My Dad - the Interfering Idiot!

[SassyMummy]

My Dad is an interfering idiot!

When I was a kid, he was in the Air Force and was very strict and kinda scary. You could NEVER do anything...if I cried, I would get into trouble for it.

Then when I was 13, he and my mother divorced (my brother and I advised my mother that it was a good idea to do so).

After the divorce, my Dad turned into a bit of a hippy. I guess he's not really a hippy, but he's very different to how he used to be. When we were younger we couldn't share anything with him. Now he DEMANDS that we tell him every detail of our lives. When we were younger his life was off limits. Now we (unfortunately) get to hear about all the sordid details of his life (including his sex life...it's disgusting).

Though it may seem like he's made a change for the better...he really hasn't. He's just infering. He wants to be involved in EVERYTHING and I don't think he has a right to.

It's not that he just wants to be involved in our lives...he just wants to know details and RUN OUR LIVES (mine and my brothers). He's also very judgemental about the way we run our lives...acting both high-and-mighty and on-our-level at the same time. It's very strange.

I have gotten over the fact that he's very interested in running my life...I just don't allow him to get too involved. The problem though, is with the way he's treating my brother.

My brother Brendon had gotten his now ex gf Christie pregnant. They were still together at the time of conception, but broke up before they knew she was pregnant.

While the two of them are friends, and keep in contact...[text deleted by moderator]

My father however, for whatever reason, has decided that he doesn't see why my brother's ex-gf (the mother-to-be) needs to be in my brother's life at all. My brother yesterday moved in with my Dad, and has made it clear that the mother isn't exactly welcome in his house. I find that unfair - considering that she is expecting his baby! I think it's okay for him to say, "She can't move in here," but to practically BAN her from their home? WHAT?!

[text deleted by moderator]
My brother wants to attend the ultra-sound, but my father is doing whatever he can to convince my brother otherwise. Apparently, my father has said, "You can go to an ultra-sound any time...go look for a job instead."

It's ONE MORNING...it won't make the difference between my brother finding a job or not. However, if the news is bad (and I hope it isn't), I think both my brother and his ex-gf should be there together to recieve that news. Likewise if the news is good.

I am just SO angry that my father is trying to eliminate her from my brother's life for good. Understandable if she was just stalking him and there was no baby involved...but she's NOT stalking him and there IS a baby involved.

I feel so sorry for her .

YES my brother DOES need to get a job. YES he needs to get his act together. But I'm so ashamed of my father for trying to remove her from his life. Does my father want to have nothing to do with his Grandchild? Does he want my brother to have nothing to do with his child? Does he want her to tough it out on her own?

It's such a double standard...when I was pregnant, my Dad would tell me that I DEMAND DP comes to antenatal classes/appointments with me. (It didn't bother me TOO much...I knew he had to work...and I usually had someone else to go with me instead). But he's basically not giving my brother's ex-gf that same kind of treatment. Does he expect that she go through this whole ordeal on her own?

AARRGH!

THis is more of a rant than anything, and i know this situation REALLY doesn't have anything to do with me...but he IS my father and I am so mad that he's trying to prevent my brother from having anything to do with her or the pregnancy.

Any suggestions? Should i tell him he should stop being an immature pr*ck and just leave my brother alone? Should I tell him to grow up and stay out of it? Should I say ANYTHING to him? I'm afraid that my brother won't...and I know nobody else really will...so I kinda feel like it has to be ME to make a difference.

I just understand how it is to be young and pregnant and need support. I would hate it to go through it all on my own.

ANY ADVICE????

(Sorry for the longest post ever...). :rolleyes:

[Ange&Seth]

I think your dad needs a reality check, and yes if no one else will, then maybe you need to step up and be the one to deliver it.

I also think that if your brother is willing to 'let' his father speak about his baby's mum that way then there's something wrong there as well. Even though they're not together, I think that your brother should be sticking up for his ex. And you're right Stace, Christie needs all the help and support she can get and yes your brother should be there for that U/S appt tomorrow.

Maybe you need to remind your dad about how he was when you were pregnant and ask him why he's like this towards Christie now? Maybe it's because she and your brother aren't actually together now? Does your dad feel that she should have had a termination?

Bottom line, IMO your father has no right to tell you or your brother how to run your lives and who is and isn't allowed to be a part of those lives.

[SassyMummy]

I don't think Dad has actually spoken to her about anything...I imagine he'd avoid it at all costs. I don't think she's been spoken to in a bad way by him...just spoken OF in a bad way to me and my brother!

As for the termination thing...I imagine he's very pro-termination in this case. He kept mentioning abortion when I was pregnant...saying, "You need to consider all of your options" ...which meant "Consider abortion". If he suggested abortion to me, and he's nicer to both DP and I than he is in this case, then I imagine that yes, he's an advocate for abortion.

How should I tell him? Should I just lay down the law and tell him to buck up? I imagine I will just have to tell him he's being a b*stard straight-out...I don't think he'd understand what I was going on about if I said it in a sugar-coated "beating-around-the-bush" way.

[ForeverMine]

Oh God....

I had no idea any of this was going on...

Brendon did mention he his dad didn't like me, but that was only yesterday, and pretty much a passing comment...

I spose it's just another thing to add to the long list of ****... but hey at least im imformed...

Cheers Stacey :)

[Ange&Seth]

Chrissy - i don't think you need to worry about this at all. This is Brendon and Stacey's dad's problem NOT yours!

Stace - I think you need to go about it in any way you feel comfortable, but the main thing here is that Brendon doesn't listen to what your dad says. Chrissy needs all the support she can get right now, and really your dad is entitled to his opinion BUT he shouldn't be trying to ram it down Brendon's throat.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do chic :fingerscrossed:

[rynosmum]

Hi Stacey,

I understand that you have a major concern with what's going on but please keep in mind that the person you are talking about is on this forum too.

Whilst she is being great about you airing the family laundry (all credit to you Christie), is it really necessary to put all of this to public viewing ?

Personally, if I were Christie, I would feel very uncomfortable by these types of posts. I'm sure we've discussed this before though...

[*Chels*]

like the moderators said,if i was christie,i would be seriously ****ed with you!!!
its between your dad and brother,i think you should just butt out!

[ForeverMine]

Im not mad with stacey at all... I know brendon won't say anything and I know he never will stand up to me concerning his father. He in a way is scared of him. As am I!!!

I know what stacey intentions are and fully support her with whatever choice she makes. I am fine not seeing Brendon's father, it is up to him if he plays a part in his new grandchild's life. I will not stop him, in fact i would rather he see Jelly.

My post before seemed a bit i dunno "angry"... but im not at all angry with stacey, just upset with another million things going on.

I fully support stacey posting what she wants/feels on BubHub. Before I joined she did and I dont see why she cant continue to do so now. I see this as my place to vent, get adivce etc etc, so I see it as her place to. Just because Im here, I don't think she should stop. :)

[little mermaid]

Im not mad with stacey at all... I know brendon won't say anything and I know he never will stand up to me concerning his father. He in a way is scared of him. As am I!!!

I know what stacey intentions are and fully support her with whatever choice she makes. I am fine not seeing Brendon's father, it is up to him if he plays a part in his new grandchild's life. I will not stop him, in fact i would rather he see Jelly.

My post before seemed a bit i dunno "angry"... but im not at all angry with stacey, just upset with another million things going on.

I fully support stacey posting what she wants/feels on BubHub. Before I joined she did and I dont see why she cant continue to do so now. I see this as my place to vent, get adivce etc etc, so I see it as her place to. Just because Im here, I don't think she should stop. :)

:kiss: :hugs: you seem like such a sweety and seem to take everything in your stride and keep so level headed!!
Good on you and I wish you every happiness in the world! You deserve it!:yelclap:

[SassyMummy]

Sorry for adding names to this...but I figured I might as well. If Christie saw this, she'd know exactly what I was talking about anyway, so why try to pretend that I was talking about someone else?

I thought you already know Christie, my brother told me that he already told you.

As for airing the family laundry on here...well, maybe I shouldn't, but who else can I really go to in regards to such an issue? I don't have any other friends who have been pregnant and in a situation like this...so while I can get reasonable advice from them, it's a bit different really.

I thought it was acceptable for me to post about it all...Christie posts about my brother, and the way he treats her (which is not very nicely) and how she feels about it, and it gets no backlash whatsoever. I feel a bit miffed that when I try to talk about things regarding my family, I get into trouble. It's a bit of a double standard in my opinion...and I'm really quite annoyed about it.

Considering this is my family too, if Christie is allowed to post about them, shouldn't I be allowed to as well? (I'm fine with Christie posting about my brother and such...I don't want her to feel like she can't. I just get angry that my own family seems to be off limits in any posts I create!)

It's not like I'm b*tching ABOUT Christie...in fact, this thread is about a way for me to STICK UP for her in regards to my father.

Sorry if I've added personal details in THIS post moderators, but I figured that since, Christie replied and made it perfectly obvious that she was mentioned in the original post...then it'd be okay for me to use her name in this situation.

[ForeverMine]

Nah stacey, Brendon hadn't mentioned anything like you have, just that he didn't like me and he didn't know why... but i'd rather know than be kept in the dark.

I really see no problem with anyone airing out their issues on here... i would personally go insane without BubHub. If you do/did know someone on here and were in a situation with them, I would love to think we are all mature enough to well... be mature about it. I also know that most issues are quite touchy for people, and yes emotions do fly sometimes. I also do know that, the situations which I am involved with don't seem to occur on BubHub to often. Eg, such closeness with issues between 2 members.


As far as I see it we are all adults here and should all be able to get along and be able to talk about whatever we want and not feel persecuted for our thought or what we say.

I honestly don't want to start something here. :) I just think we should really give everyone a fair go, because as we all know...friends are hard to come by, places where you can be yourself, receive advice etc are really hard to come by. We are all extremely lucky to have found bubhub and generally be excepted.

:)

[rynosmum]

Okay, I withdraw my previous comment.

Personally, I don't think I would appreciate my personal life being posted on a public forum. If you both agree though that you're happy with the situation and are comfortable to continue these discussions then that is up to you.

I hope you're supporting each other IRL as much as on the forum. Best of luck to you both.

[TTannyaa]

Hi girls, all the very best to both of you, I'm really glad that you are working things out, it seems like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Chrissy, who is the little cutie in your avatar, she is gorgeous.

[ForeverMine]

Hi girls, all the very best to both of you, I'm really glad that you are working things out, it seems like the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Chrissy, who is the little cutie in your avatar, she is gorgeous.

She's my neice. She's 2 1/2 and is an absolute cutie... love her to bits :D