View Full Version : PLEASE help, just falling apart, anybody else not coping with it all?????
Ok firstly I am NOT in Victoria, I don't personally know anybody in the fire struck region of Victoria and therefor I really do not have the right to say that I am falling apart over it:o but I just can't cope with all of the horrofic stories , all the people that have died, all the animals that have died. Quite seriously, I have been known to lapse into complete depression over a cat dying- not MY cat, just A cat. Not kidding and not trying to make lite of it, just trying to convey that I am therefor utterly grief stricken at the thought that all of these millions of animals and hundreds of people have died. I keep thinking about these poor people in their last moments- thinking of mothers holding their precious babies and chidlren to their chests knowing they were all dying. I think of these families desperately trying to out run a fire that burns them alive. I keep (very selfishly) imagining myself trying to keep my babies alive and knowing that I was failing. I see photos of these little children, just like mine and of mothers just like me, their lives taken so horrificly and it is just so DAMN UNFAIR:hissy: It is eating me up and I dont' know how to make it stop. I am giving all the money I can, I am baking cakes for my dd's cake stall to raise funds, I am gathering toiletries and toys, requested by her Girl Guides leader to send to Victoria, but all the while I know it will not bring back these people who have died. I HATE things I can't fix and nobody can bloody well fix this. I just feel helpless and grief ridden and I find myself wondering what kind of horrific world we live in that things like this can happen. I fel so lucky to not be one of them, but wonder WHY these people were chosen to die and not me. I have CRIED and CRIED my heart out, I was watching that Australia Unites telathon and that True Blue song came on and I just lost it, now I have a splitting head ache and I just hate myself for thinking of myself when these people have soooooooooo much to contend with.
Thank you anybody that read their way through that, please can you offer anything here, am I the only one feeling like this? Surely not??????????????? Am I completely losing it????????????:(
My reaction isn't quite as strong as yours seem to be but I am sad for all the people who died and are destitute as a result of the fires.
It's great that you are doing what you can to help. And there is nothing wrong with feeling sadness and compassion for other's who have lost their lives. The whole world was devastated during the 9/11 disasters and that wasn't even close to home, so it is perfectly reasonable for you to be upset about this.
Just focus on what you can do to help and don't dwell too much on the what if's and whys or you will send yourself into a depression.
Hun this is very common :hugs:
I think we all feel like this in one way or another ....
When any disaster or tragic event unfolds its very common ... The tsunami & 9/11 cause lots & lots much anguish & they werent even directly involved.
I know I struggled with the tsunami because I was heavily & whilst I had DP here all my family were overseas & it just freaked me out. They were no where near harms way but it just freaked me. DP consoled me all the time & this was when he put an end to me watching any more of the news or t.v in general as it was just too distressing especially with all those orphaned kids :crying:
This really is common & this is why many pyschologists etc advise to be wary of kids even watching too much t.v through it all because it can all just be too much. Too heartbreaking & just something that brings you to your knees.
We are bombarded by the media over it ... Of course we should be we need to hear about it etc but we also dont quite need the hours upon hours of news coverage iykwim.
Go on a media blackout even if its just for a day, it will help ...
Spend time with your kids & live hun for all those who have been lost & for those who have lost their loved ones ... Live for them iykwim.
But cry as you need to also as this allows a lot of psychological release.
No you are not alone and you are not losing it.
What just happened in Victoria was horrific :gloomy:
I think its natural as a Mother to think about those other Mums and their children. I too wonder how our world could be so cruel to let that happen. I really don't know the answer :no:
I ahve to go to bed, dh is insisting he thinks it is "unhealthy" of me to be persuing this instead of sleeping....:o Thank you so so so much for your replies already though, thanks fo not making me feel insane, I truly very much appreciate it:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs: Babe! I am almost feeling similar to yourself.
I am still upset to think of the people who were killed or injured. The choices they had to make and knowing (or not knowing) that they wouldn't survive.
This might be an insensitive thing to ask but do we have any hubbers in those areas? I'm assuming we would. I can barely even think about it.
The last few nights I have gone to bed thinking about all the things I have in life and how much I have to be thankful for.
Thank goodness for the outpouring of support we have seen so far. Almost $70million which is just amazing and will go towards helping those families who were affected, re build their lives. I know it won't bring people back but there isn't much else we can do.
I hope you are all turning the television off and spending time with your children and being thankful. :hugs:Again.
I think its beautiful that you have so much compassion.
Focus on what you can do to help.
there are a lot of people feeling the same, and as a PP said this is the reason why we filter what children see on the news.
We have to do the same. It doesn't mean you care any less, but it's highly advised to take a break from the news. That goes for all, it can become overwhelming, and is still ongoing.
Maybe tomorrow you can have the radio on all day (and not an AM one!) or have a DVD day.
I haven't turned the tv on for the last 48hrs :no:
I am the same.
The other day when that man threw his daughter off the bridge I couldnt stop thinking about it, i dreamt i was the little girl, it did my head in.
The same this time.
I look at my children and am so very thankful I have them well and healthy and dont know how people will cope with this tragedy.
Stop watching listening to the media it does help.
I'm finding it hard not to cry and cry too... so just putting one foot in front of another trying to be helpful and not watching TV (we don't turn it on anyway except for the DVD playing channel), not listening to radio, only getting my news through gogle news for an hour or so each night and that's been more than enough. I'm haunted by the people who died while trying to get away, in the RFS we did fire-overrun training, but that's something most people don't have and that haunts me. like PPs have said I'm very much counting my blessings and trying not to feel guilty about the small satisfactions, making chicken stock up tonight I had one of those "how can I be making chicken stock when there are people who have nothing down south" moments, but pushed the thought to one side and just dang well got on with it. DD needs to be fed afterall.
We give what we can and know that we are part of a big picture of people reaching out to embrace those in need, it's the best we can do and it's also what makes us Australians, that we care, we feel, and we act, and then we get on with life conscious of how fragile and precious even the smallest things are.
I think its beautiful that you have so much compassion.
Focus on what you can do to help.
When we were at the drs yesterday, dd started pointing to the cover of the herald sun paper, which had a picture of one of the little babies that died :( she started going "baby! baby!" and I nearly lost it right there in the waiting room :o
I have been trying to keep my mind off it even just for a little while but it's hard when everywhere you turn there is something about it. All over the tv, paper, etc. it's everywhere.
But anyway, just try to do things to keep your mind off it, thats what I have been doing. I don't mean to sound cold when I say to people I don't want to talk about it, but for my own sanity I have to say it!
also as others have said, focus on helping. I am going out today to do a big grocery shop at coles.
:hugs::hugs: to you.
Some people seem to have more empathy than others, you are clearly one of them, Cubs. And yes, it does make it harder to tune out when these horrible disasters happen.
I'm not particularly compassionate or emotional, and even I've found it hard going with the bushfires. They are very close to me, and even though we didn't know anyone who died, I still felt very sad.
Like others have suggested, I make sure not to watch the news (they specialise in tugging heartstrings, and lots of the coverage is very manipulative) and I even put myself on an Internet ban for a Sunday and Monday. I had to - the feeling of doom just got too great.
Even now I am specifically avoiding all of the "In Memoriam" type stories with the photos (names and ages) of all the people who have died. While everyone has a right to be mourned, it IS the families that make me so, so sad, as I can empathise most directly with then.
Do what you have to to regain your even keen - its right to be sad and want to help, but you can't let it take over your daily life.
I went outside before and the smoke has started to drift to here, which means all day today while I am outside I won't be able to stop thinking about it cause I can smell it :rolleyes::(
The grief that everyone is experiencing is quite normal really.
I sat up one night when DS was 5 months old to breast feed him. I flicked on the TV and starting watching a movie. I couldn't place the movie, it showed an airplane repeadtly crashing into some buildings and then a news flash that the buildings collapsed - I was watchin 9/11 unfold in front of my eyes.
Over the next few days and weeks I saw people dying and dying.
I ended up quite depressed and ended up at teh Dr's a mess - but I was noce and safe in Australia.
I ended up on medication and in couselling for awhile - a lot of it was agravated by the age of my baby.
I'd suggest that everyone turn the TV's off for a few days, and take long walks outside in the sunshine. Early nights, happy music, fresh air and fresh foods.
None of us can bring back the people or the animals.
We can all make sure that we protect ourselves a little better from a possible tragdey like losing our houses, scan our photo's and docs and put that stuff in storage or somewhere else safe, and take the time to tell loved ones that they are loved.
Lots of :hugs: to everyone.
I keep thinking about these poor people in their last moments- thinking of mothers holding their precious babies and chidlren to their chests knowing they were all dying. I think of these families desperately trying to out run a fire that burns them alive. I keep (very selfishly) imagining myself trying to keep my babies alive and knowing that I was failing. I see photos of these little children, just like mine and of mothers just like me, their lives taken so horrificly and it is just so DAMN UNFAIR:hissy:
:( i cant stop thinking about the mothers and the children especially as well. I cant imagine how afraid they wouldve been for their kids and vice versa. Evrytime i hear any distressing stories relating to young children would bring tears to my eyes. All the stories of children of Gaza etc. just breaks my heart. The 04' Tsunami tragedy was even worst i couldnt stop balling my eyes evrytime it came on tv. :(:(
But :hugs::hugs:for you and evryone who feels the same ...
Thanks guys, really, for your posts- they have helped:hugs: I haven't been on here all day, have forbid myslef from reading news, watching news etc and it has helped marginally- until I turned on the PC and ninemsn is my home page and I see the heading, "OOO calls from fire victims in their final moments.":crying: Exactly what I do NOT want to think about. Me being me read the article. My psychologist said this morning, (I had an appointment luckily) said these people would have died very quickly and would not have known much. LIAR!:rolleyes: Sure she was trying to help me but didn't work unfortunately. (OR would have until i read the article!)
As a PP said, I keep having the moments where I think I should NOT be laughing, I should NOT be cooking up a nice pasta, I should NOT be watching Grays Anatomy while people are living in crisis shelters and have lost all their belongings and people have died. I listen to the radio and think my God how are you making jokes and talking cr@p now, like they had people calling in about times they have "behaved badly at the pub.":confused: Ok I know we have to get through this somehow and I know we need escapism and we need some sense of normalacy but it doesn't seem fair. What is really ****ing me off though si that they hype about valentines day still goes on, shops still flogging their overpriced roses and teddy bears and I think for ****s sake, could that money not be better spent right now?????
The one good thing is the amount of support for these poor people is so overwhelming- it feels good to be an aussie now, supporting each other. I shopped at coles today and I bought extra shampoos, conditioners, tooth paste, tooth brushes etc etc to put with other toiletries to send down to Vic. Have also organised dropping off blankets, baby bedding, books, toys, change mat, rocker etc to a collection place tommorrow- at least I feel I am doing something.
I suppose we'll all get through this and in a few years time we will have moved on and this will nto all feel so raw. I know it will never be forgotton though- it's like our September 11.:(
I remember watching september 11 too- KateyO- I was 9 months pregnant at the time. Can understand how you would feel so traumatised by it.:hugs:
I know exactly what you mean :yes: I havn't been able to do anything without feeling like 'well these people can't do this now etc.' or 'why do I have the right to do this' etc.
But you have to remember the fires are not our fault, and to just be greatful for everything we have I guess :hugs:
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