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View Full Version : Why is it that when we have a special needs child everyone else has an opinion!!



bgbgbb
14-02-2009, 16:35
Everyone

I've had a crap week, so I'm going to have a rant, so please forgive me if I go on.

My eldest has mild autism and started regular school 2 weeks ago. His sister, who is 5 next week, started school too as the school felt she was ready. She has sensory processing disorder (although everything else quite normal).

Well, last Sunday we noticed all my husband's blood thinning drugs and my vitamins were missing. We immediately looked to my naughty 3yo (who has a habit of raiding what he should not) and panicking, took him and his usual accomplice (the 21 month old) to hospital with a suspected overdose. 9 hours later (over 2 days) and 2 painful blood tests later, all was well (it turned out DD4 had stolen them, fortunately not eaten them).

My sister, who is a speech pathologist and thinks she's an expert on everything, said that we should be doing more constructive play with the younger ones. She said we dont know what normal play is like because our older ones were not normal (I think she feels she is superior because her children are 'normal'). This all said whilst I was anxiously waiting in hospital to see whether my 2 youngest had OD'd).

Then on Thursday my kids school said they dont think my daughter is ready for school because she doesn't listen (she has auditory processing disorder - I gave them the factsheets on this and pre-warned them that they would have to take extra time with her) I was wild - how can you make that sort of judgement only 6 days into term! Most kids are uncertain when they start prep! So I frantically rang around until a miracle kindergarten were able to offer her a spot that had just become vacant. But that meant rescheduling our whole schedule from speech therapists to creches. Not a fun thing to do.

I guess what this all comes back to is, why does everyone else feel they have a right to an opinion when you have a child with special needs (with me they feel they have the right to comment on all of my children, as they feel my judgement has been impaired because my eldest 2 have special needs and that the youngest 2 'must be affected' by my warped view of mothering as well)? And why do people not listen to you when you say your child might have a problem and all they need to do is be a little patient? Instead they just condemn you and give up on the child.

It's hard enough having your 'perfect child' bubble burst when you realise that not is all ok with your precious child, without everyone else further tapping away at your vulnerability with their heartless comments.

I just wish some of these people would give me a break and step back and see what it might be like to be the mum who has to deal with their demeaning attitudes as well as the juggling act life has given them.

:gloomy:

Cicho
14-02-2009, 16:55
Can't help but I am thinking of you... poor bugger :hugs::hugs::hugs:

srguitargirl
14-02-2009, 17:22
I'm sending you some hugs:hugs::hugs::hugs:and rant away ! I can't believe the school did that to you guys how rude!!
hope next week is a better one

Nowhere
14-02-2009, 17:26
HUGS tell them to bugger off

How dare you sister say you would know ordianry play as your eldest two are not normal that is dam rude what is normal to her may not be to another, Her attitude for one would not be considered normal nor welcome in my house

becca022
14-02-2009, 18:14
I can't give you any advice, just :hugs::hugs:.
Some people are so rude.

sam's mum
14-02-2009, 21:50
:hugs:

the best one I had was from someone at work

"if you just treat them as normal, then they will be normal" :eek:

It was a good thing I was speechless long enough for my brain to kick in and stop me from letting fly with exactly how ignorant that comment was.

cmd'smum
14-02-2009, 21:57
:hugs:

the best one I had was from someone at work

"if you just treat them as normal, then they will be normal" :eek:

It was a good thing I was speechless long enough for my brain to kick in and stop me from letting fly with exactly how ignorant that comment was.

:eek::confused::dizzy:

studyingECS
14-02-2009, 21:57
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Nowhere
14-02-2009, 22:10
:hugs:

the best one I had was from someone at work

"if you just treat them as normal, then they will be normal" :eek:

It was a good thing I was speechless long enough for my brain to kick in and stop me from letting fly with exactly how ignorant that comment was.

OH MY im sory to laugh but that is hillarious why didnt i think of that, what a d*ck head, yer cause the way we treat our kids makes them have special needs

J&C0508
14-02-2009, 22:40
I dont have kids with special need, well not that i am aware of yet anyway.
But i just want to say, that what you have said is spot on. bugger the morons (sp) who have know idea. On the other hand though some times people mean well with what thye say but it just comes out all wrong.

bgbgbb
15-02-2009, 10:33
Seeing all your responses makes me feel much better. I know this sounds selfish, but I was also a teensy bit annoyed that my daughter going back to kindy meant that I was also going to miss out on the ability to have 6 hours off once a week (2 in childcare, 2 in school). I feel that with kindy, it's not fair to put her into a day of childcare as well just to give me a day off. Oh well, there's always next year...

I can add another response that one of my friends whose son just got diagnosed with autism received,

"Do you think his speech problem is something wrong you are doing as a mother!"

My mother was the last person to make that sort of comment to me. I dont speak to her anymore!

MamaKoala
15-02-2009, 11:07
I don't have kids with special needs so I can't imagine how devastating it was to find out, and then have to rearrange your whole thought process to accommodate their needs, but I do have two friends who have kids with special needs and it is a struggle for both of them. They also get remarks like that and it's so crushing to hear how upset it makes them.
Is there any way you could look into special care school programs to get your 5 year old into a school environment until she's ready for mainstream?
I can't believe they made those statements so early into the school year. She will need attention next year too, do they think she wont be ready then?
Unbelievable.
Your sister should shut her smug mouth and be more understanding to your situation. Since she deals with kids with developmental delays she should understand the strain it puts on a family and be way more tactful about her opinions on the matter.
:hugs: for you. It must be so hard to constantly have people in your ear about what you should be doing with your kids.

threepigs
15-02-2009, 11:10
My god, what is it with people, do they just not think.
Your sis needs her bleedin' head pulled in.
How frustrating for you :hugs:

kiwibird27
16-02-2009, 09:57
Cut out the negative people in your life, focus on your family and run over the strangers who comment with whatever stroller u have availiable... that works for me!!!!!!!