Missed miscarriage

[dee dee]

I think that I might still be in shock or denial about what has happened. Some moments I am strong and philosophical about it , and others I am a blubbering mess.

Last Thursday was my first visit to the OB and I was very excited, I knew that I would see my bub and get to hear their little heart beating. I had dh with me because he missed out on my first ultrasound with dd.

I knew that something was wrong when my ob went very quiet and asked if I was sure about my dates. I was definitely 100% sure, because with a crazy cycle like mine I make sure I mark everything down on a calendar. My OB said that by looking at my ultra sound I was no more than five weeks pregnant.

From then on, things went from bad to worse. I spent a week in limbo having another ultrasound, and a series of blood tests to compare my hcg levels over the course of the week. Not knowing the results was very difficult, I tried to remain positive, but in my heart I knew there was no hope, and that this pregnancy was not going to be viable.

On Wednesday we received the news that we were dreading. My levels were very low and continuing to drop. I had had a missed miscarriage.

Although I was expecting the news I was devastated. I had no signs or symptoms and just couldn't believe that this had happened. I had a d&c which I was dreading, but the hospital staff were wonderful and caring.

I am just feeling so sad about the loss, and about my little angel that I never got to meet.

[Bron]

Oh dee dee - I am so sorry. :hugs:

What a heartbreaking experience. I've been there and I know how very painful it is.

Take your time to grieve and mourn. Look after yourself. Your grief is real and your loss is real.

Although everyone's experience is different, there are many of us who have been through a very similar thing. We're here to help you if you need to chat. :hugs: :hugs:

[MumsieMel]

Oh no Dee Dee :(

I am so sorry honey :hugs:

Please take care, and if you wanna drop back into the due in dec thread you are more than welcome, we're all here for you :hugs:

[dee dee]

Thanks Bron and Mel for your kind words and support. I'm trying hard to rest up and take it easy, but sometimes running around and keeping busy helps to keep your mind occupied.

Think that I will go and curl up on the lounge with a big block of chocolate.

[bronny-jane]

i had a missed mc a few years ago:hugs:

i hope your ok, if you need to chat im always around;)

[OscarTheGrouch]

I'm so sorry dee dee. As one who has experienced the same thing, lots of hugs to you.:hugs: :hugs: Take care of yourself.

[Lizzie0808]

Dee Dee - I have had a missed miscarriage as well and I know how devastating it is to go to an u/s and expect to see a little heart beating away and there's nothing.

My heart goes out to you and your family as you go through this together.

One thing that we did it happened to us was plant a rose in memory of our baby we never met. It's just nice knowing he or she is still around in the garden even if they aren't going to join us next week as we had hoped.

[Kayte]

Aw dee dee i am so sorry i didnt have a mm/c but i did have a mc and the ultrasound where u think u can see bub and u dont is so sad i cant describe it

my thoughts are with your family :(

[Jules16]

Dee dee - am so sorry to hear about your m m/c. :hugs: . DH and I went through a similar experience in early January. I also had to have a d & c and I don't think the reality of it all hit me until a couple of weeks later, by which stage DH was just starting to get over it and I was only just starting to deal with it. Take care of yourself and keep spoiling yourself!! :hugs:

[Tea Lady]

That's such sad news Dee Dee :( I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. I know I can't say anything that will make you feel better but do know that I'm thinking of you. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[kyliev]

:hugs:
Hi dee dee,
I am in a very similaar boat to you- see my thread first pregancy m/c- only miscarried 4 weeks ago today- exactly the same thing with ultrasound etc. I am feeling for you and it's amazing how hearing another persons story can help. I know I 've found coming to this web site to be a great help. Feel free to PM me if you need.
xxKylie :kiss:

[Mum&bubs]

Im so sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage too & i dont think no one can understand just how your feeling. I know it made me feel useless like i did something but i see now that it wasnt. take care of yourself & i hope you start to feel better soon :hugs:

[TwoBlue]

I am so sorry to hear that DeeDee..

:hugs: to you

take care of yourself

[hoping4another]

Hi Dee Dee,
I am very sorry for your loss sending you lots of:hugs: &:kiss: I have had 2 Missed m/c in a row i also had no signs of M/C or anything was wrong which give's you false hope all is okay.
I always believe if you m/c you would start to bleed i never heard of a Missed m/c myself until i went through one.
feel free to PM if you need to chat.
Take care!

Wendy

[dee dee]

Thankyou to all you wonderful ladies for your comforting replies.

It is nice to know that there is a place to come where people will understand how you are feeling. It is good to be able to chat to people who have shared similar experiences.

Take care, dee dee

[brokendove]

Hello,

Just wanted to pass on my well wishes, I had a MMC in march at 12 weeks.

I have found the ladies on the [removed by moderator] board very helpful (its a little busier than here) so if you have loads of questions its a great place to goto.

I hope you are feeling better day by day, but 2 months later i still have days when I am a sobbing mess.... we are currently TTC again and iam trying to find hope in that...

take care
Shellie

[isabelsmum]

Hello Dee dee

so sorry to hear of your MM. I too had a MM at 11 weeks back in 2004 and it was an absolutely devasting experience for me. Also very hard for other people who haven't experienced it to understand how deeply it hurts. Though I was still grieving, my DH and I decided to try again only a couple of months later and now we have a beautiful daughter.

On reflection I wish I had sought some counselling at the time. Hope you can find some peace.

Take care, and be kind to yourself!

[MilkOnTap]

Dee Dee - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't matter if your 6 weeks along or 6 months along, it all hurts the same.

Best wishes for TTC in the future - we are all here for you.


Hugs :hugs:
Ally

[dee dee]

Thanks again for the replies. I'm feeling a bit apprehensive tonight as I am due to return back to work tomorrow, and I really am not looking forward to it. I just don't think that I am up to hearing people say stupid things (even if they mean well).

While I truly understand that some people are unsure what to say, I think a simple "sorry, and how are you feeling?" is sufficient. Some people can say the most heartless things. I have had to listen to:

"well at least it happened now rather than later" (what the????)
or
"you can always have another baby" (yes, but I wanted THIS baby)
or
"these things happen for a reason" (and that reason would be??)

etc etc and the list goes on........... I don't know how any of these comments are supposed to comfort someone. All it makes me want to do is slap the person!!!! Sorry for rambling but I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight.:crying:

[rynosmum]

Dee-Dee, I completely understand your thoughts here.

I had a D&C and went back to work 2 days later. I burst into tears at the first instance and then almost slapped another catty workmate that afternoon. I went home and took the rest of the week off, told my boss to let people know I wasn't ready to talk about it - and then tried again the following week.

If you need more time off, take it. :hugs:

Unfortunately I don't know how to stop people from mistakenly tearing your heart out when they mean well though. I don't think most people understand the gravity of their actions and words.

To you though, never forget your tiny angel who will forever love you as you do them. The fact that they never made it into our arms, does not mean that they did not make it to our hearts.:hugs:

[babytoo]

oh gosh...here I am sobbing my heart out....9 years later and it still hurts me that I lost a bub....I think about that baby all the time, was it a girl? was it a boy? every year I wonder what it would be like with an older child right now....I don't think it ever gets any easier on you..I lost mine at 12 weeks but as you can see, I now have a beautiful boy and girl...it was so hard to go thru pregnancy...with both of mine I had major scares and all memories of the first bub just come flooding back to you...I really wish I could have enjoyed my pregnancies and not thought about it but you just can't help yourselp...

I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through and all the other women that have gone through this as well....I also wish I had some counselling and I wish I had something to remember bubs by as well...make sure you do something special like a tree or flower...really wish I did:kiss:

[dna13]

Dee Dee- I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family.:hugs:

I have just found out that i had a MM at 12 weeks and have just had a D&C. It is a very heartbreaking thing to go through. I didn't find out until my NT scan at 14 weeks which made it so much harder to deal with. I feel really guilty for not knowing that my bub had passed away.

I hope everyone at your work is very supportive and you feel comforted.

:hugs: :hugs: Take care
xxx

[onkybear]

dee dee

I just wanted to give you a massive :hugs: :hugs:

Please take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

:hugs: :hugs:

[LittleBoysRock]

:hugs: I am really sorry to hear about your loss. Take care of you and take all the time you need to think and reflect. :hugs:

[kyliev]

Hi Dee Dee,:wave:
That really sucks- I just wanted to say that because no-one said it to me 7 weeks ago, they all said you can always have another baby- not what you want to hear at that time. I have written about my experience in my thread (1st pg m/c) if you would like to read it- may help your emotions to feel normal and not like you are going nuts- by that i mean that others feel similar things and you are not alone. Stay in touch with us all here- I think this site is fantastic for helping peope thru and helping you to feel connected to others who care and understand
:kiss: Kylie