22 and clucky

[Adah]

Here's the run down:

My fiancee (25) and I are marrying later this year. I'm very clucky (have been lurking on this site for a bit now). We are pretty well set, we have our own house, we have our own cars and we both have stable jobs. I've done a budget to see how we would do on one wage (most likely for until the bub is 6 months old and I'd go back part time) and its quite do able. My quandry is this -

I have the option of starting an apprenticeship this year which will last 4 years. Part of me says I should wait until I've finished the apprenticeship to start having babies but I'll be 26 going on 27 by then and my medical history doesn't really agree with waiting too long.

H2b want babies in approx 3 years time but feels the 4 years is too long! So here I am stuck - I want to start having babies next year but my brain is telling me that I should do 'the right thing' and take the opportunity of some extra education in my field...which confuses me more as I'd most likely only want to work 2-3 days a week one I have children anyway!

To top it off I went off the pill 2-3 months ago and I haven't had period yet but I've done 2 HPCs and I'm not pregnant so now I'm just worried that my already crappy history has been affected by being on the pill for 6 years...

Oh I'm so confused! Thank you if you've read this far. Any advice would be great!

[Tam-I-Am]

Can I ask what's the crappy medical history?

As for the babies...I was most of the way through my 'internship' (for want of a better term) as a psychologist when I fell pregnant with my 1st bub in 2005. I thought that it would be fairly easy to complete when I got back to work after her birth, but it was anything but. I had no drive or motivation to do anything but be that little person's mum. I found going back to work - which I had always thought was a give - was actually a really difficult thing to contemplate, very painful, the last thing I wanted, and in the end, absolutely heartwrenching. And this seems to be a fairly common experience for mothers returning to the workforce, particularly when their children are very young.

It may be that if you don't take the opportunity now to do the apprenticeship, it's not something that you will want, or be able to pursue later on. Which might be fine, but might always leave you wondering "what if".

I can't advise you about what's best for you, but in MY circumstances, it would have been FAR easier if I'd finished my 'internship' before falling pregnant. I ended up finishing it - but it was an uphill battle, that was hard fought and won. Of course I would never change having my daughter, not for anything...but when I look back, I realise that there is a lot that would have been easier to do before kids...and I wish I'd done some of it. Now, I effectively have to wait until they're grown - or at least much older - before I can even contemplate some of it.

Good luck in making your decision :)

[Adah]

Thanks for your quick reply!

My med history is due to a hernia op I had a baby as the hernia affected one of my ovaries. I got my period when I was 11 and had a horrible time with it until I started the pill when I was 16.

I guess I'm more in confusion about whether or not this apprenticeship is that important that I'd actually regret not finishing if that was the case. I've happen to stumble upon it and thought I'd give it a try. But I'm starting to feel that if my career as a mother is the most important thing to me that the apprenticeship may not be so important after all :rolleyes:.

I'm just battling family members views that you ruin your life if you have children before 25.... which is so insane to me.

I just have this yearning to start a family that is getting so strong it scary. Oh I'll stop rambling now :ecomcity:

[MrsMiggins]

Being a mother is incredibly important, rewarding & easily the best thing I have ever done with my life. But you can't even begin to imagine what & how things will change. Things that you never thought about before become hugely important - things that you used to think were the be all & end all make you scoff with bewilderment that they ever even mattered!

I know there are mums who manage to pull it all together and work, study and be a great mum all at once, but I know I would struggle! In my 20's, I thought I had years to work out what I wanted to do with my life. I just figured it would all fall into place eventually. The single biggest regret I have is that I didn't sort myself out career-wise before I got married & had kids. While it's certainly not too late now to do something about it, it is an entirely different ball game! There are just so many more things to be considered.

[keevs]

hi there!! im 22 and had DD at 20. I was lucky as i had completed the qualifications i needed before falling preg, went thru private colleges from age 17. i still study now and do weekend courses. my industry is pretty flexible so im lucky- Fitness industry. i have 2 jobs, i work at the ATO 4 32 hrs per week and teach 4 aerobics classes per week, plus we own our own home, my husband is away lots and lots for work up to 4 nights a week interstate. I have no family or friends here to help and the moral of the story is, we are doing it!! so dont listen to what people say when they act all negative and carry on, because when there is a will there is ALWAYS a way!! and theres such a thing as challenges but the attitude you adopt towards them is the most important thing and as long as u keep pushing on you will always win! so my advice is dont be put off by everyone elses opinions, dont talk about how u will make it- SHOW THEM!