How do I teach him

[lavenderpegasus]

My son is 19 months old and seems to be the one that is the target of the more assertive children.

In the past at friends houses he would be the one that would be pulled away from a big toy and little toys ripped from his hands. Generally he wouldn't react depending on how ruff the other kids were, and then today while at an indoor play centre a child the same age pushed him over and then later pulled at his hair. He didn't cry either times and all I did was put our my arms for a hug, he didn't want a hug and kept playing, he just seemed a little sad.


I have no idea how to respond to behaviour of other children and I have no idea how to let Spencer know how to react.


I feel like i'm failing him!


lp

[SuperGranny]

hi lavenderpegasus, first of all , you are not failling him. He has is own personality, and I think he is just sensitive and compassionate, and has a greater understanding than other children. I would watch him to see that he doesnt get hurt, but dont try to turn him into a more assertive boy. He will respond when he feels he needs to, in the meantime, just protect him. It might take him a while to respond but when he does it will be with just cause. I much prefer a gentle child than a bully. Marie

[2pink 1on way]

i think this is one of the hardest things to deal with as parent and i have found it hasnt got any earier for me.

My 3 year old still gets picked on sometimes by bullies (especially a little ***** at playgroup who hurts her nearly every week and the little girl doesnt get in trouble) i just keep and eye on her and try to prevent things, my 3 year old is now learning to stay away from her.

My also 19 month old gets toys snatched off her and is gets hit/hair pulled by a friends kid the same age, my friend cant leave her kids side cause she feels so bad about her DD doing this.

I know of a lot of strong freindships have fallen apart because one of their kids bully the other and the one with the child doing nothing wrong decides to stop seeing them cause they wont put their kids through it.

I think you have done a great job that your child isnt a bully, the last thing you want is a bully as a child that you cant see anyone cause your kids hurts everyone and everyone taking about your parenting and your child cause noone likes your kid.

[dancingchipmunk]

I have a sensitive child aswell. DS is the kid who will play quietly with his toys and get them snatched away by the bully. I have found that getting him to interact with other friends kids (who I know I can trust) has helped bring him out a bit (but only to a certain extent). Like a PP said it will be much better to have a gentle child then a bully.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Perhaps the method employed by many CC centres would work?

A simple hand put up and a 'Stop!' said.

Honestly, I don't know.

DS does the 'Don't do that!'.. But Baylee.. When she is threatened (like one particular time) when a little boy chased her to push her over she just ran as fast as she could and cried her little head off until I caught her. Though both are older than your little one.

So.. I guess whatever works for your child is ok, but I personally would be making sure that they don't enter into the conflict.

I have had to tell DS off once or twice for pushing back or hitting back and reminding him what is an ok thing to do instead..

I don't blame him for retaliating, but retaliation often meets retaliation and frustration and anger levels rise and things just get worse!

and really, two wrongs don't make a right!

For the other parent's benefit, I can be a little loud in my instruction to my son that he should ask the other child to stop hitting or whatnot.. Usually after they realise I am 'announcing' what has happened to many other parents nearby they will come over and talk appropriately to their child.

Might be a bit mean of me, but really, if my child is being bullied by yours and you know and choose to ignore it, I think I have the right to make it a little more embarrassing for you if it means you will actually take some action.