my relationship was solid before I fell pregnant with my first but you two have been working on your relationship for 3.5 years and you're married now so don't listen to anyone but each other.
It will be a bit of a struggle going from 80k to 40k but it is manageable. Just make sure you have a budget and know what you'll need to pay for for the baby in addition to your general expenses.
Good luck TTC:goodvibes:

[cecandchels]

i dont think anybody knows if you are ready for a baby except you. no one else is in any position to judge that.

i had my daughter at 21, and although she wasnt planned (just a nice suprise) i think we cope really well. i havent worked since she was born (14 months) and this year i am at uni. dp wasnt on a high income at all and although we arent living a life of luxury we are more then comfortable. i agree with pp's that say there might not be a right time financially, but u always get thru!!

[ButterflyKissesX]

Hey Hun:hugs:
Firstly I wouldnt listen to anyone that tells you your not ready to young and not going to cope.

My Story I met the man of my dreams at 16 we got engaged at 17 Bought our first home at 18 and Married at 20 I was Pregnant with DS at 21 gave birth at 22 Im Currently pregnant with #2 at 23 will give birth at 24 !!!

NOWAYYYY Would I change anything we manage just fine I Love my husband and my Babys more then anything in the world, I dont think you can put an age on parenting some people cant cope in there 30's I No alot of BEAUTIFUL Loving caring devoted young mums and I think You and your husband no when the time is right.

[cartz]

If u think you are ready to start a family, trust ur own heart not by other peoples options.

I am just 24 and have just had my gorgeous 16 wk old son. I have no regrets and loving life.

Me, i wanted to grown up with my children would have had him earlier by sadly it took us three yrs of ttc!

I remember when ppl relised that i was preg, OMG the amount of c**p i coped because in many eyes i was to young to be preg!!!
I know it set me back a bit but i was so happy i wanted to yell it out to everyone, i didn't care what ppl thought as long as i and DP were happy thats the only thing that counts

Me and my DP have been together for 9 yrs now, have a mortage, car loan and i am a SAHM and loving every moment of it. Going from a two wage income down to one takes a bit to get use but dosn't mean u cant live, we still go out every now and then but ie, my DP now makes his own lunch instead of buying lunch things like that. You just need to make sacrafices, his income is only 47k a yr!!

a bit long winded sorry, but hope this has helped

[~Candy~]

You will also get a payment from centrelink each fortnight....once baby is born :yes: (family tax benifit).

[LeeJ]

I met dh at 16, engaged at 18, married at 19 going on 20.
im now 23 (24 in april) and our first bub is due any time now:)
We were the same, both working full time, mortgage, ect, ect.
We sat down 2 years ago and decided that we couldn't afford to have a bubba just yet
(if you wait till you can 'afford' a bubba, you may be waiting a very long time;))

so last june, we decided that we would be ok with 'not trying, but not using contreception', lol. and fell pregnant in a month!
We felt like we were in a much better position financially (important to us, we're very money concious:rolleyes:not always a good thing,lol) and mentally for a bubba, and we're really happy with our choice.

I beleive you 'know' when you and you're partner are ready, thats all that really matters:yes:

-people do think you're a bit mad getting married at 20 these days, but i think it was the most perfect time for us:cloud9: pfft to everyone else;)-

[JessieLee]

Only you know whether you're ready or not. I also think there's a difference between being ready for kids and being ready to settle down, if that makes any sense. I would never change my mind about having kids at the age I did (almost 21 with DS and am 23 this year and expecting DD), but I don't know if I was really ready to know what I wanted from a relationship and a partner. The fact is, we ARE still growing as people in our late teens/early twenties and what we want right now, may not be what we want in the future. That doesn't go for everyone, and as I said, only you know if you're ready. Just take a good look at yourself, your husband and your life and make sure it's what you REALLY want. If it is, go for it. :D

[TripleTime]

Im with everyone else, i wouldnt listen to what other are saying. Go with your own feelings.

Ive recently turned 21 & am pregnate with triplets, although it wasnt planned, financely we werent prepared & it has had its moments of where we had our doubts. We wouldnt give it up for anything. No matter what!

[axelandlexismum]

Hey, i totally agree with everyone else.... Dont listen to other ppl if you and your DH are ready then do it...

Im Megean im 23 and have an 8 mth old lil boy named Axel, im now engaged to his daddy!!! We have only been together for almost 2 years but we know we are meant to be together...
Axel wasnt planned but the best surprise ever, i was an apprientice chef (still am) and DF works in hospitality too we dont live the life or the rich and famous but we have each other and our wonderful lil boy!!!! I only work one day a week as chef hours and a baby dont mix lol, but thats fine with us i would rather raise my son then someone else....

I never thought at 21 i would be ready to become a mother and have to look after someone else other then myself, but once he arrived i changed, you grow up very fast and realise there is more to life! I had ppl say to me too 'your to young', and ' what about your apprientship?' but those things can wait....

Axel and DF are the best thing that ever happened to me, i wouldnt change a thing we are coping fine and are starting to plan our wedding too!!!!




Good luck im sure you will make the right choice!!!!! xxx

[megsbaby1]

Have kids when you want. Not when anyone else tells you it is ok. I am 23 and my husband (25) and i welcomed our first baby into our lives only 10 weeks ago.
Financially I have taken a full year off work. I am not recieving any kind of maternity payments but my husband works full time so we are now living off his wage. We are able to pay our mortgage, care for our babies needs (although all we have had to buy so far is nappies and wipes), save a little and still have fun and enjoy life. We are not rich, we are just smart with our money. We have found that for now this is working and i have no intentions of returning to full time work until my son and any other kids we may have are much older.

Emotionally i don't feel i would be coping or raising my son any better than if i was 5 or 6 years older, if anything being young makes it easier, late nights don't really bother me too much and i am able to do all the fun stuff like roll around on the floor for hours a day easily. My husband and i have been together since we were kids (going on 8 years now) and having our son has just made us love each other so much more.

As long as you are prepared and know what to expect i don't think that it matters how old you are. A solid financial plan is a must though if you intend to stay away from work for a long period.