HELP me please.....nearly 3 y/o is he normal?

[cassi*girl]

Hi there. WARNING....this could be lengthy!!!

I am fairly new (and very addicted) to this site so I thought I would plunge right in and share my big bad secret..........................
I have a little boy who I can not cope with. He is 3 in July and is a real handful. He is CONSTANTLY throwing things (anything and everything) he chucks tantrums, he runs off when we go anywhere (this has never been a problem until about 3 weeks ago when he just started to run off)....what else....he whinges and whines most of the day.
When I play with him he either goes off and plays by himself, plays for about 3 seconds and gets bored with it or he just wrecks whatever it is we are playing. Therefore I tend to not play with him which I know is wrong.......:banghead:

I am 23 weeks pregnant and wonder if my hormones are up the creek and making me cope even less?? I came off anti-depressants about 3 months before falling pregnant and wonder if I need to go back on them - actually if I wasn't pregnant I guess I would be BEGGING to go back on them. Is it possible that his feral/bad attitude/moods are reflective of my emotions??

How do I deal with him throwing everything and just going crazy??? We used to be able to reason and talk to him until about 5 or 6 weeks ago and he has just changed. Nothing has changed in our lives to reflect that - if a new baby had just come into the house I could understand it, but nothing has changed!?!?!?

I guess I am at a loss and really NOT coping :crying: at all with this. We have tried smacking, naughty spot, putting him in his room - none of which was successful. WHAT NEXT????

Oh well, off to watch super Nanny and hope there is a monster on there like my little angel....:)

Thanks for any help you can offer.
Sandi :)

[natasha]

Hi cassi, i haven't had much experience with 3 yr olds, however i know that with my DD whenever I am in a bad mood she defo picks up on it and it makes her worse. It's hard because when you have a child that is misbehaving, you kind get into a routine of telling them off because your just waiting for them to do something wrong (because they do it so often:rolleyes: ). When really , sometimes, they are just being typical kids but because we are constantly being negative towards them they just think 'sod it i might as well be even naughtier'. Have you tried completely ignoring him when he's naughty? (obviously only when it's practical). I know when im playing with DD and she is naughty i get up and start doing something else.

Do you really really praise his good behaviour? Even if it's only something small??

[cassi*girl]

Thanks for your reply. I think I do praise him lots when he is good, but it just seems at the moment that that is never! :banghead:
I certainly feel like it just rolls along and gets bigger and bigger as the day progresses.....

I was just watching Super Nanny and she said that as the child sees you esculate when dealing with them they in turn take it up a bit and so it goes on. I think that is me. She said to try and remain CALM and deal with it...........can't hurt I guess!!!!
This show sh*ts me a little as they are always so "fixed" after she leaves!!! I NEED SUPER NANNY HERE NOW!!!

Will try and be really good with the praise and walk away when he behaves how I don't want him to. Will also try and remain calm when dealing with it. Sheesh that sounds hard!!!!!!!

thanks
sandi :)

[Desertress]

I dont really have a lot of advice for you as im still working on it myself but i wanted to let you know that you are definatley not alone with this. My 3yr old started doing the exact same sorts of things at that age and still does most of it now although i has dulled in intensity.

The most important thing you can do and i know this is also the hardest is to try and stay calm. If you get yourself all worked up and angry then he will pick up on that to and nothing will get sorted out because everyone will be angry and frustrated. I know sometimes i had to just ignre him so that i wouldnt loose my temper.

It is very hard and 3 yr olds and alot to deal with especially being pregnant because you are tired and probably have trouble moving aroudn the way you did b4. You stick with it and do what ever you need to, to get through it as it will get better. Try different things... but you might find that as quickly as it started, he will slow down with it again.

He is just at the age of testing boundaries and with the new baby comming maybe he is just trying to make sure that he will still be wanted no mater what.. they are alot smarter then we give them credit for sometimes.

Just love him and do the best you can and you will get though it.

[cassi*girl]

Thank you Desertress (Kristen) you have made me cry and made me realise I am not alone no matter how alone I feel. Thank you........
I do love him more than words could ever explain and I will continue to show him how much I love him even though he pushes me day & night!!!

I feel like I am doing the best I can, but is that enough??? I guess it is all I can do hey, until I know better.

Thanks again this place is so warm and supportive and I just love it!!!!

Sandi :)

[Sarie]

Hi Sandi!
My little man's behaviour took a dramatic change for the worse when his little brother was born. He was also pretty much two at the time and I didn't know what to put it down to.
We are on the up now though, he turned 3 in April and I must say things are dramatically different than they were a few months ago.
We have also started him at kindy 2 days a week since he turned 3, he loves it and it gives me some bonding time with DS2, just the two of us. I also try and make sure I go for a walk with them everyday. Just getting them out of the house makes a huge difference.
Having said that I know that DS1 plays on me, he reads my emotions so well even DH has commented that when I'm cranky DS1 knows how to push my buttons to really make me get angry, works every time.
We have started him with a list of rules
Rule #1 do what mummy tells you
Rule #2 do what daddy tells you
Rule #3 don't hurt his brother
Rule #4 don't hurt other kids
Rule #5 no running in shops
He knows the rules and can repeat them if we ask him. Say if he's being naughty I will call him over and say why is mummy cranky
he normally says that he's been naughty
I'll ask him what he did that was naughty and he will tell me. Then I'll ask him to tell me which ever rule applies and what he thinks should happen.
He usually gets a smack on the hand and then he has to say sorry for being naughty.
Then we have a hug and a kiss and usually he's fine.
Staying calm is a big thing and we all have our days, sometimes they can be so frustraiting! Also you need to be consistant. Find something that works for you and stick with it, even if it takes awhile for him to get to work just keep at it. If he knows that you won't cave when you say no he will start changing for the better, but if he knows he only has to push so much before you give in... he will win every time. Kiddies are so smart, I know my boys out smart me all the time!
:hugs:

[cassi*girl]

I wanted to update and say thank you for all your advise and help.

Today has been a MUCH better day than yesterday. I think yesterday was the lowest I could possibly get. He really broke me yesterday!! Funny how much power a 3 year old can have hey!! lol

Anyway today I have done things with him all day. We played jigsaws, cleaned the kitchen together, planted some bulbs in the garden, did a couple of loads of washing and I took him to a new playground/park that I had heard good things about.
On the way home he told me he was tired and wanted to go to bed. So that is what I did when we got home and he has been there ever since!!!! lol.

I have to work tonight (6 - 11) so I am dropping him off at my in-laws this afternoon and DH will pick him up when he finishes work. They have told me to bring him over early and have a couple of hours to myself before work so that is exactly what I am going to do :smiliedance:

Fingers crossed I will stay calmer, get more sleep and DS will respond to that rather than my negative, grumpy ways.

Thanks again.
Sandi :)

[Sarie]

Great news Sandi!
I hope you have a great day again tomorrow!
:hugs:

[cassi*girl]

Well yesterday was better and today hasn't been too bad so far.
I think it is a combination of being bored, picking up on my emotions and testing all at once........

I am trying SO hard to stay calm and that also seems to help. If I yell he tends to fly off even more and when I talk to him in a calm (but unhappy) voice he seems to respond much better.

DH and I have decided to see our GP to just ensure that there is nothing else wrong and go from there after getting his advise.

Thanks so much for all your support once again - I love this site!!!! :smiliedance:

Sandi :)

[Sarie]

Good work Sandi! It's hard especially when your pregnant and have your emtions all over the place anyway!
DS1 was pretty good while I was pregnant it was only really in the last week of my pregnancy and then when DS2 came home that he really changed, then he turned two and everything went down hil!!

[kate_perth_10]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you !!! i know exactly what you are going through as i'm going through the same thing at the moment too. my son is almost 3 and with lack of a better word a monster. He listens to nothing we say,when we try to punish him he just laughs and thinks its hilarious, i too am a t my wits end at what to do. i've just put him in daycare for 2 days a weeks which is something i really didn't wanna do but had to for thew sake of my sanity. I'm really hoping that this is just a stage and it'll blow over.

Good luck to you i know how hard it can get just think when he's older and you think back to this time you'll think "it wasn't so bad ":laughing:

[suemp]

my son is four. forget the terrible 2's he was also worse at 3. now at 4 they develop an attitude!!!!! i find my son will either have a bad day or a good day. the good days are fantastic but when he is having a bad day it gets so frustrating. just know your not alone.

[alexandra]

Sorry i think you said that you are pregnant? Could he be reacting this way cause you've started to show and it's finally click in his head that something is in there and everyone keeps talking about this baby topic? I know that;s what happened with my son, they are three years apart so he was always playing up when I was pregnant. Thankfully it has stopped now and theyre best friends!!

[gidgeroo]

Hi, glad to see its getting better.
My 3 year old goes through stages like that - gorgeous one day and then all tantrumy the next. A friend of mine hit the nail on the head when she said that little boys of 3 or 4 start to get testosterone surges and they don't know how to handle their emotions. It made real sense because even though everything was the same every day on some days he would be calm and others he would meltdown.:banghead:
I have learnt to ignore the tantrums and irrational crying, stay calm and let him vent his anger and frustration - after the storm he comes over for a cuddle and we forget it ever happened.:hugs:

[cassi*girl]

Hi!
Thanks for the replies it is sometimes nice to know that you are not alone, or that your child isn't just a bad egg if you know what I mean.
I don't think he is reacting to me being pregnant. He knows that there is a bubsy in my tummy as there is one in his too apparently :laughing: but I don't think he gets what that actually means.
I know that some of it is him craving my attention as he seems to require alot of it and that is my issue.....I don't have the time to always give him every minute he wants. I feel like a really bad Mummy when this happens, but that is life I have figured.

I also know that I am having some REALLY hormonal days where I go from nice normal Mummy to a ranting and raving lunatic in a split second. I keep thinking it is due to the pregnancy, but I really wonder if it is????
I was on anti-depress. before I got pregnant and I will be honest I wish for the calmness they gave me. Sad isn't it.

Thank you all again for your help/support/letting me see I am not alone. Good luck to everyone else and let's hope they grow out of it super quick!

Sandi :)

[Mumshmum]

Hi Sandi
Have you checked out this website www.fedupwithfoodadditives.com.au
It may help a little also. I noticed a considerable change in both my girls' behaviour after changing some of the foods I was giving them. (nothing too unhealthy, but had a lot of additives) This website is really informative, and if you haven't already seen it, you will probably be quite suprised at what you find.

[ChubStar]

Hi Sandi

I feel your pain! LOL My 21 month old can be a real terror during the day and always demands my attention. Sometimes I just don't feel like I can give him what he needs. He throws tanties at meal times, when he doesn't get to eat what he wants for a snack, when I sit down and he wants me to play, when I leave the room, when I make meals, when I go to the toilet, when I won't let him go outside, when I won't let him play in the car... and the list goes on.

It is possible to suffer from ante-natal depression, so go and see your doc if you are concerned.

I found I could deal with DS better when I stayed calm, like when I made a REAL effort to calm my voice and my actions. He would play better and eat better. He has recently been sick and his sleeping pattern and eating pattern is all out of whack, but I know if I stay calm and keep at it, we'll get there eventually. It can be really difficult, especially when everything piles up on you, but keep at it. YOU WILL GET THERE!! :hugs: :kiss:

[mumtobenumber3]

Hi,
I think its an ocurrance that goes over and over again through every age.
My 6 yr old has been a nightmare lately to the point that I have asked him to leave the naughty version of himself outside. But recently I have had him on childrens fish oil. WOW, he is a new and much nicer boy again. I don't know how young you can start children on fish oil but it surely has made a difference to our household and it has made him feel alot better also.

[Shazbutt]

:hugs: I know exactly how you are feeling! My DD has just turned 3, and is an absolute monster...though like mumtobenumber3, i recently started her on fish oil as well, ('nature's own kidsmart'), and we have definitley seen an improvement in her. She may still have her tanties occasionally, but she's generally alot calmer overall, and actually listens most of the time....

[cassi*girl]

Can anyone help me with that vitamin?? Where do you get it from I can't find it anywhere and thought it would be worth a try!
How do you give it to them are they chewable or what??

Thanks for any help.

Sandi :)

[Shazbutt]

I got mine from Coles...can't remember how much i paid though. I know they were affordable though....

These are a chewable oil capsule...they can either eat the whole thing (which DD does) or you can cut the tip off and squeeze it into their mouth. I thought chewing it tasted horrible, but if your kids eat it, then oh well! The oil itself is fairly palatable though. Very fruity....

Here's the Link for you: Kids Smart (http://www.naturesway.com.au/docs/vitamin.asp)

Hope this helps!

[cassi*girl]

Thanks for the link I will go to Coles and have a look. I just can't seem to find them!! Pregnant brain probably.

:fingerscrossed: they will calm him down a little at the least!!! Oh I wish I had his energy......

[T Bear]

Hi Cassi,

It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job and making some great progress with your son.

From my experience (I have done a lot of babysitting and childcare over the years) it sounds like you have a very intelligent little boy, which can be both a blessing and a curse. Intelligent kids are often very good at pushing all of their parents buttons and reading their moods, and they are easily bored. It sounds like he needs constant stimulation, or he gets bored, and when kids are bored is when they behave at their worst. I totally understand that you can't possibly be giving him all your attention all the time, and while you're pregnant you can't have the energy to keep up with him 24/7. Have you considered enrolling him in some sort of pre-school or kindy or childcare program. even if it was just 1 or 2 mornings a week it would give you a break and it might give him some much craved for stimulation. It would also help once the new bub arrives as you would have a bit of time to be alone with the baby.

Another thing that might help is to find him activities that he enjoys but that are a little bit difficult for him to do (not too difficult though or he will just get frustrated). Basically anything to keep that little mind occupied in a positive way, rather than in a destructive way.

I don't know if this will help at all, but anyway keep up tha good work.:thumbsup:

[cassi*girl]

Thank you for your nice helpful comments.
I do put ds into childcare for a whole day on Wednesday's and I will be honest it is the day I run around like an idiot trying to get everything done quickly without any fuss..................but it is the day I just take a breath and enjoy the peace!!!

I used to feel guilty about putting him into care, but now I see how much he gets out of it (once he stops crying, which is just for my benefit as the minute I shut the door he is off playing :rolleyes: ) and I don't feel bad for a second. It will also be great when bubs arrives to have a day of just bubs & me.

I do give ds some challenging toys and stuff, but if they are just a bit hard he just throws them or wrecks them and I end up getting sh1tty with him and putting them away. Very trying time.......