50/50 custody for a 11month old

[thewayitgoes]

Hi guys,
I have a 11 month old daughter, my partner and I split about 2 months ago. He's been having her every second weekend, and will come visit her regulary.
He now wants 50/50 custody, I feel she is just too young atm and it would have negative effects. I would hate for it to you know pyshcologically effect her forever. I just think its too much for her to understand why I keep dissapearing. He had her for a week, when i got her back, she was super clingy and even her carer at daycare notice she was not herself.
My opinion is she is to young to understand, maybe when she's 21/2 it would be better as we can tell her you'll see mummy soon and talk on the phone. His opinion is do it now as she is too young to know any different, and it'll be easier now then later.
I feel so crushed and don't know if I'm being selfish. I don't understands why he needs this, i let me see her whenever suits him.
I've suggested he can have her every second weekend from Friday night to monday morning, then on the alternate week have her one weeknight. Also two nights a week he can pick her up for two hours, but bring her back home. But he wont settle for anything less then 50/50.
Am I just being selfish??? What is everyones opinions on 50/50 at her age?
Thankyou

[sunnyflower]

In my opinion she is too young to be split from you for so long ie if your ex has her for half the time.

I don't think a judge would award any father that much custody of a child that young either.

[Bubmum]

There is no way that he would get 50/50...what a stupid stupid man. Little people need their Mummies. He is unlikely to get anything like that before your Dd is 3. I think what you are proposing is beyond reasonable, and you should stick to your guns.

[SPC]

I would be inclined to think that large gaps away from her mother at that age are too stressful. You could consult a child psychologist or even your maternal child health nurse for advice. I think the back and forth would be very disturbing for her. However, it's fantastic that he wants 50/50. I think that kind of arrangement doesn't usually kick in until they are at least 2.

[happytobehere]

I would be inclined to think that large gaps away from her mother at that age are too stressful. You could consult a child psychologist or even your maternal child health nurse for advice. I think the back and forth would be very disturbing for her. However, it's fantastic that he wants 50/50. I think that kind of arrangement doesn't usually kick in until they are at least 2.

:iagree: i am so sorry, it must be so horrible you being in this situation..

:hugs: x 1000 it is so scary that the courts have the final say in the decisions that we want to make for our children at times like this.. information thought is power. Good luck

[fox_girl]

When i split for my DD's father she was 17 months. We shared care 50/50 but it was night for night and during the day she was at my mums house (which is where i was anyway). It had no bad impact on her. Just before she turned 2 it changed to 50/50 care week for week but if i had DD xDP would have her on wednesday and vice verse when he had her.

When she started day care it went week for week with no wednesday night sleep overs. It has now been like that for 2 years and it has had no bad affects on DD. She goes to kindy 2 days per week, is at my mums the other days and I speak to her everyday except when she is at her dads on his week. We share such a strong bond and having been apart from her has only made it stronger.

DD has always had the stability of 2 parents we just dont live together (or have anything to do with each other). Next year when she starts school the care will most likely change to Monday - Thursday night with me and Friday - Sunday night with her dad. I have more flexibility with work. But if he wants to have a weekend to himself or whatever it works well for both of us.

[pegasaurus]

50/50 doesn't mean one week on one week off - this is just too stressful for a baby. The best thing for babies is lots of regular contact with both parents.

Having gone through this i first checked it out with my doctor, lawyer and had it recently reconfirmed by my divorce judge - lots of regular contact for babies is less stressful for babies than long stretches with/without either parent.

My ex sees our baby boy two evenings and one weekend day per week and we will soon replace one of the evenings with an overnight. So the ex gets is getting regular quality time with our son, but our son is never stressed as we are both around him regularly. Would something like this work for you?

If your ex is serious about being a good father, suggest he speak to a doctor about what is type of contact is best for your child given her tender age. That way it won't be you raising the concerns but an impartial medical professional. Maybe you can make an appointment for you all to go and ask together?