Would you terminate a second or subsequent pregnancy? [Archive]

carls

02-06-2006, 19:03

James is only 5 months old and already I'm thinking about having another baby - all signs point to it being a silly idea:

1. Our first is only 5 months
2. We have a 2 bedroom unit
3. We are struggling with money as it is

I loved being pregnant so much and have my heart set on it for some reason.

I'm not on the pill and although DP and I arent all that *cough* active , there is always the chance that I could fall pregnant. I asked him today if I fell pregnant would he want me to terminate it (and although it would be logical I dont know if I could), and he said he didnt know.

Has anyone, or would anyone, terminate a second pregnancy for the above reasons?

What made you decide to have more than one?

What made you decide on the best time to conceive your other children?

PLEASE keep this nice - I'm sick of my threads being deleted!!

Ta
:)

TwoBlue

02-06-2006, 19:05

MamaSage

02-06-2006, 19:10

I wouldn't, but I would not terminate a pregnancy for any reason. I can understand that it would be a hard situation though. I am 5 months pg now and do not intend on going on the pill after having this baby, as I use the Billings method, BUT I am worried about the prospect of an unplanned pregnancy. I think your fears are warranted and many women have these fears.

mrsbutterflygirl

02-06-2006, 19:12

I wouldn't... i don't agree with abortion for any reason.. but that is my view.. so no i wouldn't

Beany

02-06-2006, 19:14

Smurfette

02-06-2006, 19:14

I absolutely loved being pregnant and can't wait to be again. However I am just enjoying Liv so much that I couldn't imagine having another baby. If I had one now it would mean less time with each child and I want to devote as much time with my children as possible, that is why we are waiting till Liv is in kindy.
So having said all of that, hubby and I are extremely cautious not to fall pregnant and take multiple precautions so I don't have to make a decision because I just don't know what my decision would be.

rynosmum

02-06-2006, 19:17

I had a D&C for my miscarriage. As we were walking out of the hospital, DH said to me 'How do you feel ?'. I replied that I felt as though someone had just taken my baby away.:crying:

After this experience, I realised that I wasn't the sort of person who could terminate a pregnancy. If I fell pregnant and the time wasn't right, we'd still make do somehow and our beautiful child would be loved and wanted more than you could ever imagine.:hugs: :kiss:

MummyCharmzy

02-06-2006, 19:17

I would never terminate a pregnancy.

Funkychicken

02-06-2006, 19:19

We were surprised by a pregnancy last year and from the moment we knew, he was real to us. I personally could never abort but I have supported someone who did (very personal reasons) because that person is still the same person regardless of her decision. When we found out I was pregnant again, the first thing DH said was "There is no options here." It was one of the most supportive things he has ever said and believe me, I needed support at that time!:D

Peaceangels

02-06-2006, 19:22

No, I couldn't/wouldn't terminate a pregnancy.

#2 for us was a complete unexpected surprise (DS1 was 6mths old), but the thought (to terminate) did not even enter my mind, especially after the nightmare we went through to fall with #1.

I believe life deals us with what we can handle.

Smurfette

02-06-2006, 19:22

anna's mum

02-06-2006, 19:23

I struggled with the termination issue with my (first) pregnancy because my dh & I had only been together for 6 months, we were both uni students & broke. It has definitely not been easy but personally I just couldn't do it. I think if I had another *mistake* there would be no decision - chin up, get on with it, love your family :)
However, I have had implanon in my arm for 3 years to make sure another mistake didn't happen ... I don't think that a termination is responsible birth control ...

draught

02-06-2006, 19:30

I agree - the only reason I could terminate for would be a serious health risk. If you are prepared to play russian roulette by not using contraceptives it has to be because you want another baby. If you would contemplate termination as a birth control option why not just use birth control - far less emotionally and physically fraught in the end.

carls

02-06-2006, 19:35

If you would contemplate termination as a birth control option why not just use birth control

I havent ever considered termination as a form of birth control, well to be honest I havent looked at it that way, but it was more a question of would you see my reasons as reasons to not have another baby full stop? When is the right time to have another? Is there ever a good time?

CJJHRA

02-06-2006, 19:37

having faced this sort of situation, being preg with a 7th, we talked about aborting, for financial reasons, we already had 6, would have needed a bigger car, or see if we could have got a bench style seat in the front of our tarago to make it 9. DH not wanting more, me feeling I could go through with another pregnanacy, physically.

I went to the drs thinking I was only about 10weeks, and told him I was pregnant, but didnt really want another bubs. anyway, long story short, bubs had no heart beat I was 14 weeks. My heart secretly sank I didnt want to cry in the dr's and to make it worse the dr said, looks like you got your wish. I just felt terrible, because I knew deep down, I couldnt terminate a life like that!

I still feel bad even now, like I wished it to happen! The 4 days I had to wait for a D&C were terrible, I felt so empty after too.

My baby would have been 5 months old today, and we would have had 2 girls. :crying:

If there was another oops, too bad, I will be keeping it, even if it means my partner would leave me!

bronny-jane

02-06-2006, 19:37

i couldnt do it, its my childs sibling:(

Pixie

02-06-2006, 19:37

I am 110% with Peaceangels....

Belinda05

02-06-2006, 19:40

I would not...

especially after you have seen a pregnancy develop and become a child that you love with every inch of your being....

If i was to get pregnant now i would kick myself and then decide that i'd just have to cope :o

That's so true, once you see your pregnancy, have ultrasounds then have your baby... you know you could never terminate.

Carla, I think its so good that you are thinking about the "what if" because so many people who are jumping in the sack with someone ignore the fact they could fall pregnant. I know I could never terminate a pregnancy, definetely not my next one. If you are worried maybe you should start on the pill. If you have your heart set on being pregnant and you fall pregnant I really don't think you'll be able to terminate it. As mush as being pregnant and having babies is great you still have many years ahead of you to do so. Don't be in any hurry and enjoy James for a while! :D

FourAngelKisses

02-06-2006, 19:41

I would never terminate a pregnancy. I had my first two 15mths apart, planned, just not so close together, we were aiming for a 2yr gap but nature had other plans. We decided to stop at 2, but the pill ended up failing and we found ourselves in a situation were we had to learn to make do. And you do, you realise that it is financially possible to have another. In fact you wonder what you spent the money on before you had the baby.

If you aren't sure if you can have another right now, use another form of contraception. I don't think there is a right time to have another baby, but when it does happen, you will realise that it was the perfect time to have another.

HTH

BubbaLicious

02-06-2006, 19:43

My first was a big big big whoopsy! A few days before I tested we talked about the what if's and said that the time wasn't right and we'd abort. Once I got 2 lines on the preggy test everything changed. I was 20 and been dating my now hubby for 1 year! It's the best thing that ever happened to us.
I have to say that I couldn't go through with it.

Ana Gram

02-06-2006, 19:51

I seem to be the only one but if by some horrible mishap I was to get pregnant again (and yes birth control is used on the rare occassions we have sex), I would be terminating.

carls

02-06-2006, 19:53

I seem to be the only one but if by some horrible mishap I was to get pregnant again (and yes birth control is used on the rare occassions we have sex), I would be terminating.

Can I ask your reasons Chelle?

Mum&bubs

02-06-2006, 19:56

Ive never had an abortion. Summer was suppossed to be aborted but i couldnt go through with it and i look at her now & think what was i thinking? Now that i see it like that i dont think i could ever have one because i know what i could get out of it. If that makes any sense.

melbryan

02-06-2006, 19:56

I personally would not terminate because the pill is very effective for me and there is so many other options for contraception. As soon as the third is out a vasectomy ( for him) all the way.
I would deal with it if it was an accident, but don't really believe in accidents though. Only way not to get pregnant is not to have sex!!!
Don't want a baby don't have sex.

FourAngelKisses

02-06-2006, 19:59

Don't want a baby don't have sex.

That would make for a dull marriage though.

Mum&bubs

02-06-2006, 20:00

draught

02-06-2006, 20:04

I havent ever considered termination as a form of birth control, well to be honest I havent looked at it that way, but it was more a question of would you see my reasons as reasons to not have another baby full stop? When is the right time to have another? Is there ever a good time?

Ah - different question altogether.
We are having a third despite DH bing convinced we can't afford it, having a house that will be too small, and me being of advanced years, because, as I said to him, there is something deep inside me that wants one more - it is not logical, but it is overwhelming and it won't go away. With that he agreed to wait and see what happened as we continued without contraception......and as it turned out we had already fallen pregnant the week earlier. So my answer is - there is no right time, there is no good time - you make of what life hands you, what you will. If you look at the positives of two close together then that will be your focus, not the "OMG what were we thinking having that bottle of wine and having sex" focus!!:laughing:

carls

02-06-2006, 20:09

If you look at the positives of two close together then that will be your focus, not the "OMG what were we thinking having that bottle of wine and having sex" focus!!:laughing:

:laughing: Well unfortunately if that was to happen I would be taking all the blame as DP doesnt drink....although he is quite happy to shag away knowing I'm not on the pill!

OK I'm putting all the blame wholey and soley on bubhub's Nan - she came over with little Eden yesterday and DP is now inspired to have a girl!

Starlet

02-06-2006, 20:26

I'll be totally honest here and I hope I won't be judged for it, but yes, I have had a termination, I would Never do it again though because even now, over a year later, I am still trying to come to terms with what I did.

I fell pregnant to my DP, only, we were not together and he was still with his ex :o He left her a month after it happened to be with me, but that is an entirely different story, DP and I have alot of history together but this isn't the post for it.

I had a termination because

a) we weren't together at the time
b) I was on a single pension with 2 kids under 2 1/2. My Dp also had a daughter of his own who was 5 months old at the time.
c) I didn't know if we were ever going to be together and I would have had to raise 3 kids by myself, I was struggling with two on my own back then.

I walked away from the clinic twice the morning I had it done because I couldn't do it, but I did it because I felt like I had to.

My DP was totally freaking out about it, his ex trapped him by leading him to believe she was on contraception when she wasn't and had a baby to make him stay with her(they had only been together like a month before she fell preg). So I guess to him it was like he was being trapped again. He still cries about it now because he really regrets what we decided to do.

I could never go through that again. And if I knew what I knew now back then, I wouldn't have done it.

misskittyfantastico

02-06-2006, 20:29

I would not. I am very careful (ie don't have a sex life) but if I did get pregnant again, I would be shattered but I would not terminate.

Ana Gram

02-06-2006, 20:49

Can I ask your reasons Chelle?

I hated pregnancy, hated birth, don't want another child and we definately can't afford it.

reAllytee

02-06-2006, 22:11

Well this is really hard to know the answer to.
My first pregnancy was when i was 18yrs very immature, in an unhappy relationship & definately not ready to have a baby. I wasnt irresponsible i had been with my boyfriend since i was 15yrs old & we had only just started having sex as i though i was in love & used contraception ( me on the pill & him using condoms ) but i still fell pg. I terminated. It was the hardest decision ive ever had to make & it took me a long time to get over. I swore i would never go through it again but when i fell pg with Boof we were just a new couple only being together for 10mths or so. I was so sick with worry about it all. Was i finally ready for this, were WE ready for this etc. Yes we had talked about it but we were looking at buying a house later in the year then getting married THEN falling pg instead things changed. I gave DP the option to walk away but he chose not to & we went ahead with it even though through those first few months i agonised as to whether we were still doing the right thing.
I had a horrible horrible pregnancy i didnt "glow" or "radiate" i was either the shade of grey or green. I was sick for 8mths give or take then was sick through the labour. Went through a traumatic birth & suffered PND & still do in some ways. Dont get me wrong i love Boof with all my heart & would never want to give him back ( almost :p ) but not everyone has a rosy view on it all.
If i were to fall now i would be thinking about it seriously again to be honest so i guess i shall be a black sheep here also. DP is injured im hardly coping as it is. We have little to no money & he is this far <-> from losing his job. Yes Boof was a whoops also & was meant to be here but for me to bring another child into this situation right now would be horrible not just for us im thinking more about the child & it having to suffer so to speak.
Anyways thats my two cents worth.

Leeny

02-06-2006, 22:20

I hated pregnancy, hated birth, don't want another child and we definately can't afford it.

I understand 100% where you're comming from. I too am also one of the very few who would probably terminate.

Baby Girl

03-06-2006, 12:06

I have terminated a second pregnancy but not for the reasons that you say....if it were for those reasons only I would not do it.

sharvs

03-06-2006, 12:15

I dont know if i could terminate, it would depend on the circumstances. I dont think I could have a baby if I was raped & fell pregnant - that would prob be the only way I could terminate.

I would never judge anyone for terminating though, I believe most people do think it through & decide it is for the best if they do - IMO no-one needs to know any more than this, just that the mother made a decision & she believes it is right.

Briannabear

03-06-2006, 12:39

I couldnt terminate. Id just go ok, this is happening so how are we going to cope with it.
Thats just me anyway.

Hokey Pokey

03-06-2006, 12:52

CJJHRA

03-06-2006, 12:56

get birth control, simple as that

while I do agree there, sometimes birth control does fail. but if birth control repeatidly fails, then more drastic action needs to be taken, a vasectomy and a tubal ligation, but on very rare occassions, they can fail too. THe only 100% certain to stop pregnancy is no sex ;)

uptheduff

03-06-2006, 12:59

If you know that you could very well fall pregnant and your partner is not sure wether he would want you to terminate then get birth control, simple as that. Sorry to sound harsh but having a termination as a form of birth control makes me angry.

Ditto! Abortion for a legitimate reason, or if you were using birth control and got pregnant anyway is one thing....But failing to have protected sex and considering abortion if you were to fall pregnant, is not on in my book.

2littleprincesses

03-06-2006, 14:59

I used to think that under certain circumstances (eg rape or a disabled child) I would have an abortion. Now that I have two happy and healthy girls I don't think that I could have an abortion. I honestly don't know what I would do if I fell pg as a result of being raped.

I don't want any more children. DH knows how I feel. I take the pill but am going to look into something more permanent. If I fell pg again I don't know how I would feel, but I would have to accept that we will be having another baby.

juliek

03-06-2006, 14:59

When we fell pregnant, it was completely unplanned. We had just gotten married (yep, honeymoon baby & I was on the pill) were half way through building our house and had a large mortgage which needed a two incomes to service it. We hadn't planned on starting a family for 5 years and wanted to be financially secure first. Having dd was the best thing that could of happened to us. There is never a 'right or best' time, you just have to make do when it happens.
Before I had dd I use to think there were a few situations in which I would terminate, but now I know I couldn't unless it was for serious medical reasons which would affect the baby's quilty of life. I think even in situations where people couldn't possibly cope with the prospect of having another child, there is always the option of adoption. I can imagine it must be heartbreaking to give up your child, but wouldn't it be better to give it to a couple who will love and cherish it, than to never let it experience life?
I'm not an anti-abortion fanatic, I just know it's not something I could live with. I have a few friends who have had terminations, each for different reason and I fully support their decisions and don't think any less of them for it. What ever you decide, it is the right decision.

*Chels*

03-06-2006, 16:59

anna's mum

03-06-2006, 17:21

I think also that coz DS wasnt planned and it took me awhile to actually want him,the next time I have a baby I want it planned so it can be more of a happy occasion

Yes, that's true for me too, which puts even more pressure on the situation - I want a sibling for dd, but first I need to want another baby for myself (ourselves) instead of just jumping in to a sticky situation again ...

Starlet

03-06-2006, 18:46

If you know that you could very well fall pregnant and your partner is not sure wether he would want you to terminate then get birth control, simple as that. Sorry to sound harsh but having a termination as a form of birth control makes me angry.

I forgot to mention that I was on the pill when i fell pregnant. So it really was unexpected and not something that we wanted to happen at that time.

Funkychicken

03-06-2006, 18:59

I think its really hard to judge what you would do in a postion until youre in it.
I love my son,I cant imagine having another child now.If I got preg now,I would want an abortion.We are struggling with money now,saving for a wedding and also I want to buy a house further down the track-but we will both need to be working.
Im really paranoid about getting preg.If we had used birth control and it failed,I would want to abort.I too think that its not a form of contraception.
I hated being pregnant too,altho thats not my reason to abort.I just do not think I could handle another baby.My son is very strong willed,weve been battling with his sleeping since day dot and Im just started to get him on solids and not feel like a milk bar 24/7.to start that all over again with a new baby would just send me over the edge.When and if we decide to have another baby,that will be it and my DF will be off to get the snip!!!!
I think also that coz DS wasnt planned and it took me awhile to actually want him,the next time I have a baby I want it planned so it can be more of a happy occasion IYKWIM.
I dont judge anyone for their decisons to abort or not,its a personal choice.at the end of the day,its their business,not mine.
This isn't related to the abortion issue-I just wanted to tell you I have been where you have been (24 hr milkbar, little or no sleep etc...) with our DS#1. I was pretty terrified about doing it again when the time came but you know what? Our DD arrived already comfortable in her own skin and barely seemed to 'need' me! Wow, was I surprised to find out some babies are really independent from birth. Sorry for the hi-jack, just thought I'd plant a seed of hope for you that not every baby comes into the world being exceptionally needy.:D

Angelmist♥

03-06-2006, 19:09

This is only my opinion, but I think personally for me it would have been easier to terminate my 1st pregnancy then any after that IYKWIM.

I could not do it now because- I'm a lucky woman who LOVES being pregnant, after already having 3 what's another one:laughing: and that's another DS,DS2 or DD growing in there and I know that I could not live without any of them.

I do believe the choice to terminate is just that a choice to be made by a woman and her partner.In saying that though, I did go to school with a girl (17yrs old) who had 3 in 5 months:shame: IMO that's just wrong, especially since her mother took her for them and knew all about it.I would have thought she'd learn after the 1st but obviously not.

Angelmist♥

03-06-2006, 19:13

This isn't related to the abortion issue-I just wanted to tell you I have been where you have been (24 hr milkbar, little or no sleep etc...) with our DS#1. I was pretty terrified about doing it again when the time came but you know what? Our DD arrived already comfortable in her own skin and barely seemed to 'need' me! Wow, was I surprised to find out some babies are really independent from birth. Sorry for the hi-jack, just thought I'd plant a seed of hope for you that not every baby comes into the world being exceptionally needy.:D

LOL sorry for the hi-jacking again but DS2 was exactly the same!I was 20, extremely scared of having 2 bubs, had an extremely needy 13 month old and gave birth to an absolute text-book baby!It's amazing how different some babies can be!

SassyMummy

03-06-2006, 23:17

I guess I am one of the few who WOULD consider it. Doesn't mean I'd HAVE an abortion for sure, but it would certainly be taken into consideration.

Before having DD, I was very ANTI abortion. Back then, anyone who had one I deemed "selfish" and thought that if people didn't want babies, then too bad...either don't have sex or just suck it up with you DO fall pregnant.

It sounds so bad that I say, "Since I've had DD..." and then follow it with "I understand why people have abortions." People take it as a sign that I don't like being a mother, and that I don't love DD. The fact is though, it's hard work...and I can fully understand why someone would not want to deal with it.

While I think it's wrong to just get pregnant all the time as the result of your own stupidity and then just have abortion after abortion (a few girls my brother knew would do that...they were like...16-17 and had up to 4 abortions under their belt already), I don't think having an abortion is necessarily as "wrong" as I used to believe.

There are SO MANY REASONS I fear getting pregnant any time soon. I'm WAY TOO POOR...my relationship is a bit rocky at the moment (DP would FREAK if I had another baby soon!)...I think my DD deserves me to be HERS and not have to share me until she's older...I want a VBAC and want to wait for quite a while for my scar to heal fully first...at the moment I'm a Centrelink mother, and I don't want to be that scraggy young mother with 10 kids hanging off her and living off the pension forever, next time i want to be able to pay for it myself...and I quite simply don't want another baby any time soon.

Sure, I can protect myself, but protection is guaranteed...so I'd like abortion to be my back-up plan.

While it would be nice to just have the baby and build my family...it's really not do-able at the moment for me. I'd like to put the family that I already have (DP, DD and I) FIRST...before a baby that I wouldn't even feel the presence of until I felt it's movements (that's how I felt when I was pregnant...I didn't even feel pregnant until I felt kicking...so anytime before that, aborting WOULD sadden me, but not as much as it would sadden me to see my family suffer because I didn't have an abortion).

melbryan

05-06-2006, 20:51

My brother and his ex girlfirend had an abortion when she was at Uni he was 18 years old and he is now due to get married in two weeks to someone else at 26. I know that there was no way he could have looked after that child and supported it as he ended up lost at 21 in an hospital. That child would not have had the life that it deserved. I love my brother but he was extremely immature and not ready to raise a child.
I could have told him to not have sex if he didn't want her to get pregnant but not being naive I know people do it. I don't love him any less for what he did and until your in his situation no-one can judge.
Yes there is a chance that anyone can get pregnant on contraception but more permanence needs to be sort if there is absolutely no way a couple wants a child if contracpetion was so unreliable more babies would be being born.
Plenty of other things can be done other than sex, sperm don't swim through the air instantly hitting an egg.
I personally would not abort but I feel secure in my relationship and have always done, so if I wasn't I may chnage my mind but have never put myself in that situation.

Ana Gram

05-06-2006, 21:08

I would love to have a more permanent solution to contraception, however no doctor I have gone to will do it. I am aparently too young and I will want more children, so they won't give me permanent contraception.

WeThree

05-06-2006, 22:07

Chelle, it is your right to have it done if you want it. Keep hassling your Ob, or shop around till you find one who will listen to you. I had some problems as well when I told my ob that I wanted a permanent contraceptive solution, but after going to another one, and him actually listening to my reasons, I have been put on the waiting list.

Ana Gram

05-06-2006, 23:18

I've seen 10 different doctors and not one will refer me on. Might have more luck now I am near 30 though.

SassyMummy

05-06-2006, 23:31

I was reading some of the posts a few pages back and was a bit put off by some of the responses.

While I understand that some people don't agree with abortion at all (I used to be one of those people), I think that saying, "If you don't want kids, don't have sex," is a little unfair. Even if you say "...if you have UNPROTECTED sex" is still a little unfair too IMO. EVERYONE slips up...whether that means forgetting to take the pill at the correct time (and taking it five hours later instead), or not using a condom, or getting really drunk that you can't remember the night before so you're not really sure what you did...etc etc.

I don't think you can assume that abortions are used either by rape-victims, those who used contraception but it obviously didn't work, or skanks who couldn't be bothered protecting themselves and have 20 abortions a year. Though nobody said that directly, a lot of the posts seemed to infer that's what some of you were basically saying.

We are HUMAN and therefore it's only natural to expect slip-ups. I don't think you should be expected to pay for one slip up for the rest of your life...or even just for 9 months until you hand the child over to someone else.

I also think that to say, "Too bad, deal with the consequences of having sex" to someone is unfair to the CHILD as well. A child living with parents who did not want it couldn't possibly feel as emotionally secure as it deserves to be. Even if the child was loved and well looked after, the financial/emotional problems of having that extra child could generally affect the mood of the entire family as well. At the same time, if the mother was to carry the child and then give it up for adoption...if she REALLY DID NOT WANT IT...then maybe (small maybe, but it's still a possibility) she wouldn't bother doing all the things she could to make sure it was healthy (like getting drunk, doing drugs, smoking like a chimney, not protecting herself and contracting a disease/infection, eating the "wrong" foods, ignoring doctors advice regarding the pregnancy...).

Basically, I think all people should be allowed to make mistakes...and I don't think that means they should have to pay for those mistakes for the rest of their lives if they do not wish to (though I agree that using abortion as a regular contraceptive method is wrong and un-necessary).

samsara

05-06-2006, 23:31

I just wanted to say that I could never terminate a pregnancy. We are TTC#1 and aren't having an easy time of it. Since beginning this journey I have learnt that life is precious and if you aren't ready just yet to have another one then please use some contraception. If you did fall PG and couldn't afford to raise your baby remember there are lots of couples who can't have children of their own and would give a wonderful home and loads of love to an adopted child. I think it so wonderful that you are enjoying being a mum so much that you are thinking of no. 2 already and I think if an unexpected PGy did happen that you would find a way. You sound like a lovely mum.
Lx

Ana Gram

05-06-2006, 23:39

I am sorry samsara, I really feel for you and you situation but there is no way I would go through 9 months of pregnancy then birth and then just hand the baby over to someone. And to be honest, I don't know anyone else who could do it either.
It's great that there are some women who can do this, but I think the majority can't.

reAllytee

06-06-2006, 00:07

I have to agree with Chelle on that one samsara.
I too can only sympathise but having watched my sister go through over 10 miscarriages i felt ill over the fact i aborted my first child but yet again fell pg many years later with my DS so easily but always using protection. So for those to say dont have sex its not as black & white as we wish it were. Abortion is not a contraceptive & most do realise this but even using the pill, implants or depo-provera some of us fall pg either way. It has been shown in fact & statistics that most women who seek abortions are not doing so as a contraceptive but because they have had a whoops for whatever reason & are usually of an older age than most of us realise & often with other children. The usual idea of those seeking them being 16yr olds or the likes time & time again as a contraceptive is very untrue ( although there are a few cases but most clinics keep watch for this ).
Like Chelle has previously stated & myself too, some of us have a hard time being pg it isnt all rosy or the likes & yes its easy to say we could pass that child onto a couple who so desperately wants it but again its not that black & white.
As much as i do at some stage want another child i know now isnt the time for me plus i dread it when it comes down to it from all i went through & experienced.

melbryan

07-06-2006, 18:02

I wonder what the stats on falling pregnant on the pill or any contraception are and how many people abort for this reason. If it was so unreliable would anyone use it???? How many babies are born as a result of this? There would be mothers who are still having children close to 50 if it was so unreliable.
Truth is, yes people make mistakes and no they shouldn't have to pay for the rest of their lives for an unwanted pregnancy. If you're going about having unprotected sex knowing full well you could get pregnant isn't this irresponsible???
If a mistake was to occur and it was OK for you to abort then you could but making mistakes all the time is not right in my book.
I couldn't abort knowing what I know now.
Everyone has a different view and can make sense of their own decision.
I missed taking my pill many times over 14 years some people aren't this lucky but I know full well that I could have fallen pregnant so I would have dealt with this the best I could. I was told I could have been infertile so I would not have aborted.
There are couples who choose never to have children and they do quite fine on a form of contraceptive.

FourAngelKisses

07-06-2006, 18:06

I wonder what the stats on falling pregnant on the pill or any contraception are and how many people abort for this reason.

I think they say the pill is 99% effective, but I know at least 20 people who have fallen pregnant while taking it, myself one of them. I really think they need to review the statistics on it.

My SIL fell pregnant while using the pill and condom, as she wasn't in a serious relationship and only 18 she had an abortion. I was 4mths pregnant when she had it done, I think I cried for a week.

SassyMummy

07-06-2006, 23:09

I remember learning at school that the pill is roughly 97% accurate... but that's only if you use it correctly. I think that's where the major problem is...some women probably forget to take it at the right time (some need to be taken almost to the minute!) but assume they're protected anyway (perhaps because they didn't realise...maybe drs didn't tell them...maybe they just forgot..??? Who knows...).

Again, YES IT IS IRRESPONSIBLE to have unprotected sex if you do not want a baby...but most people who have these slip-ups probably aren't thinking about babies. I'm sure having children is the last thing on a woman's mind when she's in the heat of the moment. I also think it's quite unfair to believe that women don't have the right to slip up in regards to unprotected sex...

Oh - and again on the pill, I read that if you're overweight it is much less effective.

Melanie&Lucky

11-06-2006, 14:57

My husband and I have been trying to conceive # 1 for 3 years and have been doing IVF for 2 years. I have just completed my 7th IVF cycle and I would not wish this heartache, pain and disappointment onto anybody.

It is wonderful that you enjoy being a mother and are already thinking of having a second child, but if you feel you are not ready or you have reservations about it, like the ones you have listed in your post, then I think you have already answered your own question and that is to delay having another child until you feel you are absolutely ready to do so and don't have any reservations about it. But if you do get pregnant and it wasn't planned, then it was meant to be for you. I could never terminate a pregnancy after all that we have gone through. Maybe some contraception would be a good idea until you know the time is right for you to have another child.

JATS

11-06-2006, 15:04

No, never. It's my firm belief a child isn't something you can throw away just because its inconvenient. I wouldn't do that to a dog let alone a baby.

brooke

11-06-2006, 15:11

well i think some of these posts got a little off the point... :rolleyes:

carla i think james is such a beautiful fantastic smart baby and you are a beautiful caring mother that if you and dp decided to have another baby you would cope just fine! you would cope with the financial aspect and you would make room for the new bubba or move....
and I would always be there for you... ;)

I know that if you got pregnant now that you and even dp would be over the moon! I think go for it! :thumbsup:

defaipe

11-06-2006, 23:09

personally i think you'll be fine, 2 bedrooms or 10bedrooms.. who really cares? the kids wont mind sharing. if you want another go for it. i do think it would be irresponsible & silly to get preg and have an abortion in your situation, purely coz you clearly want the bub. and wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't.

i to know someone who has had an abortion, i would never be for one so its hard for me to understand sometimes why they are needed, but i am still friends with this girl. her actions dont change who she is at all. at the end of the day she needs to live with her decision. and i have to live with mine.

maverick

11-06-2006, 23:45

Decided this response was a little off the original topic so I have removed it.

Mummabear

12-06-2006, 00:10

Trying to answer your post without rambling here Carls :ecomcity:

I was extremely clucky by the time DS was 3 months old, but I knew that was just plain ridiculous for me as I was struggling to cope at the time. When he was around 8 months DH and I talked about it and decided that because we knew we wanted more kids and we were happy with the way our lives were going now (getting used to being parents) that we would start trying again. We started trying and then I totally freaked out because I thought about it too much - how would I cope with 2, what the hell was I thinking, lol. So we decided to stop trying. Mother nature had other ideas and we hadn't stopped soon enough, lol. It's still sinking in atm, but I couldn't be happier, we're both so excited.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you think about it too much you'll never do it - I'm not saying that you shouldn't give careful consideration to such an important decision, but if you both know you want more, and you think that you're doing okay in the coping department, then don't over analyse everything else too much - things have a way of working themselves out.

Personally I could never terminate - especially not now that I know the joys of parenthood. I would not terminate if they told me my child had a 100% chance of being downs or similar. I believe we get dealt what we can handle.

So long as you and DH are on the same page and you are together on whatever decisions are to be made then you can't go wrong :thumbsup:

SixtiesChild

12-06-2006, 01:04

Abortions are not always without risk later on down the track. Apparently they can cause uterine adhesions and other problems. I know of several young women including my SIL who is devastated that she now cannot conceive and has put it down to a prior abortion that caused severe adhesions.:gloomy:

I personally believe in making informed decisions and taking the future into consideration. To me everyones life is as equally precious at every stage. I really feel a sense of compassion for those women who have carried out an abortion only to regret it in later years. :hugs: Some of them are deeply tormented and are on anti-depressants for a very long time. This is a very common side effect of abortion that is not spoken about very much and it probably needs to be brought into the light because knowledge is empowerment.

mumof3sons

14-06-2006, 13:32

I wouldnt terminate, i would probably use protection until u have made your mind up whether to have another baby. we have a 3 bdr small house and 3 children and hopeing for a forth next year, 2 of the boys share. im a sahm and money is fairly tight. but the best advice i was given was it doesnt matter what size house u have, you are never going to have enough money or room, as long as u can support the ones u have and have enough love around it really doesnt matter. good luck onyour soul search.:kiss:

carls

14-06-2006, 13:53

I think they say the pill is 99% effective, but I know at least 20 people who have fallen pregnant while taking it, myself one of them. I really think they need to review the statistics on it.

My SIL fell pregnant while using the pill and condom, as she wasn't in a serious relationship and only 18 she had an abortion. I was 4mths pregnant when she had it done, I think I cried for a week.

Yep, my friend just fell pregnant on the pill - she just has to go near sex and she gets pregnant!!!

FourAngelKisses

14-06-2006, 14:52

Dh just has to suggest s** and I get pregnant. :rolleyes:

DB&O

14-06-2006, 15:38

I wouldn't have an abortion, it took 18 long months of trying & 2 miscarriages for me to finally have Olivia. I consider her to be such a blessing & know that I could never terminate.
I don't judge others who have had abortions, a friend of mine had one & I don't think any less of her for it & even if I did, I couldn't make her feel any worse than she already does. The memory of that choice haunts her everyday & I would say that she is a little bit less of the person she was as a result :crying:
When & if the time comes that you have to make that choice, you will make the right choice for you & your family.

TTannyaa

16-06-2006, 23:33

Chloe took 2 very long years to conceive and after watching our friends all fall pregnant so easily and me having a great big hissy fit and telling DH that I didn't want to do this trying for a baby business anymore, I got pregnant :smiliedance:
Simone was a whoopsy, I'm another one that got pregnant on the pill. We had decided that Chloe would be the one and only for us. When I found out that I was pregnant with Simone, I definately considered abortion, but the thought made me feel sick, not because of the moral values and the fact that I'm a Catholic, more the fact that I've seen what abortions have done to other friends and rellies etc...... I don't know what I what do without either of my girls now and don't for one second regret keeping her. I guess you could say that I'm a bit of a fence sitter on this one. Good luck. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

PhAnToM

17-06-2006, 04:28

Personally, I wouldn't terminate a whoopsie. But I'd be taking precautions to make sure that whoopsie didn't come to pass. And I'd probably stock up on morning after pills.

This is not to say that I wouldn't consider termination on other grounds.

I totally agree with Beany.

Like Beany said, there are certain situations that I would probably think were grounds for a termination... such as rape (and i say this from my point of view. I am not in any way saying that all rape victims should abort!)

But having gone through a scare with my last pregnancy where they thought I had an ectopic pg.. then thought I had twins and one of them was ectopic... the possibilty of them having to abort the viable foetus while removing the other is a feeling that will haunt me forever. I prayed to God that I didn't have to go through that. And I thank God that they turned out to be wrong and my baby was born safely.

If in doubt, then I would say that it's probably clear that you are not ready for another pregnancy. Enjoy the child you have, and when the time is right, you will know it and not have these doubts and concerns.

Roopee

26-06-2006, 21:10

Well i am currently 8 weeks pregnant with our 4th child. We very seriously considered aborting this baby as money is tight with 3 and it changes the logistics of our family. We now need a bigger car which we can ill afford and space will be tight in our house too. I was on the pill, we were using condoms and the withdrawel method and also not having sex when i (thought) i was ovulating so in reality i shouldn't have fallen pregnant at all. All i could think about was the 3 we already have and what bringing a 4th into thi family would do to them ie-mising out on certain things because money was too tight.
I also have terrible pregnancies, sick the whole time and some days unable to take care of the kids.
But when it came down to it i couldnt go through with it- i got emotional about it from the start and couldnt seperate the emotion from my mid from the start so we are having it.
Mind you i am petrified of the ramifications of our decision but to me this baby was a baby from the very beginning.
I dont think any of us are in a postion to judge anyone for their decisions, whether we agree with it or not. People do the best they can with what they have at the time. Its unfair of us to sit here in judgment of their lifes and its not something that we should do.
I have recently helped a good friend through an abortion-she already has three kids and she had the intelligence and foresight to know that four would be the end of her. That she couldnt cope because she has trouble coping with the three she has due to severs PND-instead of judging her, i actually applaud her for her decision NOT to put her family or herself at risk by having another baby.
My guilt about even thinking of terminating this baby is something i will have to live with for the rest of my life-but its for me to acknowlegde not anyone else. I feel terrible about it but its my cross to bear and i know that once i hold that baby in my arms i will forget any of the unhappy thoughts i felt.

Saraswati

10-07-2006, 18:48

The way I see it, there is a high chance that you would regret having an abortion and ZERO chance of regretting having a baby. Once that baby is born it's like he/she always existed. (Which isn't to say it's not bloody hard work!) ;)

~Danni~

11-07-2006, 10:07

If we were to fall pregnant straight after giving birth to our little man we would not even consider an abortion. sure 3 under three would be crazy hectic:eek: but there our babies and we would make the best of a difficult situation and find solutions to the problems:yes: I couldn't consider an abortion and my DF is strongly against it too. We realise that having sex produces babies no matter how carefull you are and it's a risk you take:rolleyes:

(this is the right decision for us, I understand other people have different views and feelings so I don't judge anyone else on my personal beliefs and thoughts:) )

EskimoMumma

11-07-2006, 10:18

I had an abortion my second pregnancy. Its totally your decision and it shouldn't matter what we all think about it. Take some time to yourself and do some serious thinking.

~Danni~

11-07-2006, 10:19

[QUOTE= Its totally your decision and it shouldn't matter what we all think about it. Take some time to yourself and do some serious thinking.[/QUOTE]

very true:yes:

pookiesossige

11-07-2006, 10:38

If you are prepared to play russian roulette by not using contraceptives it has to be because you want another baby. If you would contemplate termination as a birth control option why not just use birth control - far less emotionally and physically fraught in the end.

Well said.

What have you decided after reading everyone's replies to your post so far?

You talk about how much you loved being pregnant and miss it... far out, it's only for 10 months! I have a two month old and yes, I do miss being pregnant, I adored being pregnant- but we just can't be that impulsive!! I want to be the best mum I can be for all my children and I will do my best to protect myself from having a baby until it seems to be the best time to go again.

Ana Gram

11-07-2006, 11:19

The way I see it, there is a high chance that you would regret having an abortion and ZERO chance of regretting having a baby.

There are plenty of people who don't regret having an abortion and there are plenty of people who do regret having a baby.

jessgray

14-07-2006, 12:42

well #2 was/is a surprise to us lol we were still trying to figure out if we should ttc when i did a test out of curiosity and the rest is history lol

i wouldnt teminate a pregnancy i just couldnt do it ever but thats me

cjb/jbvd

14-07-2006, 13:05

i have terminated once before, but not due to financial reasons. and now that i have DS i have been getting the worst guilts about it even though i know my choice wasn't made lightly or for purely selfish reasons.

for that reason, no matter how financially strapped i might be, i would never terminate purely due to lack of money. i love my DS and i loved feeling him grow inside me.

but i would consider it for extremely serious medical reasons. either mine or the baby's................

that said, it is up to the choice of the individual. if you really feel like you just can't cope, or absolutely don't want children for whatever reason, then it is not up to anyone else to judge you for that choice.

Muffie

14-07-2006, 13:15

Personally, I wouldn't terminate a whoopsie. But I'd be taking precautions to make sure that whoopsie didn't come to pass. And I'd probably stock up on morning after pills.

This is not to say that I wouldn't consider termination on other grounds.

I agree, if you and your partner are both unsure then why would you take the risk? Use condoms or whatever to make sure you are not confronted with the descision.

meme

14-07-2006, 13:28

i chose to have my first baby despite not being set up well to have a baby, ie no money no house, no career prospects, **** relationship....and i think it was the best thing i have ever done. i decided i'd prefer to have my baby and deal with it not being the perfect time, rather than take the risk of terminating and mabey never be able to have another baby...

i aborted my second pregnancy as i believed it was a decision to be shared with the baby's father. he did not feel ready to have a baby. some days i wish i had had the baby, but mostly i am happy that i made the best decision that i could have at the time. it was difficult. i wonder if having the baby would have made us a 'happy family'. at the time i didn't want him to resent me for forcing him to have a child he did not want. (our relationship broke up eventually, not related to the abortion)

my third pregnancy was much wanted, but i freaked out and booked in for a termination, then i didn't go, and then i miscarried. i often wonder if this was some kind of karmic payback.

my fourth pregnancy was a suprise, happenning too quick after my miscarriage, my gp recommended the morning after pill, (i knew straight away...) but it didn't work (ok, i didn't take it correctly.) and my darling dd2 was born.

my fifth pregnancy i really wanted even though my partner had been telling me and everyone ' no more';) . i still can't remember any time we could have concieved:rolleyes: but there was no question for me. i could not have a termination again. dd3

i would prefer to deal with this is my life, rather than , what if...

that said. i regularly struggle with not being able to provide financially and materialistically for me children the way i would like to. my girls wil be sharing bedrooms for a while, and i have the oldest car in the parking lot....

jane82

14-07-2006, 19:52

i fell pg by accident when my wee man was 5 months... i wasnt delighted by any means although my dh was... i just felt i wasnt ready for number 2 and i was considering terminating the pregnancy, after loads of chat tho with really supportive friends and parents i decided against it and im due next week.... i do feel guilty now even thinking about it again i cant wait to meet my new wee baba and cant believe i even considered abortion... i know it'll be serious hard work but the love u get in return is so worth it

AquaDevil78

21-07-2006, 11:08

I could never have an abortion , it just doesnt seem right to me, and i am also of the belief that you make sacrifices in life to accomodate new things. Sure children can be expensive but some of that is also in your control, for example you can buy baby clothes from an expensive designer store - thats is your perogative, but you could also buy from Big W or Target.. i mean serioulsy IMHO babies, toddlers grow that fast is it really worth paying a fortune on clothes..? food i know i will make my own baby food, simply because i want to know what my baby is eating.. and baby food isnt cheap. Like i said just my opinion ;) The only things you dont really have a lot of control over financially is care, schooling, medical... essentials... cloths, toys, food, nappies etc you do. Babies dont have to cost an arm and a leg. :thumbsup:

3boys1girl

21-07-2006, 11:20

Ana Gram

21-07-2006, 12:24

I would never termitate a pregnany.
Especally just for the use of a contraceptive device. If you dont want to be pregnant, protect yourself. If you are in a stable relationship and you accedently fall pregnant then maybe its Gods way of telling you that you are strong and you will find a way to cope and he thinks your such great parents you deserve another one!

Ok so that works for religious folk. What about the rest of us who aren't religious, use protection and have an accident? This happened to my DP and I with our daughter and if by some horrible luck it happens again, I'll be ringing Family Planning immediately.

FourAngelKisses

21-07-2006, 12:33

I'm not a religious person either, but I believe that my unplanned child is here for a reason. I don't know what that reason is yet, but I will find out one day.

susmamma

21-07-2006, 16:18

The thing with absolutes is that you lock yourself in and then find yourself adrift because your expections are so out of synch with your new reality.
Whilst people might set off in life to act a certain way or not to act a certain way (ie I would NEVER have an abortion or I would never use IVF or it's wrong to steal etc) you never know what will happen in your life to make you reasess your "asolute certanty" that you will only ever act in a pre-ordained manner.
Life is full of unexpected surprises, give yourself the gift of freedom to make the best choice you are capable of making at any given time.
Love to all the mothers out there, it really is one of the most demanding and remarkable jobs there is.:hugs:
xx

Ana Gram

21-07-2006, 16:21

On this issue, I am 100% certain never applies to me. I will never change my mind on this one.

leisurly

21-07-2006, 20:48

In the original circumstances there was the desire for another baby, if it is not a good idea take precautions.

I do however, think that someone has made a huge error in the order of the forums. The forum above this one is about women like me looking for an egg donor, and although i actually support a womans right to have a termination, I do think the circumstances are somewhat weak and as I say such a hard title to read when you have been trying many years to have achild of your own.

Lx

vavavanny

23-07-2006, 10:27

catalicious

23-07-2006, 10:54

Ok so that works for religious folk. What about the rest of us who aren't religious, use protection and have an accident? This happened to my DP and I with our daughter and if by some horrible luck it happens again, I'll be ringing Family Planning immediately.

I agree completly. I would never use it as a contraceptive which is what some people seem to think this means, but I would not under any circumstances have another baby. No way Never. Maybe Ill reconsider in 15 years but I seriously doubt it. I also however wouldnt tell anyone about it either, I would get a babysitter and catch a txi there and back, because decisions I make in my life shouldnt be blurred or made seem wrong due to some of my friends having different opinions and I couldnt be bothered to deal with it.

I also though agree with someone else on this thread I Really do think this Lot of threads is placed in the wrong spot, I think it should be put in the parenting section not the pregnancy one. Contraception is usually about Not having kids and so it should be somewhere that is so close to people desperate to have children :kiss: :hugs: for all of you and Im sorry if I have offended.

Mods I think this contraceptive thread needs to be moved because of the sensitive subjects raised here.

draught

23-07-2006, 11:45

Despite all the advice on where this thread should go, the bottom line is that it falls squarely in the section it is listed in. Although there are people on the forum looking to conceive and others looking for egg donors, this sits in the "should we have another baby section" and here it will remain whilst everyone remains non-judgemental and pleasant. (because we all know that it will disappear completely when it stops being a reasonable thread.)

OscarTheGrouch

23-07-2006, 13:26

I personally would not have an abortion, except for unforseen circumstances as rape (god forbid). I have no problems with the choices that other people make, I don't think it's our right to judge. I have had friends who have had abortions. I have fully supported them in their decision, even though I may not have agreed with their choice. But as I said it's not my right to judge as I am not walking in their shoes.

spiritedfamily

23-07-2006, 22:22

Our DD arrived already comfortable in her own skin and barely seemed to 'need' me! Wow, was I surprised to find out some babies are really independent from birth. Sorry for the hi-jack, just thought I'd plant a seed of hope for you that not every baby comes into the world being exceptionally needy.:D

I agree totally here...First babies generally are the most anxious because mother is....and as you said each child has their own personality and nature...and my last baby was born to rock...she knew how it all worked and she had no problems embracing the world.

Is finance a good reason to abort a baby...it is an individual choice but for myself I can say if I ever made a choice not to have any of my babies based on finance...I would never have had any children. There is no perfect world...where all your needs and wants can be obtained so why not enjoy your life...let yourself embrace motherhood...whats wrong with that! why is it so undervalued.

Follow your Heart...:hugs:

Shellfish

24-07-2006, 13:39

The way I see it, there is a high chance that you would regret having an abortion and ZERO chance of regretting having a baby
Unfortunately, this in not the case and you only need to look at the number of abused and neglected children in the world for verification. I wish we lived in a world where abortion wasn't a necessary evil but sadly we do and it is. Personally, I don't believe I would have one myself but I don't believe that anyone (least of all over-paid men in Parliament) should tell a woman what to do with her life and her body

kelly21kalani

25-07-2006, 19:29

Jo_Jo

26-07-2006, 10:45

Unfortunately, this in not the case and you only need to look at the number of abused and neglected children in the world for verification. I wish we lived in a world where abortion wasn't a necessary evil but sadly we do and it is. Personally, I don't believe I would have one myself but I don't believe that anyone (least of all over-paid men in Parliament) should tell a woman what to do with her life and her bodyWell said!!!...........I really believe that after the birth of a baby a women has to give her body time to get back to herself in mind and body well to what it can!! i think if there is doubt when it comes to you and your partner you should take all precautions! enjoy your bubba, making a decision like that at this stage well it,s not a nice rd to go down.........there is plenty of time to have another bub, goodluck to you and your family and hope the decision that is made is right for you and your family..

cheers...jo

FourAngelKisses

26-07-2006, 17:56

i think you should try not to fall pregnate, your son is only 5 months old and he is going to need alot of love and alot of attention, i think it would be selfish to plan to have another baby so soon. money problems usally lead to realionship problems?? and another child might put strain on your realionship. i'd give it a year..but that is just what i think and what i would do and, but you do what you want ,because it is after all your life. :-)

Sorry, have to disagree here. I fell pregnant (planned) with my second child when my first was only 6mths old and it was the best thing I ever did. They grew up being the best of friends, they both got the same amount of quality time and as for money.....it wasn't that much more expensive than just having one.

bobby

26-07-2006, 20:58

Lil X-men

26-07-2006, 21:09

hi, just read the previous posts. I dont think there can be a wrong or right time. I had my first child at 19(not ready at all). Did not have that money, home or sense for another at anytime after him any time soon after. However DS was 7 when I married his father and we have not been able to have another child.
Yes I waited until THE BEST TIME FOR US. 3 years unitl I thought we were ready (renovatating the old Sh!##$R).
WERE WE????
We are now 35/36 and still have not had a second child. Friends of mine who I were bridesmaids for asked me advice and I told them there was no good time (money wise). All three have children now, two in fact, and they dont in include me now as I'm not a NEW MUM. **** I wish I was. But I know how much I love my son and 17 years later, assisted or not BRING IT ON!! If you asked me in my early 20's about having my second child I would have been too immature to answer, giving me an added 10 years I'd say, if it feels right, it usually is.

Thanks for that post Bobby:smiliedance: It makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing.
I'm probably getting us off topic, but I have been struggling with whether to have no.2 now or later mainly for financial reasons.
I am 24 and we have only just this week finally decided that now is the time. If not now when is going to be the time? things happen and you may not get another opportunity (so sorry to hear of how much trouble you have had TTC) so now I am thinking go with what you gut tells you.
I think Carls, if you are thinking this much about no.2 and risking it happening by having unprotected sex, then maybe in your heart it's actually what you want!!
My hubby and I (well he was my boyf at the time), and I had a little possible pregnancy scare when we first started going out. We were both really dissapointed when we found it was a false alarm, we had secretly both been wishing for it, maybe thats what's going on with you, and if that is the case then I doubt you would even consider aborting once you actually found out you were preg.

San

27-07-2006, 00:05

I waited a long time until finally taking the plunge to have a child. Although I have never been overly maternal, I always knew I would have a family but I wanted to wait until I was in the right relationship and had the financial ability to support my child.

I have had an abortion in the past, but now that I have a child I couldnt imagine terminating for any reason with the only exception being severe medical trauma that would greatly impact on the childs life.

GuruMama

27-07-2006, 06:10

Hi there,
I had my babies 14 months apart. When Kya was 5 months old I fell prego with Myles. He was unplanned and like you My 1st was only 5 months, we live in a 1 bedroom unit, and yes we to are strapped for cash. BUT I kept him, at the end of the day I love my family so much I couldn't terminate the pregnancy just so it could fit in with my life style. You have the choice of planning, using contreception etc... Im just letting you know that it can be done and having them close has its perks, but its HARD work in a small space and with little money for the extras us mums love to by our kids. Just look inside yourself and ask yourself is it time for more babies or should I make a the decision to plan for later. Either way you'll have babies you'll adore with all your heart, and NO having more babies is not a silly idea although babies can be very silly from time to time.:p

luckymama

27-07-2006, 13:53

Can i ask, all of you who say you would NEVER terminate, have you been in the situation where you have had to make that choice?

I always used to say i would NEVER EVER do it, and then i was in the situation that ment a termination was the best option. It is a very hard thing to make a decision about, and not as simple as "oh i made a whoopsie, i better get rid of it" its something that haunts me still now, even four years later, but it was the best thing to do at the time.....

Sara's Boys

27-07-2006, 18:10

I hear you doula. There are so many people out there quick to judge and say I would never...I cant help but think they have never evr been in a situation that would require that kind of decision. It seems as though there are a lot of people who think that people who have terminated pregnancies simply "should have been more careful" etc. Those people in my eyes strike me as people who aren't living in a real world. And you cannot judge unless you have been there. I know many people including myself who have had to to make a decision to terminate a pg, and believe it was no easy choice and it was certainly never an "oops" situation. I always find it amazing how quickly people judge with their own little idealistic thoughts. I feel for any one who ever has to make this decision. But you're reasons are your own, and I am glad we live in a society where we have a voice and a choice.

ElizaDee

27-07-2006, 19:02

If the baby was my DH's then I would never terminate a pregnancy.

If I was raped I would consider it as an option. Lets hope that doesn't happen.

Merlion

28-07-2006, 00:13

my friend had PCOS and had cyst the size of plum on one of her ovaries and they decided to do a pregnancy test before they operated and she was pregnant and was about 6-7weeks. the dr recommended that they terminate the pg just in case as he said the baby won't survive and may miscarry as they were doing key-hole surgery but after they terminated and after they operated and removed the ovary they found cyst in her other ovary and cut her left to right and to this day she mourns her baby.

6 years later she still hasn't fallen pg and wonders if she ever will due to her PCOS and endometritis

Mahjong

28-07-2006, 12:20

No, seeing the miralce that Wyatt is. I could not. BUT, I do not judge other's until I have walked a mile in their shoes.

Im very lucky to have Wyatt, I have endometriosis. Concieiving another child may be difficult in the future if we decide to go again.

chubbybubby

01-08-2006, 16:08

I had just turned 19 when I found out I was pregnant. At the time, my periods were really regular, so when I was a day late I knew something was wrong, and I did a home pregnancy test. It was positive. We were so shocked, we drove straight to the doctor (it was about 10pm at night so we went to the only one that was open). He basically said "Yes you're pregnant, here's the abortion pamphlet" and that was it. We basically decided to have an abortion, thinking we had no other options. But the next day, we both thought about it, and I will never forget when OH rang me at work and said "I don't want to have an abortion!" and I said "Neither do I!". So now we have a gorgeous son. I would never have an abortion unless I was raped or there was something seriously wrong with the baby. We are not in the perfect situation financially, but we are hoping to start TTC at the end of the year. Everything will work out eventually. :)

viperpt

07-08-2006, 09:14

I would never have a termination, nor do I think its acceptable to have a termination. Unless the circumstances are difficult eg a pregnancy which came from rape.
Be sure however that you arnt making a hormonal decision to have another child. Which is extacly what I did with my second child.
I decided that I wanted to have a child and there wasnt anything anyone could do about it my daughter was 7 mnths old.
this left a strain on our relationship. as he wanted to wait and now had a lot more responsibility as I was tired or sick etc.
Although we went on to have a beautiful Baby boy whom I love with all my heart. I do wish that I had sat down and discussed with my partner finances etc. So we were on the same page.
Deciding to have a baby and trying to conceive is supposed to be a joyus event. No one should feel trapped.

arthursmum

09-08-2006, 13:14

Never say never!!
I have always (since i was a young girl) thought that abortion is intensely practical and have no moral problems with it, should anyone choose to have one.
I don't know if i would have one but i feel that i would be able to consider the decision if i were to have an unwanted pregnancy in the future..but i feel so damn clucky at the moment that i can't imagine having an 'unwanted' one anyway.:rolleyes:
I would consider one if a future pregnancy meant that my existing children would not receive the love and attention that they need.

Mrs J

10-08-2006, 15:03

I was 18 When i had my daughter, and in no situation to be mother, i hadn't lived life, i was pregnent the month after i turned 18, i didn't get to party or anything i had to grow up very fast. I had only been with my Partner 12 months When i found out. I felt sick i was so upset, i was on the pill and i took it properly and every day at the right time, all the doctor could do was appologise to me that she gave it to me, which didn't make me feel better. I had a huge decison to make. But after i thought about it there was no decision at all i couldn't terminate. My parents said they would help out as much as they can and i gave my partner a chance to leave but he stayed. I found pregnancy hard i lost 10 Kgs i was sick the whole time and it was so hot during the summer. The only Thing i found easy was the labour, don't get me wrong it really hurt but it was worth it, 4 hrs and 40 mins and my baby was here. Although i don't find it as easy now. My Daughter is good MOST of the time but has her days i get really frustrated and i have PND and i have since her birth. I feel im a bad mother. although im told im not. Im glad i had her and it has been 7 months of Joy, happiness and frustration and i couldn't imagine life without her. My Partner and i couldn't be better we are getting married on the 28th October. Sorry to babble just wanted to share my story, thanks for listening.

au01

22-09-2006, 08:29

Sorry to say this but I think it is totally irresponsible to have an abortion for these reasons especcially when you are not on the pill!
My last two pregnancies were not planned but there was no way i would terminate.
My partner had an accident at work when I was 3 months pregnant so we were broke but we still managed alright.
But it is your decision.
Hope others views help you make the right decision.
If i were you i would get the pill asap then you wont have to worry about "what if"

blessedmummy

22-09-2006, 11:09

no,:no::shame: i definately wouldnt, since im a christian, i would never do that. i know that if i got pg now, im sure that we would be ok anyhow.

2s'nuff

22-09-2006, 11:28

After DD being a monster of a child while very young, it took me almost 3 years to come to terms with having another child. I know after this one there will be no more. If despite all precautions, we were to fall again, I'd terminate.

Cheekychops

22-09-2006, 11:45

Not on your nelly!!!!! I think if you are even contemplating that - why not use protection??? If you don't want to fall preg. do something to stop it!

Our kids are 18 1/2 mths apart - we wanted them 1-2 yrs apart so were spot on.... I was breastfeeding but fell preg the month after I stopped, so that's why it wasn't a bit sooner.......

Think very carefully about using protection, cause it's not like if you fell preg and terminated it would affect you like you bought one bottle of coke to many so threw one away and regretted the $2.30 you spent......you will have to live with the knowledge of the termination for the rest of your life and from what I've heard it can be nasty.

SixtiesChild

22-09-2006, 12:24

I would not because;

I value and respect every living thing even if it is in it's early stages of it's life.
No one can deny that we were all once blastocysts and so I have to look at it this way;
I do for others as I would have them do for me and give a baby the chance to exist - even if it is inconvenient for me.

Besides, no one ever seems to bring to light the possible complications that can arise after an abortion. (EG:Trouble conceiving :gloomy: )

HollyHotLips

22-09-2006, 12:47

DH and I were the result of two unplanned pregnancies, and on this basis I know I wouldnt be able to terminate just if it was unplanned.

If there were serious health risks for the baby meaning they would never be able to live a self sufficient life then I would have to seriously think about it but I imagine it's a horrible decision to have to make and live with.

mumma_jessy

22-09-2006, 13:17

No, I would not. Unless there was a health issue with the baby i would never terminate.

iamstephyc

24-09-2006, 16:24

The time that I thought was the right time to have a baby, or another baby, was the times I saw those 2 lines. Only one of our PG's was planned, but they were all welcome. I have to say that I would not consider an abortion for any reason. If I had an ectopic, or both the baby and I were gaurenteed not to survive the PG, I would still have to be carried into the clinic/hospital. I believe that all children are a gift, no matter how close together they are, handicap or not, wanted or not, they deserve a chance.
If I was to fall PG and for whatever reason, not be able to keep the baby, I would adopt it out, even though it would just about kill me to do so.
Sorry for rambling on, but that's me!

Milliner

24-09-2006, 17:15

No way, We are TTC #2 but even if we were not trying I could not terminate.

Nemo

24-09-2006, 17:45

No way. I couldnt do it no matter what. I dont have a prob with any1 else doing it, unless its in quick succession but its still their business. None of mine were planned & I like it that way. The twins were ivf but we didnt know they'd b twins or anything. Everything happens 4 a reason, good or bad.

mum2bubba

24-09-2006, 18:47

Can't remember if I have replied to this thread or not. I would keep it, it'd be hard at first (financially etc) but I'm sure we'd make it through the end of the day.

Lillasmummy

24-09-2006, 18:57

No I don't think I could terminate after having DD - it would be hard but we would make it work.

sam's mum

24-09-2006, 19:02

No I wouldn't for the reasons that you have talked about. Two years ago I would have said that I wouldn't terminate for any reason, but then I received very bad news at our nuchal scan at 12 weeks. I went for the CVS and they were unable to get a sufficient sample to enable any testing to be done to determine the extent of the problems, they told me I would have to wait for the amnio. From the moment we were sat down by the doctor after the 12 week scan and told that there were problems I had the hugest conflict running through my mind - what to do. I don't believe in abortion, but I still wanted to have a few more kids. I had one special needs kid already, if I had two what would that mean for us as a family. Before it came time for the amnio my babies heart had stopped and the decision was taken from me.

I now know that I would consider an abortion under some circumstances, but I still don't know if I would actually be able to go through with it.

I have had one person tell me that they would have had 8 kids and another tell me that they would have had 10 kids if it wasn't for abortions, this I find very hard to understand. They had smiles on their faces as they told me this, as if it was a badge of honour that they were so daft they couldn't manage not to get pregnant and aren't abortions handy.

SamanthaJane

24-09-2006, 19:03

I was "supposed" to have an abortion for this pregnancy... I had the appointment booked and everything. And I already feel guilty as hell for that now... so please, don't anyone judge me. I eventually changed my mind. I figured, everything happens for a reason... i mean, what are the chances of me getting pregnant on the pill and condoms? I guess i just think that its "meant to be"... I couldn't terminate another pregnancy unless it was for medical reasons...

However, just because these are my beleifs, I do not condemn anyone that has had, would have and/or will have an abortion... i believe it is a personal choice and everyone should respect that.

FOURtunate

24-09-2006, 19:50

It would depend upon the situation.

I have 4 children, a 6 bedroom home, financially we would cope.

But... I have had Placenta Praevia, Placenta Accreta, Placental Abruption and resulting Preterm Deliveries. I spent a total of 18 weeks in hospital during my last pregnancy, 6 weeks in ICU Post Delivery (classical c/s).

Not to mention, a nasty case of PND.

So I'm not sure what I would do. I kow that it would be out of my hands. My OB would have me in theatre before I could blink, and DH would definitely want a termination after my last pregnancy effort.

I just think it would be too hard on my kids to go through again. And way too hard on myself. I also think it would be unfair to the baby to be born into that situation. Even possibly be stillborn.

Off topic but, there are so many reasons why people decide to terminate. Each is individual so let's respect each other's decisions whether we agree with them or not.

I think this topic is something that has alot of grey areas, and we should not be quick to jump to a yes or no conclusion. You never know what's around the corner.

~mia&ryan~

25-09-2006, 07:28

No I wouldn't terminate. I understand peoples reasons for doing so and respect their decision. It's just not something I could do myself. When I was preg with DD my 20wk scan showed up some markers for downsyndrome. Not enough to confirm but not too few to discount it. There was never a question for me of my DF we would just cope. My sis however said to me that you know you can have an abortion late in preg for medical reasons. Shocked me to the core and upset me.

Alatariel

25-09-2006, 08:54

I would not terminate a pregnancy at my age, in my situation unless there were exceedingly compelling reasons and even then I wouldnt know if I would until it actually happened. I would never terminate just because it was unplanned or would strain the finances.

stellarella

25-09-2006, 10:37

Before I had DS I would have terminated a pregnancy if I was not ready to have a baby yet, or if the time was just not right etc.
Having a termination is up to both parents involved (if the father wishes to be involved) and I have no problem with termination at all.
But since having DS I would not terminate another pregnancy, simply because once I have one I am obviously not in a position anymore where having a baby would ruin my life. Plus I want lots of kids :D
BUT if I fell pregnant at say 40 or something when all the kids had grown up and left home etc, I would consider it. I cannot say what I would do that far into the future.

Merlion

25-09-2006, 10:52

I have a cousin who's hubbie and her shouldn't have children. Something about his sperm seems to be potent and seems to do something to the egg. They have pregnant at last count 12 times. Had 3 miscarriages (twice twins), one still birth, one set of twins were born at 38 weeks with so many health, heart problems they survived for 10 hours (it wasn't noted in any u/s), a boy who had 3 major holes in the heart and at 10 days old was flown to melbourne for open heart surgery thank god he survived till the age of 12 but died from pneumina (sp?) due to the heart problems, 2 daughters who were born fine. Everytime she fell pregnant we prayed and prayed and hoped that the babies would be fine.

FourAngelKisses

25-09-2006, 11:50

That is so sad....I hope they get to be parents soon.

~mia&ryan~

25-09-2006, 16:05

I just realised that I didnt finish my previous post!
:ecomcity: To continue my sis just assumed that I would abort because there was as risk all would not be ok. That was never an option for us. We wanted this baby so much. We didn't tell anyone only our parents and siblings because we didnt want anyone to know until we knew for sure. For us it turned out fine and Mia is doing great but my sis still says that she would have terminated. Even when Mia was 2 1/2 months old and we had a pg scare it never crossed our minds. The more the merrier!!:hugs:

ellie72

29-09-2006, 17:02

I woudn't terminate!!!! And I'd take precautions so I fell pregnant when it was the right time.
I fell pregnant very easily with my son, but then found out a year later I had early menopause (I was 33!) - and it's looking very hard for me to have another one.
So, I guess my advice would be that if you fell pregnant again and decided on an abortion, be prepared that something could happen in the future (when you are ready to have another child), and you find you can't have anymore.
I'm sure it probably wouldn't :) BUT look what happened to me!!
take care
AllieX
ps: your son is a real cutie!