What is the right thing to do?

[bnbng]

My close friend lost her beautiful DD Indya late last year unexpectedly. It is Indya's birthday coming up very soon and I am unsure what to do. Do I acknowledge it, and if so how?? or not?

I rang on Christmas day as I didn't want her to think I wasn't thinking about her and she didn't pick up, totally understand why but I am unsure that I did the right thing calling then as well. Just want to be able to do what right for her, but do know what this is. Any help and ideas would be appreciated.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

You could send her a card.. Or leave a message and just let her know that you are thinking about her and that you are there for her.
Or you can send her flowers.

I don't really know if there is much else you can do.

[RedPanda]

I would definitely acknowledge her birthday. I think the worst thing people can do is pretend the child didn't exist. I give my sister a card on my niece's birthdays and Christmas, and I donate to a charity in memory of her. I think of it as my gift to my niece, even though she is not here. Oxfam have cards that you can give that outline where the money has gone. I like to buy vaccinations for children in developing countries, or a mosquito net etc. You don't actually buy the physical item, but you donate a particular amount, and they use it to send that item overseas.

Or you could donate to a children's charity.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Or you could donate to a children's charity.
:iagree: Do you know why her daughter passed?

If you can donate to an appropriate children's charity on her behalf, that would be nice. :yes:

[RedPanda]

Yes, that's a great idea.

NCB, I seem to be following you around the hub ATM - I promise it's not intentional! :laughing:

Bnbng - I think it's really lovely that you're putting so much thought into this. I'm sure your friend appreciates the support and thoughts that you're giving her :hugs:

[bnbng]

Thank you so much, I just needed confirmation that I was not going to be doing the wrong thing. At Indya's funeral we all donated to the RSPCA as she loved animals so very much so I will donated to them. I like the idea of still giving her a gift. Thanks again NibbleCurlynBun and WitchHazel.

[RedPanda]

That sounds like a great idea bnbng.

[bectomandbub]

:iagree: Do you know why her daughter passed?

If you can donate to an appropriate children's charity on her behalf, that would be nice. :yes:

:iagree: Thats a fantastic idea

[bada]

Good ideas.
We spent Christmas with close friends that lost their son. We gave their dearly departed son a plant to go in a special part of the garden they have for him.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

NCB, I seem to be following you around the hub ATM - I promise it's not intentional! :laughing:
I think we are both everywhere at once and keep bumping into each other. :o We really both should get off the computer. :laughing:

[Jinglebells]

what about giving her a plant? something that she can grow in memory of her

my mum got a rose named after my cousin, and gave it to my auntie for my cousins first birthday after she passed, its a lovely gesture I recon

[Queen]

:hugs:To your friend:hugs:

I would send a card, and donate some money to a charity on her behalf, or give a plant to the parents.

I think the fact you remembered will mean alot:hugs:

[Christelle]

Speaking from experience (I also lost my daughter) these are some ideas:

1. Anything to do with angels or butterflies.
2. A little ornament that she could perhaps put at her grave.
3. A rose bush
4. A lovely poem.
5. There is a place you can order photos of the actual sunset the date that someone was born. (i can find it if you like)
6. Name a star after her (from International Star Registry)

I hope this helps.

[beck mum to zane and ty]

I would definately let them know you are thinking of them. From experience, my son's first birthday, my parents didn't even call to see if I was doing ok, and that hurt me more.

[Theboys&me]

Speaking from experience (I also lost my daughter) these are some ideas:

1. Anything to do with angels or butterflies.
2. A little ornament that she could perhaps put at her grave.
3. A rose bush
4. A lovely poem.
5. There is a place you can order photos of the actual sunset the date that someone was born. (i can find it if you like)
6. Name a star after her (from International Star Registry)

I hope this helps.

I would love to find out where you can order those sunset pics from....

[francemumma]

I agree with Nibblecurlynbun..you can send her a card. When my mother lost my brother a 3 months, every single year for his birthday and the annivesary of his passing, my aunty sends mum a 'thinking of you' card. or similar. As difficult as it is, it is comforting to know someone else hasnt forgotten a beautiful child.

[lavenderpegasus]

Maybe get living butterflies delivered to the parents home with a letter explaining your toughts are with them, or balloons. Sometimes it is nice to release something in rememberance of a loved one.

Note: Butterflies are usually sent in a box and they are sleepy so maybe you could get them sent to you and you could put together a nice cage for them to go in with flowers.

Plants are nice as long as they are likely to live in that house forever. It is hard to leave a home that has a plant growing in rememberance.

lp

[Ana Gram]

I would like to veto giving anything living. Because it's absolutely horrible if that dies too.

My suggestion is to write her a card or call her. Be honest and say that you are not sure what to do but want to be there for her. Ask her what she needs of you.