birth trauma healing group

[La Que Sabe]

did you have what you feel was a traumatising birth?

did your birth not go the way you expected?

had a caesarean [planned or unplanned] and now feel confused?

did your baby miscarriage, die full term or at birth?

i am starting a birth trauma healing group for those who feel traumatised by their child/s birth/s.
whether it was last week or 10 years ago, come and support or be supported by others feeling similar feelings.

your feelings are valid, and they are not your fault.

please contact me [or reply here] for more details. :goodvibes:

NOTE: i am not a professional, just trying to help others who have been traumatised :)

[workin'mumof2]

:wave: i'll chat with you. i refuse to just "get over it"

[smog]

yes please can i join?

[deesalie]

2009 IS the Year of Birth Trauma Awareness ;)

[Happy2be3]

Hey, is there anyway you could send me your "2009 awareness" pic that you have in your profile header? I'd love to add it to mine..

[GeorgiaAnne]

:wave: I've had 2 traumatic births

[Shazza]

:wave: Well I'm still trying to "get over" my DD birth which was a failed VBAC :rain: I must admit I am getting there - just a lot slower than I thought I would.

PS. Hi Georgia!

[reAllytee]

I am another who had a traumatic birth & almost 4yrs on & I still cant ' just get over it ! '.

I did a lot of work etc to get the birth I wanted with DS2 & it has helped a lot but it also opened another wound of feeling like I let Boof down not getting it right first time around iykwim !

So yep still raw & wounded here !

[La Que Sabe]

hi all, i'm so sorry it's taken me a long time to reply. i don't have the net at home!
i intended for this to be an 'advert' [i think that's the right word?] to meet in person, but chatting here is a great idea!

i'll start then...
my DD has just turned one [last thursday] and i couldn't help but feel upset while everyone else was celebrating!
you can read my birth story in my sig if you want, but basically i planned a homebirth eneded up transferring to hospital and ended in a c/s.
in the last month i think i've discovered i'm not so traumatised by the c/s, i laboured at home for 30 hours then another 12 at the hospital, i tried my hardest, she was fine, she just wanted to be born through c/s i guess.
it's that when they were cutting me open, the aneathatist gave me 2 lots of morpheine which i asked not to have as i wanted to be awake, so i passed out, missed her birth, she was taken away from me, i didn't get to see a newborn baby, that's what hurts, i didn't get to see MY OWN new born baby, she was brought to me after almost 3 hours. and i don't remember it. i remember her dad pushing her in her little trolley and that's all. i can imagine the rest by what i've been told but i don't remember it.
and also the way she was treated. they put her on cold scales, straight away, she had a thermometer stuck in her anus because apparently it's routine and the only way to get her 'core temp'. i don't care, i don't want that happening to my baby!
and also i can't take it back, and i don't know how to accept it. i know it happened, i can't go back and change it , no matter how much i want to, i just have to accept it but i don't know how.
i really want to because i want to be happy about it.
sorry it's mostly rambling, but it feels good to get it out.
would love to hear stories or suggestions =]

[wocket]

yes, this should certainly be a chat group! What a great idea.

I'm still getting flashbacks and am absolutely terrified of ever getting pregnant again.

[workin'mumof2]

yes, this should certainly be a chat group! What a great idea.

I'm still getting flashbacks and am absolutely terrified of ever getting pregnant again.

so do i :hugs:.

my ruby turned one a few days ago.. and even though i was really scared of it.. it went alright..

i moved to a new state. beautiful house, nice family. but nothing can take away what happened. i chat in the depression chat as well.

[Boobycino]

I'm not in any hurry to 'get over it' either.

Mostly because I'm still angry at the medical staff involved. I was induced overdue and spent 3 days in labour with a breech baby. Despite having a grand total of I think 7 or 8 'internal examinations' by dfferent medical staff, nobody realised until I was read to push what was wrong.

Next time, nobody is touching me without a valid reason to. They can call it an 'internal examination' all they want, but OBVIOUSLY they weren't ACTUALLY checking for anything at all, or they've had noticed they were feeling a bum, not a head!!!!

One of the 'examinations' left me bleeding and unable to sit down, because he's been so rough with me down there. If that doctor did what he did to me under any other circumstanes, he'd be in jail fpr sexual assault, but it was 'okay' because he was a doctor.

I hate them. When I'm less angry I want to make a formal complaint... but while I'm so angry I dont think it'll be heard properly.

I think that the doctors involved simply didn't have the sensitivity to realise how violated and vulnerable I was feeling. OF COURSE I was letting them do what they needed to do, and I put on a brave face, because my partner was so horrorfied by how they were treating me, I wanted to assure him that everything was okay. But it wasn't. I dont care who you are or what medical degree you have, nobody ever ever ever should touch another person like that. I know its not just that I'm shy or whatever, because there were midwifes who were really gentle and careful and made me feel safe while they did what they 'needed to do', despite the fact they ddn't actually realise they were getting it all wrong. It was the men who were truely brutal. It was horrendous. Seriously, those doctors need to change profession if they cant be sensitive to a womans body, because, ummm... if you ram two fingers up a girl really hard, big supprise, it hurts to your core. I want to cry just typing it. I've not told anyone how I really feel because I feel embarressed that I 'let it' happen.

[Happy2be3]

Chel87 , first of all :hugs: to you! What an absolute horrific thing to have happen and to have done to you! You are right in everything you say about it being wrong.. but please, for the sake of other women not suffering like we all have.. speak up and tell people, and most certainly at least write a letter of complaint (when youre up to it of course), these doctors should not be treating ppl like this, least of all at womens most vulnerable!

[workin'mumof2]

chel87 - so sorry to hear what happened.. i feel exactly like you.. if they had done it under different circumstances it would be sexual assult.

im still recovering from mine.. and hope for you, that you are kind to yourself and take all the time you need.:hugs:

[smog]

how do you get past this stuff and have the family you are meant to have?
my birth trauma was 11yrs ago, ill never get over it. im winding up now just thinking about it. im terrified of ever going through that again to the point it took me 6yrs to have another child. then 5 more yrs to have another.
3rd birth added some trauma to the mix, though nothing compared to the first. ill never be able to trust the medical proffesion again. they knew the trauma i had suffered the first time around and they were completely insensitve and uncaring assholes when i went in for number3.
i get wound up and anxious and feel like clawing my skin off to get away from myself just thinking of having another birth.
i know im not done yet. i know im meant to be a mother. i dont have another 5 or 6 yrs to wait for my next bubba.
im so so so sick of women who tell me yeah their labour was hard but they handle it really well. obviously they didnt go through what i did.
im just letting some out sorry girls. i usually get too upset to even try talking about it.

[Boobycino]

I will write to the hospital when I'm ready... when I know what I'd say. I dont want to be misunderstood if I contacted them now I think they'd think I was just overly emotional - I'd hate for them not to listen to exactly what happened from my perspective.

Also, does anyone know if you can get a copy of your own medical records? as in, the names of the doctors who treated you, as they'd have to have a record of everyone who came in contact with me, yeah?

As I dont know who did what and when...

Also, there was one midwife, who was sooooooo nice. If I go back to the same hospital for the next one, I wonder if I can request him. I nearly cried when his shift ended - I'd had Jasper and when I was brought down to the maternity ward and my family had done home for the night - this midwife came and he read my chart and he made a light comment about my labour being a bit of an epic to read, he'd not been involved in my labour at all, but he was really sorry for me and he stayed with me for hours to help take care of Jasper - as otherwise I'd have been all alone after all that.

I'd like to thank him, because otherwise my first night as a mummy would have been unbearable.

[blossumpossum]

id like to join, im so terrified of birth that i cant have any more kids, even tho i really really want one more...

[wocket]

it's kinda odd, isn't it. people ask me if i want to get pregnant again i say "no, never...but I'd love another child" makes me wish uterine replicators existed outside of sci-fi books.

[lawrence250403]

Yep I would definately love someone to talk to. My labour was 11 lb baby boy shoulder dystocia (his shoulder stuck on my pubic bone and head does a turtle motion as it's born but the body can't follow)and he wasn't breathing when he was born for 4 min assisted and 8 min unassisted and was rushed to ICU, I didn't get to see him until he was 4 hours young and he had a dome over his face for oxygen. I was only allowed to hold him for 5 minutes then he was rushed to another hospital as he had 3 broken ribs and a broken colarbone and brachial plexas (nerve damage to his neck which stopped use of his arm). I got to visit him the next day but had to return to my hospital then got a call at 3am saying he's been incubated cause he stoped breathing twice. I checked myself out of hospital which didn't really matter cause if you don't have a baby there somehow you become invisable. I had to then pay to stay in there rooms so I could be close to him cause we lived an hour from the hospital.
He was in NICU for 7 days before we were told he was doing well and would probably live but isn't out of the woods yet. He was then doing well enough to come off the morphine and a stupid midwife tried to push breastfeeding which i was happy to do, cause that was the only thing I could do for him and had been expressing since his birth, but she was raming him into me soo hard the he had to go back on the morphine. You just shouldn't handle a baby with broken ribs like that. I was so frustrated but still running off adrenaline.
When he was 14 days old he was discharged and I was exhausted. He was then losing to much weight so I had to express everyfeed then feed him with a bottle so I knew how much he was having so it took me 90 minutes every 3 hours and I had a 2 year old and hubby was away for 2 nights.

His arm is now all better and he is bright and showing no sign of brain damage:smiliedance:

I was offered no counciling until he was 18 months old and that's when I cried for the very first time about his birth. Now I cry everytime i think about it and have my 1st session 1 week from today.
My husbands going away for 3 days tomorrow and I'm worried I wont cope:gloomy:

Thanks for listening to my story :rain:

[tracey011]

My three were all traumatic.

[Rebdot]

Hi :wave:

I had my baby almost 5 days ago and I had a small lip of cervix and after a few hours they decided to try and move it out of the way and the it was the most traumatic moment iv ever experienced, I screamed and while the Dr was doing it the contractions got 100x worse and I was screaming and moving and kicking around and they kept going and when he stopped the contractions were over lapping each other.

I was begging for a epi and then a c/s and then for them to knock me out and I felt like no one was listening to anything I was saying and that I was all alone, I then started begging my DP to do something to help me, I knew something was wrong and the pain wasnt like it should be and I should be getting a break inbetween and then the finally called in my OB and they held the CTG on and decided they needed to try and stop the contractions, my body was pushing itself and I couldnt control it and I couldnt breath while it was happening and my ears were ringing it was that violent.

By the time they got the medicine I had got DS head out!

I really dont want to ever go through that again or risk going through that again and I will not have anymore kids unless I can have an elective c/s.

With my DD the pain was nothing like this and I had the urge to push but nothing at all like I had this time.

[Happy2be3]

My three were all traumatic.

So sorry to hear that.. to go through a traumatic birth once is bad enough.. to go through it 3 times, I cant even begin to imagine how you feel:hugs: Hopefully you will feel a little better and not feel alone (if thats how you feel) by hanging around in the trauma threads. Always here to listen:yes:

[Zoe85]

Hi all,

I dont know if my labour compares to all of yours, but it certainly felt traumatic to me. I would be so nervous to give birth again, that I think I would opt for a c/s or at least an epidural straight away, which is sad because I really want to give it my best shot.

Nothing could have prepared me for giving birth. I was 12 days overdue, when I started going into labour on a Saturday night. On Sunday afternoon I had my waters ruptured to quicken things up, and had my Son Monday evening. I had no idea what I was in for, and I found it hard to concerntrate on my breathing. Things had gone so slow for so long, then they sped up real fast, and it hit me so quick, that I didnt have time to get in the right frame of mind and go to 'my happy place' to deal with the contractions. Instead of going with it, I fought the contractions as I didnt know any other way of dealing with them. This made my labour almost unbearable. My ante-natal classes did not cover anything on how to deal with labour. I had gas, which did nothing for the pain, but in made me dopey and in between contractions I was out to it. I dont remember anything except pain, and I hardly remember my Son being born. I do remember as I was desperately trying to deal with a contraction, begging the midwife for an epidural, which she refused to give me. She told me I had gone too far for one, but as another contraction took hold, I heard her tell my husband she thought I could go the full labour with out one. Which to me meant I had not gone too far, she just didnt think I needed one. Believe me, I did. I begged and begged, with no response. I ended up being cut, to prevent tearing, and when the after birth would not come out, I ended up having an epidural anyway and sent to theatre to have it removed. I always wanted to walk out of the labour ward with my baby, but I couldnt walk for hours after. It may not sound traumatic to some of you, but it was for me.

[Happy2be3]

Hi all,

I dont know if my labour compares to all of yours, but it certainly felt traumatic to me. I would be so nervous to give birth again, that I think I would opt for a c/s or at least an epidural straight away, which is sad because I really want to give it my best shot.

Nothing could have prepared me for giving birth. I was 12 days overdue, when I started going into labour on a Saturday night. On Sunday afternoon I had my waters ruptured to quicken things up, and had my Son Monday evening. I had no idea what I was in for, and I found it hard to concerntrate on my breathing. Things had gone so slow for so long, then they sped up real fast, and it hit me so quick, that I didnt have time to get in the right frame of mind and go to 'my happy place' to deal with the contractions. Instead of going with it, I fought the contractions as I didnt know any other way of dealing with them. This made my labour almost unbearable. My ante-natal classes did not cover anything on how to deal with labour. I had gas, which did nothing for the pain, but in made me dopey and in between contractions I was out to it. I dont remember anything except pain, and I hardly remember my Son being born. I do remember as I was desperately trying to deal with a contraction, begging the midwife for an epidural, which she refused to give me. She told me I had gone too far for one, but as another contraction took hold, I heard her tell my husband she thought I could go the full labour with out one. Which to me meant I had not gone too far, she just didnt think I needed one. Believe me, I did. I begged and begged, with no response. I ended up being cut, to prevent tearing, and when the after birth would not come out, I ended up having an epidural anyway and sent to theatre to have it removed. I always wanted to walk out of the labour ward with my baby, but I couldnt walk for hours after. It may not sound traumatic to some of you, but it was for me.


Zoe believe me.. I understand! Your birth sounds somewhat similar to mine.... my sons birth was traumatic in that I never ever considered that birth could or would be like that.. or that long. I was in labour for 24 long excrusiating hours and had a midwife much like yours. I asked for an epidural after about 16 hours of labour to which she replied "youre doing fine.. you can do this without it".. she was abrupt, not supportive & old style and kept refusing an epi. I resented her for a very very long time. I was angry (still am) that I had to go through all that pain when it could have been prevented.. but then I also now know alot about the 'cascade of intervention' and feel that if I HAD been given the epi I was begging for that I would have failed to progress (i was progressing very slowly anyway) and would have probably ended in an unwanted csection.

i understand just how traumatic a long labour can be. You are just soooooooooo exhausted that you cant walk for hours (I wasnt cut but tore pretty badly).. to walk was very painful for me for at least 3 weeks, I had extreme muscle fatigue for about 4 days due to the fact I was fighting my contractions (much like you said you were) and had tensed every muscle in my body for hours on end, once it was all over I could barely roll over in bed I was so weak.

It effects everything, from not being able to move around post birth, to being too exhausted to sleep even (i went 4 days with NO sleep), which for me then lead to Post traumatic stress disorder (nightmares, sleep problems, reliving the event, anxiety) and Post Natal Depression.

So, believe me, I do understand how a birth that on paper reads "Normal Vaginal Birth" can feel SO not normal and so not right:hugs:

P.s Look up "birth talk" website, they are fantastic and have loads of information about healing from birth trauma :) You'll see.. youre not the only one who feels like this, youre not alone

[Macysmum]

I suspect I have had an experience similar to too many women.

I was 10 days late and went to Ob who did a manual procedure and told me to go home and bounce on a fitball. I went into labour an hour later around 5pm Thursday and was very grateful to that Ob because it saved being induced. My waters seemed to break and the contractions came quickly. My husband and I were so freaked that we went straight to the hospital. But as it turned out my labour was long 27hrs in total. I was using gas and in the bath and the midwives were fantastic. This was the most peaceful phase I was coping and having a bit of a laugh with my husband. Then around 3am they got me out of the bath to do a regular examination and monitor my DD's heartbeat. The midwife then suspected that there was meconium in my waters. I wasn't allowed to get out of bed after that b/c the monitors had to remain to ensure my DD wasn't in distress. Because of this I couldn't really deal with the pain and I was very slowly dilating so I asked for an epidural which was administered around 6am. Things spiralled down hill, different doctors came in and did very rough internals. There was confusion over whether my waters had broken. A doctor then had to manually break my waters and instructed my husband to hold me down while he did it (this was so horrendous that I do not really have any memory of it).

Our problem was with the doctors. There were a few of them and English was clearly their second language. They also were extremely rude to the midwives in front of us which was very unprofessional.

I eventually fully dilated and started pushing which went on for 2 hours with no result. I was taken to theatre and a vontruse was attempted but did not work. They then delievered my DD by C-section all 9.2kgs of her. My DD was having problems had lost oxygen and swallowed Meconium and was rushed off to neo-natal while I was stitched and in recovery. I didn't get to see my DD for quite some time and didn't get to hold her for over 12hrs because she was in an oxygen crib.

My DD was in neo-natal for 10days due to infection and lack of responsiveness. An MRI showed no problems with her brain which was a huge relief. My DD now has reflux and there seems to be a link b/w traumatic births and reflux if anyone has any info re this it would be much appreciated as this is still a struggle.

I do not think I will ever get over my experience however there were positives. The theatre stafff were fantastic. My Anaesthetist was great staying by my side the whole time and answering my questions. The neo-natal staff were great and I do have a beautiful DD who is now seven mnths old.

Next time I will be in total control and I know it will be a much more positive experience.

To everyone that has had a bad experience my sympathy goes out to you it is such a shock and any feelings you have are always totally justified. Women should be treated better especially in a so called developed country.
:(