Is it normal to (sometimes) still miss my pre-child life?

[Hollywood]

Ok, well it goes without saying that I ADORE my gorgeous DS with all my heart, and would give my life to save him if I had to.

But.........occasionally I still miss my carefree, easy, breezy childless days. I had DS when I was 29, and whilst I was never a huge party animal I did really enjoy my 20's, just working and doing fun stuff (and spending plenty of time alone which I also really liked). I met DH when I was 20, and we had a nice 8 years together before DS came along (and are still having a nice time now that DS is here, of course).

My mum sometimes says "Oh I bet you just can't remember what life was like before Tyson was born".....but I CAN remember what it was like, and sometimes I miss it. Is that normal?

It's not that I would ever want that life back, but I think part of it is that aside from 5 hours work on Saturday I am with DS 24/7, we even co-sleep so I don't even get a break at night time. DH does occasionally take DS out for a walk on weekends, and I get to spend a bit of time alone, but I kind of prefer to go along too so that we can have family time together.

I have always liked spending time by myself, and although I also love seeing family and friends I'm just the sort of person who is quite happy to spend hours upon hours by myself and not get bored or lonely. So being a SAHM 24/7 has been a huge adjustment for me, and although there's a lot that I love about being a SAHM, there are days when I look forward to DS (and any subsequent children) growing up and becoming more independant.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Anyhoo....I'm just thinking out loud.....so thanks for listening :o

[Benji]

Not unusual at all!

I still remember my pre-DS days and on days like today (weekend, Valentines day) boy do I miss my sleep ins and carefree weekends!

I remember I used to sleep until around 10ish, crawl out of bed, slump on the couch, watch a movie, maybe see a friend.

Now Saturdays are just the same as Fridays, and Thursdays, and Wednesdays. Being woken all bloody night and then up at 6 am!

I miss being able to just go out. Not worrying about nap time, whether he's grumpy or whatever. Everything is difficult.

I also used to enjoy my own company. Now I don't even get that at night time!!

It's funny though, whenever I'm offered help and somebody watches him for me, or when I'm at work, I miss him immensely :p

[Hollywood]

It's funny though, whenever I'm offered help and somebody watches him for me, or when I'm at work, I miss him immensely :p

:laughing: lol...yeah, I'm the same :o I'm at work at the moment and have been thinking about him all day.

[mum_I'm_hungry]

I had my first at 29 too and completely get what you're saying. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way and I hate that feeling that you have to use the disclaimer (I love my child, but...). Perhaps it's something to do with having that level of independence before you have a child? I was very used to doing my own thing, travelling etc. and I think it's natural to miss that from time to time.

I'm lucky in that I get three days a week for around 6 hours a day where I'm 'by myself' (if you can call being in a library and working 'by myself'!), but it's made a big difference not to have small people asking me for peanut butter sandwiches for 18 hours a week sanity-wise, I think.

Is there any way you can get just a little time for yourself each week, even if it's just to go out for a coffee or something? I know what you mean about 'family time', but you really need even a tiny bit of 'alone time' as well. We do things on the weekend like I'll go out on a Saturday morning and my husband will go out on a Sunday afternoon for a bike ride or something...

[Tam-I-Am]

Completely abnormal. You're awful.



:p


Seriously - of COURSE it's normal! Mothering is such a tough gig. Even when it's easy, it's tough, because your needs NEVER come first - your kids always factor into the equation. I miss the days when I could just run out ot the shops without it turning into a military operation. I miss the days when I could catch up with friends without having to worry about expressed breast milk, nap times, or not eating what I want because of DS's intolerances. I miss the days when I HAD a waistline, and the time and money to buy clothing I liked, rather than just grabbing whatever was at the front of my closet today.

That's all normal. Doesn't mean I love my kids any less - or would trade them for the above. It just means that in a perfect world, I'd prefer for ALL of these things to be a part of my life :)

[Benji]

:laughing: lol...yeah, I'm the same :o I'm at work at the moment and have been thinking about him all day.

Oh that is so cute :goodvibes:


Is there any way you can get just a little time for yourself each week, even if it's just to go out for a coffee or something? I know what you mean about 'family time', but you really need even a tiny bit of 'alone time' as well. We do things on the weekend like I'll go out on a Saturday morning and my husband will go out on a Sunday afternoon for a bike ride or something...

I think this sounds like a good idea.. there is a difference between being alone at work and being alone to just BE!

LG maybe you could ask your hubby to arrange something like this with you.

I think it's weird how mothers are expected to have their 'alone time' at work or cleaning the house, but fathers aren't frowned upon when they want to live their pre-child experiences at a pub, with mates etc. Very odd.

[beebs]

Nothing wrong with that at all. Before DS I travelled heaps and lived overseas for 3 years. I've been to 18 countries and was nowhere near finished seeing the world. Since DS has come along 2.5years ago The furthest I have been is Melbourne:)

Of course I wouldn't change a thing - but a little sleep in would be nice! I also desperately want to go to istanbul and morocco...will have to see how I can manage that with DS and the twins that are due in August!! :rolleyes:

[Hollywood]

I think this sounds like a good idea.. there is a difference between being alone at work and being alone to just BE!

LG maybe you could ask your hubby to arrange something like this with you.

I think it's weird how mothers are expected to have their 'alone time' at work or cleaning the house, but fathers aren't frowned upon when they want to live their pre-child experiences at a pub, with mates etc. Very odd.

Yeah, he's been doing that a bit more often, but I still have to ask (of course :rolleyes:). I went to the movies by myself a couple of Sundays ago (used up a Gold Class gift ticket), and it was so nice to just sit there in peace and quiet watching the movie (didn't hurt that it was Gold Class with the reclining seat :cloud9:).

It's little things like that which are nice, even just a walk alone down Chapel St near where I live (Melbournians will know that one). I almost forget what it is like to walk along without a pram in front of me or DS dawdling along looking at every ant or leaf (and me having to watch he doesn't run onto the road).

[Mathermy]

Yep:yes:

I miss having noone to be responsible for other than myself

I miss private trips to the bathroom

late nights without being woken up at 5am sleep ins with my boy

uninterrupted, spontaneous where ever the hell you want to sex

adult television (no, not porn just something not from the disney channel would be fab!),

leisurely sunday cafe breakfasts reading the paper

coffee shops

shopping without anyone running away or pulling stuff onto the floor

furniture that didn't have tiny dirty finger prints

jewellery that isn't broken,

noone saying "o sgusting" at the meals I have created

stale crusts behind the cushions of my couch

lying on the couch without someone walking in front of me or sitting on me

not being responsible for keeping another human being alive

quiet-so sick of the sound of my own voice!

not having to repeat myself

disposable income and expensive footwear



oh don't I sound lovely :rolleyes:

I love my child in a way that I had never felt possible but I loved my old life too and I think that's ok to acknowledge it. I wouldn't trade back for the world, now my life has meaning and purpose and so much love......but sometimes I still miss the things I lost :yes:

[Mathermy]

oh and happy valentines day *LG*-may 20 minutes solitude be your valentines surprise!:kiss:xoxoxo

[Hollywood]

Thanks for the giggle Malol....I needed that. Oh, and yes, happy Valentines Day :party:

[Fuchsia!]

you are normal 100%

[MothersMilk]

Yep i miss my pre-child life.

I miss going to bed whenever i felt like it.

I miss sleeping in on my days off.

I miss spontaneous trips away.

I miss being able to shower alone.

I miss being alone in general sometimes. I need time to myself and i never get it.

I miss lots of things. I daydream about having a few hours to myself and on the rare occasion i get it i don't know what to do with myself. I usually last a couple of hours before i start wondering what DD is doing and if i should just go pick her up early *sigh*

[beebs]

Oh god - cafes.... I miss cafes so much and restaurants...sigh. We take DS to the cafe up the road sometimes - it always ends in tears though! :)

[Hollywood]

So glad to hear I'm not alone!!! :)

[mum_I'm_hungry]

Oh god - cafes.... I miss cafes so much and restaurants...sigh. We take DS to the cafe up the road sometimes - it always ends in tears though! :)

Yours, or his, or both? :laughing:

[TeenyT]

noone saying "o sgusting" at the meals I have created



:laughing: oh you poor thing. A lesson in rejection. I think my child has this condition too except I get "...too yucky" and she goes out to feed it to our dog.

Beebs - I do miss the travel thing too. Every form of travel has to be planned to a T now. No "sleeping in railway waiting rooms cause you forgot to book ahead and arrive during a major city event" plans. :rolleyes: But on the upside, you still can travel. DD & I are going to do the Eurail thing in 2015 if the finances and DP allow. :yes:

[beebs]

Yours, or his, or both? :laughing:

both usually! ;)

[beebs]

Me and DH are planning on doing the Orient Express Venice to Istanbul and then head to morocco one day when the kids are older. Maybe drop them for a holiday with their nan and just take two weeks for ourselves. sigh :)

Planned to a tea is right. I remember one time I just decided to move to Ireland - I had no money and left 6 weeks later and put everything on my credit card! Gone are the days!!! Being completely irresponsible!

[mum2bubba]

Don't feel bad. It is quite normal and healthy to feel this way. We are only human. We need some time-out for ourselves without kids, without husbands/boyfriends or whatever.

I had my first at age 22, I don't regret having her (or Skye or this baby for that matter) but sometimes I look back and think 'hmmm, I wish I had of waited a few years, get my career going, enjoy my 20s more' also me and Grant were engaged and pregnant only 3 months after we first got together so basically we only got a year as a couple and I look back and think maybe we should have waited a little bit longer.

I love my kids (same as you) but I often just want have some time alone or time with my friends or time with Grant without them. I have Hayley going to kinder 3 days a week now and Skye is starting occasional care this week (she'll be going for 3 hours on a Thursday) and I can't wait.

[zenifa]

Yes your feelings are completely normal and you are definately not alone in having them.

Yes I adore my two beautiful children but I can still imagine how my life was before them and there are some things I miss
* having a shower or bath by myself
* going to the toilet by myself
* wearing a bra that offered support
* being able to go to bed late
* being able to sleep in
* more time to read
* more time with friends
* more time with DH
* time just on my own, to be 'me' not wife or mother
* travelling and living overseas
* being carefree and without responsibility

I had my 1st child at 31, so I had lots of opportunity to travel, have a career and was with DH for 10 years so I certainly have no regrets, but I can reminisce fondly of my pre-children years and at time miss them.

[Silvana]

Yep:yes:

I miss having noone to be responsible for other than myself

I miss private trips to the bathroom

late nights without being woken up at 5am sleep ins with my boy

uninterrupted, spontaneous where ever the hell you want to sex

adult television (no, not porn just something not from the disney channel would be fab!),

leisurely sunday cafe breakfasts reading the paper

coffee shops

shopping without anyone running away or pulling stuff onto the floor

furniture that didn't have tiny dirty finger prints

jewellery that isn't broken,

noone saying "o sgusting" at the meals I have created

stale crusts behind the cushions of my couch

lying on the couch without someone walking in front of me or sitting on me

not being responsible for keeping another human being alive

quiet-so sick of the sound of my own voice!

not having to repeat myself

disposable income and expensive footwear



oh don't I sound lovely :rolleyes:

I love my child in a way that I had never felt possible but I loved my old life too and I think that's ok to acknowledge it. I wouldn't trade back for the world, now my life has meaning and purpose and so much love......but sometimes I still miss the things I lost :yes:

:laughing::yelclap:. I agree!!

Most of the time when I miss my old life is when I have had no sleep, and still have to get up before the crack of dawn. The items in bold are especially specific to me.

Also I am so sick of saying "don't touch that" over and over again. Far out, I do yell, but when I repeat myself 20 times before hand it gives me the s****!

In all honesty, I love them so much, I wouldn't trade them for anything. There are so much more fun times, and there are things that I laugh at today that I never thought I would have 2.5 years ago.

I remember working in a meatworks as a packer for 48 hours a week, totally busting my gut. I thought I was tired then. :o

[GeorgiaAnne]

I miss it too sometimes, but I don't think i'd like to go back to it. Strangely my dh doesn't miss it at all but the he's not the one getting up 1000 times a night :rolleyes:





Now Saturdays are just the same as Fridays, and Thursdays, and Wednesdays. Being woken all bloody night and then up at 6 am!


:iagree:

[Nowhere]

Hun if its not normal then im a total freak, I love my DD to bits and wouldnt change having her but OHHHHHHH how life has changes and ohhhhh do i miss my old life

Pre miki I had no responsobility i run a hair salon and worked 6 nights a week in a seedy club lol I loved it i didnt have to care about any one but my self my world revolved around me and what I wanted, I was a total brat and I loved every minute of it hehe

My life now is ful of medications feeding pump alarms hostital apointments rush trips to the ER, therapy no sleep, no time to my self, I have gone from being a totaly selfish person to a selfless person my whole life revolves around my DD I wouldnt change that I love her to bits but sure there are times where i think of how easy life was before


So yes hun your normal and if your not we can be freaks together

Tyoical better go Miki needs her meds and a I need to change her line a fill her feed bag I cant even type a post with out doing something for miki, I am typeing while DH is going amy amy aghhhhhhh oh well lol

Thats kids gota love em

[sahm]

Well, I just have to echo what others have said, and I agree completely.

I really like my alone time, and it's hard to come by these days.

I enjoy reading, I liked when I got a really good book I would just put everything around the house on hold until it was finished. I've tried it a couple of times, when DS is happy playing by himself, but I got the guilts too bad, and now I've given that up.

Like you said, though, LG, it doesn't mean we don't love them or would EVER change our lives with them, but you know... the grass is always greener etc. etc.

[mim1]

I miss my prechild life all the time. At the moment one big frustration for me is that I used to scrapbook and sew all sorts of things for other people's babies and they were lovely. Yet for me ds I've hardly had the time to make anything! Silly, but true.

I am reassured though by our friends. They have 5 children (aged 3 - 16) and although the father of the children works full time he takes about 2 hours of 'me time' on the weekend because he really needs time alone. He's such a great dad and very involved with the kids normally, and hearing that a few years ago helped me realise that some people (myself included) do just need some me time to feel sane.